July 13th, 2014 @ 10:56 pm
one of the hardest deaths that i’ll ever have to face in my life happened last week.
i haven’t been giving into the sadness of it all, as with everything else emotionally handled by myself. there are things that have been randomly, suddenly striking me… but i haven’t been sitting around for hours on end weeping yet. i am so afraid of when that’s going to happen. i assume it will happen soon, seeing as that her birthday is july 20th. maybe not… maybe it’ll be this year, when i don’t receive a card with her beautiful handwriting. most likely on christmas, because i spent every christmas eve with her until a few years ago… i don’t know.
i just can’t even put into words how broken my heart is.
i can still feel an aunt necie hug.
i still remember the smell of her perfume.
there are just too many things.
all of these little things i never think of are now surfacing… steve and i went to the shopping center in douglaston, to grab groceries and i realized it was where aunt necie always used to take us to toys r us.
steve drove by her house the other night and i totally lost my shit.
i hate to sound like a selfish, naive person, but i don’t know how i’ll live without her in my world. 🙁
i can still feel her grabbing my hand at the hospital.
i can still hear the moans, because she couldn’t speak anymore.
i can still see the way she was staring at everyone so strongly, letting us know she knew it was us.
i will never forget those things.</3
seeing and hearing my aunt like that was so hard.