June 16th, 2022 @ 4:56 pm

dudes seem to keep trimming their body hair, which is fine, but like… i kinda miss happy trails. it’s like a long, sexy, landing strip leading to the pot o gold.

nothing better than a happy trail on a toned tummy.

random thoughts with a horny goon.

June 10th, 2022 @ 12:56 am

as i was just closing down the kitchen on the first floor of my duplex, i was just humming a tune while loading the dishwasher.  it took a second for me to realize what it was, but it was “battle hymn of the republic”.  no idea where it came from in the year 2022, but my brain definitely stored it because of junior high school chorus practice.

so what’s notable about this?  well, i sang that song with my junior high school chorus AT CARNEGIE HALL (in stern auditorium!).

yep, i sang at carnagie hall, lol.  i find that shit so weird.  it was also only because of the public school i was going to at the time.  they allowed us into some program back in 95.  for some, that is an absolute life and career goal.  here my corny 14 year old ass was shuffling up onto this prestigious stage, honestly just a half-good alto, singing with her choir and got to do it without the practice, practice, practice…

i feel like that is some random ass shit for a non-musician or singer to have on their resume.

i remember walking up on this stage for both practice and for the performance.  it felt insane and sort of indescribable to have that view in front of me.  it doesn’t look big, and i can’t remember how big that room actually is, but i felt small as shit the two times we were there on that stage.

i remember our chorus teacher mrs. bart kept telling us to sing from our bellies and towards that circle in the middle of the ceiling where the lights are… and i did.

i have to find the program from that performance…  i definitely still have it saved.  i remember we sang “battle hymn of the republic” and my favorite beethoven song – “hallelujah” (christ on the mount of olives).  i know that year we also did sister act songs, but i can’t remember if we did them there or not.

edit: i found the stagebill from an older post (and yes we DID do sister act)!

May 26th, 2022 @ 8:48 am

some girls want diamonds, purses, shoes w red bottoms…

…i just want game 6 tickets to NYR playoff games.

♥ aren’t i worth it? ♥

April 6th, 2022 @ 4:15 pm

i know i’m an annoying little pessimist, but i try to adhere to the idea that everything really does happen for a reason.  natalie posted this on IG today, and i couldn’t agree more:

February 23rd, 2022 @ 4:04 pm

“probably not the right time to be talking about gashed heads and circumcisions…” – luke

February 22nd, 2022 @ 1:25 pm

i want a top floor, back in central queens (or seattle, of course).
i want a balcony.
if i can’t have a balcony, i want corner windows with trees surrounding them, so all i see is green.
i want to be able to have a queen sized bed with a four-poster bed frame covered in twinkle lights.
i want space.
i want peace and quiet.

i want to inhale a new feeling.

♥ ♥ ♥

i’d also like a cartier love bracelet…
a girl can dream, right?

February 21st, 2022 @ 12:44 am

i never took one of these quizzes before, and whenever i think “my love language” i’m just thinking funny/every day shit like “thoughtful texts” (no matter how small), “hockey tickets”, “chicken cutlets”, “ferrero roche balls”, “creating specific memories”, etc. – but apparently, it’s an actual thing.  so here were my results:

words of affirmation – 33%

actions don’t always speak louder than words. if this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. hearing the words, “i love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

i would rather have attention via words any day of the week vs. material things.  it’s been a rarity over time to have been showered with thoughtful words i want to hear.  to be honest, it’s only been a handful, and i should have never let them go.  i haven’t had that in a long time, and yearn for it again.

“i miss you”, “i’ve been thinking about you”, “i want to see you” and physical compliments go a long way.

receiving gifts – 20%

don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. if you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. a missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

it’s a rarity when people get this right, and it’s all i really want aside from verbal thoughtfulness.  if i’m at rite aid, i’m picking up your favorite candy, just because.  just to make you smile.  is it too much to desire that back?  i don’t think so…  it takes two seconds to be thoughtful, people.

i think this is high on the list for me, because i do it for others all the time.  not just relationships – for friends too.  thoughtfulness means so much to me.  whether it be restoring a lost item from the past, to adding to a wardrobe, having something for a bookshelf, some relic from a shared tv show, me making you something by hand or a framed pic from a trip, etc. – i love all that shit. ♥

physical touch – 17%

this language isn’t all about the bedroom. a person whose primary language is physical touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

true! (although the bedroom stuff is v important, too)  …don’t hold my hand though, i hate that shit.

quality time – 17%

in the vernacular of quality time, nothing says, “i love you,” like full, undivided attention. being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the tv off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

i don’t mind some attention – but i’m not expecting full, undivided attention.  when it comes time to being on your phone – just don’t be rude.

also: i hate being around people 24/7.  i need my space, and i assume others do, too.  i have no prob spending a lot of time with someone if they want to, but i’m never against having personal days.

acts of service – 13%

can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? absolutely! anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “acts of service” person will speak volumes. the words he or she most want to hear: “let me do that for you.” laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

i have OCD, don’t do anything i don’t ask you to do and we’ll be grand, lol.

February 14th, 2022 @ 10:37 am

so if you haven’t already watched gilmore girls, the main characters are lorelai (mother) and rory (daughter).  lorelai’s mother emily gilmore is played by the woman who played baby’s mom in dirty dancing.

i just picked up on a funny little tidbit while watching season 5, episode 13.  emily is over at lorelai’s house for her bachelorette party, and she’s telling a story about how she had to pull strings to book a very specific room somewhere for her wedding vow renewal ceremony.  she wanted “the rose room” and is telling the story about how “the sheldrake’s” had already booked it.  i just realized the sheldrake is the other hotel that’s in dirty dancing, lol.  the one where she and johnny go to secretly dance, where they see the old couple robbing people.

February 9th, 2022 @ 11:25 am

“feeling rather unappreciated could really wear on you today. while getting a bit more respect shouldn’t do you any harm, consider the possibility that you’re just feeling a touch over-sensitive. you don’t have to work every hour of every day to receive respect! the easiest way to encourage positive feedback would be to offer it freely — to others and yourself. they’ll probably appreciate the kind words and may also be inspired to offer some genuine appreciation to you in return.”

***

i don’t want to and shouldn’t have to explain to people that i need/deserve respect, appreciation, care, attention, etc. when they’re in certain roles in my life — i also shouldn’t expect people to give the same amount of energy, thought and respect that i give in return, but that’s all i really want and i don’t even want that much…  i want just enough to not leave me feeling like this.  it’s a terrible battle that leaves me sour on others fast.  why is it so hard to find equals in this life?

January 25th, 2022 @ 12:56 am

i have so much shit to do this year… big stuff. i always make a bunch of “stress clouds” (write out the probs, cut them out into shapes of clouds) and i put them in a little cluster on one of my walls for perspective. i like to easily see the things i need to do, and tackle them one at a time.  i take them down and tear them up into tiny little pieces.  it feels great.

one of the biggest things this year is that i have a few health things that i need to sort out – i reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally want to have my fallopian tubes removed fully, but my healthcare doesn’t cover it.  they DO however cover cutting the tubes (i don’t want them tied, i want them separated fully).  so i have to call my insurance and see what the deal is with that.

i think dealing with this whole pinched nerve in my neck/spine thing really pushed me directly into “make doctors appointments and go to the appointments”.  don’t think – just do.  that’s usually my motto for most things i need to do in life, but this pandemic really isn’t helping matters for me in that dept.  my focus for most things has been completely OFF for the last two years…  esp my health.

one of my procrastination projects is lasering off my freaking armpit hair.  i have such a pet peeve for shaving my armpits.  i have to do it every other day, and i’m prone to ingrown hairs, so it’s just itchy/painful and so annoying on a regular basis.

i clearly can’t get into the super big shit here, but i really can’t wait to see where my life is at the end of the year.  i haven’t felt like myself in a very long time for a number of reasons.  looking back, i felt really more comfortable with myself in certain eras – or did i?  i feel like sometimes we just romanticize times in our lives.  i don’t want to keep doing that, but i also want life to feel like that NOW…  not when looking back.

i feel like i don’t belong in nyc anymore.  i don’t know what’s here for me.  am i waiting for cliche happiness to find me here?  how come great things never find me?  i’m sick of looking.

i have set a goal for myself for queens/nyc one last time for the next couple of years.  if i can’t accomplish those things, i want to hightail it out of here.  there has to be more than dodging the past like an obstacle course in bayside, not looking at places my family used to live that have died (it’s so fucking depressing), seeing favorite places that have closed, not being able to see people like i used to, watching my neighborhood change into copy+pasted, ugly orange brick, marble detailed houses nobody asked for, everything being so fucking expensive for no reason (rent, especially), living paycheck to paycheck bc i’m sending money to my 401k and savings just to make sure i can survive later in life, reliving past lives being in certain places…

it’s just all so fucking overwhelming.  i need peace, calm vibes, trees, cool weather.  i need to look out of my apartment windows and see the leaves of trees – just GREEN lighting up my place.  i want nature and a skyline at the same damn time…  i can’t have that here.

oh wait, i probably could in my dream areas of manhattan, but i can’t fucking afford it.

* * *

my one beautiful escape here in this adolescent hell hole, is riding my bike.  i can’t do that with this windy ass winter, fucked up spine/neck discs and pinched nerve, AND my favorite issue (/s): two dudes i used to date/fuck are always on my route.  one i want to avoid like the plague, and he’s always at this one park in the early AM w his big scary pit bull (before kids are around) and the other one is a guy that i will probably never fully get over (not in a psychotic way, just a “bad timing/one that got away” way – i never really think of him/that situation until i see him).  every time i see him, he always calls me over, we shoot the shit and i am brought right back to that time it just pisses me off.

this is precisely why i never wanted to live over here again in my life.  i wanted to file all of this place under the “K BAIIIIIII” file in the back of my brain, yet here i am, like a big moron.  i have noooooooo idea why i agreed to live over here.  was i that enamored by a fucking park with a lake?  was it bc i was closer to my mom?  i guess i didn’t realize how long i’d be here…  four years later, i’m ready to tap out.

at any rate, i have the clouds in front of me.  there are like 10 of them…  here we gooooooooooooo!

January 18th, 2022 @ 5:04 pm

i dunno what dudes need to hear this, but since many lack common sense, respect and boundaries:

• chicks with tattoos aren’t a novelty sex fetish, we’re people that happen to like body art
• don’t assume all bisexual women automatically want to have a threesome with you (and/or your gf)
• don’t assume alt women, women with tattoos or bisexual women means that person is kinky right off the bat
• don’t assume women with tattoos want to talk to you about the tattoos, most of the time we absolutely do not

men are so freakin weird and gross a lot of the time.  i can’t tell you how many times these have been hurled at me and my friends by dudes.  for all of the alt women out there… men, please wait for an actual green light.

while there are women that do exist that may or DO enjoy those things (myself included), don’t assume all women do.

December 13th, 2021 @ 9:32 am

for a HIGHLY organized virgo, who usually is 10 steps ahead of everything, i never have a 5 year plan.  maybe that’s why i’m in the situation(s) i am now.

i didn’t plan to fail, i just failed to plan.

November 18th, 2021 @ 11:25 pm

i haven’t felt truly lost in a long time, but i’ve definitely been feeling like that in the last few years. living back in bayside, that time i lost my job for a year, getting older, losing family members, deading friends, oscy getting sick, feeling overall stuck, feeling like my bf and i don’t have the same goals… it’s just thing after thing – i feel like something is missing and wrong. i feel so overwhelmed and chaotic in my own brain and i don’t know where to put the energy. i usually do something artsy to have something therapeutic to channel this shit into, and i really just don’t have the focus since pandemic happened.

i usually hang out in the city, or i go to concerts… but a pandemic happened.

i crave big change bc i haven’t had any in ages, yet i’m too scared to even cut my hair above my shoulders… it’s ridiculous. i’ve been meaning to get another donny miller tattoo that reads “begin again at any time” with an F5 key (an ode to code), but i feel like i’m being a hypocrite if i get it.

i really need to reevaluate everything i’m doing before i’m 50 years old.

i feel so fucking stuck.

(i’m sorry – i know i’ve posted about this a couple of times already this year… it’s just hitting me harder this week.)

July 26th, 2021 @ 11:37 pm

have you ever felt a surge of creativity but don’t know where tf to put it?

that’s been me all week.

• i have 6 inches of virgin hair i’m trying to grow out for color correction and i’m dying to bleach my entire head and dye it all greens vs my usual split, but i’ll never be able to match up my bum ass hair to my virgin hair.  i don’t have the patience to do it all myself.
• i have been putting off building or buying a new lightbox for my jewelry, but i have new stuff that i made.
• i’ve needed to do my nails for like two weeks, but i keep finding things are getting in the way.  working out, hair wash day, going out, watching sports, making jewelry…
• i’ve been meaning to make some new wallpapers, and i’ve only churned out like 10 in the last month.
• i’ve been looking through my computer at old websites/graphic design and it makes me miss building out those types of layouts/making that type of art.  i barely even collage anymore…
• i’ve been meaning to start acrylic pouring, and i just don’t, bc do i need ANOTHER hobby?

i’ve also been meaning to hang out/meet up with like 15 of my peoples, and between the stress of oscar’s health and the most disgusting soup bowl summer weather, i’ve been a hermit.

i mean, i don’t really feel like being around most people bc of this damn pandemic not being over.  i don’t care if i’m vaccinated, who knows who is bringing this damn delta variant around.  i keep having people i know that are traveling… and no offense, but i don’t have an interest with co-mingling with anyone who has gone to florida in the last 6 months [barf].

i really wish public places, venues and arenas kept up with the whole segregating unvaccinated folks.  make a universal vaccine app for proof already…  when i went to a ranger game this year, they scanned in my excelsior pass and i strolled right in, no prob.  it’s not a big deal.  it pisses me off that we’re not using it bc i went to my first mets game this year a few weeks ago, and noooooooobody was wearing masks.  i don’t believe in this honor system shit.  they had vaxed and unvaxed folks mixed – they lifted the segregated area for the unvaxed…  like, if you want to act like an ignorant goon, you should be treated like one.  the kiddos should have been shoved into a quarantine corner by themselves.

a bunch of my friends and i have tickets to go see dropkick/rancid in a few weeks and i’m like UGH, ew.  how am i supposed to wear a mask in a punk pit in the middle of the summer (it’s outside)?  i wish they were requiring vaccinations to get in…  blegh.

even going to the grocery store/target/etc. people are walking around with no masks on… it’s disgusting.  these fucking idiots are making me so anxious.  i feel like this shit is never gonna go away.

February 13th, 2021 @ 12:02 am

if you’re not new around here, you know how much i LOATHE domestic transplants that move to my city… the city and borough i came flying out of the womb in, the streets and public schools that raised me, well, i have a lot of pride for all it.  i’m annoyingly, possessively protective of her and i know i am obnoxious, and i’m not sorry for it, but i digress.  the reason i came here to bitch about domestic transplants today just kind of ties into why i’m here.

two days ago, i came across this article.  now, as a native new yorker, i like to think of my insides as an immunity tank.  in fact, i usually tip my hat to the city when bringing up my strong immune system.  commuting for so many years on the mta and eating processed food for most of my life must have really keith richards’d my insides (nope, taco bell has never and still doesn’t make me instashit).  i’m rarely sick, and while that’s great and all, i read articles like that about NYC pollution and i’m just like “fuck, that’s bad/gross” and it snowballs my thoughts from “this city is filthy” (honestly the first thing i said to myself exploring chicago was “holy shit, it’s like being in manhattan but it’s not dirty!”) to “idiots really come here to deal with the disgusting mta and pay high ass rents, just to feel like real new yorkers”.

WWWWOOOWWWWWWW…  YOU PROB STRUGGLED LIKE A COLLEGE PERSON, W A ROOMMATE OR TWO IN YOUR LATE 20S AND MAYBE EVEN INTO YOUR 30S AND MANAGED TO SURVIVE SOMEHOW…  i guess that feeling of non-rural accomplishment really does a number on people’s dopamine.  congrats, you cornballs.

this thought just always brings me back to “why the fuck do they come here, like, really? and why aren’t there more cities like NYC in this country so we can get a break?”  there is so much land in this country, why tf are we not building a few more major cities?  why aren’t we building something like THIS (we have finally made it to the inspiration of this article) someplace in the middle of spacious, rural states?  this seems like what people dream nyc or parts of nyc to eventually become, and it will probably never be – i don’t think it physically can be.

this city is probably unfixable as a whole…  everything is basically already setup with no room to grow.  we’re literally living on small islands.  p.s. – robert moses (the racist shitface) laid out all of the highways like a goon, there are WAY too many vehicles in this city, no one knows how to merge when driving the surplus of said vehicles on the said highways (pissing everyone off as a whole, and adding commute time to our days bc satan forbid there were HOV or bus lanes going into manhattan), there are cemeteries in the middle of boroughs taking up so much space, the MTA can’t be redone and has so many dead zones in the middle of boroughs, LIC built itself up too much and views of the city are being blocked, bike lanes? yeah okay, sorry, no space for them without pissing off drivers, rents aren’t really going down even with this fuckin pandemic happening, and the only solution? BUILD “AFFORDABLE” HOUSING aka ugly/tiny unit buildings with bedrooms the size of king sized beds (y’all are really okay with that?) that we don’t even have room for in this fucking city, etc…

/rant

having a town/city like myTengah would be better for the environment overall.  why hasn’t anyone tried to do this in the US?  what are urban planners doing in this country?  i’m so confused and annoyed.  NYC should be this, and now it can’t be.  the more people that move here, the less wiggle room there is to even implement things like that.  now i understand people come from all over the world to live here, but as i’ve said in the past, i have more respect for people fleeing their countries for good reasons than goons from iowa, that just want to wear paisley and buffalo plaid clothing at the same time, while wearing sunglasses at night and beige yeezy’s just to say they can “finally be themselves”.  bruh, go do that shit in iowa.

omg, just give this city a decade or three to fix itself.  maybe i missed my calling trying to be an urban planner… i didn’t think this was too shabby of an idea, maybe someone should listen to the people.

January 17th, 2021 @ 1:04 pm

posted on : july 20th, 2OO2 – at 4:18 a

hey freaks what’s goin’ on :] i feel absolutely horrifying. i have very bad cramps. could anyone brighten up my gloomy day? it’d really make me glow instead of gloom :] anyhOo – glad very few of you fuckers use the tagboard. – i’m thinking of making the site really damn interactive. i need more of my visitors to participate. what’ll it take? let me know in the comments here people – THAT’S WHY THEY’RE HERE.

last night i had such bad gas. not like fart gas… like it felt like i had a balloon in my chest that wouldn’t shrink. so jeff’s mommy gave me nasty ass mylanta. it tasted and smelled like soap… the kind jeff uses, lol. it was really nasty. when jeff’s mother came up to my mouth with the spoon it took me back to the days of when i was a stubborn little brat. i remember when i was little and i needed to take medicine, i’d keep my mouth shut SO tight. my mother would be standing there for like fifteen minutes trying to get that nasty shit in my mouth. gah! i thought robutussin would KILL me or something. YACK! i hate not feeling good. – like today, i couldn’t breathe. – i’m beginning to think i’m allergic to cigarette smoke. as soon as i went around my smoking mother today i stuffed up and what not. it was so effin horrible :[ i couldn’t breathe at all for like an hour. i stuffed my face in a little tub of vapo-rub lol. RAVER STUFF!! lol

well here was my fascinating day… i woke up and watched my soaps. “the young and the restless” and “the bold and the beautiful”. i then proceeded to roll jeff over to bug him to cuddle and then i went downstairs to talk to his mommy. then she took me home and i put on the air conditioner for my hot hamster with three legs. – my mother leaves no AC on all day because she’s afraid it will “catch fire”. i think she thinks little pyro elves live in my house and come out when she isn’t home looking to start a fire. – so i then hung out with hammy a bit. worked on some site shit, (marie, check my personal bio section and don’t kill me for the picture. it’s fudging awesome :] and i’m adding more “GOOD” pictures that’ll pass to your liking in the next few days lol), paid off a small fee to a friend for some phat ass pants, watched the mets game, and then went out to eat at a cheap diner with sophie. i had pancakes. yum. then i went to go see jeff at work.

back to sophie – – – she finally ordered our misfits tickets. holy fuck nut that’s right – i have a guaranteed ticket to go see my SEXY mofo fiends!! I’M SO EXCITED! PUNKER DAN – buy a ticket to the misfits show at l’amors (sp?) in brooklyn! august 3rd – it’ll be rad – and we’ll be at a show together!

OKAY – now i’m tired. that was a kinda long update, eh?

November 17th, 2020 @ 11:36 pm

“the major value in life is not in what you get, but in what you become.”

i mean, i asked it to give me an answer about life… it gave me one.  however, everything sucks and i am but an unsteady, corporate lemming that makes free wallpapers for phones and ridiculous jewelry.  so wtf does that say about me?

when shall i feeeeeeeeel valuable?

#deepthoughts

October 28th, 2020 @ 3:30 pm

posted on : june 7th, 2OO2 – at 12:11 p

:[ fudging alarm clock went off at 9:12 am today. i wanted to smash the damn LL cool J CD spinnin’ in the stereo this morning when i heard dat ish! hahahaha (“all world” baybee!!) that means i got a whole FOUR hours of sleep :[ YUCK!! i feel like doOdy pie!! the AM hours really suck. nothing to do cuz everyone else is either sleeping or at work or school. so i decided to put on tv… AM tv sucks. only thing is like those wack ass talk shows like “ricki lake” and “jerry springer” – which i used to enjoy lol. but nah. not today man.

when i was in high school and i used to cut in the morning cuz i was a lazy chewbickie (not a word, but used often between me and sophie).. i’d be watching jerry springer and what not all the time. and that was before that shit had like those weird camera angles. you know what i mean – right before the fight or as soon as it happens the camera is all shaking so you cant see a thing but you know there’s a fight.. haha. oh yeah – i got to watch jerry springer hardcore SON!! :] haha. but now that shit sucks. and now that i’m older, i can tell that shit is SoOoOo fake. i used to tell myself that shit wasn’t staged just so i’d be entertained. damn, but the media just took all my innocence away. lol. i hate all those talk shows. but there’s always one that stays in my heart. <3 oh richard bey <3 – i mean dayum that shit was just outta this world weird haha. the scenarios that show used to have.. all those midgets doing freaky things haha.

anyways, this jerry springer episode inspired me to bitch my wittle heart out in my philly section. OH yeah :] i’ll have a couple of things in there later on :]

after inspiration, i talked to my boss for a little bit on the phone and decided i was gonna eat and try to catch some more zZz’s and then my moms house phone was ringing. shiott wasn’t shutting up so i got up and my aunt judy was on the other end telling me my aunt necie was rushed off to the hospital. she was having trouble breathing. okay… my aunt necie is like a grandmother to me. when something goes wrong with her it makes me VERY nervous. she had triple bypass surgery a few years ago and they aren’t sure if this is related or not. anyways, i’m just really really scared and sad. my mom’s getting outta work early so we can drive out to the hospital. everyone say a lil prayer <3

PS – me and katy have to look at rates for our plans in the alliance. we haven’t forgotten about it!! we’ll have some updates as soon as things calm down on this side. sorry katy pie things have been hectic girl! but i luff u <333

man, sometimes i was a boring blogger, lol.

September 10th, 2020 @ 12:03 pm

ACCURATE.

also: for some odd reason, i always come back around near my apartment and second guess doing a second loop, when “one more time” comes on. i’d say about 75% of the time, and then i do another 4 mile loop. thank you, daft punk.

let ’em learn. i might not be the best friend in the world sometimes (mostly because of personal expectations), but you’ll always have an honest and loyal person out of me. if i accidentally see pics of you and people i’ve deemed unworthy, i sit back and laugh. y’all are fake and corny.

ACCURATE. too bad you can’t fix shitty narcissistic humans… PEACE da fuq out.

100000000000% dump supporters are the worst.

AUTUMN IS UPON US, stop complaining about candy corn like it’s the damn devil. if you don’t like it, it’s fine… shut up about it and anything pumpkin spice. FFS… i fucking LOATHE egg nog, you don’t see me walking around bitching about it during xmas time.

September 9th, 2020 @ 5:04 pm

posted on : october 29th, 2OO1 – at 2:39 a

this is a very temporary layout – (it’ll be back to normal on thursday) – inspired and produced for my favorite holiday! well, next to christmas and thanksgiving. but i love being spooked and i love LOVE LOVE halloween berry much. as you can see, this little monkey of mine has grown as a tradition of my site. i keep trying to put him in my layouts and it’s werkin 😀 hee hee i love nintendo and i love yoshi’s island (that’s where he derives from). and doesn’t he look adorable in his witch costume?? 🙂

read more…

August 20th, 2020 @ 8:44 am

since i am currently not tweeting, here are some microblogs in my brain from this week, shoved into one actual blog post:

1. it’s thursday and i’ve only biked 20 miles this week…  LAZY.
2. i woke up with KoRn – falling away from me stuck in my head this morning… why?
3. YEAH OBAMA!!!1 (his DNC speech made me cry ♥)
4. holy shit, this new dove deodorant smells like clean queen… FINALLY
5. how is sweetener is 2 years old already?!
6. SUMMER IS ALMOST FINALLY OVERRRRRRRRRR =)))))))))
7. together, the HMIYM characters are so great, but barney stinson is probably one of my favorite tv characters of all time
8. dear satan, i had an EXPLICITTTTT sex dream w d.ozzi in it 😛
9. i’ve emotionally withdrawn from sports for the …….rest of the season? what is a sports season?
10. i restretched my ears within two days, after having my gauges out for over a year… OKAYYYY weak ass ear skin.

ಠ_ಠ
and most importantly: jonathan mattingly, brett hankison and myles cosgrove still haven’t been arrested yet for killing breonna taylor.

August 9th, 2020 @ 10:41 pm

i would like to preface this post with: if i’m not out riding my bike, picking up food, shopping in a store, going to a protest… i am at home. i’ve been this way since the pandemic started, and i don’t see myself going out anytime soon.

i have friends that won’t stop fucking traveling or going out (out to eat on the street, out drinking, BBQs, etc.).  i don’t understand.  i don’t want to be near any of them… yuck.  that prob sounds so fucked up, but how are people this irresponsible going to other states with high #s of COVID cases?!

i have been around 3 of my boyfriend’s friends, kristen, my mom (once, with a mask on), matt siren, my landlady, my friend nat (once because she came up from miami and i haven’t seen her in like a full decade – we socially distanced), and my mom’s friends leo and john (who are basically my uncles) and my ex’s new wifey boo for a few mins.

THIS HAS BEEN MY PANDEMIC CIRCLE SINCE MARCH.

anyways, i was just thinking to myself, how the fuck have i not cracked up yet?

read more…

March 30th, 2020 @ 7:33 pm

while watching NY1, something came up the other day about how freelancers and “influencers” (i hate that word), and how they’re hurting through this pandemic.  i can understand dancers, musicians and artists, editorial, etc. (you know, artistic freelancing people that actually matter) hurting through this, but GTFOH with this content creator/influencer bullshit.  i’m glad that this entitled ass “career” is hurting.  don’t all of these little goons realize exactly how unstable and stupid this is as a career path?

don’t get me wrong – there are influencers that i do follow on youtube and IG, but the over-saturation them is ridiculous.  even so, the ones i do follow are established and were into this shit before it was *A THING*.

i can understand advertising.  i find it annoying AF, but i’d rather watch a commercial on TV than look at some bullshit ass ad on instagram about a mom and her *bLeSsEd LiFe* blog with her kids and a dog, any women trying to sell me a curling iron, and anyone with a fucking subscription box…

if you’re no stranger to my twitter or this website, you’ll already know how much i fucking loathe out of state transplants that move here to NYC.  i’m sorry if i ever seem like a broken record, but i hope this city eats them all up and spits them back out into the states they came here from.

i have been alive and aware of my surroundings since the early 80s. i know what the housing situations were in nyc, i know what the rent was, especially here in queens (my mom just left a 3BR apt here in bayside she was paying $1800 a month for. before that, up until 2005 she was paying $1075 for a 3BR apt, and before that $750 for a massive 2BR. the rent went up $725 just for one bedroom. WHY? because idiots kept moving into whitestone/bayside upping the rents, and then idiot real estate people told them it was okay).  i was living in my studio apartment in ridgewood in 2010 for $700 per month for years, and when i had to move out, i couldn’t find a studio for less than $1200. IN QUEENS… WHERE NO ONE EVER WANTED TO EVEN GO TO. THAT IS PROBLEMATIC.

i can not wrap my head around what’s gone on here in the last 15 years.  a few years ago, i read this book.  it made me SO angry, but it opened my eyes to see just how corrupt every mayor was in this city on all fronts.  we need a fucking break, and we need someone to step up for us (that’s why i fucking love AOC – she does).  not just us for us long time residents, but also the mom and pop shops.  commercial stores are hurting.  since the bill didn’t pass for commercial rent control last year, i just feel like there’s no hope in sight.  it’s just going to be bullshit chains in most storefronts.

i know i am a super whiny new yorker, but it’s so hard to see what it is now and what it was then.  the authenticity, the grime, the art, the flavor, the inspiration. i know it probably sounds like i’m romanticizing this city how it was – but it was so good.  i got the last, small taste of it in the mid and late 90s when i became a teenager and hung out all over the village, soho and LES.  i would love to feel that again before i die.  i know i won’t, though.

shit, even bob’s burgers knows it:

anyways, back to my complaint. these fashion/travel/brand influencers are fucking it up for everyone. i know people that have to live with three other people just to be here in the boroughs. WHO WANTS TO LIVE LIKE THIS? it is so aggravating, and it’s fucking it up for people that want to live alone or with decent rent. the rent to pay ratio is insane. no one can save money and we’re all living paycheck to paycheck. it’s not fair.

if i were mayor, i’d make it so that everyone would have to prove they can afford to pay their own rent without any roommates or help for 3-5 years and if they couldn’t hack it, they’d get the fuckin’ boot (i know, only in my wildest dreams). temporary city livin’, lol.

i really hope this pandemic is the thing that totally pops the bubble in this city and gives all of us natives a break for a decade or two. i can’t see how these cornballs will want to stay here. MTA is basically fucked – they were already fucked – and now they’re really financially hurting. no one is going to want to live here with no functioning public transportation options. also: there are WAY too many uber and lyft drivers. the roads will be condensed as fuck, too. like, what’s the solution there?

when they announced they were working on the L train, these little whiny cunts complained and had meltdowns when all they had to do was walk over the bridge or walk to the M train. if they think THAT was going to be a headache, wait until they’re FUCKED after this pandemic.

February 11th, 2020 @ 11:15 pm

i’m only here to chime in that i’m on my yearly re-watch of UK skins and i forgot how much i hate franky (and cassie).

i would also like to add that franky’s got the best fucking wallpaper in the land in her bedroom, and the next time i have a large enough room, i might just try to find some (or finally buy a mural wallpaper like i meant to when i was moving into my bk apartment 9729287 years ago… sigh).  it reminds me of the depeche mode roses on the cover of violator.

December 12th, 2019 @ 10:00 pm

did you know the wu-tang logo was designed by a queens native? i sure didn’t.

it took me 26 years to find this out, but here we are, and at least i got here.

April 11th, 2019 @ 12:05 am

today’s inspiration: I MISS MY PRE-INTERNET BRAIN.

i often think about when i was a kid, and days/months/years felt like forever.  i am currently 37, but i feel like i’ve been around for 100 years.  i try to think back even to 15+ years ago, when i was working at a video store, and i felt like i had all the time in the world.  i worked 40 hours per week, but i didn’t have a commute.  even so, that’s still only tacking on about 2/3 hours per day now.

how was life so different then?
i used to work a full week, i went to night school to finish off two credits i fucked up on in high school and yet i managed to spent infinite amounts of time with my two best friends, my boyfriend at the time AND managed to code for hours on end at night.

HOW?!

OK first off, having ridiculous work hours definitely helped.  not having a 9-5, M-F job definitely helps break up a monotonous life.  i loved working weekends and having weekdays off.  being an adult and not having flex hours really fucking sucks.  but i digress.  my original point: is the internet really making our attention spans and time feel that off?  if so, why the fuck do we keep using it?

read more…

January 12th, 2019 @ 11:33 pm

my mother and i were hanging out with my cousin kevin today, and she was shooting off all of the things she became allergic to while she was pregnant with me (4/5 different fun ones).  she was also then listing all of the things she ate on a daily basis that was just completely OD…

she had mentioned my aunt would make her ice cream sundaes dripping in chocolate sauce and whipped cream, and that she would go home and eat an entire row of oreo cookies.  she also went on to talk about how much pizza she ate.

what i took from this conversation was this:

firstly, i rarely go after desserts, though i don’t hate either she often indulged in.

secondly, in probably one of the most unpopular opinions in the entire world, FROM AN ITALIAN PERSON…  i fucking hate shredded mozzarella cheese.

thirdly, i blame these behaviors and hatred of shredded mozz as some type of hereditary mutation because my mother ate like a caffone.  again, i’m italian.  wtf is wrong with me?

– i was the kid always pulling shredded mozz off of her pizza.
– i don’t want it on top of my lasagna or baked ziti (yes, i realize both things are baked and require it to be on top of it).
– thinking about pulling a handful out of a bag and eating it straight up could make me want to die.
– i don’t want it on my salads.
– keep it out of my chipotle bowls.
– i don’t want it fucking anywhere but in the garbage.

i mean, i really fucking just hate most cheese and i don’t know how people eat it.  i especially can’t comprehend how people snack on them and eat them straight up and not on a sandwich or something else.

the cheeses that i DO like are as follows:

fresh mozzarella (yeah… fresh. cold. in a ball, in a slice, whatever, i want it.), ricotta cheese, muenster, american (yeah, yeah, i know, i’m gross), pepperjack, whatever is on tacos…  string cheese SOMETIMES.  after like two bites, i usually want to puke.  i don’t know wtf type of cheese they are.

there you have it, my hatred of cheese.
i guess if you really hate me, now you know how to take me down, lol.

January 6th, 2019 @ 2:16 pm

so when i was 16, it was the year of ball chain necklaces, kool-aid stained hair, airwalks, cool sk8r and pacific sunwear surfer shirts, jncos, etc.  i had been in love with gavin rossdale for like, 3 years.  bush was all the rage at that point.  i wasn’t as musically versed as i am now, so of course, they were the greatest band EVARRRRRRRR…

my first concert ever was bush when i was in 10th grade, and i felt soooooooo cool pogoing at an alt rock show (lulz).  that concert at madison square garden was actually the thing that brought me and my first love together.  the first time i ever spoke to him, he was wearing a razorblade suitcase shirt and it was the topic of conversation that i used to get to him.  for that, i will forever be thankful to bush, but i digress…

this afternoon, i stumbled upon a recent article talking about how fans hated the lyrics of sixteen stone and basically gavin was going on about his lyrics as artistic, magical and fluid and blah blah blah…  my eyes rolled so hard.

over the years, people have always accused him of riding the coattails of gwen, and it always used to upset me to read that.  she’s just in a different, incomparable category.  she was in a pop band, she had a pop solo career apart from NxD, she was running two fashion lines, etc. – she was all over the place.  in interviews, she used to say he didn’t love no doubt or her music.  she made him sound very dismissive and she also mentioned that only he listens to dark/deep stuff, which is clearly the opposite of no doubt.  those comments made it seem like he was unsupportive or jealous or something.

between her saying that and reading his interviews, he sounds like he’s got this weird ego where he thinks bush was this underrated, genius band or something.  it’s kind of awkward.  no offense to his talent, but bush had their moments, and then they did not.  lots of did nots.

bush faded out over the years and didn’t stand the test of time (i’m not mentioning post-razorblade bush, bc i totally fell off the bandwagon – just the early stuff).  in fact, i revisited razorblade suitcase today, and i sat here scratching my head as to how i ever liked it.  sixteen stone is still good, despite the bad lyrics (i have always questioned wtf he’s ever talking about in songs, no matter how much i loved them), but the real gems are the b-sides.

i rarely listen to sixteen stone in its entirety.  i REALLY have to be in a mood to listen to that type of music.  that happens to me with lots of bands, but that is definitely an album i only pick up once a decade, but i do listen to individual tracks on a more frequent basis.  “machinehead ” is an awesome song, still is in my mind.  i could probably listen to “everything zen” and “little things” on a more frequent basis as well.  honestly, i’ve always hit skip on “glycerine”, and i could live without it.

okay okay, i’m getting sidetracked…  THE B-SIDES.

so if you’re a kevin smith fan, you probably know the aggressively grungey song snippet “bubbles” from the movie mallrats, even if you didn’t realize it was bush.  i don’t remember what year i finally saw mallrats, but it was way before the internet was chock full of info as it is now, so i couldn’t find more info about it.  i always knew that i heard gavin’s voice in that tiny song snippet, though.  there was no b-sides or a single (that i can remember) released for it, and i don’t know why, but i didn’t think to buy the mallrats OST.  it kind of just remained a mystery for a long time.

this afternoon is when i youtubed that mallrats bad boy (listen to it here), and while it’s VERY 90s, holy crap, that’s actually a good bush song.  like, i would listen to it today on a regular basis.  i went to see what it was on, and it says it was on a reissue of razorblade suitcase, along with 3 other songs – AND THEY ARE ALL FUCKING GOOD.  i am sitting here in awe and confused as to why that they never released these on studio albums or as singles.

maybe they were *tOo CoMmeRciAL* for gavin or something?  what a waste of singles that could have been doled out.

January 4th, 2019 @ 11:18 am

if you thought penn badgley was an annoying creeper in gossip girl, you should check him out in you.

he stalks a girl, he gets the girl, then he does some creepy stuff with/to the girl and a girl in the past.

if you want some temporary (1 season) of darkness in your life, do it.

i watched, i liked…  enjoy.

July 27th, 2018 @ 6:00 pm

i got an invite from ladies love project to take part in a pop-up shop next weekend, but it fell through due to family illness or something with the curator.  i was kinda hyped bc i always love doing LLP pop-up shops – i meet awesome people there, drink & eat the best goods and make a nice lil bit o $$$.  it also would have motivated me, as i’ve kinda fallen off the jewelry thang.  i mean, i make stuff here and there, but i really need to photograph/edit and add to the site.  i’ve been so lazy in this apartment bc i can’t fully unpack all of my supplies.  i just have no damn room.

anyways, if you’re feeling shoppy, check out UNRULEDclub.  maybe i’ll add some new shit this weekend. 🙂