May 23rd, 2022 @ 11:16 am
when i finally moved out of my mom’s house, i moved to midwood, bk. this was back in 2009. it only lasted six months because of my idiot roommate. he decided to just up and leave our place without:
a) putting me on the lease
b) giving me the landlord’s info
c) telling me he was leaving
…i figured once i was on the apartment hunt again, i’d branch out and move someplace different bc i had just survived living in a faraway place. looking back, i don’t think i’d ever do that again – it was a million miles away from my roots (or at least 3 inconvenient mta transfers)… i’m glad i had two friends down there back then, or else i would have been in a worse mental state (oh, being in your 20s). anyways, at that time, i was looking at apartments in brooklyn heights bc i was working in dumbo, i looked up places in the bronx bc why tf not (and there were so many pre-war apt buildings that were cheap and had sunken living rooms – LE SWOON), but i ended up with an apartment plopped right into my lap via missy… in ridgewood, queens.
who knows wtf my life could have been had i moved to either of the other two spots i was eyeballing, but i’m glad it didn’t go that way. my job in dumbo relocated not even a year later and the bronx? who did i think i was? lol.
* * *
it was at a time where you could still get illegal basement spots for under $1000. it was a studio apt, but that’s honestly all i needed at the time. it was just me and oscy. i wanted to get out of the bayside area, i wanted to get away from my family and “friends” and my past life. i wanted a fresh start and an easier commute to my job. ridgewood ended up working out just fine and i thrived creatively in my little basement cave once i got into a friend routine with jes and lauren. i was paying $700 for my little studio and i couldn’t have been happier. i had laundry in the basement, the train was like 4 blocks away, it took 15/20 mins to get into manhattan, lauren and i were always in williamsburg, sophie and i were always in the village… the best times.
* * *
from time to time, i check online to see what the rents are and what apartment availability looks like now, and what a shit show. i just put in $2200 with two caveats: pets allowed and in-unit washer/dryer and THREE apartments came up in queens, lol. as a single woman, if i ventured out on my own at this age, if you think i’m doing anything less than a 1BR, you are out of your mind. why tf are there no apartments available with these two needs for less than $2k a month?! wtf is going on with this idiotic city???????? i can’t.
i took off the cat filter and three more apartments popped up, all in jamaica, queens. if you think i am contributing to gentrification in jamaica, you are also out of your mind. there are a few places as a white person i REFUSE to live for that reason, and jamaica is one of them. i will not partake in this city falling apart, but i digress.
this is like an ongoing, daily struggle with my brain. do i stay in nyc and buy something? do i leave and go west to more relaxing surroundings? i feel so lost. i don’t want the same things as my current partner, and i have to move on. i feel like i don’t know how to be happy. i find life so overwhelming and just want something or someone to ground me, so i can stop feeling like i’m a lost puppy during my mid-life years.
* * *
on a less serious note, i feel stuck for a number of reasons. i know it’s such a stupid thing, but the feral cat we care for in the backyard loves me. i would feel like i’m abandoning her, i’d also be annoyed i’d be losing the cross island for cycling, i love walking around over here – especially when the trees are fully bloomed with green leaves – it’s so damn pretty.
the bad def outweighs the good, but i can’t just up and leave at the moment… so i’m just stuck.