January 17th, 2021 @ 1:04 pm
posted on : july 20th, 2OO2 – at 4:18 a
hey freaks what’s goin’ on :] i feel absolutely horrifying. i have very bad cramps. could anyone brighten up my gloomy day? it’d really make me glow instead of gloom :] anyhOo – glad very few of you fuckers use the tagboard. – i’m thinking of making the site really damn interactive. i need more of my visitors to participate. what’ll it take? let me know in the comments here people – THAT’S WHY THEY’RE HERE.
: a tagboard was a service that allowed you to host chats (like an AOL room kind of thing). i had mine situated in a pop-up window that looked like the intro screen for SMB2. it was so cute. however, i learned at a very early time in internet life that if people are not in their current/natural social media element (at the time it was being on AIM/friendster/myspace), talking about themselves or being brave comment trolls, people either will only participate to suck up to you or if you’re actual friends with the people/in the same online community. otherwise, it is generally difficult to get people to be interactive.personally, i didn’t really want a bunch of IRL people on my site, so i didn’t expect or have that type of interaction – but it’s annoying now because later in life, i found out that people i knew IRL were creeping… people actually blew up other people’s spots about how they knew they read it on a regular basis. if find that shit so creepy – and i’m not even referring to my lame, overweight, creepy stalker. i’m talking friends and fake-friends alike. like why wouldn’t you just comment or at least talk to me about the stuff IRL? smh – people are so fucking weird.
like honestly, how did people i KNOW sit there and act like they didn’t read it, or have some sort of opinion hanging over their heads sit there with a straight face? wtf was the point of it? if these people just straight up hated me, then they’re evil creeps with no self-control and need mental health help.
shit like that always brings me back to the feelings of when my lame, overweight, creepy stalker was stalking me. was i really that fascinating? was she mad at me? was she jealous? did she want to be friends? did she want to be me? did she want to be with me? (i dunno man, you never know) – they’re no better than her. why do you exhibit this behavior? it’s awful and weird.
wtf is the point of sitting there stalking a person’s thoughts/movements online? those same reasons above? why didn’t those people i actually knew just talk to me about that stuff? i don’t understand how people pull that shit. i find it psychotic… but still, i always think there’s a foundation to all of it. there’s gotta be an underlying reason. if not, then you’re just a hateful psycho with no self-control, but i doubt it.
whenever my friends had blogs, i’d either comment on them and interact or i would just talk to them about it IRL – i was their friend… that’s what you do, i dunno. is this just not a normal thing? to discuss life stuff when you’re friends with a person? do you just not want to admit you read their thoughts? if it’s online and your friend knows where it is, who tf cares? before kristen and i started really hanging out again IRL, she read this site and then we’d talk about this type of stuff. she was a person who regularly commented, but still. it was never some secret thing where she read my thoughts and kept it from me.
anyways, i totally got off course here (it’s always such a touchy/confusing subject for me), sorry – of course i had people that left comments here and there, but it wasn’t as interactive as online chats or whatever (comparable to the time). that’s why i turned comments off for this site – why even bother? people are supposed to connect and inspire/support one another… i feel like the internet either really made that happened or did the exact opposite. my favorite go-to to point this issue out was on (RIP) missbehave’s blog post bitching about the same thing. if a huge/influential mag had that prob, how is stoopid little me going to overcome it?
i think back then online community phpbb boards and online chats were the default for stuff like that, but i didn’t know how to open a board back then, and i didn’t host my own site back then anyways.
last night i had such bad gas. not like fart gas… like it felt like i had a balloon in my chest that wouldn’t shrink. so jeff’s mommy gave me nasty ass mylanta. it tasted and smelled like soap… the kind jeff uses, lol. it was really nasty. when jeff’s mother came up to my mouth with the spoon it took me back to the days of when i was a stubborn little brat. i remember when i was little and i needed to take medicine, i’d keep my mouth shut SO tight. my mother would be standing there for like fifteen minutes trying to get that nasty shit in my mouth. gah! i thought robutussin would KILL me or something. YACK! i hate not feeling good. – like today, i couldn’t breathe. – i’m beginning to think i’m allergic to cigarette smoke. as soon as i went around my smoking mother today i stuffed up and what not. it was so effin horrible :[ i couldn’t breathe at all for like an hour. i stuffed my face in a little tub of vapo-rub lol. RAVER STUFF!! lol
this is confusing. jeff was a heavy smoker while we were together, why was i so aggressive about pointing out that my mother’s smoking stuffed me up. i wonder if he stopped at some point during our lovefest?
well here was my fascinating day… i woke up and watched my soaps. “the young and the restless” and “the bold and the beautiful”. i then proceeded to roll jeff over to bug him to cuddle and then i went downstairs to talk to his mommy. then she took me home and i put on the air conditioner for my hot hamster with three legs. – my mother leaves no AC on all day because she’s afraid it will “catch fire”. i think she thinks little pyro elves live in my house and come out when she isn’t home looking to start a fire. – so i then hung out with hammy a bit. worked on some site shit, (marie, check my personal bio section and don’t kill me for the picture. it’s fudging awesome :] and i’m adding more “GOOD” pictures that’ll pass to your liking in the next few days lol), paid off a small fee to a friend for some phat ass pants, watched the mets game, and then went out to eat at a cheap diner with sophie. i had pancakes. yum. then i went to go see jeff at work.
a) my mother still watches those shows, and sometimes i’ll sit and watch them with her, and i still remember most of the characters and the stories are always easy to catch up with. they’ve been on since before i was born, but my mom was watching them both since i was like 4/5. i remember victor and nikki like they were part of my childhood, lol. what a saga they were…
b) my mother is STILL a “that’ll catch fire, unplug it” nut. i went up to help her recently after a surgery for a few days, and every time i had to use something in the kitchen or have light in a room, i’d have to plug it in first. it didn’t help that when i got to her house, it was past 9PM, lol.
c) PHAT PANTS lololol – i miss those wide legs. fucking andrina borrowed them and never gave them back to me. they were ENORMOUS kikgirl pants, i think.
back to sophie – – – she finally ordered our misfits tickets. holy fuck nut that’s right – i have a guaranteed ticket to go see my SEXY mofo fiends!! I’M SO EXCITED! PUNKER DAN – buy a ticket to the misfits show at l’amors (sp?) in brooklyn! august 3rd – it’ll be rad – and we’ll be at a show together!
ahhhh, the y2k “misfits” (aka the M25 lineup – jerry only, dez and marky ramone). good fuckin times… those tours were so much fun. i’m glad i got to see those shows before danzig started up his reunion/retirement tours, which costs nearly $300 a pop for a ticket. fucka you, glenn!
…and to see them at l’amour brooklyn! amazing! (RIP – it was a legendary NYC rock venue
for metal and hardcore bands) i got to see pete steele at that show as well. i think it was a solo thing, but of course, i can’t find any information on it aside from a few sites noting the actual tour date (no opening band info).
punker dan was a dude i think we met on long island waiting to get into a bouncing souls show. man, i totally forgot about him.
OKAY – now i’m tired. that was a kinda long update, eh?
i hope i was proud of myself 😐