January 20th, 2023 @ 6:03 pm

sometimes it reeeeeeeeally kicks in that i want to be in seattle.  i want to be anywhere but sitting around my house like a fucking potato, but i REALLY wanna have my ass parked in the 5 point cafe, then strolling down 5th in a drunken stupor.  i am sick of walking around this house feeling self-doubt and crying about a situation i have ZERO input in.  if i can’t have what i want now, why should i waste time turning into a miserable piece of shit until i’m either finally graced with it or decide to tap out of it?

i know it’s cliche to say “you only live once”, but it’s fucking true.  every day that i sit here wasting time in my life, i get mad at myself.  i finally got out of a dead-end relationship (no offense to him, it just didn’t work out) and i want to be with someone.  my body is prob the best it’s going to be for the second half of my life and it’s going to waste, lol.  months and years go by i could be spending with someone…  i don’t think they realize how precious time is and it’s slipping away, but i digress…

i have the time off, i have the money, i have the freedom to travel and do things, and yet i sit here because who i want to do these things with, i can’t (multiple people, for multiple reasons).

i need to go back to LA, it’s been too long.
i need to go back to seattle (i’m aiming for twice this year).
i wanna go to funk on the rocks, if it happens this year.
i wanna go see miranda lambert in vegas at her residency.
i wanna go see someone in florida.
i wanna do a million other things, but these were the first things to come to mind.

i’m off to a good start this year (i think), but i need more good stuff in my life.  my self-worth keeps feeling so shot.  i’m so frustrated and hurt, and that’s not where i thought i’d be or deserve to be right now.

</3