August 28th, 2021 @ 1:56 am

i just got a zine in the mail a couple of weeks ago.  i read the first chapter and stopped, then kept putting it off bc i was still reading the latest don lemon book.  i wanted to finish that first bc my insane virgo brain can only do one book at a time.

i can’t believe i’m even reading at all, tbh.  i haven’t been able to read throughout this pandemic.  the last book i was reading was from my job’s take shelves.  i had been eyeballing it for weeks before the pandemic hit, and finally i scored it.  it was about a family that moved to a very rural area and got snowed into their house and were trapped.  at that moment in time, i didn’t want to relate to that book anymore and put it down, lol.

i haven’t been able to muster up enough motivation or focus to read since march of 2020, if i’m being honest.  i also completely dropped off of my podcasts.  if it wasn’t for me riding my bike regularly, i would probably not listen to music aside from when i’m in the shower.  this pandemic sucked the life out of myself and my attention span.

early in the pandemic i tried to read the great gatsby.  i figured it was a short book, it’d be easy – but holy shit, was it boring.  i don’t understand the fascination with that book, and i still have like 25% of the book to go (aka i will probably never finish it).

i currently have a pile of 20 books to be read.  i chose to read don lemon’s book bc it too, was short (and clearly important by what it’s based on).  i jumped onto the zine directly afterwards and next in the queue is “dirty daddy” by bob saget (i just watched full house straight through as an adult, and definitely need to read that asap).

anyways, the reason i was posting this …post, was bc after reading his zine, it occurred to me that i was reading about a stranger’s life for no reason.  he’s not FAMOUS, even if he’s known in the world he’s/we’re in (music/bands).  i was trying to think of how i even found him, and then i remembered that i found him bc of my job’s instagram.  he co-wrote a book for the lead singer of a band.  i’ll leave it at that for now.  my point is, since i found him, he makes me laugh on twitter and i’ve purchased stuff from him and i receive his e-newsletter…  i joined his audience.  isn’t that kind of a weird thing?  it almost makes me feel like a creepo, bc he doesn’t know who the hell i am.  yet here i am, blogging at almost 2AM on a saturday morning to who knows who?

it made my brain go back to blogging.  i mean, shit, i’m basically doing the same thing.  blogging in 2021 is WAY different than 10, 15 or even 20 years ago.  i don’t think there’s a community anymore, there used to be interaction, but it’s not like that anymore.  now we all just type to no one (unless you’re on medium, i suppose).  i can see in my stats that people are here.  who are they?  why does anyone find me interesting?  all i do is complain, lol.

well, his random stories inspired me to write.  i’m not a writer in any sense, other than i’ve been doing this blogging shit for 20 years…  but i do love stories.  i love telling them and reading them, so i thought it would be cool to do the same thing.  at least try to keep doing it here, but additionally, i’m going to post certain types of content on my instagram, since it’s private.  at least i know there creepos that i loathe can’t see it.  whenever i do themed posts, people interact more (reading my JHS diary, lip syncing videos, lip syncing my mother’s recordings of her driving like a nut and cursing at people in the car, etc.).

i used to love making friends through my website(s).  i hope non-creepy people find this and like it, i just wish they’d reach out to me.  it bums me out that the internet is so different now.  i’ve thought about dm’ing said zine author – i do feel like he’s someone i’d get along with, but at the same time, maybe he doesn’t want to be bothered. who knows?

:: shrug ::

i’ll just keep commenting from the penny section of his IG and hope he takes notice someday ♥