July 28th, 2018 @ 1:46 am
after i had posted earlier today, i was thinking to myself… “why do i still have a website (/blog)?” the term seems like it’s almost obsolete in terms of personal websites or blogs. i’m also going to be 37 this year… but that’s a dumb reason to stop doing this. i have some weird fixation and anxiety that people need to “grow up” at some point. like i will just magically give up dying my hair, getting tattoos, dressing like a 13 year old sk8r boy or using this website. i mean, i don’t want to get married nor have kids, so do i even have a growing up point? newp.
i’ve been doing this since the late 90s, and i don’t like NOT having one, whether i commit to posting to it or not. i gained so much inspiration and a bunch of friends bc of these types of websites over the years. i guess part of me keeps going in case people do the same with me. random online friends came about that way, so why not? i can see in my stats that people still come here, even if they’re not interactive (i know, it’s not exactly a wall or an instagram comment, so you clam up), so i guess i just keep going. it’s also quite therapeutic in a way and helps articulate my thoughts better.
my ex once told me that he thought i was a “public figure” or something of sorts on here. i kind of find that funny/weird, but i know what he meant. maybe i’m not relevant in a circle of bloggers or webmasters anymore, but it’s okay. i like having a site like this available to people just like when i actually find one that still exists.
i love (harmlessly) going through websites. between seeing other people’s interests and recommendations, and just relating issues to other people’s, so you don’t feel alone in this shitty world, i appreciate these types of websites. for me, it’s not about making myself seem cool, getting attention, etc. – if you had this type of a website, i’m sure you’d understand that. it was mostly about the layout/design work, the coding… etc. – the content is the last thing i think we worried about. i think our mission was just being ourselves and like finding people we can relate to. we’re not all just narcissists.
i don’t post as much anymore bc i had (or probably still have) an online stalker. no matter how mild of a stalker she was, i don’t want her to know what i’m doing or where i am, so i no longer post about stuff like that. it kind of blows, but it’s the reality that comes along with this caca. it makes me want to use tumblr more (even though i don’t), at least for the images, so i can talk less about myself (although i don’t really talk much about personal shit here anyway).
i don’t design like i used to with extravagant layouts, and i refuse to budge this amazing myspace layout, so i dunno what to do with this anymore. i know this layout probably just looks like classic myspace to you guys, but it’s customized so much. the ads at the top, everything in the sidebar, the top friends area is all custom coded on the admin side so i can easily add and not have to code anyone in manually… it’s way more impressive on the back-end that you’ll never see. FYI: i had to restructure this entire site solely from classic myspace images via google. sometimes from really shitty small images. so yeah, #nerdalert
i really want to finish a project/zine-ish type thing that i started that’s all designed in web 1.0 like back in the day. maybe in 2019.
i don’t think i really had too much of a point, just blabbering on about nonsense as a blogger does…
thanks for swinging by, i guess.