June 10th, 2022 @ 1:28 pm

i just want something i can never have.

June 10th, 2022 @ 11:51 am

as far back as i can remember, my life included a musical soundtrack.  fortunately for me, i grew up in the 80s and my mom was still in her 20s, and was still pretty cool.  she listened to all of the best disco inspired or synthy 80s goodness, not just the top pop shit.  as i grew older and came into my own, i got into more obscure 80s stuff, and i got way into synth-pop.  i also went to raves and got into house music.  it all really blended together more and more with time going by (it’s crazy how much i didn’t know when i was younger bc we lacked the abundance of info we have on the internet, now).  a lot usually points back to giorgio moroder, and i love it.

the father of disco.  a true pioneer for all of the sounds that make my heart happy.  whether it’s his influence or his production, it usually falls back on him. ♥

this was stuck in my head this morning (video below), and is prob my favorite duran duran track.  i threw the album on (it’s one of my faves – and was released the same year i was born!) and looked up the wikipedia deets.  of course moroder was mentioned as an influence.  makes total sense…

the dancing in this video, i can not, lol.
the blouses!  i can not.
john taylor, i absolutely dear satan WOULD. : drools :

anyways, enjoy (if you’re into 80s/new wave)… and happy fuckin friday!

June 8th, 2022 @ 10:48 am

randomly stuck in my head this morn… (blasphemous, i know, but this my favorite version)

June 2nd, 2022 @ 1:16 am

iiiiiiiiiiiiiii aaaaaaaammmmmmmmmm soooooooooooooooooo happy that stranger things decided to use “running up that hill” by kate bush this season.  not only because it’s one of my favorite 80s songs EVARRRR, but bc it finally cancelled out and replaced the bohemian rhapsody of the clash (should i stay or should i go).  i also love that they’ve now introduced that song to a new generation of people/kids.

the stranger things scores and soundtracks are so fucking good.  like, goosebumps good.  it reminds me of the end of “san junipero” (black mirror).  the guy who wrote the episode specifically nailed down “heaven is a place on earth” for the ending of that episode.  he said he would have been “distraught” if he couldn’t have used it for the end scene.  i love how like that, stranger things tie such specific songs to things to evoke emotions with music (time after time at the dance…  BE STILL MY HEART), and don’t even get me started on san junipero.  i cried the ugliest happy tears the first time i watched it.

i won’t spoil stranger things 4, but the scene where running up that hill is featured, my lawd…  my heart.  like, that song always chokes me up to begin with (and “this woman’s work” – i can’t get through that song without a tear falling) – but attaching a specific character to “running up that hill” at a specific and very important scene…  WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS?!

anyways, if you haven’t already watched it, GO FREAKIN WATCH IT!!!

i can’t wait until the next two episodes are released – i want to watch the entire series in order, straight through.  i actually might just do it anyway, because the timing might just line up.

i want to relive the entire show like i’ve never seen it before.

* * *

if you’ve never heard the song i’m referencing in this post, please ENJOY:

P.S.: i also added this ST4 phone/watch wallpaper yesterday!

December 10th, 2021 @ 2:28 pm

i really thought i invented self-care when i was a teenager.

one afternoon when i was like 16-18 years old, i was in my old bedroom and no one was home.  i decided i needed to relax and wanted to take a bath to chill out.  i thought i was a genius for figuring out the combination of putting on relaxing music, using my bath pearls, lighting my gap dream candle and soaking my dumb little life’s teenage cares away.

the internet didn’t tell you to do these things back then.  it really just dawned on me one day that the collection of these things all at once would really help me mentally.

i thought of this today because i am going to see genesis live tonight (a bucketlist band for me! ♥).  i remember my  playlist consisted of phil, genesis, gloria estefan among other sad, romantic artists.

anyways, i couldn’t help but peek at the setlist for this tour, and for some dumb ass reason, they decided not to include “in too deep” or “hold on my heart”, which breaks my heart.  those are top 5 genesis songs for me.

the only saving grace is that i paid less to see them at the new UBS arena vs. sky high prices at the garden.  while i would have loved to have seen my philly boo under my favorite ceiling, i just couldn’t get through the queue, and even if i did, i couldn’t justify the pricing.

September 10th, 2021 @ 12:14 am

when we all started working from home last year, i started saving over $300 per month towards my commute into midtown. i paid off my credit card and starting saving money, so i figured i’d splurge a little here and there. so i finally caved and bought myself a dumb little ice cream cone vase from jonathan adler, last september. i had my eyes on it for years, and i just never had the funds to justify spending almost $100 on a vase not even 8″ tall. so finally i did, and then knew exactly what i wanted inside of it… marigolds.

unfortunately for me, by the time i figured out that i wanted marigolds, they were out of season for purchase and it was wayyyyy too late to plant them.  it was around september/october and i was like “well duh, of course my autumn obsessed ass wants orange flowers NOW…“. then i realized why i like them around that time of year.

when i was in kindergarten, they took my class for a walk in the fall one afternoon. i remember it was cold out, and i remember we only went across the street, along 147th st.  i remember our teacher was telling us to look at things, smell things, touch things, etc., and i remember seeing marigolds on a house between 15th and 16th aves.  i loved how it looked different from other flowers.  i didn’t pick it, but i do remember smelling it and i guess being the first flower i remember smelling, it just always stuck with me.  whenever i smell them, it takes me right back to that moment in 1985.

i loved 1985/86 so much.  maybe that’s why i hold that smell so close to my heart/memories.  i was only 4, so i was ignorant to the bullshit going on with my mom and my sister’s (rich/drunk) father… but at that time, we lived in a huge house, at some point my aunt carol moved into the basement apartment, so i got to hang out with her all the time, my huge family all still got along, i had every 80s toy you could think of, my life consisted of taking long car rides with mom and listen to 80s music all day, we had a summer house in the hamptons…  life was good, before life was no longer good.

ffwd to june 2021:  i remembered to plant marigolds this year!  i asked my landlady if i could plant some in the backyard this year, and she said “of course!”.  i went out and bought like 3 or 4 packs and planted them baddies.  i wasn’t taking progress pictures, but the pic on the right is when they were starting to come in.  MY LITTLE BBYS!

i’ve filled my little vase three times this year, but left them alone and thriving in the garden for the most part.  the span i planted all of the seedlings was like 5/6 feet wide, so there were so many at peak bloom.

it was a joy to have them all summer during this shite/never ending pandemic.

October 15th, 2020 @ 5:33 pm

posted on : april 2nd, 2OO2 – at 3:41 a

i am SO tired :[ i want to just crawl into bed but i have things to do. i also feel inspired to redo this sites layout and organize the pages better but ahhhhhhh i want to sleep more!

so i went out with grandma and mommy today for lunch! it was so nice seeing them getting along so well :] it was also groovy finding out my father is sOoOoOo excited to meet me!! 😀 i mean i knew he must have been a bit on the excited side but my grandma says he’s been calling her everyday to find out if we’ve spoken and stuff. it’s so cute :] – he’s coming down this weekend POSSIBLY with my younger brother chris, 17. lol :] i can’t waitttttttt i hope the week goes fast!! – hee hee today grandma bought me these beautiful shirts not even knowing what i really dress like. whenever we talk about my “style” or whatever i try to tell her what UFO’s are but she doesn’t know what a raver looks like nevermind their pants lol. anyway i think it’s so cool that she got me these shirts cuz they’re girly but i actually like them. anytime people buy me clothes without me being there i usually wind up not liking them cuz they’re not my style but i really like these. she’s got good taste :]

hee hee at my video store the other day a woman overheard the story of how i just found my family all over again and she said i was inspiring and it was an amazing story – she was nice :] – people who came into the store on Easter sunday however, aren’t. lol. i was leaving my house when my family was just arriving. it was depressing :[ – i can’t believe that we’re open on holidays. it’s so sad.

so now that i got my credit card back i’ve been a shopaholic online. i bought “valley girl” on vhs (uck i wish it was on dvd) for $21. i was looking at other places that were trying to charge $90 because i think it’s out of print. – if you don’t know what movie i’m talking about SHAME ON YOU! – it’s one of the greatest cheeziest 80’s movies and i’m pretty sure it’s nicolas cage’s first movie. he was a hot punker in the movie. i wanna eat him up :] – i also bought some people some presents that should be arriving soon 😀 i hope you guys likes <33

everyone go download – modern english – i’ll stop the world – it’s valley girl’s theme song pretty much and it’s such a great song :]~ – i wish i was a teenager in the eighties :”[

i put my labret back in, as you can see in the picture to the right. but probably temporarily. mommy hates it being in my face. i luff it though. poor carlo lost his “spike” :[ – he lost a piercing and i re-gained mine. damn labret hole never shuts. haha – UGH! * GOODNiGHT!!

September 24th, 2020 @ 10:51 am

80s costumes are so eyeroll inducing and cliché.  why is it that anytime someone has to dress up like it’s the 80s, they automatically defer to aerobic gear?  if i had to, i’d say people do:

1. aerobic exercise look
2. early madonna look
3. strange combo of aerobic exercise AND madonna look that never even existed IRL (madge did not wear leg warmers on the regs and if you argue this, you are not a true madge fan or most likely even know what the term “madge” means)
4. acceptable, pop culture costumes (movie characters, cartoons, etc)
5. obscure 80s shit

anyways…  what irritated me so badly is because suddenly everyone who never cared about halloween/autumn finally caught up and people are posting old halloween pics for “inspo” (eyeroll), and my friend (who was a pretty, popular cheerleader) posted a pic of her and two other girls in all neon, tutus, side ponytails, a body suit, leggings and leg warmers with plastic jewelry.

like, i get it… those things existed in the 80s as a collective, but nobody walked around like that, at least not in the majority.  this costume just “sums it up?”

that’s another thing…. when did all of these arseholes get so into halloween/fall vibes?  i hate people on this new instagram and blame it for exploiting everything, lol.  i’m not saying people DIDN’T love halloween/autumn before, but it was never a THING like it is now… but esp to normal people.  people not into goth or metal or whatever alternative lifestyle…

when i was like 18/19 i started buying halloween decor and just using it for my bedroom as normal shit, bc you know, halloween 365… and now things fly off the shelves just so goons can DO IT FOR THE GRAM.  like, fuck y’all.  sometimes i have to wait an entire year for the next spooky season and hope stores restock specific fucking items for purchase.

i unfollowed a halloween tshirt account on IG the other day, bc the idiots that run it boasted in a post about driving around to targets to scoop up every XL jack-o-lantern bucket they could find. like, had a pic of them in the car with it filled up with them.  what about everyone else that wants ONE you assholes? (lucky for me, i bought a black and white one and a trad orange back in 2015, the year they released)

bah humbug!

March 27th, 2020 @ 2:30 pm

in case you need cheering up, A JAM:

March 5th, 2020 @ 6:16 pm

every time i watch “heathers” i’m like OMG I NEED TO MAKE THIS NIGHTSTAND.  it doesn’t look hard, just need to figure out the hardware…

September 22nd, 2019 @ 4:20 pm

i’ve still got a cracked, small, black heart. 🙁

September 15th, 2019 @ 11:47 pm

as a young stu, this was one of my favorite 80s videos/songs. what a weird kid, lol.  i just thought they were like, cool spies or some shit.  i still love this song so much, and as an adult, the video is so visually appealing to me – the colors and contrast of their suits, the architecture of the building and the industrial setting.

around an hour ago, my boyfriend came to personally break the news to me that ric ocasek died, knowing i’d be upset.  i instantly started crying in disbelief.  they (finally) just got into the rock & roll hall of fame… it just can’t be real.

the cars have been in my life since i can remember consciousness.  my mother was a huge fan, and i absorbed it from toddler age.  they’ve always been the soundtrack to my life.  this just breaks my heart.  i can’t put into words how much this band has made me happy, influenced me artistically and aesthetically, and have been there to help me through breakups and hard times.  i listen to them on a daily basis, and i can’t remember a time that i didn’t listen to them on a daily basis, to be honest.

my sister’s cousins (via her dad, we have different fathers) used to babysit me and they’d constantly play the heartbeat video music videos VHS tape while babysitting.  i loved it so much.  i don’t know why panorama was on that video, bc it wasn’t on heartbeat city, but whatever.  enjoy the video, it’s one of my faves.

i cherish every member, and it was hard enough not having benjamin orr, but this one stings.  thank you for also producing other bands that i love as well, ric.  your talent and artistry will be missed so dearly.  i’m extra sad bc now i’ll really never get to see them live.

le sigh.

January 5th, 2019 @ 4:25 pm

i was born in the wrong era, fah realz.

May 10th, 2018 @ 12:50 pm

everyone keeps posting albums on instagram, uhhhhh i think their most influential albums or some shit (lol, clearly i’m paying attention on social media).  i’m guessing that means coming of age albums.  i don’t post shit like that on instagram, i actually still just post actual photos (unless it’s the occasional reminder post to follow my mobile wallpapers account so that you can see when i post new ones), so i figured i’d do something like that here.

instead of most influential, i’ll do the first 10 full albums that i can remember from childhood (which are honestly still in regular/heavy rotation even today)… thank you, mom ♥

she’d drive around day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year with these albums on repeat, and they’re part of me i’ll never be able to shake.  these songs are always in my weekly/monthly playlist that i shuffle through.

read more…

May 7th, 2018 @ 12:46 pm

I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING!!!1

i have to be honest – i never really pay attention to the R&R HoF inductions, but of course i cared this year bc the cars were finally inducted!  i can’t believe it took so long for them to get there.

watching this induction was wonderfully overwhelming, as the cars are one of my faaaaaaaaaaavorite bands ever.  brandon flowers got to do it, and his love for the cars was pouring out of him while speaking… it was great.  i can’t believe it took him that long to get to know who they were.  brandon and i were born in the same year, just three months apart.  it’s kind of funny how that happened.  he discovered the cars while i was discovering all of the alt bands of the 90s, including weezer (funny enough someone in =w= played WITH the cars during the ceremony)…

i got lucky and i had young/rad people around me in the 80s the shoved all of that current music at the time in my face at a young age.  my mother was a huge cars fan, and my cousins mary and jimmy were teenagers at that time and used to let me watch the heartbeat city VHS tape with them.  i vividly remember being SO confused bc of ric walking on water during “magic” and i thought it was magic.  i remember thinking about how cool/naughty the video for “hello again” was, and i love that i was a warhol fan before i didn’t even know who warhol was.  panorama is probably not one of the cars most popular songs, but it’s one of my favorites, and the video was always one of my favorites.

i am so happy for them.  during their speeches, they thanked us fans.  it made me wonder if they even know how many “young” fans they know they actually have.  i read in an article a few years back that ric ocasek didn’t want to tour for many reasons, but one of them was that he thought a younger audience wouldn’t exist.  i got inspired to write him a hand-written letter soon after i read that, BEGGING him to tour for us one last time…  i have no idea if he ever got the letter, and i highly doubt it’ll ever happen.  if it ever did, it would definitely help fill my cold, black heart and make my measly little life a little more complete.  music is one of the only things that really makes me feel emotion in life, and it’s a big part of my social life.  when my favorite bands won’t tour anymore, life = over.

April 21st, 2018 @ 10:37 am

today is record store day!  i mean, there aren’t very many places to really buy records anymore around here… barnes & noble had records, but there are none in queens anymore.  there’s one comic booky store in roosevelt field that has them, but who knows if steve wants to get up and go out there today.  ANYWAYS, i got to thinking this morning.  i have that ridiculous crosley everyone and their mama has, and it B L O W S.  it sounds awful, and i need a better record player. i know i could just buy a technics and some speakers and call it a day, butttttttttt then i come across this gem:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i’m dying, bc of course i can’t find it online *ANYWHERE*.  it’s a vintage sears stereo from the 80’s and it was like, made for me.  #DYINGGGGGG

read more…

April 4th, 2018 @ 2:37 pm

April 3rd, 2018 @ 4:22 pm

🙂 🙂 🙂

February 1st, 2015 @ 11:48 am

i had taken the day off last friday initially to move, but not all of my friends couldn’t help me that day.  since it didn’t pan out, i moved fully (furniture/everything large) on saturday instead, but i still took the day off to get things prepped to move in on friday night.  my mom took me back and forth twice with the weird odds/ends that didn’t fit into boxes or bags properly, which was super helpful.  at any rate, on friday, the only thing i really had to do besides clean and pack was go to the post office and head over to the new place for the cable installation.  once i got home from the cable installation, i was in the mood for some good cleaning/packing tunes, so of course “i wanna dance with somebody” popped into my head.

while i was watching the video, there was a series of thoughts that i had.

a) her hair is huge and awesome.
b) i seriously belonged in the 80’s as a teenager or adult (as per usual).
c) i wanted almost every dress she had on in the video.
d) i asked my male coworker to memorize and recreate all dance moves the males did in the video.
e) i was talking to my screen and telling whitney she shouldn’t be gone already. it’s such an awful thing that she is no longer with us.  she was so beautiful and talented, and it made me so sad that it gave me goosebumps.

i remember watching that video as a kid and just loving how much fun she looked like she was having.  all of the neon and colours going on is still so inspiring til this day.

that was friday…

i come into work today and i read that her daughter is now in a coma, pretty much on her death bed. 🙁

that is fucking awful.  i hope it wasn’t drug related, that would be so fucking sad… and who’s to blame?  unfortunately, let’s think back to the 90’s…  her substance abusing father had whitney doing all of that shit also.  she gave in and did it as well, but still.  it wasn’t a part of her life until he entered the picture.

her mother died because of drugs, and her daughter couldn’t handle her death.  either depression or drugs could probably be to blame.  that is such a horrible snowball effect because of that man.

maybe i’m wrong… but i doubt it, and that is so terrible.

January 2nd, 2015 @ 5:36 pm

i remember when this video first came out when i was a youngin, i was so confused as to why chevy was in this video.  i was raised on his movies, and i guess as a child i thought people could only do one thing at a time (ie: acting, music).

either way, one of my favorites, always. 🙂

October 6th, 2013 @ 5:50 pm

one of my favorite songs EVER ever ever ever is “never tear us apart” by INXS.  aside from the song being amazing, it reminds me of my mother.  i know that i’ve boasted about loving her musical taste that she raised me on as a child before, so i’ll spare you that repeat schpeel.  some songs just pull at my heart strings when it comes time to her/music, and that album is one of those thangs.

in addition to the adoration that i have for this album via mom, sometimes just fall into this INXS “Kick” kick, and i can’t shake it for weeks (yesterday it started up again).  that album is so amazing and i get so teary eyed thinking that michael hutchence is no longer with us.

the last time that i saw this video was on VH1 “pop-up video”, and it had to be at least a decade ago.  on my walk to and from dunkin just now, i was listening to this song and realized while i was walking, that the weather today is just like in that video.  foggy, rainy, chilly, and i was walking along side a cemetery that runs up the avenue by my apartment and it just reminded me of the video’s setting.  so i watched it…  you should also.

this video seriously makes me fight off sadness, it’s hard for me to watch it, he was so perfectly beautiful.  when he died, his coffin was carried out of the church with this song playing in the background, that makes me even sadder.</3

if i ever get married, i’m walking down the aisle to this song, and it will be my wedding song for sure.  i nearly died of jealousy and astonishment when they had it at blair’s wedding to that french price dude.  seriously, who stole my idea?!  they had an orchestra playing it, there was no lyrics, but they shortened the song by cutting out the sax solo, which was perfect.

. . .

after watching the video, i fell down a wikipedia/articles wormhole and found out a bunch of shit about michael hutchence.  i remember thinking about how when i was younger, people thought when he died, he died of some perverted asphyxiation thing (he did not).  while he did die by choking to death by his belt, the coroner said it wasn’t erotic at all, just a mixture of depression, booze and pills that led him to what happened that night.

tl;dr – i never knew all of the problems that he was having in life up to that point.  he had a head injury from a physical attack, to the point that he couldn’t smell or taste anymore, which severely depressed him.  the last straw was that he got mixed up in a horrible mess of a woman, and into an awful relationship with her that inevitably ended him.  a groupie/tv host named paula yates cheated on her husband with him, was obsessed with him and finally left her husband to be with him once he caved.

if the internet isn’t lying, inxs’s management tried to keep her far away from him… but she managed to have him eventually anyway.  heavy drugs, drama, etc – just a horrible mess.  the night he killed himself, it seems he mixed up too many things while getting intoxicated.  he was on the phone, fighting with the ex-husband and was super upset that he couldn’t have his daughter, goon paula and her kids for the holidays, and he ended up hanging himself with his belt on a door.

seriously, what a fucking shame.  i feel the worst for his daughter.

October 24th, 2012 @ 11:45 am

i think both my mother and my aunt necie (who is like a grandmother to me) had one of these. god knows where it is now, i’m sure my mother either broke it or threw it away… but i can’t find one online ANYWHERE. (etsy, ebay… etc.)

anyone have one? you’d make my dreams come true and my little heart so happy<3

my neighbor rose has one, but refuses to part with it, lol. i may have to hijack it…

December 9th, 2011 @ 1:48 am

they’re remaking “american psycho”, and i’m suuuuper excited about it!

i saw the movie first and then read the book. as much as i love(d) the movie (and the dark humour), while i was reading the book, i was actually getting kind of pissed off that the movie parodied it as much as it did.

i can’t wait for this new adaptation.  the only thing i’m not looking forward to is that it isn’t based in the 80’s.

although the harron movie is gory and dark, i still don’t think it was as dark as the book because of how serious the majority of the tone was in the book.  i’m in no way saying it had no humour, but the movie embellished it a bit.  what i find so aggravating, is reading the reactions to this remake.  between reading comments online and then after i posted it on twitter, i got all this whiny nonsense back about it “being perfect the way that it is” and “it’s so good, why are they fucking it up” and “christian bale _________…” yadda yadda…

it’s been like 7 years since i read the book, but i pretty much remember christian bale wasn’t like pat bateman in the book… however, i believe that he was a fantastic pat bateman. i don’t know who could play a “better” one, but because this is the only version of the movie we have to compare it to, we’ll never have a good/clear opinion.

i’ve read comments about people bitching about how it’s going to be an insult between the cast and the adaption – and it’s pissing me off. why can’t people realize that IT’S JUST DIFFERENT?

i think people are missing the point and/or just don’t know that THE MOVIE ISN’T AN ACCURATE DEPICTION OF THE BOOK… i’d love to know the percentage of people that actually read the book vs. didn’t that are leaving these comments.

the way that i’m thinking is, we’ve gotta just pretend that we never even saw that movie so that we give it a fair chance.

either way, i could give a shitfuck what anyone thinks, i’m excited, and i figured i’d share this information with whoever reads this website. #w00t