March 30th, 2020 @ 7:33 pm

while watching NY1, something came up the other day about how freelancers and “influencers” (i hate that word), and how they’re hurting through this pandemic.  i can understand dancers, musicians and artists, editorial, etc. (you know, artistic freelancing people that actually matter) hurting through this, but GTFOH with this content creator/influencer bullshit.  i’m glad that this entitled ass “career” is hurting.  don’t all of these little goons realize exactly how unstable and stupid this is as a career path?

don’t get me wrong – there are influencers that i do follow on youtube and IG, but the over-saturation them is ridiculous.  even so, the ones i do follow are established and were into this shit before it was *A THING*.

i can understand advertising.  i find it annoying AF, but i’d rather watch a commercial on TV than look at some bullshit ass ad on instagram about a mom and her *bLeSsEd LiFe* blog with her kids and a dog, any women trying to sell me a curling iron, and anyone with a fucking subscription box…

if you’re no stranger to my twitter or this website, you’ll already know how much i fucking loathe out of state transplants that move here to NYC.  i’m sorry if i ever seem like a broken record, but i hope this city eats them all up and spits them back out into the states they came here from.

i have been alive and aware of my surroundings since the early 80s. i know what the housing situations were in nyc, i know what the rent was, especially here in queens (my mom just left a 3BR apt here in bayside she was paying $1800 a month for. before that, up until 2005 she was paying $1075 for a 3BR apt, and before that $750 for a massive 2BR. the rent went up $725 just for one bedroom. WHY? because idiots kept moving into whitestone/bayside upping the rents, and then idiot real estate people told them it was okay).  i was living in my studio apartment in ridgewood in 2010 for $700 per month for years, and when i had to move out, i couldn’t find a studio for less than $1200. IN QUEENS… WHERE NO ONE EVER WANTED TO EVEN GO TO. THAT IS PROBLEMATIC.

i can not wrap my head around what’s gone on here in the last 15 years.  a few years ago, i read this book.  it made me SO angry, but it opened my eyes to see just how corrupt every mayor was in this city on all fronts.  we need a fucking break, and we need someone to step up for us (that’s why i fucking love AOC – she does).  not just us for us long time residents, but also the mom and pop shops.  commercial stores are hurting.  since the bill didn’t pass for commercial rent control last year, i just feel like there’s no hope in sight.  it’s just going to be bullshit chains in most storefronts.

i know i am a super whiny new yorker, but it’s so hard to see what it is now and what it was then.  the authenticity, the grime, the art, the flavor, the inspiration. i know it probably sounds like i’m romanticizing this city how it was – but it was so good.  i got the last, small taste of it in the mid and late 90s when i became a teenager and hung out all over the village, soho and LES.  i would love to feel that again before i die.  i know i won’t, though.

shit, even bob’s burgers knows it:

anyways, back to my complaint. these fashion/travel/brand influencers are fucking it up for everyone. i know people that have to live with three other people just to be here in the boroughs. WHO WANTS TO LIVE LIKE THIS? it is so aggravating, and it’s fucking it up for people that want to live alone or with decent rent. the rent to pay ratio is insane. no one can save money and we’re all living paycheck to paycheck. it’s not fair.

if i were mayor, i’d make it so that everyone would have to prove they can afford to pay their own rent without any roommates or help for 3-5 years and if they couldn’t hack it, they’d get the fuckin’ boot (i know, only in my wildest dreams). temporary city livin’, lol.

i really hope this pandemic is the thing that totally pops the bubble in this city and gives all of us natives a break for a decade or two. i can’t see how these cornballs will want to stay here. MTA is basically fucked – they were already fucked – and now they’re really financially hurting. no one is going to want to live here with no functioning public transportation options. also: there are WAY too many uber and lyft drivers. the roads will be condensed as fuck, too. like, what’s the solution there?

when they announced they were working on the L train, these little whiny cunts complained and had meltdowns when all they had to do was walk over the bridge or walk to the M train. if they think THAT was going to be a headache, wait until they’re FUCKED after this pandemic.

February 11th, 2020 @ 11:15 pm

i’m only here to chime in that i’m on my yearly re-watch of UK skins and i forgot how much i hate franky (and cassie).

i would also like to add that franky’s got the best fucking wallpaper in the land in her bedroom, and the next time i have a large enough room, i might just try to find some (or finally buy a mural wallpaper like i meant to when i was moving into my bk apartment 9729287 years ago… sigh).  it reminds me of the depeche mode roses on the cover of violator.

December 12th, 2019 @ 10:00 pm

did you know the wu-tang logo was designed by a queens native? i sure didn’t.

it took me 26 years to find this out, but here we are, and at least i got here.

April 11th, 2019 @ 12:05 am

today’s inspiration: I MISS MY PRE-INTERNET BRAIN.

i often think about when i was a kid, and days/months/years felt like forever.  i am currently 37, but i feel like i’ve been around for 100 years.  i try to think back even to 15+ years ago, when i was working at a video store, and i felt like i had all the time in the world.  i worked 40 hours per week, but i didn’t have a commute.  even so, that’s still only tacking on about 2/3 hours per day now.

how was life so different then?
i used to work a full week, i went to night school to finish off two credits i fucked up on in high school and yet i managed to spent infinite amounts of time with my two best friends, my boyfriend at the time AND managed to code for hours on end at night.

HOW?!

OK first off, having ridiculous work hours definitely helped.  not having a 9-5, M-F job definitely helps break up a monotonous life.  i loved working weekends and having weekdays off.  being an adult and not having flex hours really fucking sucks.  but i digress.  my original point: is the internet really making our attention spans and time feel that off?  if so, why the fuck do we keep using it?

read more…

January 12th, 2019 @ 11:33 pm

my mother and i were hanging out with my cousin kevin today, and she was shooting off all of the things she became allergic to while she was pregnant with me (4/5 different fun ones).  she was also then listing all of the things she ate on a daily basis that was just completely OD…

she had mentioned my aunt would make her ice cream sundaes dripping in chocolate sauce and whipped cream, and that she would go home and eat an entire row of oreo cookies.  she also went on to talk about how much pizza she ate.

what i took from this conversation was this:

firstly, i rarely go after desserts, though i don’t hate either she often indulged in.

secondly, in probably one of the most unpopular opinions in the entire world, FROM AN ITALIAN PERSON…  i fucking hate shredded mozzarella cheese.

thirdly, i blame these behaviors and hatred of shredded mozz as some type of hereditary mutation because my mother ate like a caffone.  again, i’m italian.  wtf is wrong with me?

– i was the kid always pulling shredded mozz off of her pizza.
– i don’t want it on top of my lasagna or baked ziti (yes, i realize both things are baked and require it to be on top of it).
– thinking about pulling a handful out of a bag and eating it straight up could make me want to die.
– i don’t want it on my salads.
– keep it out of my chipotle bowls.
– i don’t want it fucking anywhere but in the garbage.

i mean, i really fucking just hate most cheese and i don’t know how people eat it.  i especially can’t comprehend how people snack on them and eat them straight up and not on a sandwich or something else.

the cheeses that i DO like are as follows:

fresh mozzarella (yeah… fresh. cold. in a ball, in a slice, whatever, i want it.), ricotta cheese, muenster, american (yeah, yeah, i know, i’m gross), pepperjack, whatever is on tacos…  string cheese SOMETIMES.  after like two bites, i usually want to puke.  i don’t know wtf type of cheese they are.

there you have it, my hatred of cheese.
i guess if you really hate me, now you know how to take me down, lol.

January 6th, 2019 @ 2:16 pm

so when i was 16, it was the year of ball chain necklaces, kool-aid stained hair, airwalks, cool sk8r and pacific sunwear surfer shirts, jncos, etc.  i had been in love with gavin rossdale for like, 3 years.  bush was all the rage at that point.  i wasn’t as musically versed as i am now, so of course, they were the greatest band EVARRRRRRRR…

my first concert ever was bush when i was in 10th grade, and i felt soooooooo cool pogoing at an alt rock show (lulz).  that concert at madison square garden was actually the thing that brought me and my first love together.  the first time i ever spoke to him, he was wearing a razorblade suitcase shirt and it was the topic of conversation that i used to get to him.  for that, i will forever be thankful to bush, but i digress…

this afternoon, i stumbled upon a recent article talking about how fans hated the lyrics of sixteen stone and basically gavin was going on about his lyrics as artistic, magical and fluid and blah blah blah…  my eyes rolled so hard.  over the years, people have always accused him of riding the coattails of gwen, and it always used to upset me to read that.  she’s just in a different, incomparable category.  she was in a pop band, she had a pop solo career apart from NxD, she was running two fashion lines, etc. – she was all over the place.  in interviews, she used to say he didn’t love no doubt or her music.  she made him sound very dismissive and she also mentioned that only he listens to dark/deep stuff, which is clearly the opposite of no doubt.  those comments made it seem like he was unsupportive or jealous or something.  between her saying that and reading his interviews, he sounds like he’s got this weird ego where he thinks bush was this underrated, genius band or something.  it’s kind of awkward.  no offense to his talent, but bush had their moments, and then they did not.  lots of did nots.

bush faded out over the years and didn’t stand the test of time (i’m not mentioning post-razorblade bush, bc i totally fell off the bandwagon – just the early stuff).  in fact, i revisited razorblade suitcase today, and i sat here scratching my head as to how i ever liked it.  sixteen stone is still good, despite the bad lyrics (i have always questioned wtf he’s ever talking about in songs, no matter how much i loved them), but the real gems are the b-sides.

i rarely listen to sixteen stone in its entirety.  i REALLY have to be in a mood to listen to that type of music.  that happens to me with lots of bands, but that is definitely an album i only pick up once a decade, but i do listen to individual tracks on a more frequent basis.  “machinehead ” is an awesome song, still is in my mind.  i could probably listen to “everything zen” and “little things” on a more frequent basis as well.  honestly, i’ve always hit skip on “glycerine”, and i could live without it.

okay okay, i’m getting sidetracked…  THE B-SIDES.

so if you’re a kevin smith fan, you probably know the aggressively grungey song snippet “bubbles” from the movie mallrats, even if you didn’t realize it was bush.  i don’t remember what year i finally saw mallrats, but it was way before the internet was chock full of info as it is now, so i couldn’t find more info about it.  i always knew that i heard gavin’s voice in that tiny song snippet, though.  there was no b-sides or a single (that i can remember) released for it, and i don’t know why, but i didn’t think to buy the mallrats OST.  it kind of just remained a mystery for a long time.

this afternoon is when i youtubed that mallrats bad boy (listen to it here and LOL @ the comments), and while it’s VERY 90s, holy crap, that’s actually a good bush song.  like, i would listen to it today on a regular basis.  i went to see what it was on, and it says it was on a reissue of razorblade suitcase, along with 3 other songs – AND THEY ARE ALL FUCKING GOOD.  i am sitting here in awe and confused as to why that they never released these on studio albums or as singles.

maybe they were *tOo CoMmeRciAL* for gavin or something?  what a waste of singles that could have been doled out.

January 4th, 2019 @ 11:18 am

if you thought penn badgley was an annoying creeper in gossip girl, you should check him out in you.

he stalks a girl, he gets the girl, then he does some creepy stuff with/to the girl and a girl in the past.

if you want some temporary (1 season) of darkness in your life, do it.

i watched, i liked…  enjoy.

July 27th, 2018 @ 6:00 pm

i got an invite from ladies love project to take part in a pop-up shop next weekend, but it fell through due to family illness or something with the curator.  i was kinda hyped bc i always love doing LLP pop-up shops – i meet awesome people there, drink & eat the best goods and make a nice lil bit o $$$.  it also would have motivated me, as i’ve kinda fallen off the jewelry thang.  i mean, i make stuff here and there, but i really need to photograph/edit and add to the site.  i’ve been so lazy in this apartment bc i can’t fully unpack all of my supplies.  i just have no damn room.

anyways, if you’re feeling shoppy, check out UNRULEDclub.  maybe i’ll add some new shit this weekend. 🙂

June 27th, 2018 @ 8:16 pm

i don’t subscribe to that new years resolution nonsense.  i try to pretend the day doesn’t even exist, tbh.  i’ve always LOATHED new years bc it depresses me horribly.  anyways, i’m halfway through the year and seeing what’s happened and what i need to do.  these are the days i try to reflect… the summer days that make me want to die.  summer is the fucking worst thing ever, so i’m currently in air conditioning pondering life.

these are/were the things i wanted to accomplish this year:

• get a skateboard
• go on vacation
• get a new job (thanks, universe… for taking my stable one away and forcing me to be motivated?)
• pay off my credit card
• pay off old tax bill
• grow my hair down to my waist again
• grow my bangs out and leave them for the summer (LOOOOOL, i have but i give it til mid-august before i chop em again)
• lose 20 lbs (down 5/7 depending on the day/bloat, squeeeee?)
• move
• have the balls to dye my hair all black again – maybe if i actually grow it out again i will
• work on UNRULEDclub more/again – FIND A NEW POP-UP SHOP TO BE A PART OF
• see more friends
• remove my fallopian tubes
• go back to the pacific northwest and/or chicago
• new tattoo(s)
• switching over to arctic fox dyes
• buy or have a bat hoodie made (i almost did last year… sigh)

slowly but surely… 🙂

April 24th, 2018 @ 7:02 pm

since it’s been three fucking years since i was able to utilize my own site without feeling disgusting (non-armpit/sweat/stinky related issue), lemme just update you on what’s been going on in:

*THE WORLD OF MY ARRRRRRRRMPITS*

i was on a quest a few years ago to gtfoff of aluminum deodorants and was on the hunt for the best possible natural deodorant (read those posts here, if you’d like).

okay, where the hell did we leave off here? :clicks pen nervously:

i started off with primal pit paste, went to some essential oily thing called EO last we left off.  over the next few years, i tried piperwai, tarte’s “clean queen” and lastly, lavilin.

lemme review these jammies for ya:

read more…

April 23rd, 2018 @ 12:53 pm

my boyfriend keeps frasier-shaming me.  i’ve only rewatched the series fully thrice (okay, okay FINE! i watch it anytime it’s on the hallmark channel at night, but they episodes aren’t in order), but he seems to think i’m on number like, 6.  anyways, i decided to rewatch it again recently bc i finished the show i was binging when i was going to bed.  i figured i’d just watch a couple of episodes just to fall asleep, and then it just turned into a full rewatch.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i mean, if i’m not sick of it and it’s still making me LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARL, who cares?

i’m currently in the last season, and wendie malick’s character ronnie comes in.  tl;dr (no real spoilers), she’s the brothers crane’s babysitter back in the day and they find her in present day.  frasier ends up trying to cash in on his childhood crush on her, but she ends up dating their father (named martin).

what inspired this post, is that she was also on a show in the 90s that i watched as a youth on HBO called “dream on”.  she played judith tupper, a woman who divorced a schleppy, NYC book publisher named martin tupper, and basically tortured him marrying “Mr. Perfect” aka richard stone.  the entire time you’re watching the show, you’re basically hoping at least 40-60% of the time that they get back together.

i honestly don’t remember how the show ended.  i own seasons 1 & 2 on DVD, but they never released seasons 3-6 on DVD.  i don’t want to look it up how the show ended or if they ever got together in between.  maybe they did reunite, maybe they didn’t.  either way, i bring this up bc on frasier, in one of the episodes, martin finds out she’s going out on a date with another man in addition to newly starting to date him.  she actually ends up going out with a guy named richard, but ends up choosing martin in the end.  i thought it was kind of poetic justice, and i wondered to myself if the writers did that on purpose or not.  i googled it, but i couldn’t find anything concrete.

that really would make me so happy…  sticking it to dr. richard stone, HHMMPH!  🙂

April 11th, 2018 @ 5:37 pm

I KNOW I AM BIASED judging by this (amazing) layout, lol, but i have not ever and still do not understand the appeal of facebook.  it’s blue and white and ugly all over, you can see EVERYONE’s business and your mom and grandmother are probably on it.  why the hell would you want to use social media where your mom is looking at your shit?

anyways, on a more mature note, i keep reading recent articles about mr. bonehead CEO having to testify in front of congress.  i can’t believe it even escalated to that.  A SOCIAL MEDIA WEBSITE had to testify in front of congress.  let that sink in…  social media sites were supposed to be fun. wtf happened?

oh, right… money.

i come from the generation that pretty much first had the first taste of online life/social media, and that shit is NOT what we worried about.  we wanted to meet like people… TALK to a bunch of people in message boards, on ICQ, in AOL chat rooms, talk to them one on one in instant messaging – and even when that fizzled out, there were still options to interact without all of the “transparency” that facebook gloats over.  some of us simply enjoyed those types of sites, and other kids my age created interactive websites – then came live/dead journal, deviantart, xanga.  it was still all NOT like facebook.  i will never understand how everyone got into that caca website.

read more…

February 22nd, 2018 @ 10:27 am

sheebs posted a tweet/RT from two other people on IG today, about basic/UO shopping lemmings just now exploiting and “appreciating” asian snacks, while she was (/they were) made fun of years ago for enjoying on the regs.  i immediately related, but in a different way (which i also immediately felt bad about).

i can’t relate to cultural appropriation on any level at all.  my father wasn’t in my life until i was 21, and my single mom didn’t raise me instilling any cultural traditions or anything.  i’m 4 ethnicities between two parents, and i was mostly (barely) raised w the german and irish upbringing.  my mother and her very large side of the family also never concentrated on cultural traditions.  they weren’t raised that way, either.  i think we were raised more as christians than irish/germans (and none of that religious nonsense for me anymore, thank you).

when sheena posted the thing about the snacks, my brain defaulted to my subculture, which i find more of my soul fabric than my own actual cultures.  i feel like people might find that offensive, but hear me out.

i got bullied for being into all of that stuff when i was younger, bc kids are fucking jerks.  now it’s all the rage bc of bullshit urban outfitters and F21, and MERMAID/UNICORN HAIR, etc.  –  i get defensive and angry about that.  i always feel like it’s not comparable to cultural appropriation, because i don’t have punk blood running through my veins…  well, the blood that i do have, from the roots of the places my ancestors came from – i really could care less about it.  that sounds really stupid and disrespectful, bc had i grown up with those types of traditions, maybe i’d feel differently.  the truth is, those ties are broken.  there are now 3 generations of us between those times.  even if i went to the little town in ireland where my grandmother and her ancestors were raised, how am i connected to that?  i’m already 36, it’s out of reach.  i don’t mean to disrespect my family history, but clearly, my family didn’t care.

anyways, i default to punk, but i suppose alternative is a better description of my lifestyle and culture.  i was raised loving metal and gothy stuff, i found grunge and punk in my coming of age years, and started going to raves in my late teen years into my 20’s.  that music and those concerts has always been there for me, through bad and through good.  i’ve made tons of friends over the years through this subculture, and it means more to me than being italian, german, irish or polish.

i guess the point of this post is just that i hope if anyone else finds it, hey, you’re not alone if you feel this way also.  i don’t think it’s so wrong comparing it to cultural appropriation.  maybe it’s bc i’m a misfit kid from a broken, single parent household.  i dunno, but i have absorbed a lot of culture over the years, and i’m happy to have it all in my heart, brain and expressed through my creativity.

February 20th, 2018 @ 11:56 am

:grumpy grinch post alert:

as i was just going through my IG timeline, it occurred to me that people aren’t using their brains.

what inspired this complaint…?
my friend just posted a happy birthday post to her father (who is alive), who isn’t on IG.

i’m sure you’re thinking i’m a douche for pointing it out, but i think it’s fucking weird!

let’s dissect this…  someone is making a public declaration of saying happy birthday to someone that isn’t going to see it, other people who don’t know her father are going to see it and not give a shit (i’ll go the extra mile and say hey, her other family members may see it and show him, but still, wtf?) and she really just threw it up there without taking any of these aforementioned things into consideration.

it’s not just her, i see tons of people doing it all the time.  like slideshows with 6 pictures and full paragraphs that you have to drop down a read more for…  for people who are not even on instagram sometimes.  i’ve even seen people write full paragraphs for their new babies, lol!  like, did you print it out physically for the years to come?  are they to dig through your social media account?  i don’t get it.

i think what’s bothering me about this, is that it’s a very nowadays, no attention span way of conditioned thinking.  it’s like instant gratification, social media behavior has just taken over as normal behavior and it’s ridiculous.

i picture general people opening IG to post just like “la la la, i’m doing something so nice!” and not realizing that it’s just a post on a timeline that no one will even remember tomorrow.  that’s the point of instagram, i get it, but the whole birthday posts thing is just so weird to me.  why would i care about anyone’s family member’s birthday if i don’t even know them?  why would i care about someone’s BFF’s birthday if i don’t know them?  i still think that the worst offenders are the posts where someone isn’t even on IG.  i do not get it.

maybe i’m a shithead for finding it bothersome, but i find it’s just useless information my brain doesn’t need.  whenever friends post those happy birthday pics or “slide shows” on IG or they publicly @ someone i don’t know on twitter, i’m just like “WTF WHYYYYY?!”.  i know it’s not that big of a deal (which i can picture being a defensive response from someone who does this kind of caca), but it’s still annoying.  i feel like a lot of people feel this way but no one will ever actually say it out loud.

i get that it’s just a nice gesture, and people do genuinely think that it is.  they think it’s making someone feel special, but yo, you can just text them.  communicating directly doesn’t have to be a thing of the past!  you can make them feel special without the approval of others seeing it.

i feel like this post may sound hypocritical bc i have this public website and wtf is the point of me having it, but it’s also not a timeline shoving this information into your face…  if you’re here, it’s of your own choice (and also kind of the point of a blog).

only YOU can stop clogging people’s timelines.

September 29th, 2015 @ 4:51 pm

almost 20 years later, and still one of my favorites… ever. ♥

BB16

September 28th, 2015 @ 9:13 pm

october is one day away…  squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

hockey, falling leaves, warm lattes, horror movie marathons, long strolls, SWEATER WEATHER, pumpkins, acorns, halloween lights, rides upstate, crunchy leaves, scarves & gloves, winter hats, hockey jerseys, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 🙂

::: it’s the most wonderful tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime of the yeeeeeeeeeeeeear :::

September 24th, 2015 @ 10:55 am

whoever created this image above is a basic millennial bitch…  i will never refer to what i listen to in the genre of electronic music as EDM… ever.  to me, “EDM” is a corny 2010’s bullshit term that bro-y club kids came up with.  they aren’t the actual rave community, they don’t go to those parties, they have no idea how to even dance to that type of music…. they’re just corny electric zoo poser kids.

when i was a raver, i didn’t listen to EVERYTHING in that lefthand column.  i still don’t comprehend how people like jungle or drum & bass (sure, i’ve liked a song here and there, but the majority of it all sounds the same to me) or enjoy dancing to it all night long…  it’s so boring.  i still listen to a lot of it, though.  hardcore was my shit when i was a raver – why is gabber not on that list but tropical house, glitch hop, neuro hop and uplifting trance are? wtf…  what even are those?  just fuck this entire image, lol.

i don’t know why i’m entertaining this…  this is just stupid. fuck whoever made this.  you haz outraged me.

September 23rd, 2015 @ 11:34 am

that shithole of a season, summer, is finally gone!  in the excitement of it all, i treated myself (and my seester) to a new mikey/halloween scarf! i almost bought the sweater, but then reminded myself that i fucking hate regular sweaters…  also: it was $85 – FUCKKK outta here.  although $40 is kind of pricey for a scarf, it’s also something i’ll wear A LOT during the winter, and the quality/length is awesome (giggity)…  most definitely worth it.

also upon us: HOCKEY SEASON.

i made steve hang these sweet little floating shelves for our small/random hockey shit.  i figured it all being near the little sign that i made was pretty appropriate.  it’s also the thin space between windows, so it filled it perfectly.  our lil living room is getting cuter and cuter by the day (and cluttered – need more bookshelves!).

i’m dying to get the halloween stuff up in the apartment, but i want to wait until october 1st.  it’s still hot out there, and doesn’t truly feel like fall just yet anyway.

🙂 this season makes me feel so refreshed and happy.  new wonderful things have been aligning at the same time, which is wonderful *thank you, universe!*.  >:) old friends keep popping up, creativity has been flowing, strolling around aimlessly for hours in cool autumn weather is upon us, hoodies, road trips, warm lattes, cold beer with warm pretzels, hockey, ahhhhh!  i love love love it!  i only wish that it lasted as long as our miserable NYC winters do… 🙁

halloween 1978 scarf: [buy it here]

February 9th, 2015 @ 11:26 am

although i find the competition sort of driving/amusing and somewhat inspiring, there comes a point in time where it’s just… draining.

February 2nd, 2015 @ 3:58 pm

i’m sorry, but…

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF YOU BREASTFEEDING ON MY TIMELINE.

i don’t give a shite if it’s natural… or beautiful… or that you think you have the natural/god given/woman power/feminist right to do so.

– eating is a natural thing, should i post a video of me eating? …or would that natural act bore you?
– hocking up phlegm is a natural thing, do you want me to post a picture of my used tissue?
– having to use a tampon is something hand in hand with a natural process and part of life, should i have the right to remove and post it on my timeline so that you can see it?  i mean, it’s even a *YAY* NATURAL, BEAUTIFUL, WOMANHOOD THING!
– would you like to see a picture of me pooping and then my poop? this is also a natural part of life.

i get that maybe breastfeeding isn’t DISGUSTING like some of the examples above, but who the fuck wants to see someone breastfeeding (except complete pervs or women that need some sort of help and are searching online?).

are advocates sitting there “oooohing” and “ahhhhhing” and all gaga over pictures like this when they actually see it?  i swear, it’s like some women forget how to act on social media once they’ve had kids…  every picture EVER is about their kids, and suddenly their personal interests are gone (and selfies, for the most part, which i’m totally okay with).  i feel like there are pictures of breastfeeding exist online, because it’s so damn accessible and easy to put it in peoples faces.  my mother has 6 sisters and they all have 1-4 kids, and some of their kids have kids, and i’ve NEVER seen a picture of anyone breastfeeding… ever.  we have piles upon piles of family pictures, no breastfeeding pics.

i’m not saying the act itself is disgusting, more power to you if you’re into it.  however, i am NOT a breastfeeding advocate.  sorry ladies, and if i ever have children… *GASP* I AM NOT BREASTFEEDING.  i have zeeeeeeeeeeeero interest in it, nor do i have any interest in fighting for women to have the right to do it wherever they want.  i’m sorry, but modesty is a virtue.  i’m not saying you can’t do it in public, but please cover it up.  i’m not about that “free the nip” life.

i. really. don’t. wanna. see. yo. boobies.

February 1st, 2015 @ 11:48 am

i had taken the day off last friday initially to move, but not all of my friends couldn’t help me that day.  since it didn’t pan out, i moved fully (furniture/everything large) on saturday instead, but i still took the day off to get things prepped to move in on friday night.  my mom took me back and forth twice with the weird odds/ends that didn’t fit into boxes or bags properly, which was super helpful.  at any rate, on friday, the only thing i really had to do besides clean and pack was go to the post office and head over to the new place for the cable installation.  once i got home from the cable installation, i was in the mood for some good cleaning/packing tunes, so of course “i wanna dance with somebody” popped into my head.

while i was watching the video, there was a series of thoughts that i had.

a) her hair is huge and awesome.
b) i seriously belonged in the 80’s as a teenager or adult (as per usual).
c) i wanted almost every dress she had on in the video.
d) i asked my male coworker to memorize and recreate all dance moves the males did in the video.
e) i was talking to my screen and telling whitney she shouldn’t be gone already. it’s such an awful thing that she is no longer with us.  she was so beautiful and talented, and it made me so sad that it gave me goosebumps.

i remember watching that video as a kid and just loving how much fun she looked like she was having.  all of the neon and colours going on is still so inspiring til this day.

that was friday…

i come into work today and i read that her daughter is now in a coma, pretty much on her death bed. 🙁

that is fucking awful.  i hope it wasn’t drug related, that would be so fucking sad… and who’s to blame?  unfortunately, let’s think back to the 90’s…  her substance abusing father had whitney doing all of that shit also.  she gave in and did it as well, but still.  it wasn’t a part of her life until he entered the picture.

her mother died because of drugs, and her daughter couldn’t handle her death.  either depression or drugs could probably be to blame.  that is such a horrible snowball effect because of that man.

maybe i’m wrong… but i doubt it, and that is so terrible.

January 22nd, 2015 @ 11:28 am

i often whine about missbehave magazine no longer existing…  mainly because it was a MASSIVE inspiration to/for me back in the mid 2000’s.  that time in my life was like a 2nd coming of age for me.  i found my comfort zone in my adult life, creative life and career.  i started working on graphic design and web design again, i met jes, i got really big into graff, i broke up with andrew, i loved working on myspace contact tables, i found new music, i got pierced and started getting tattoos, i bought jewelry and clothing i wanted…  i basically evolved into the stu i am today…  it was just a very creative, colourful, inspiring time…  and missbehave happened to be HUGE at that time.

while my ex had subscriptions to mass appeal and juxtapoz, missbehave was thrown into the mix.  he would go through them, and then i would steal them and cut them into pieces.  i was big into collaging back then.  my bedroom walls, canvases, graphic design, etc. – unfortunately, that’s where all of my missbehave mags went… i cut them to pieces to use for art (RIP).  i regret doing this now, because i can’t lay around in my bed reading them, and looking at all of the rad/kitschy fonts and graphic design that would inspire me to start doing graphic design and making more t-shirts.  i can however (CREEEEEEEEEEP) refer to the waybackmachine to read old posts.  one in particular SUUUUUUUUUUUUUPER bummed me out.

clicky click here, then continue reading.

while missbehave is continually missed, even in the year 2014 (just look at how many pins exist), between all the (PACKED) events that took place, and the famous people that they had on their covers, and all of the radness that they brought into peoples lives… that article existed.

despite what i thought they were raking in with the print mag $$$, the deeper i dug into their old website, the crazier it seemed that their posts only averaged 15-30 comments (i’m being generous with the 30).

that is AWFUL.  so fucking sad, awful, lazy and what the fuckish.  how lazy and weird are we as website visitors/readers (i’m guilty of this as well), that we don’t regularly interact in comments?!  even on my websites, it’s a rarity that i get comments – but i still get hits, so people are in fact reading.  i’ve had personal websites and blogs since the 90’s, and the only time i had a high number of regular comments was when i had a static webcam to bring in hits (no, i was never nude) or when my little community of fellow cam folks existed.

so there’s a massive group of ladies that REALLY want missbehave to return, but it seems like we didn’t know what we had until it was gone.  open your mouths and be online friends, people.

nowadays, my instagram is the same shit.  i rarely post selfies, and when i do… 100+ likes.  if i post a picture my jewelry or something that is edited nicely and artsy fartsy, i average 20-40 likes.

especially when it comes time to my jewelry, that shit is deflating.

I HAVE OVER 570 FOLLOWERS – MOSTLY PEOPLE THAT I KNOW IN REAL LIFE.
man, people are fucking weird.

December 31st, 2014 @ 4:24 pm

things that happened within the last two weeks…

1. 🙁  korn passed away (RIP)
2. office xmas party!
3. i still have a lot of blue hair?
4. the disney store has RAD mirrors that i want in my adult bedroom.
5. it turned from autumn into dreaded winter.
6. rafael ramos’s funeral took over my neighborhood (RIP)
7. my boyfriend bought gold dipped sneakers. sneakers are weird.
8 & 9. horror pics from ian skelton arrived (#8 for me and #9 for my seester for xmas)!
10. i made a beautiful new ring! you can buy it here.
11. ricardo and i found abandoned coquito in the fridge here at work, so we claimed it.
12. the post is a piece of shit.
13. i FINALLY prevailed and got that SSUR wonder wheel tee that i wanted at a wayyyy lower price than the original.
14. while packing up my apartment, i found this stagebill from when i sang at carnegie hall back in 1995.

October 13th, 2014 @ 3:57 pm

if everyone knew even half the shit that goes on, woof.

…but i shall try.

July 19th, 2014 @ 1:16 pm

i have always been a (neurotic) virgo and always backed up certain things on my computer at all times…  apparently, my bookmarks are one of them.  i was looking for something in my bookmarks about an hour ago, and i came across a folder that said “From Internet Explorer”.  i sifted through the folders, and i think i must have organized a lot of them into my current browser. there aren’t that many still lingering, but one of them was a folder of my friend’s online journals.  going through them was very nostalgic, funny and sad all at the same time (they’re journals, duh).

the first one i came across was my exgf caryn’s.  i don’t know if we were even really speaking at the time that she had it (2004ish)…  i had broken up with her (a million times, 😐 sigh) and dated jeff right afterwards.  jeff and i had dated for almost 4 years, and that’s when her journal existed.  some things didn’t seem familiar to me, like one of her exgf’s, and when she started hanging out with this one girl meg…  i hate that there were times that weren’t good between us, aside from being my ex, she’s been a good friend and in my life for a very long time.

when i was reading through her journal a little bit, i was laughing because there were so many of those surveys that we used to take back in the AOL days.  like your full name, fave colour, things about your current bf/gf, future kids names, favorite bands, etc. –  those were fun.  i remember in the AOL raver reply all list surveys, we used to do them all in different colours and add 1-line ascii art to them…  so good.

back when i had my first website, that shit was so beyond invasive. i don’t know who reads this now, but i still get a decent amount of hits (:::blinks:::), but back then, it was dramarama bitches that i hated skimming my posts.  i couldn’t always say what i wanted bc it would spark an uproar between friends, or for myself.  so corny.

caryn, along with other friends that used to have journals, just wrote WHATEVER. which goes back to the post i had the other day (or was it over a week…? lazy blogger)… i was talking about consistent blogging, and not to totally repeat myself (which i feel that i often do, especially while complaining about being a lazy blogger) but i want to try to keep up with posting.  if anything ever happened to me, it’d be amusing for the ones i love to go through this, i’m sure.  i used to get lost in ryan’s journal after he died, so i imagine someone would want to go through mine.

i feel like twitter/instagram make me lazy and not post here, tbh.

July 9th, 2014 @ 11:52 am

i have no idea how or why, but there are so many times where i’m listening to a song and i visually see the word/words i’m listening to on ads, signs or store awnings. i always take it as synchronicity, and that i’m in the right place at the right time in my life. i am a true believer in a set path, no matter how nonreligious i’ve been over the last few years, so i love when that happens.

this morning when i was on the M train going to work, i was underground, and the train stopped at 14th st/6th ave and my phone started ringing (i get service at that one stop for some odd reason). my ringtone is set to “nowhere fast” by head automatica, and the ringtone cuts off where daryl is singing just that. after the call i didn’t pick up hung up, cue in the song i was listening to, and it was the academy is… “skeptics and true believers”. when it came back on from the phone call’s interruption, it was at the lyric that says “nowhere fast, nowhere fast, nowhere fast… would you believe me if i said i didn’t need you…”. then i looked up, and a train ad read “get out of there, fast.”

O_____O

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN???!!!

June 12th, 2014 @ 1:03 pm

i haz added new things to the website, go look (and shop)!

June 12th, 2014 @ 12:35 pm

at one point in our 20’s, sophie and i used to go to holiday cocktail lounge every (or at least every other) friday, so we became regulars there.  we got friendly with the bartenders, and sat up at the bar vs. hogging a table for ourselves in the back booth-filled area.  one night, we were sitting at the bar and some guy that looked suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper familiar to me came bouncing in.  i had mentioned to sophie that i thought i knew who he was, but i figured the odds were pretty slim.  i was thinking he was famous/well known here in NYC, so i didn’t want to bother him.  i figured no one else in the bar knew who he was, because no one else was gravitating towards him aside from the people he showed up with.

at one point, he came up to me and complimented my hair and nails.  he grabbed my hand and inspected them.  we were joking around and having random convos and i had mentioned that i really wanted to buy a flask.  home dude went upstairs (apparently he lived in the building), and returned with a flask for me! 🙂

i didn’t keep it because it was all sorts of fug, but i do love the story.  he didn’t stay very long after he brought the flask down for me, and the only other person who knew who he was the bartender, lou.  lou only knew who he was because he lived upstairs, and he got to know him via the bar.

aside from being an inspiration via the fashion world, i’ve always loved the fact that he was one of those club kids.  i was a teenage raver that hung out over by the cube/astor place, so that always hits home for me.

i started a new category (NYC gems) for things that have fortunately happened to me over the years, just because i was here in this city.  i love how weird/small-world NYC is (sometimes), and i seem to have stumbled upon some really cool/weird situations over the years.

man, i love being a native new yorker.

May 2nd, 2014 @ 2:44 pm

2014… so far so good.

read more…

March 14th, 2014 @ 4:29 pm

i went to california last week, firstly for a hockey game with steve in anaheim, and secondly to stay with bee for a week in los angeles.  this is the first time i’ve been in LA since 1996, so looking back, i felt like i didn’t fully appreciate it as a teenager (plus, i think i was only really there for half of a day).  bee lives in van nuys, which is a ‘burb in los angeles, a wee bit off from the city.  still, we got a lot in on this trip – venice beach, shopping down melrose, filming locations, we went to the late late show, etc.  —  i had a grrrrreeeeaattt time, but i don’t think i could ever live there.

hypocritically, i complain so much about NYC…  but there’s nowhere like it, and there’s nowhere i’d rather be.  i think it’s just that i’m way bored anywhere that isn’t a tight-knit city like here…  maybe i should have seen downtown LA?  i don’t drive, which is also something i’d need to do to fully appreciate LA, i guess.  i just hate that the city is so large, that sometimes it could take up to an hour to get over to someone in the same city.  i realized that i’m sort of MTA spoiled, and i think seeing how “reliable” our transit system is compared to other cities MIGHT make me bitch about it a little less.  OKAY, maybe not the buses (MTA, please get your shit together where that is concerned), but the fact that we have trains that run even at least every thirty minutes late at night is pretty impressive.  when i really think about it, it shouldn’t be taken for granted.

here’s a quote from an article i found on gothamist that sums it up a little better than my drawn out complaints…

“The city had beat the pants off me. Whatever it required to get ahead, I didn’t have it. I didn’t leave the city in disgust—I left it with the respect plain, unadulterated fear gives. New York is an ugly city, a dirty city. Its climate is a scandal, its politics are used to frighten children, its traffic is madness, its competition is murderous. But there is one thing about it—once you have lived in New York and it has become your home, no place else is good enough. All of everything is concentrated here, population, theater, art, writing, publishing, importing, business, murder, mugging, luxury, poverty. It is all of everything. It goes all right. It is tireless and its air is charged with energy.” (john steinbeck, 1953)

[article]

anywhere i travel to leaves me homesick after about 4 days…  this apple is always my favorite.