July 26th, 2021 @ 11:37 pm

have you ever felt a surge of creativity but don’t know where tf to put it?

that’s been me all week.

• i have 6 inches of virgin hair i’m trying to grow out for color correction and i’m dying to bleach my entire head and dye it all greens vs my usual split, but i’ll never be able to match up my bum ass hair to my virgin hair.  i don’t have the patience to do it all myself.
• i have been putting off building or buying a new lightbox for my jewelry, but i have new stuff that i made.
• i’ve needed to do my nails for like two weeks, but i keep finding things are getting in the way.  working out, hair wash day, going out, watching sports, making jewelry…
• i’ve been meaning to make some new wallpapers, and i’ve only churned out like 10 in the last month.
• i’ve been looking through my computer at old websites/graphic design and it makes me miss building out those types of layouts/making that type of art.  i barely even collage anymore…
• i’ve been meaning to start acrylic pouring, and i just don’t, bc do i need ANOTHER hobby?

i’ve also been meaning to hang out/meet up with like 15 of my peoples, and between the stress of oscar’s health and the most disgusting soup bowl summer weather, i’ve been a hermit.

i mean, i don’t really feel like being around most people bc of this damn pandemic not being over.  i don’t care if i’m vaccinated, who knows who is bringing this damn delta variant around.  i keep having people i know that are traveling… and no offense, but i don’t have an interest with co-mingling with anyone who has gone to florida in the last 6 months [barf].

i really wish public places, venues and arenas kept up with the whole segregating unvaccinated folks.  make a universal vaccine app for proof already…  when i went to a ranger game this year, they scanned in my excelsior pass and i strolled right in, no prob.  it’s not a big deal.  it pisses me off that we’re not using it bc i went to my first mets game this year a few weeks ago, and noooooooobody was wearing masks.  i don’t believe in this honor system shit.  they had vaxed and unvaxed folks mixed – they lifted the segregated area for the unvaxed…  like, if you want to act like an ignorant goon, you should be treated like one.  the kiddos should have been shoved into a quarantine corner by themselves.

a bunch of my friends and i have tickets to go see dropkick/rancid in a few weeks and i’m like UGH, ew.  how am i supposed to wear a mask in a punk pit in the middle of the summer (it’s outside)?  i wish they were requiring vaccinations to get in…  blegh.

even going to the grocery store/target/etc. people are walking around with no masks on… it’s disgusting.  these fucking idiots are making me so anxious.  i feel like this shit is never gonna go away.

February 13th, 2021 @ 12:02 am

if you’re not new around here, you know how much i LOATHE domestic transplants that move to my city… the city and borough i came flying out of the womb in, the streets and public schools that raised me, well, i have a lot of pride for all it.  i’m annoyingly, possessively protective of her and i know i am obnoxious, and i’m not sorry for it, but i digress.  the reason i came here to bitch about domestic transplants today just kind of ties into why i’m here.

two days ago, i came across this article.  now, as a native new yorker, i like to think of my insides as an immunity tank.  in fact, i usually tip my hat to the city when bringing up my strong immune system.  commuting for so many years on the mta and eating processed food for most of my life must have really keith richards’d my insides (nope, taco bell has never and still doesn’t make me instashit).  i’m rarely sick, and while that’s great and all, i read articles like that about NYC pollution and i’m just like “fuck, that’s bad/gross” and it snowballs my thoughts from “this city is filthy” (honestly the first thing i said to myself exploring chicago was “holy shit, it’s like being in manhattan but it’s not dirty!”) to “idiots really come here to deal with the disgusting mta and pay high ass rents, just to feel like real new yorkers”.

WWWWOOOWWWWWWW…  YOU PROB STRUGGLED LIKE A COLLEGE PERSON, W A ROOMMATE OR TWO IN YOUR LATE 20S AND MAYBE EVEN INTO YOUR 30S AND MANAGED TO SURVIVE SOMEHOW…  i guess that feeling of non-rural accomplishment really does a number on people’s dopamine.  congrats, you cornballs.

this thought just always brings me back to “why the fuck do they come here, like, really? and why aren’t there more cities like NYC in this country so we can get a break?”  there is so much land in this country, why tf are we not building a few more major cities?  why aren’t we building something like THIS (we have finally made it to the inspiration of this article) someplace in the middle of spacious, rural states?  this seems like what people dream nyc or parts of nyc to eventually become, and it will probably never be – i don’t think it physically can be.

this city is probably unfixable as a whole…  everything is basically already setup with no room to grow.  we’re literally living on small islands.  p.s. – robert moses (the racist shitface) laid out all of the highways like a goon, there are WAY too many vehicles in this city, no one knows how to merge when driving the surplus of said vehicles on the said highways (pissing everyone off as a whole, and adding commute time to our days bc satan forbid there were HOV or bus lanes going into manhattan), there are cemeteries in the middle of boroughs taking up so much space, the MTA can’t be redone and has so many dead zones in the middle of boroughs, LIC built itself up too much and views of the city are being blocked, bike lanes? yeah okay, sorry, no space for them without pissing off drivers, rents aren’t really going down even with this fuckin pandemic happening, and the only solution? BUILD “AFFORDABLE” HOUSING aka ugly/tiny unit buildings with bedrooms the size of king sized beds (y’all are really okay with that?) that we don’t even have room for in this fucking city, etc…

/rant

having a town/city like myTengah would be better for the environment overall.  why hasn’t anyone tried to do this in the US?  what are urban planners doing in this country?  i’m so confused and annoyed.  NYC should be this, and now it can’t be.  the more people that move here, the less wiggle room there is to even implement things like that.  now i understand people come from all over the world to live here, but as i’ve said in the past, i have more respect for people fleeing their countries for good reasons than goons from iowa, that just want to wear paisley and buffalo plaid clothing at the same time, while wearing sunglasses at night and beige yeezy’s just to say they can “finally be themselves”.  bruh, go do that shit in iowa.

omg, just give this city a decade or three to fix itself.  maybe i missed my calling trying to be an urban planner… i didn’t think this was too shabby of an idea, maybe someone should listen to the people.

January 17th, 2021 @ 1:04 pm

posted on : july 20th, 2OO2 – at 4:18 a

hey freaks what’s goin’ on :] i feel absolutely horrifying. i have very bad cramps. could anyone brighten up my gloomy day? it’d really make me glow instead of gloom :] anyhOo – glad very few of you fuckers use the tagboard. – i’m thinking of making the site really damn interactive. i need more of my visitors to participate. what’ll it take? let me know in the comments here people – THAT’S WHY THEY’RE HERE.

last night i had such bad gas. not like fart gas… like it felt like i had a balloon in my chest that wouldn’t shrink. so jeff’s mommy gave me nasty ass mylanta. it tasted and smelled like soap… the kind jeff uses, lol. it was really nasty. when jeff’s mother came up to my mouth with the spoon it took me back to the days of when i was a stubborn little brat. i remember when i was little and i needed to take medicine, i’d keep my mouth shut SO tight. my mother would be standing there for like fifteen minutes trying to get that nasty shit in my mouth. gah! i thought robutussin would KILL me or something. YACK! i hate not feeling good. – like today, i couldn’t breathe. – i’m beginning to think i’m allergic to cigarette smoke. as soon as i went around my smoking mother today i stuffed up and what not. it was so effin horrible :[ i couldn’t breathe at all for like an hour. i stuffed my face in a little tub of vapo-rub lol. RAVER STUFF!! lol

well here was my fascinating day… i woke up and watched my soaps. “the young and the restless” and “the bold and the beautiful”. i then proceeded to roll jeff over to bug him to cuddle and then i went downstairs to talk to his mommy. then she took me home and i put on the air conditioner for my hot hamster with three legs. – my mother leaves no AC on all day because she’s afraid it will “catch fire”. i think she thinks little pyro elves live in my house and come out when she isn’t home looking to start a fire. – so i then hung out with hammy a bit. worked on some site shit, (marie, check my personal bio section and don’t kill me for the picture. it’s fudging awesome :] and i’m adding more “GOOD” pictures that’ll pass to your liking in the next few days lol), paid off a small fee to a friend for some phat ass pants, watched the mets game, and then went out to eat at a cheap diner with sophie. i had pancakes. yum. then i went to go see jeff at work.

back to sophie – – – she finally ordered our misfits tickets. holy fuck nut that’s right – i have a guaranteed ticket to go see my SEXY mofo fiends!! I’M SO EXCITED! PUNKER DAN – buy a ticket to the misfits show at l’amors (sp?) in brooklyn! august 3rd – it’ll be rad – and we’ll be at a show together!

OKAY – now i’m tired. that was a kinda long update, eh?

November 17th, 2020 @ 11:36 pm

“the major value in life is not in what you get, but in what you become.”

i mean, i asked it to give me an answer about life… it gave me one.  however, everything sucks and i am but an unsteady, corporate lemming that makes free wallpapers for phones and ridiculous jewelry.  so wtf does that say about me?

when shall i feeeeeeeeel valuable?

#deepthoughts

October 28th, 2020 @ 3:30 pm

posted on : june 7th, 2OO2 – at 12:11 p

:[ fudging alarm clock went off at 9:12 am today. i wanted to smash the damn LL cool J CD spinnin’ in the stereo this morning when i heard dat ish! hahahaha (“all world” baybee!!) that means i got a whole FOUR hours of sleep :[ YUCK!! i feel like doOdy pie!! the AM hours really suck. nothing to do cuz everyone else is either sleeping or at work or school. so i decided to put on tv… AM tv sucks. only thing is like those wack ass talk shows like “ricki lake” and “jerry springer” – which i used to enjoy lol. but nah. not today man.

when i was in high school and i used to cut in the morning cuz i was a lazy chewbickie (not a word, but used often between me and sophie).. i’d be watching jerry springer and what not all the time. and that was before that shit had like those weird camera angles. you know what i mean – right before the fight or as soon as it happens the camera is all shaking so you cant see a thing but you know there’s a fight.. haha. oh yeah – i got to watch jerry springer hardcore SON!! :] haha. but now that shit sucks. and now that i’m older, i can tell that shit is SoOoOo fake. i used to tell myself that shit wasn’t staged just so i’d be entertained. damn, but the media just took all my innocence away. lol. i hate all those talk shows. but there’s always one that stays in my heart. <3 oh richard bey <3 – i mean dayum that shit was just outta this world weird haha. the scenarios that show used to have.. all those midgets doing freaky things haha.

anyways, this jerry springer episode inspired me to bitch my wittle heart out in my philly section. OH yeah :] i’ll have a couple of things in there later on :]

after inspiration, i talked to my boss for a little bit on the phone and decided i was gonna eat and try to catch some more zZz’s and then my moms house phone was ringing. shiott wasn’t shutting up so i got up and my aunt judy was on the other end telling me my aunt necie was rushed off to the hospital. she was having trouble breathing. okay… my aunt necie is like a grandmother to me. when something goes wrong with her it makes me VERY nervous. she had triple bypass surgery a few years ago and they aren’t sure if this is related or not. anyways, i’m just really really scared and sad. my mom’s getting outta work early so we can drive out to the hospital. everyone say a lil prayer <3

PS – me and katy have to look at rates for our plans in the alliance. we haven’t forgotten about it!! we’ll have some updates as soon as things calm down on this side. sorry katy pie things have been hectic girl! but i luff u <333

man, sometimes i was a boring blogger, lol.

September 10th, 2020 @ 12:03 pm

ACCURATE.

also: for some odd reason, i always come back around near my apartment and second guess doing a second loop, when “one more time” comes on. i’d say about 75% of the time, and then i do another 4 mile loop. thank you, daft punk.

let ’em learn. i might not be the best friend in the world sometimes (mostly because of personal expectations), but you’ll always have an honest and loyal person out of me. if i accidentally see pics of you and people i’ve deemed unworthy, i sit back and laugh. y’all are fake and corny.

ACCURATE. too bad you can’t fix shitty narcissistic humans… PEACE da fuq out.

100000000000% dump supporters are the worst.

AUTUMN IS UPON US, stop complaining about candy corn like it’s the damn devil. if you don’t like it, it’s fine… shut up about it and anything pumpkin spice. FFS… i fucking LOATHE egg nog, you don’t see me walking around bitching about it during xmas time.

September 9th, 2020 @ 5:04 pm

posted on : october 29th, 2OO1 – at 2:39 a

this is a very temporary layout – (it’ll be back to normal on thursday) – inspired and produced for my favorite holiday! well, next to christmas and thanksgiving. but i love being spooked and i love LOVE LOVE halloween berry much. as you can see, this little monkey of mine has grown as a tradition of my site. i keep trying to put him in my layouts and it’s werkin 😀 hee hee i love nintendo and i love yoshi’s island (that’s where he derives from). and doesn’t he look adorable in his witch costume?? 🙂

read more…

August 20th, 2020 @ 8:44 am

since i am currently not tweeting, here are some microblogs in my brain from this week, shoved into one actual blog post:

1. it’s thursday and i’ve only biked 20 miles this week…  LAZY.
2. i woke up with KoRn – falling away from me stuck in my head this morning… why?
3. YEAH OBAMA!!!1 (his DNC speech made me cry ♥)
4. holy shit, this new dove deodorant smells like clean queen… FINALLY
5. how is sweetener is 2 years old already?!
6. SUMMER IS ALMOST FINALLY OVERRRRRRRRRR =)))))))))
7. together, the HMIYM characters are so great, but barney stinson is probably one of my favorite tv characters of all time
8. dear satan, i had an EXPLICITTTTT sex dream w dan ozzi in it 😛
9. i’ve emotionally withdrawn from sports for the …….rest of the season? what is a sports season?
10. i restretched my ears within two days, after having my gauges out for over a year… OKAYYYY weak ass ear skin.

ಠ_ಠ
and most importantly: jonathan mattingly, brett hankison and myles cosgrove still haven’t been arrested yet for killing breonna taylor.

August 9th, 2020 @ 10:41 pm

i would like to preface this post with: if i’m not out riding my bike, picking up food, shopping in a store, going to a protest… i am at home. i’ve been this way since the pandemic started, and i don’t see myself going out anytime soon.

i have friends that won’t stop fucking traveling or going out (out to eat on the street, out drinking, BBQs, etc.).  i don’t understand.  i don’t want to be near any of them… yuck.  that prob sounds so fucked up, but how are people this irresponsible going to other states with high #s of COVID cases?!

i have been around 3 of my boyfriend’s friends, kristen, my mom (once, with a mask on), matt siren, my landlady, my friend nat (once because she came up from miami and i haven’t seen her in like a full decade – we socially distanced), and my mom’s friends leo and john (who are basically my uncles) and my ex’s new wifey boo for a few mins.

THIS HAS BEEN MY PANDEMIC CIRCLE SINCE MARCH.

anyways, i was just thinking to myself, how the fuck have i not cracked up yet?

read more…

March 30th, 2020 @ 7:33 pm

while watching NY1, something came up the other day about how freelancers and “influencers” (i hate that word), and how they’re hurting through this pandemic.  i can understand dancers, musicians and artists, editorial, etc. (you know, artistic freelancing people that actually matter) hurting through this, but GTFOH with this content creator/influencer bullshit.  i’m glad that this entitled ass “career” is hurting.  don’t all of these little goons realize exactly how unstable and stupid this is as a career path?

don’t get me wrong – there are influencers that i do follow on youtube and IG, but the over-saturation them is ridiculous.  even so, the ones i do follow are established and were into this shit before it was *A THING*.

i can understand advertising.  i find it annoying AF, but i’d rather watch a commercial on TV than look at some bullshit ass ad on instagram about a mom and her *bLeSsEd LiFe* blog with her kids and a dog, any women trying to sell me a curling iron, and anyone with a fucking subscription box…

if you’re no stranger to my twitter or this website, you’ll already know how much i fucking loathe out of state transplants that move here to NYC.  i’m sorry if i ever seem like a broken record, but i hope this city eats them all up and spits them back out into the states they came here from.

i have been alive and aware of my surroundings since the early 80s. i know what the housing situations were in nyc, i know what the rent was, especially here in queens (my mom just left a 3BR apt here in bayside she was paying $1800 a month for. before that, up until 2005 she was paying $1075 for a 3BR apt, and before that $750 for a massive 2BR. the rent went up $725 just for one bedroom. WHY? because idiots kept moving into whitestone/bayside upping the rents, and then idiot real estate people told them it was okay).  i was living in my studio apartment in ridgewood in 2010 for $700 per month for years, and when i had to move out, i couldn’t find a studio for less than $1200. IN QUEENS… WHERE NO ONE EVER WANTED TO EVEN GO TO. THAT IS PROBLEMATIC.

i can not wrap my head around what’s gone on here in the last 15 years.  a few years ago, i read this book.  it made me SO angry, but it opened my eyes to see just how corrupt every mayor was in this city on all fronts.  we need a fucking break, and we need someone to step up for us (that’s why i fucking love AOC – she does).  not just us for us long time residents, but also the mom and pop shops.  commercial stores are hurting.  since the bill didn’t pass for commercial rent control last year, i just feel like there’s no hope in sight.  it’s just going to be bullshit chains in most storefronts.

i know i am a super whiny new yorker, but it’s so hard to see what it is now and what it was then.  the authenticity, the grime, the art, the flavor, the inspiration. i know it probably sounds like i’m romanticizing this city how it was – but it was so good.  i got the last, small taste of it in the mid and late 90s when i became a teenager and hung out all over the village, soho and LES.  i would love to feel that again before i die.  i know i won’t, though.

shit, even bob’s burgers knows it:

anyways, back to my complaint. these fashion/travel/brand influencers are fucking it up for everyone. i know people that have to live with three other people just to be here in the boroughs. WHO WANTS TO LIVE LIKE THIS? it is so aggravating, and it’s fucking it up for people that want to live alone or with decent rent. the rent to pay ratio is insane. no one can save money and we’re all living paycheck to paycheck. it’s not fair.

if i were mayor, i’d make it so that everyone would have to prove they can afford to pay their own rent without any roommates or help for 3-5 years and if they couldn’t hack it, they’d get the fuckin’ boot (i know, only in my wildest dreams). temporary city livin’, lol.

i really hope this pandemic is the thing that totally pops the bubble in this city and gives all of us natives a break for a decade or two. i can’t see how these cornballs will want to stay here. MTA is basically fucked – they were already fucked – and now they’re really financially hurting. no one is going to want to live here with no functioning public transportation options. also: there are WAY too many uber and lyft drivers. the roads will be condensed as fuck, too. like, what’s the solution there?

when they announced they were working on the L train, these little whiny cunts complained and had meltdowns when all they had to do was walk over the bridge or walk to the M train. if they think THAT was going to be a headache, wait until they’re FUCKED after this pandemic.

February 11th, 2020 @ 11:15 pm

i’m only here to chime in that i’m on my yearly re-watch of UK skins and i forgot how much i hate franky (and cassie).

i would also like to add that franky’s got the best fucking wallpaper in the land in her bedroom, and the next time i have a large enough room, i might just try to find some (or finally buy a mural wallpaper like i meant to when i was moving into my bk apartment 9729287 years ago… sigh).  it reminds me of the depeche mode roses on the cover of violator.

December 12th, 2019 @ 10:00 pm

did you know the wu-tang logo was designed by a queens native? i sure didn’t.

it took me 26 years to find this out, but here we are, and at least i got here.

April 11th, 2019 @ 12:05 am

today’s inspiration: I MISS MY PRE-INTERNET BRAIN.

i often think about when i was a kid, and days/months/years felt like forever.  i am currently 37, but i feel like i’ve been around for 100 years.  i try to think back even to 15+ years ago, when i was working at a video store, and i felt like i had all the time in the world.  i worked 40 hours per week, but i didn’t have a commute.  even so, that’s still only tacking on about 2/3 hours per day now.

how was life so different then?
i used to work a full week, i went to night school to finish off two credits i fucked up on in high school and yet i managed to spent infinite amounts of time with my two best friends, my boyfriend at the time AND managed to code for hours on end at night.

HOW?!

OK first off, having ridiculous work hours definitely helped.  not having a 9-5, M-F job definitely helps break up a monotonous life.  i loved working weekends and having weekdays off.  being an adult and not having flex hours really fucking sucks.  but i digress.  my original point: is the internet really making our attention spans and time feel that off?  if so, why the fuck do we keep using it?

read more…

January 12th, 2019 @ 11:33 pm

my mother and i were hanging out with my cousin kevin today, and she was shooting off all of the things she became allergic to while she was pregnant with me (4/5 different fun ones).  she was also then listing all of the things she ate on a daily basis that was just completely OD…

she had mentioned my aunt would make her ice cream sundaes dripping in chocolate sauce and whipped cream, and that she would go home and eat an entire row of oreo cookies.  she also went on to talk about how much pizza she ate.

what i took from this conversation was this:

firstly, i rarely go after desserts, though i don’t hate either she often indulged in.

secondly, in probably one of the most unpopular opinions in the entire world, FROM AN ITALIAN PERSON…  i fucking hate shredded mozzarella cheese.

thirdly, i blame these behaviors and hatred of shredded mozz as some type of hereditary mutation because my mother ate like a caffone.  again, i’m italian.  wtf is wrong with me?

– i was the kid always pulling shredded mozz off of her pizza.
– i don’t want it on top of my lasagna or baked ziti (yes, i realize both things are baked and require it to be on top of it).
– thinking about pulling a handful out of a bag and eating it straight up could make me want to die.
– i don’t want it on my salads.
– keep it out of my chipotle bowls.
– i don’t want it fucking anywhere but in the garbage.

i mean, i really fucking just hate most cheese and i don’t know how people eat it.  i especially can’t comprehend how people snack on them and eat them straight up and not on a sandwich or something else.

the cheeses that i DO like are as follows:

fresh mozzarella (yeah… fresh. cold. in a ball, in a slice, whatever, i want it.), ricotta cheese, muenster, american (yeah, yeah, i know, i’m gross), pepperjack, whatever is on tacos…  string cheese SOMETIMES.  after like two bites, i usually want to puke.  i don’t know wtf type of cheese they are.

there you have it, my hatred of cheese.
i guess if you really hate me, now you know how to take me down, lol.

January 6th, 2019 @ 2:16 pm

so when i was 16, it was the year of ball chain necklaces, kool-aid stained hair, airwalks, cool sk8r and pacific sunwear surfer shirts, jncos, etc.  i had been in love with gavin rossdale for like, 3 years.  bush was all the rage at that point.  i wasn’t as musically versed as i am now, so of course, they were the greatest band EVARRRRRRRR…

my first concert ever was bush when i was in 10th grade, and i felt soooooooo cool pogoing at an alt rock show (lulz).  that concert at madison square garden was actually the thing that brought me and my first love together.  the first time i ever spoke to him, he was wearing a razorblade suitcase shirt and it was the topic of conversation that i used to get to him.  for that, i will forever be thankful to bush, but i digress…

this afternoon, i stumbled upon a recent article talking about how fans hated the lyrics of sixteen stone and basically gavin was going on about his lyrics as artistic, magical and fluid and blah blah blah…  my eyes rolled so hard.

over the years, people have always accused him of riding the coattails of gwen, and it always used to upset me to read that.  she’s just in a different, incomparable category.  she was in a pop band, she had a pop solo career apart from NxD, she was running two fashion lines, etc. – she was all over the place.  in interviews, she used to say he didn’t love no doubt or her music.  she made him sound very dismissive and she also mentioned that only he listens to dark/deep stuff, which is clearly the opposite of no doubt.  those comments made it seem like he was unsupportive or jealous or something.

between her saying that and reading his interviews, he sounds like he’s got this weird ego where he thinks bush was this underrated, genius band or something.  it’s kind of awkward.  no offense to his talent, but bush had their moments, and then they did not.  lots of did nots.

bush faded out over the years and didn’t stand the test of time (i’m not mentioning post-razorblade bush, bc i totally fell off the bandwagon – just the early stuff).  in fact, i revisited razorblade suitcase today, and i sat here scratching my head as to how i ever liked it.  sixteen stone is still good, despite the bad lyrics (i have always questioned wtf he’s ever talking about in songs, no matter how much i loved them), but the real gems are the b-sides.

i rarely listen to sixteen stone in its entirety.  i REALLY have to be in a mood to listen to that type of music.  that happens to me with lots of bands, but that is definitely an album i only pick up once a decade, but i do listen to individual tracks on a more frequent basis.  “machinehead ” is an awesome song, still is in my mind.  i could probably listen to “everything zen” and “little things” on a more frequent basis as well.  honestly, i’ve always hit skip on “glycerine”, and i could live without it.

okay okay, i’m getting sidetracked…  THE B-SIDES.

so if you’re a kevin smith fan, you probably know the aggressively grungey song snippet “bubbles” from the movie mallrats, even if you didn’t realize it was bush.  i don’t remember what year i finally saw mallrats, but it was way before the internet was chock full of info as it is now, so i couldn’t find more info about it.  i always knew that i heard gavin’s voice in that tiny song snippet, though.  there was no b-sides or a single (that i can remember) released for it, and i don’t know why, but i didn’t think to buy the mallrats OST.  it kind of just remained a mystery for a long time.

this afternoon is when i youtubed that mallrats bad boy (listen to it here), and while it’s VERY 90s, holy crap, that’s actually a good bush song.  like, i would listen to it today on a regular basis.  i went to see what it was on, and it says it was on a reissue of razorblade suitcase, along with 3 other songs – AND THEY ARE ALL FUCKING GOOD.  i am sitting here in awe and confused as to why that they never released these on studio albums or as singles.

maybe they were *tOo CoMmeRciAL* for gavin or something?  what a waste of singles that could have been doled out.

January 4th, 2019 @ 11:18 am

if you thought penn badgley was an annoying creeper in gossip girl, you should check him out in you.

he stalks a girl, he gets the girl, then he does some creepy stuff with/to the girl and a girl in the past.

if you want some temporary (1 season) of darkness in your life, do it.

i watched, i liked…  enjoy.

July 27th, 2018 @ 6:00 pm

i got an invite from ladies love project to take part in a pop-up shop next weekend, but it fell through due to family illness or something with the curator.  i was kinda hyped bc i always love doing LLP pop-up shops – i meet awesome people there, drink & eat the best goods and make a nice lil bit o $$$.  it also would have motivated me, as i’ve kinda fallen off the jewelry thang.  i mean, i make stuff here and there, but i really need to photograph/edit and add to the site.  i’ve been so lazy in this apartment bc i can’t fully unpack all of my supplies.  i just have no damn room.

anyways, if you’re feeling shoppy, check out UNRULEDclub.  maybe i’ll add some new shit this weekend. 🙂

June 27th, 2018 @ 8:16 pm

i don’t subscribe to that new years resolution nonsense.  i try to pretend the day doesn’t even exist, tbh.  i’ve always LOATHED new years bc it depresses me horribly.  anyways, i’m halfway through the year and seeing what’s happened and what i need to do.  these are the days i try to reflect… the summer days that make me want to die.  summer is the fucking worst thing ever, so i’m currently in air conditioning pondering life.

these are/were the things i wanted to accomplish this year:

• get a skateboard
• go on vacation
• get a new job (thanks, universe… for taking my stable one away and forcing me to be motivated?)
• pay off my credit card
• pay off old tax bill
• grow my hair down to my waist again
• grow my bangs out and leave them for the summer (LOOOOOL, i have but i give it til mid-august before i chop em again)
• lose 20 lbs (down 5/7 depending on the day/bloat, squeeeee?)
• move
• have the balls to dye my hair all black again – maybe if i actually grow it out again i will
• work on UNRULEDclub more/again – FIND A NEW POP-UP SHOP TO BE A PART OF
• see more friends
• remove my fallopian tubes
• go back to the pacific northwest and/or chicago
• new tattoo(s)
• switching over to arctic fox dyes
• buy or have a bat hoodie made (i almost did last year… sigh)

slowly but surely… 🙂

April 24th, 2018 @ 7:02 pm

since it’s been three fucking years since i was able to utilize my own site without feeling disgusting (non-armpit/sweat/stinky related issue), lemme just update you on what’s been going on in:

*THE WORLD OF MY ARRRRRRRRMPITS*

i was on a quest a few years ago to gtfoff of aluminum deodorants and was on the hunt for the best possible natural deodorant (read those posts here, if you’d like).

okay, where the hell did we leave off here? :clicks pen nervously:

i started off with primal pit paste, went to some essential oily thing called EO last we left off.  over the next few years, i tried piperwai, tarte’s “clean queen” and lastly, lavilin.

lemme review these jammies for ya:

read more…

April 23rd, 2018 @ 12:53 pm

my boyfriend keeps frasier-shaming me.  i’ve only rewatched the series fully thrice (okay, okay FINE! i watch it anytime it’s on the hallmark channel at night, but they episodes aren’t in order), but he seems to think i’m on number like, 6.  anyways, i decided to rewatch it again recently bc i finished the show i was binging when i was going to bed.  i figured i’d just watch a couple of episodes just to fall asleep, and then it just turned into a full rewatch.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i mean, if i’m not sick of it and it’s still making me LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARL, who cares?

i’m currently in the last season, and wendie malick’s character ronnie comes in.  tl;dr (no real spoilers), she’s the brothers crane’s babysitter back in the day and they find her in present day.  frasier ends up trying to cash in on his childhood crush on her, but she ends up dating their father (named martin).

what inspired this post, is that she was also on a show in the 90s that i watched as a youth on HBO called “dream on”.  she played judith tupper, a woman who divorced a schleppy, NYC book publisher named martin tupper, and basically tortured him marrying “Mr. Perfect” aka richard stone.  the entire time you’re watching the show, you’re basically hoping at least 40-60% of the time that they get back together.

i honestly don’t remember how the show ended.  i own seasons 1 & 2 on DVD, but they never released seasons 3-6 on DVD.  i don’t want to look it up how the show ended or if they ever got together in between.  maybe they did reunite, maybe they didn’t.  either way, i bring this up bc on frasier, in one of the episodes, martin finds out she’s going out on a date with another man in addition to newly starting to date him.  she actually ends up going out with a guy named richard, but ends up choosing martin in the end.  i thought it was kind of poetic justice, and i wondered to myself if the writers did that on purpose or not.  i googled it, but i couldn’t find anything concrete.

that really would make me so happy…  sticking it to dr. richard stone, HHMMPH!  🙂

April 11th, 2018 @ 5:37 pm

I KNOW I AM BIASED judging by this (amazing) layout, lol, but i have not ever and still do not understand the appeal of facebook.  it’s blue and white and ugly all over, you can see EVERYONE’s business and your mom and grandmother are probably on it.  why the hell would you want to use social media where your mom is looking at your shit?

anyways, on a more mature note, i keep reading recent articles about mr. bonehead CEO having to testify in front of congress.  i can’t believe it even escalated to that.  A SOCIAL MEDIA WEBSITE had to testify in front of congress.  let that sink in…  social media sites were supposed to be fun. wtf happened?

oh, right… money.

i come from the generation that pretty much first had the first taste of online life/social media, and that shit is NOT what we worried about.  we wanted to meet like people… TALK to a bunch of people in message boards, on ICQ, in AOL chat rooms, talk to them one on one in instant messaging – and even when that fizzled out, there were still options to interact without all of the “transparency” that facebook gloats over.  some of us simply enjoyed those types of sites, and other kids my age created interactive websites – then came live/dead journal, deviantart, xanga.  it was still all NOT like facebook.  i will never understand how everyone got into that caca website.

read more…

February 22nd, 2018 @ 10:27 am

sheebs posted a tweet/RT from two other people on IG today, about basic/UO shopping lemmings just now exploiting and “appreciating” asian snacks, while she was (/they were) made fun of years ago for enjoying on the regs.  i immediately related, but in a different way (which i also immediately felt bad about).

i can’t relate to cultural appropriation on any level at all.  my father wasn’t in my life until i was 21, and my single mom didn’t raise me instilling any cultural traditions or anything.  i’m 4 ethnicities between two parents, and i was mostly (barely) raised w the german and irish upbringing.  my mother and her very large side of the family also never concentrated on cultural traditions.  they weren’t raised that way, either.  i think we were raised more as christians than irish/germans (and none of that religious nonsense for me anymore, thank you).

when sheena posted the thing about the snacks, my brain defaulted to my subculture, which i find more of my soul fabric than my own actual cultures.  i feel like people might find that offensive, but hear me out.

i got bullied for being into all of that stuff when i was younger, bc kids are fucking jerks.  now it’s all the rage bc of bullshit urban outfitters and F21, and MERMAID/UNICORN HAIR, etc.  –  i get defensive and angry about that.  i always feel like it’s not comparable to cultural appropriation, because i don’t have punk blood running through my veins…  well, the blood that i do have, from the roots of the places my ancestors came from – i really could care less about it.  that sounds really stupid and disrespectful, bc had i grown up with those types of traditions, maybe i’d feel differently.  the truth is, those ties are broken.  there are now 3 generations of us between those times.  even if i went to the little town in ireland where my grandmother and her ancestors were raised, how am i connected to that?  i’m already 36, it’s out of reach.  i don’t mean to disrespect my family history, but clearly, my family didn’t care.

anyways, i default to punk, but i suppose alternative is a better description of my lifestyle and culture.  i was raised loving metal and gothy stuff, i found grunge and punk in my coming of age years, and started going to raves in my late teen years into my 20’s.  that music and those concerts has always been there for me, through bad and through good.  i’ve made tons of friends over the years through this subculture, and it means more to me than being italian, german, irish or polish.

i guess the point of this post is just that i hope if anyone else finds it, hey, you’re not alone if you feel this way also.  i don’t think it’s so wrong comparing it to cultural appropriation.  maybe it’s bc i’m a misfit kid from a broken, single parent household.  i dunno, but i have absorbed a lot of culture over the years, and i’m happy to have it all in my heart, brain and expressed through my creativity.

February 20th, 2018 @ 11:56 am

:grumpy grinch post alert:

as i was just going through my IG timeline, it occurred to me that people aren’t using their brains.

what inspired this complaint…?
my friend just posted a happy birthday post to her father (who is alive), who isn’t on IG.

i’m sure you’re thinking i’m a douche for pointing it out, but i think it’s fucking weird!

let’s dissect this…  someone is making a public declaration of saying happy birthday to someone that isn’t going to see it, other people who don’t know her father are going to see it and not give a shit (i’ll go the extra mile and say hey, her other family members may see it and show him, but still, wtf?) and she really just threw it up there without taking any of these aforementioned things into consideration.

it’s not just her, i see tons of people doing it all the time.  like slideshows with 6 pictures and full paragraphs that you have to drop down a read more for…  for people who are not even on instagram sometimes.  i’ve even seen people write full paragraphs for their new babies, lol!  like, did you print it out physically for the years to come?  are they to dig through your social media account?  i don’t get it.

i think what’s bothering me about this, is that it’s a very nowadays, no attention span way of conditioned thinking.  it’s like instant gratification, social media behavior has just taken over as normal behavior and it’s ridiculous.

i picture general people opening IG to post just like “la la la, i’m doing something so nice!” and not realizing that it’s just a post on a timeline that no one will even remember tomorrow.  that’s the point of instagram, i get it, but the whole birthday posts thing is just so weird to me.  why would i care about anyone’s family member’s birthday if i don’t even know them?  why would i care about someone’s BFF’s birthday if i don’t know them?  i still think that the worst offenders are the posts where someone isn’t even on IG.  i do not get it.

maybe i’m a shithead for finding it bothersome, but i find it’s just useless information my brain doesn’t need.  whenever friends post those happy birthday pics or “slide shows” on IG or they publicly @ someone i don’t know on twitter, i’m just like “WTF WHYYYYY?!”.  i know it’s not that big of a deal (which i can picture being a defensive response from someone who does this kind of caca), but it’s still annoying.  i feel like a lot of people feel this way but no one will ever actually say it out loud.

i get that it’s just a nice gesture, and people do genuinely think that it is.  they think it’s making someone feel special, but yo, you can just text them.  communicating directly doesn’t have to be a thing of the past!  you can make them feel special without the approval of others seeing it.

i feel like this post may sound hypocritical bc i have this public website and wtf is the point of me having it, but it’s also not a timeline shoving this information into your face…  if you’re here, it’s of your own choice (and also kind of the point of a blog).

only YOU can stop clogging people’s timelines.

September 29th, 2015 @ 4:51 pm

almost 20 years later, and still one of my favorites… ever. ♥

BB16

September 28th, 2015 @ 9:13 pm

october is one day away…  squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

hockey, falling leaves, warm lattes, horror movie marathons, long strolls, SWEATER WEATHER, pumpkins, acorns, halloween lights, rides upstate, crunchy leaves, scarves & gloves, winter hats, hockey jerseys, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 🙂

::: it’s the most wonderful tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime of the yeeeeeeeeeeeeear :::

September 24th, 2015 @ 10:55 am

whoever created this image above is a basic millennial bitch…  i will never refer to what i listen to in the genre of electronic music as EDM… ever.  to me, “EDM” is a corny 2010’s bullshit term that bro-y club kids came up with.  they aren’t the actual rave community, they don’t go to those parties, they have no idea how to even dance to that type of music…. they’re just corny electric zoo poser kids.

when i was a raver, i didn’t listen to EVERYTHING in that lefthand column.  i still don’t comprehend how people like jungle or drum & bass (sure, i’ve liked a song here and there, but the majority of it all sounds the same to me) or enjoy dancing to it all night long…  it’s so boring.  i still listen to a lot of it, though.  hardcore was my shit when i was a raver – why is gabber not on that list but tropical house, glitch hop, neuro hop and uplifting trance are? wtf…  what even are those?  just fuck this entire image, lol.

i don’t know why i’m entertaining this…  this is just stupid. fuck whoever made this.  you haz outraged me.

September 23rd, 2015 @ 11:34 am

that shithole of a season, summer, is finally gone!  in the excitement of it all, i treated myself (and my seester) to a new mikey/halloween scarf! i almost bought the sweater, but then reminded myself that i fucking hate regular sweaters…  also: it was $85 – FUCKKK outta here.  although $40 is kind of pricey for a scarf, it’s also something i’ll wear A LOT during the winter, and the quality/length is awesome (giggity)…  most definitely worth it.

also upon us: HOCKEY SEASON.

i made steve hang these sweet little floating shelves for our small/random hockey shit.  i figured it all being near the little sign that i made was pretty appropriate.  it’s also the thin space between windows, so it filled it perfectly.  our lil living room is getting cuter and cuter by the day (and cluttered – need more bookshelves!).

i’m dying to get the halloween stuff up in the apartment, but i want to wait until october 1st.  it’s still hot out there, and doesn’t truly feel like fall just yet anyway.

🙂 this season makes me feel so refreshed and happy.  new wonderful things have been aligning at the same time, which is wonderful *thank you, universe!*.  >:) old friends keep popping up, creativity has been flowing, strolling around aimlessly for hours in cool autumn weather is upon us, hoodies, road trips, warm lattes, cold beer with warm pretzels, hockey, ahhhhh!  i love love love it!  i only wish that it lasted as long as our miserable NYC winters do… 🙁

halloween 1978 scarf: [buy it here]

February 2nd, 2015 @ 3:58 pm

i’m sorry, but…

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF YOU BREASTFEEDING ON MY TIMELINE.

i don’t give a shite if it’s natural… or beautiful… or that you think you have the natural/god given/woman power/feminist right to do so.

– eating is a natural thing, should i post a video of me eating? …or would that natural act bore you?
– hocking up phlegm is a natural thing, do you want me to post a picture of my used tissue?
– having to use a tampon is something hand in hand with a natural process and part of life, should i have the right to remove and post it on my timeline so that you can see it?  i mean, it’s even a *YAY* NATURAL, BEAUTIFUL, WOMANHOOD THING!
– would you like to see a picture of me pooping and then my poop? this is also a natural part of life.

i get that maybe breastfeeding isn’t DISGUSTING like some of the examples above, but who the fuck wants to see someone breastfeeding (except complete pervs or women that need some sort of help and are searching online?).

are advocates sitting there “oooohing” and “ahhhhhing” and all gaga over pictures like this when they actually see it?  i swear, it’s like some women forget how to act on social media once they’ve had kids…  every picture EVER is about their kids, and suddenly their personal interests are gone (and selfies, for the most part, which i’m totally okay with).  i feel like there are pictures of breastfeeding exist online, because it’s so damn accessible and easy to put it in peoples faces.  my mother has 6 sisters and they all have 1-4 kids, and some of their kids have kids, and i’ve NEVER seen a picture of anyone breastfeeding… ever.  we have piles upon piles of family pictures, no breastfeeding pics.

i’m not saying the act itself is disgusting, more power to you if you’re into it.  however, i am NOT a breastfeeding advocate.  sorry ladies, and if i ever have children… *GASP* I AM NOT BREASTFEEDING.  i have zeeeeeeeeeeeero interest in it, nor do i have any interest in fighting for women to have the right to do it wherever they want.  i’m sorry, but modesty is a virtue.  i’m not saying you can’t do it in public, but please cover it up.  i’m not about that “free the nip” life.

i. really. don’t. wanna. see. yo. boobies.

February 1st, 2015 @ 11:48 am

i had taken the day off last friday initially to move, but not all of my friends couldn’t help me that day.  since it didn’t pan out, i moved fully (furniture/everything large) on saturday instead, but i still took the day off to get things prepped to move in on friday night.  my mom took me back and forth twice with the weird odds/ends that didn’t fit into boxes or bags properly, which was super helpful.  at any rate, on friday, the only thing i really had to do besides clean and pack was go to the post office and head over to the new place for the cable installation.  once i got home from the cable installation, i was in the mood for some good cleaning/packing tunes, so of course “i wanna dance with somebody” popped into my head.

while i was watching the video, there was a series of thoughts that i had.

a) her hair is huge and awesome.
b) i seriously belonged in the 80’s as a teenager or adult (as per usual).
c) i wanted almost every dress she had on in the video.
d) i asked my male coworker to memorize and recreate all dance moves the males did in the video.
e) i was talking to my screen and telling whitney she shouldn’t be gone already. it’s such an awful thing that she is no longer with us.  she was so beautiful and talented, and it made me so sad that it gave me goosebumps.

i remember watching that video as a kid and just loving how much fun she looked like she was having.  all of the neon and colours going on is still so inspiring til this day.

that was friday…

i come into work today and i read that her daughter is now in a coma, pretty much on her death bed. 🙁

that is fucking awful.  i hope it wasn’t drug related, that would be so fucking sad… and who’s to blame?  unfortunately, let’s think back to the 90’s…  her substance abusing father had whitney doing all of that shit also.  she gave in and did it as well, but still.  it wasn’t a part of her life until he entered the picture.

her mother died because of drugs, and her daughter couldn’t handle her death.  either depression or drugs could probably be to blame.  that is such a horrible snowball effect because of that man.

maybe i’m wrong… but i doubt it, and that is so terrible.

January 22nd, 2015 @ 11:28 am

i often whine about missbehave magazine no longer existing…  mainly because it was a MASSIVE inspiration to/for me back in the mid 2000’s.  that time in my life was like a 2nd coming of age for me.  i found my comfort zone in my adult life, creative life and career.  i started working on graphic design and web design again, i met jes, i got really big into graff, i broke up with andrew, i loved working on myspace contact tables, i found new music, i got pierced and started getting tattoos, i bought jewelry and clothing i wanted…  i basically evolved into the stu i am today…  it was just a very creative, colourful, inspiring time…  and missbehave happened to be HUGE at that time.

while my ex had subscriptions to mass appeal and juxtapoz, missbehave was thrown into the mix.  he would go through them, and then i would steal them and cut them into pieces.  i was big into collaging back then.  my bedroom walls, canvases, graphic design, etc. – unfortunately, that’s where all of my missbehave mags went… i cut them to pieces to use for art (RIP).  i regret doing this now, because i can’t lay around in my bed reading them, and looking at all of the rad/kitschy fonts and graphic design that would inspire me to start doing graphic design and making more t-shirts.  i can however (CREEEEEEEEEEP) refer to the waybackmachine to read old posts.  one in particular SUUUUUUUUUUUUUPER bummed me out.

clicky click here, then continue reading.

while missbehave is continually missed, even in the year 2014 (just look at how many pins exist), between all the (PACKED) events that took place, and the famous people that they had on their covers, and all of the radness that they brought into peoples lives… that article existed.

despite what i thought they were raking in with the print mag $$$, the deeper i dug into their old website, the crazier it seemed that their posts only averaged 15-30 comments (i’m being generous with the 30).

that is AWFUL.  so fucking sad, awful, lazy and what the fuckish.  how lazy and weird are we as website visitors/readers (i’m guilty of this as well), that we don’t regularly interact in comments?!  even on my websites, it’s a rarity that i get comments – but i still get hits, so people are in fact reading.  i’ve had personal websites and blogs since the 90’s, and the only time i had a high number of regular comments was when i had a static webcam to bring in hits (no, i was never nude) or when my little community of fellow cam folks existed.

so there’s a massive group of ladies that REALLY want missbehave to return, but it seems like we didn’t know what we had until it was gone.  open your mouths and be online friends, people.

nowadays, my instagram is the same shit.  i rarely post selfies, and when i do… 100+ likes.  if i post a picture my jewelry or something that is edited nicely and artsy fartsy, i average 20-40 likes.

especially when it comes time to my jewelry, that shit is deflating.

I HAVE OVER 570 FOLLOWERS – MOSTLY PEOPLE THAT I KNOW IN REAL LIFE.
man, people are fucking weird.