February 8th, 2018 @ 1:36 pm
well, i think i got off to a good kick-start posting again, and then a wrench got thrown into the mix…
i got laid off from my job of nearly 5 years.
i’ve been super bummed, as anyone would be. just laying around like a sloth, cuddling with oscy and trying to get my mental faculties back together, but it’s really hard. i’ve made so many close friends there, and i loved my company. i keep thinking “stop feeling sorry for yourself, you idiot, things could be worse”, and i find myself repressing shit like i always do… i’m trying to mourn properly. that may seem a tad dramatic, but it’s true. i have been released from a comfy, warm, steady life. one where i could hang with one of my bffs whenever i wanted to, have a non-shitty commute with another buddy, and have lunch breaks full of laughs and good talks… all gone.
i really need to cry… i HATE crying. i avoid getting emotional like the plague. i’m of the mentality that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (then i go off like a time bomb months later). i really need to stop doing that.
i haven’t felt this way since my first web job’s company folded, and it was almost 5 years that i was there as well. it’s almost like a breakup. i mean, it’s half of a decade. i should be upset and not just pretend it’s not happening.
i was actively starting to look for a new gig anyway, because i could tell my company was changing and depleting my role, so it’s not a huge surprise. i was waiting to see if a new role was going to be available to me, since we acquired another company (which clearly never happened). fortunately, i’ve been finding some great job listings and hopefully i’ll branch out to more creative than technical stuff. i’m even looking for graphic design jobs.
i think i’m probably going to take a break from web for a bit since i’m so scatterbrained. i haven’t really been using social media all that much, bc i don’t know what to even say. like, how do you tweet about being depressed about something like this without getting pity replies? that’s not what i want. i barely post about personal things, not bc i want to seem like i have a sparkly/perfect life… i don’t want people’s pity. i guess i’m posting about it here, bc i just want to get it out and not bother the people i know IRL. i’m being such a drag, and i don’t know how to get around talking about it. i feel awful.
i need to concentrate on finding a fresh start and beefing up my portfolio. graphic design is always best when i’m stressed, so i’m sure there will be new stuff on http://666.unruled.club soon (free lockscreen wallpapers).