December 29th, 2020 @ 9:47 pm

there are just some songs that grab my cold ass heart and squeezes so hard that tears well up in my eyes and i get emotionally overwhelmed.  i really need to start a top 100 songs of all time list (maybe i’ll do it in 2021…), but here’s one of them:

this is one of those songs that make me miss the early 90s so much, i could just cry.

it is marie/mountainview.

it is coming of age.

it is me in my bedroom in whitestone – playing super nintendo, listening to z100, being creative or whatever it is my junior high school ass was doing.

LOOK AT THAT RANGERS JERSEY<3

♥ ♥ ♥

August 29th, 2013 @ 12:26 pm

back in the early 1990’s, my BFF cousin marie and i were always trying to be cool/older than we were…  i titled this “goals of your average 90’s teenager” because the desires/goals of your average teens/tweens back then are so different from now.  i blame it mostly on technology.

i remember growing up wanting/looking forward to my own private bedroom phone line, a tv/VCR in my room, my own stereo, a perm (i never did this), a beeper, a scanner, my own computer, my own AOL account…  now, i don’t even know what they long for.  their own ipads? iphones? ombre hair?  either way, on the technological side, all 5 things i longed for can now be found in ONE device.

i feel like my generation had it weird/lucky.  we had such a major technological crossover in the mid/late 90’s that the newer generations will never experience, and we appreciate the technology as it evolved.  i mean, sure someday we may have floating cars…  BUT, will our cars of today feel like the rotary phones of yesterday?  iiiiiiiiiii don’t know about that.

my friend amy and i were discussing pagers/beepers as of last night, and how back when we were tweens, it was SOOOOOOO imperative that we have them.  back when i had mine, i had to BEGGGG for it.  i guess the monthly cost must have been like $10-$20 a month before the $1.99 smartbeep franchise came along.  at the same time that i had my beeper (with all like, five people that would even page me, one being my mother), i also always had my magic diary in tow.

it’s sort of funny how we were back then as 13/14 yr olds compared to the ones that exist now.

when i think back to these times…  here’s a list of what were my steeze (no really, this shit was SO cool), the important things that made me, me (i’d probably be bullied if i were these things as a fresh teenager, NOW).

jessica leigh – circa 1994/1995:

read more…

March 6th, 2013 @ 6:55 pm

in september of 1981, exactly one week after i was born, my (favorite/bff) cousin marie was born. we have been inseparable all of our lives and spent so much time together over the years, even though she lived/lives in upstate new york. when we were little, we both had this really cute piece of art hanging in our rooms (the image on the left). i kept mine, because i’m a total pack rat, but marie’s is probably long gone. i texted a picture of it to her last night and she wants to try to find one for her daughter.

marie had her baby girl two years ago, and i think that she wants sentimental things like that, just as i would if i didn’t actually have this stuff from over the years. we are very attached to our things and especially our childhood together. i have been googling/etsy searching the hell out of this little piece of art, to no avail. however, i did find some other cute stuff on ebay i might snatch up. mainly some coffee mugs. this line of “dear god” kids stuff is all cute kids stuff focusing on innocent/childlike questions to god.

i think i might want to just scan/print and frame the piece that i have, so that she has the exact one. i hope i can find the actual one, though. 🙂

July 20th, 2011 @ 11:40 pm

i’ve kind of been in this personal rut for a while, and usually when shit starts to really get the better of me, i just take the reigns and hit the refresh button.  since i can’t control most of my surroundings that are affecting me, i will change what i can.  i figured it was time to buy a new domain…  i’ve owned posed-to-death.org since june of 2004, and for two years i kind of fell off of updating it.  i only really started using it again in 2008 and since then, it’s full of a lot of personal turmoil.  break-ups, fights with friends, moving out, being miserable and single, confusion, etc.  i feel like it’s like dirty bathwater or something.

things keep changing around me, but i’m at this awful standstill.  my heart is again is bruised, the company i’ve been working for, for three three years, has dissolved, my best cousin (who is exactly a week younger than me) is pregnant and about to be a mother within the next month, one of my best friends is on the verge of practically being engaged and is moving in with her boyfriend next month, my family sucks, i live in an annoying area of queens – kind of out of the way for most of my friends for daily hangout sessions, etc.

i’m just like…

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i’ve been meaning to get myself a PMA tattoo for a few months now. i want this tattoo somewhere visible, so that i’ll always have that perspective when i need it. maybe a forearm or the side of a wrist.  like life in general, instead of bitching and moaning about my seemingly shitty life on this website, i’ll try to feel positive vibes and not have it polluted with complaints about my personal life. i want to not drive myself crazy or throw pity parties. #F5

so i kind of just wanted a new domain name…  so i purchased this domain after this deftones song. it’s my third domain named after a song, and it’s one of my favorites off of the album “white pony”.