September 1st, 2020 @ 5:49 pm
i’m coming up on the end of “how i met your mother” and it’s always so depressing. it’s one of my favorite shows, whether i’m fully paying attention or not, and i hate when i won’t have the vibe of the show anymore. it’s something i love to binge, fully focused or not. it’s a show that leaves me in tears laughing most of the time… but in the last season, there’s way more depressing shit going on as it’s coming to a close, though. this one hit me in a different way this time:
“it’s never gonna be how it was… it can’t be… and that doesn’t have to be a sad thing. there’s so much wonderful stuff happening in all of our lives right now, more than enough to be grateful for, but the 5 of us hanging out at maclaren’s being young and stupid, it’s just not one of those things.” – robin scherbatsky
watching friendship dynamics change over the years, friends start dating/marrying/having kids and you no longer being a priority, having friends move away, yourself moving out of a neighborhood, your “cheers” and old haunts closing, etc. – it’s so depressing thinking about it. for me, it’s like drowning.
steven was driving through ridgewood the other night and i could just cry. i miss being over there… i miss seeing lauren all the time, i miss being in williamsburg with lauren all the time, i miss all of the places we used to frequent that are gone, i miss how different and how simply happy we were then. i miss paying $700 for my stupid little apartment and doing whatever the fuck i wanted to, because i was single. i miss working in dumbo and not having to commute very far, being surrounded by art all the time, etc.
there was stress in my life at that time, too, though… i don’t know what the fuck i even miss sometimes. losing my job was heartbreaking, my dating life was horrible until i found mike, none of my friends really lived DIRECTLY near me, and i was putting in a lot of the effort, etc. – i guess like robin said, it was just me being young and stupid, just hanging out – freedom, fun, how it was. it was easiest with lauren. just the best times…
i was hanging out with so many different people back then, but not serious friendships – it was fun and inspirational because a lot of those people were artsy. street artists, artists, musicians, etc. – meeting so many strangers on the old instagram, pre-algorithm days… just a plethora of inspiration everywhere. shit is so stagnant here in bayside.
anyways, sometimes getting older and dynamics changing just hits me really hard in the feels. that was one of them times.