June 3rd, 2021 @ 12:02 am
i feel like i’m back at my return of saturn again already, maybe it’s a midlife crisis. i dunno, either way, i’ve been getting my shit together so hardcore lately (especially financially), but everything else is bunk. my cat is getting older and it’s starting to show, my 40s are creeping up on me and it’s starting to show, the pandemic isn’t helping…
i miss going out.
i miss having friends without kids or husbands/wives.
i miss being inspired by manhattan, by friends, by creatively vibing with friends, going to shows, just… living. i feel like i’m missing something.
sometimes i yearn for my late 20s, but it was so stressful. sometimes i yearn for my early 30s, but it was so stressful. i really miss those feelings, though. uncertainty brought creativity.
i miss living in a new neighborhood.
i miss taking trains.
i miss taking pictures of things that make me feel things, that inspire me.
i clearly miss a lot of things.
i can’t wait to get back to work and “normal” life in manhattan on weekdays. i know my 40s aren’t the end of the world, but they’re the last young years i have left. i just want to be out doing dumb shit, looking as cute as i can before my skin starts to sag and my knees or hips no longer work.
i also really need to find a new place to live.