March 30th, 2020 @ 9:30 pm

with this annoying ass covid pandemic going on, i realized recently that i really have been through a lot as a new yorker.  not only do i have my own personal shit to deal with (family, friends, LIFE), but i have to deal with the times a changin’, technology a changin’, my city constantly a changin’, not being able to afford things, and then there’s the BIG bullshit.

my heart, my nerves, my soul, it aches… i am fucking tired.  either i’m training to deal for survival of any type of bullshit, or living here all of these years has shaved off 20 years of my life expectancy.  what i do know, is that all of this bullshit and the mildly technological time i grew up in gave me GREAT patience.

the point of this post was bc i was thinking about the last times NYC has had to deal with crazy shit, and i made a list from memory.  keep in mind, half of these happened when there were no cellphones, either:

read more…

December 24th, 2019 @ 2:46 pm

…people born in 1980’s have lived in 4 decades, 2 centuries and 2 millennia.

that shit is trippy AF.

i find it surreal that i lived through: corded rotary phones and touch tone landline phones (and i can remember what certain phone numbers sounded like – mostly my family and close friends), answering machines, flip phones, beepers, vinyl records when they were still contemporary, cassette tapes, vhs tapes, CDs, DVDs (which i still don’t find to be obsolete yet…), dial-up internet, AOL, myspace, aim, CRT tv sets, film cameras, camcorders, etc. and now all of that stuff is obsolete.

i also think having all of those things made me a very patient person.

did people from the 30s feel like this in the 70s?
were people born in the 50s feeling like this in the 90s?

December 15th, 2019 @ 2:09 am

01/01/10 – i moved into my first apartment by myself.  it was glorious.

i was still working down in dumbo at edit, i went to ranger games on the regs – sometimes multiple times per week, i was getting closer with my sister again, i hung out all the time with lauren, jen, jes and erica the most, i was being a miserable schlep bc of a guy, i went to shows all the time, i had hair down to my waist (it was when i really started dying it more), i was freelancing a lot, oscy was 5 years old, i twitpic’d more than i blogged, i flickr’d even more… i took my first instagram pic in november of 2010.

this new, exciting time gave me a lot of creativity, but towards the end of that year things became a bit stressful. as aforementioned in a recent post, i should try not to romanticize this era in my life that much.  as much as i now appreciate my tiny, CHEAP apartment that i had on my own… it was just one room.  my bed was in the same room as my kitchen.  it was at a time i was truly lost emotionally, and eventually that year, i lost the job that i loved very much. i wasn’t dating anyone for quite a while, and i was very lonely in a place where i barely knew anyone.

i was so glad to NOT be living anywhere near what i considered to be home (northeast queens).

* * *

12/14/19 – i currently live near where i grew up… aka home… aka where i never wanted to be again (by desire/suggestion of my current boyfriend).

i currently work in the hell hole that is midtown, near radio city (mind you, it’s fucking christmas time at the moment), luckily i’m at a company i really enjoy, they renovated madison square garden so now ranger tickets are too expensive to go on a regular basis – in fact, i MAYBE get to 3 games a year now, i see lauren here and there now (her work schedule/location of where she lives) – i purposely don’t speak to the three other gals that took up most of my life in the earlier part of the decade, i have been dating someone for multiple years now and we’re living together, i still go to shows – but fucking bands keep playing festivals and i could give a rats ass about going to a fucking festival, my hair is almost down to my waist again (heck yes, still dyed weird colours), i freelance sometimes but squarespace and wix are the cheaper alternative and i don’t argue it, oscy is going to be 15 this year (EW!), twitpic doesn’t exist anymore, i rarely blog and i definitely don’t do it on an open, personal level (thank you online stalker fatty), flickr has sucked asshole for a long time now, and IG – don’t even get me started.

my sister lives in LA and my mother moved upstate this year…

i feel family lonely.

my mother has stressed me out SO fucking badly throughout this decade, but most of all this year.  it’s seriously shaving years off of my nerves.

read more…

October 13th, 2019 @ 10:37 am

time warner (i refuse to acknowledge that dumb new company name) decided to start advertising that they’ll soon be streaming “mad about you”.  if you don’t know what it is, it’s a 90s comedy sitcom about a married couple living in NYC, dealing with day to day life situations.  i loved the show when it was on back in the day, but whenever i hear the damn theme song now, i get all PTSD about it.

WHY YOU ASK?

tl;dr: my first boyfriend in high school (who i lost my v-card to) – i used to sleep over his house.  i prob said i was sleeping somewhere else, but his parents were usually asleep early, so we’d hang out and fool around at night.  that show would always be on for some reason, and we’d fall asleep together with it on in the background.  apparently i wasn’t sexually adventurous or consistent enough, and he eventually left me for my “best friend” at the time.  i have always associated that theme song with him and that small, horrible window of my life.

read more…

January 6th, 2019 @ 2:16 pm

so when i was 16, it was the year of ball chain necklaces, kool-aid stained hair, airwalks, cool sk8r and pacific sunwear surfer shirts, jncos, etc.  i had been in love with gavin rossdale for like, 3 years.  bush was all the rage at that point.  i wasn’t as musically versed as i am now, so of course, they were the greatest band EVARRRRRRRR…

my first concert ever was bush when i was in 10th grade, and i felt soooooooo cool pogoing at an alt rock show (lulz).  that concert at madison square garden was actually the thing that brought me and my first love together.  the first time i ever spoke to him, he was wearing a razorblade suitcase shirt and it was the topic of conversation that i used to get to him.  for that, i will forever be thankful to bush, but i digress…

this afternoon, i stumbled upon a recent article talking about how fans hated the lyrics of sixteen stone and basically gavin was going on about his lyrics as artistic, magical and fluid and blah blah blah…  my eyes rolled so hard.  over the years, people have always accused him of riding the coattails of gwen, and it always used to upset me to read that.  she’s just in a different, incomparable category.  she was in a pop band, she had a pop solo career apart from NxD, she was running two fashion lines, etc. – she was all over the place.  in interviews, she used to say he didn’t love no doubt or her music.  she made him sound very dismissive and she also mentioned that only he listens to dark/deep stuff, which is clearly the opposite of no doubt.  those comments made it seem like he was unsupportive or jealous or something.  between her saying that and reading his interviews, he sounds like he’s got this weird ego where he thinks bush was this underrated, genius band or something.  it’s kind of awkward.  no offense to his talent, but bush had their moments, and then they did not.  lots of did nots.

bush faded out over the years and didn’t stand the test of time (i’m not mentioning post-razorblade bush, bc i totally fell off the bandwagon – just the early stuff).  in fact, i revisited razorblade suitcase today, and i sat here scratching my head as to how i ever liked it.  sixteen stone is still good, despite the bad lyrics (i have always questioned wtf he’s ever talking about in songs, no matter how much i loved them), but the real gems are the b-sides.

i rarely listen to sixteen stone in its entirety.  i REALLY have to be in a mood to listen to that type of music.  that happens to me with lots of bands, but that is definitely an album i only pick up once a decade, but i do listen to individual tracks on a more frequent basis.  “machinehead ” is an awesome song, still is in my mind.  i could probably listen to “everything zen” and “little things” on a more frequent basis as well.  honestly, i’ve always hit skip on “glycerine”, and i could live without it.

okay okay, i’m getting sidetracked…  THE B-SIDES.

so if you’re a kevin smith fan, you probably know the aggressively grungey song snippet “bubbles” from the movie mallrats, even if you didn’t realize it was bush.  i don’t remember what year i finally saw mallrats, but it was way before the internet was chock full of info as it is now, so i couldn’t find more info about it.  i always knew that i heard gavin’s voice in that tiny song snippet, though.  there was no b-sides or a single (that i can remember) released for it, and i don’t know why, but i didn’t think to buy the mallrats OST.  it kind of just remained a mystery for a long time.

this afternoon is when i youtubed that mallrats bad boy (listen to it here and LOL @ the comments), and while it’s VERY 90s, holy crap, that’s actually a good bush song.  like, i would listen to it today on a regular basis.  i went to see what it was on, and it says it was on a reissue of razorblade suitcase, along with 3 other songs – AND THEY ARE ALL FUCKING GOOD.  i am sitting here in awe and confused as to why that they never released these on studio albums or as singles.

maybe they were *tOo CoMmeRciAL* for gavin or something?  what a waste of singles that could have been doled out.

December 3rd, 2018 @ 10:31 am

picture it.  flushing, queens, 1997…

a confused, young girl in love is finally being exposed to her musical preferences that will set the tone for the rest of her life.  a sexy brown boy, skateboard readily in hand, ball chain around neck with airwalks on is showing her what actual punk rock is.  he shows her ska-punk as well, and she embraces it with open arms.

NO… punk rock is not green day (i still have a hard time calling green day punk, no matter if all of us 70s/80s babies came through that rite of passage or not), and 15 year old me is confused.

“BUT THEY HAVE BLUE AND GREEN HAIR…?” – her brain says
(still at that point, only actual rocker people had weird colour hair)

…he paves the way.

bands like rancid, goldfinger, bloodhound gang, no doubt, etc., but getting to the point here…  NOFX.

the moment i heard “i heard they suck live!!”, i was hooked.  the only exposure i had to punk that i can remember growing up was the ramones and green day (again, i thought it was straight up punk).  while the ramones were definitely more punk than GD, this was different.  this was faster, grosser and more vulgar.  also: there were horns?!

i heard this live album before i heard the actual albums these songs came off of, and still to this day, the album versions don’t sound correct to me.  this album is offensive as shit, but i always found it funny (ie: together in the sand, they talk about fucking your mother and then called her a hoe – i now know that slut shaming is wrong)

anyways, this album is going to be 25 next year (EW! plz kill me, i’m old), and i was thinking to myself about how fucking rad it would be if fat mike and the guys would do a 25 year anniversary show for it.  i would be there in a heartbeat, with my beavis and butthead remote in hand (YES, I STILL HAVE MINE, AND YOU WILL ONLY UNDERSTAND IF YOU KNOW THIS ALBUM LIKE THE BACK OF YOUR HAND).

i made these absolutely ridiculous earrings yesterday (yep, from my actual 90s CD insert), which inspired me to listen to it while i straightened my glorious mane last night.  in addition, it inspired me to post this.  so, if fat mike + co., if you find this before 2020, please do this.

*~BONUS~* lastly:
picture it.  times square, 2016…

jessica and two co-workers are on their way to see the gin blossoms live at bb kings (I KNOOOWWWW…. how un-punk of us, lol).  we are in search of sustenance, when a co-worker suggests a restaurant that is too packed to even bother.  as soon as we step out, a man with a red mohawk steps in front of us.  male co-worker and i look at each other at the same time, trying to hold in our energy and excitement.  female co-worker is like “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU 2?”.  we walk behind the mohawked man for half a block and i’m like “do we say hi?”, and he’s like “um, yes”, but does nothing, so i go for it.  i flag him down and ask for a picture.  mind you, aside from my hair, we do NOT look like a pair of punks.  we had just come from work, so he’s probably like “why do these people want a pic with me?”.  i wound up saying “hey mike!”, so i guess he put two and two together and obliges the pic and then chats us up with some small talk.  i’m star struck because i always am, and my adrenaline filled ass actually asks him where he’s off to.  :facepalm:

at any rate, i got this out of the ordeal:

OI OI OI!!!1

November 15th, 2018 @ 2:28 pm

punk and pop punk are my faaaaaaaaaave…  esp. REAL pop punk (ie: face to face).  this album makes my cold, tiny heart fucking swell.

♥ ♥ ♥ currently on repeat: ♥ ♥ ♥

September 12th, 2018 @ 2:46 pm

“nostalgia… it’s delicate, but potent. (teddy told me that) in greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound”.  it’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. this device isn’t a spaceship. it’s a time machine.  it goes backwards, forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. it’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel.” – don draper

whenever i listen to certain music or watch certain shows or movies, i get into such a funk.  the quote above is so accurate that it nearly made me cry.

i’ve been lucky enough not to have lost many family members or friends throughout my life (yet), but i am awful with change, and that applies to so many areas of my life.  actually, i should rephrase that:  i haven’t lost many family members or friends to death, most specifically.  i have lost friends and i’ve had falling outs with family.  family stuff has been repaired, but some friendships just fade away, i pushed away or life happens kind of deals.  there aren’t many people that i truly miss that are no longer in my life…  but the ones who i do miss this way, it kills me.

this was inspired by the last post with all of that 90s goodness.  when i hear those songs, my little time machine brain goes right back to 1995-2003ish.  i can’t help but want to drown myself in that era of my life.  i miss the vibe of the 90s generally, although i’d never want to go back to that time because of the life wounds and heartache that it gave me.  either way, those songs really make me miss my friend randolph so very much.

he’s the one who taught me graphic design and how to code…  he was fated to be one of my most important life peeps.

he was my first love and ended up being one of my best friends even after he broke my heart into a million pieces (i was a teenager, it was dramatic…).  i even ended up working for him for a while and we’ve always stayed in touch until he moved away to dubai.  while he was here in NYC, i took the time i could have had with him for granted and only saw him a few times a year, if that.

whenever i hear any 90s songs that were top 100 or whatever (ie: this song – not that i necessarily love it (i don’t)), they bring me right back to being 16 and waiting for a table at applebee’s at our local shopping mall.  it dawns on me that i want to give him a big ol stu-hug and hear his infectious laugh, and i can’t…  he’s no longer in the same borough, or just a train ride or two away, he’s 6,825 miles away.  🙁

he’s someone i can pick back up with after not seeing each other for two years like it was yesterday…  i miss him and his friendship so much sometimes i could just burst.

* * *

ugh, fucking nostalgia.

August 14th, 2018 @ 12:39 pm

this is such a summer album.  this came out the summer of my senior year of high school… takes me right back.

please note: (v important)
i have always skipped “adam’s song” and “all the small things”.
i hate them so much… i wish they would just go die in a corner.

May 10th, 2018 @ 12:50 pm

everyone keeps posting albums on instagram, uhhhhh i think their most influential albums or some shit (lol, clearly i’m paying attention on social media).  i’m guessing that means coming of age albums.  i don’t post shit like that on instagram, i actually still just post actual photos (unless it’s the occasional reminder post to follow my mobile wallpapers account so that you can see when i post new ones), so i figured i’d do something like that here.

instead of most influential, i’ll do the first 10 full albums that i can remember from childhood (which are honestly still in regular/heavy rotation even today)… thank you, mom ♥

she’d drive around day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year with these albums on repeat, and they’re part of me i’ll never be able to shake.  these songs are always in my weekly/monthly playlist that i shuffle through.

read more…

May 7th, 2018 @ 12:46 pm

I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING!!!1

i have to be honest – i never really pay attention to the R&R HoF inductions, but of course i cared this year bc the cars were finally inducted!  i can’t believe it took so long for them to get there.

watching this induction was wonderfully overwhelming, as the cars are one of my faaaaaaaaaaavorite bands ever.  brandon flowers got to do it, and his love for the cars was pouring out of him while speaking… it was great.  i can’t believe it took him that long to get to know who they were.  brandon and i were born in the same year, just three months apart.  it’s kind of funny how that happened.  he discovered the cars while i was discovering all of the alt bands of the 90s, including weezer (funny enough someone in =w= played WITH the cars during the ceremony)…

i got lucky and i had young/rad people around me in the 80s the shoved all of that current music at the time in my face at a young age.  my mother was a huge cars fan, and my cousins mary and jimmy were teenagers at that time and used to let me watch the heartbeat city VHS tape with them.  i vividly remember being SO confused bc of ric walking on water during “magic” and i thought it was magic.  i remember thinking about how cool/naughty the video for “hello again” was, and i love that i was a warhol fan before i didn’t even know who warhol was.  panorama is probably not one of the cars most popular songs, but it’s one of my favorites, and the video was always one of my favorites.

i am so happy for them.  during their speeches, they thanked us fans.  it made me wonder if they even know how many “young” fans they know they actually have.  i read in an article a few years back that ric ocasek didn’t want to tour for many reasons, but one of them was that he thought a younger audience wouldn’t exist.  i got inspired to write him a hand-written letter soon after i read that, BEGGING him to tour for us one last time…  i have no idea if he ever got the letter, and i highly doubt it’ll ever happen.  if it ever did, it would definitely help fill my cold, black heart and make my measly little life a little more complete.  music is one of the only things that really makes me feel emotion in life, and it’s a big part of my social life.  when my favorite bands won’t tour anymore, life = over.

April 21st, 2018 @ 10:37 am

today is record store day!  i mean, there aren’t very many places to really buy records anymore around here… barnes & noble had records, but there are none in queens anymore.  there’s one comic booky store in roosevelt field that has them, but who knows if steve wants to get up and go out there today.  ANYWAYS, i got to thinking this morning.  i have that ridiculous crosley everyone and their mama has, and it B L O W S.  it sounds awful, and i need a better record player. i know i could just buy a technics and some speakers and call it a day, butttttttttt then i come across this gem:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i’m dying, bc of course i can’t find it online *ANYWHERE*.  it’s a vintage sears stereo from the 80’s and it was like, made for me.  #DYINGGGGGG

read more…

April 3rd, 2018 @ 4:22 pm

🙂 🙂 🙂

October 16th, 2015 @ 11:00 am

i’m a complicated bird… i’m all over the place in interests.  i rarely post about sports, bc i feel like people are 50/50 on giving a shit about them.  i am on cloud nine today, so i just wanted to post about how proud i am of these mets (and yet worried).

we won the NLDS against the dodgers last night.  the last time the mets made it to the NLCS was in 2006, where we blew it against the cards.  this devastated me so badly that i stopped watching baseball altogether for a few years.  that’s why/how i started watching hockey again.  year after year, the heartbreak was adding up, and getting way too hard to deal with…

read more…

September 29th, 2015 @ 4:51 pm

almost 20 years later, and still one of my favorites… ever. ♥

BB16

July 1st, 2015 @ 4:12 pm

FFFUUUUU GOOGLE, I DID IT MYSELF!!!1

so two years ago, i posted about this seemingly lost WPIX indiana jones promo (please go read the post, so that i don’t have to write about it again, lol #lazyblogger). i was stumping google so hard, but i found a few people also inquiring about it… so i wrote to them about it as well. nothing ever turned up, so i emailed WPIX directly last november as a last resort.

it’s almost as if it didn’t exist… UNTIL TODAY.

i got an email in my inbox from one of their reps earlier that lead me straight to it!

sooooooooooo, if for some reason you too were looking for the WPIX “Raiders of the Lost Ark” movie promo…  here ya go (a blurb from my email is even in there)!!!1

other sources:
WPIX archives fb
WPIX archives fb post

P.S. sorry i haven’t posted in like, 5 months… i post randomly @ jaejess.com, so check there if you’d like to read my thoughts, and i’m lacking here.

January 22nd, 2015 @ 11:28 am

i often whine about missbehave magazine no longer existing…  mainly because it was a MASSIVE inspiration to/for me back in the mid 2000’s.  that time in my life was like a 2nd coming of age for me.  i found my comfort zone in my adult life, creative life and career.  i started working on graphic design and web design again, i met jes, i got really big into graff, i broke up with andrew, i loved working on myspace contact tables, i found new music, i got pierced and started getting tattoos, i bought jewelry and clothing i wanted…  i basically evolved into the stu i am today…  it was just a very creative, colourful, inspiring time…  and missbehave happened to be HUGE at that time.

while my ex had subscriptions to mass appeal and juxtapoz, missbehave was thrown into the mix.  he would go through them, and then i would steal them and cut them into pieces.  i was big into collaging back then.  my bedroom walls, canvases, graphic design, etc. – unfortunately, that’s where all of my missbehave mags went… i cut them to pieces to use for art (RIP).  i regret doing this now, because i can’t lay around in my bed reading them, and looking at all of the rad/kitschy fonts and graphic design that would inspire me to start doing graphic design and making more t-shirts.  i can however (CREEEEEEEEEEP) refer to the waybackmachine to read old posts.  one in particular SUUUUUUUUUUUUUPER bummed me out.

clicky click here, then continue reading.

while missbehave is continually missed, even in the year 2014 (just look at how many pins exist), between all the (PACKED) events that took place, and the famous people that they had on their covers, and all of the radness that they brought into peoples lives… that article existed.

despite what i thought they were raking in with the print mag $$$, the deeper i dug into their old website, the crazier it seemed that their posts only averaged 15-30 comments (i’m being generous with the 30).

that is AWFUL.  so fucking sad, awful, lazy and what the fuckish.  how lazy and weird are we as website visitors/readers (i’m guilty of this as well), that we don’t regularly interact in comments?!  even on my websites, it’s a rarity that i get comments – but i still get hits, so people are in fact reading.  i’ve had personal websites and blogs since the 90’s, and the only time i had a high number of regular comments was when i had a static webcam to bring in hits (no, i was never nude) or when my little community of fellow cam folks existed.

so there’s a massive group of ladies that REALLY want missbehave to return, but it seems like we didn’t know what we had until it was gone.  open your mouths and be online friends, people.

nowadays, my instagram is the same shit.  i rarely post selfies, and when i do… 100+ likes.  if i post a picture my jewelry or something that is edited nicely and artsy fartsy, i average 20-40 likes.

especially when it comes time to my jewelry, that shit is deflating.

I HAVE OVER 570 FOLLOWERS – MOSTLY PEOPLE THAT I KNOW IN REAL LIFE.
man, people are fucking weird.

January 21st, 2015 @ 12:02 pm

i feel like steve and i will be back to california this year again, so i titled this one “early california”. we spent a lot of time trying to find scott niedermayer, so we didn’t stroll too far into tourist lands… nor did we really go north towards LA…  aside from the rangers/kings game.

1. our creepy ass/mile long hallway in our hotel.
2. my first day there, we got to hang with bee and we went to a rangers/ducks game.
3. NYR win it 4-1!
4. driving to the hollywood sign hike on mt. lee ♥ (that’s my dad’s name!)
5 & 6. we made it to the top – which was mighty hard.  there were so many steep hills going up that hike…  coming down was even harder, though.
7. while we were walking down, we took a wrong turn and ended up strolling around amongst these crazy hollywood hills homes.  i fell in love with the one at the top here.
8. on the way to the rangers/kings game, i found this awful billboard (FUCK LA).
9. steve and i at the game. ♥
10. NYR win it 4-3!
11. we moseyed on over to the violent gentlemen HQ for some hockey goods.
12. after our VG run, we went to the beach, since billy had never seen/been in the pacific ocean. 🙂
13. we moseyed on over to the ducks team store for a limited edition jersey for stevie.
14, 15, 16. i got to meet bryz, corey perry and bruce boudreau at the honda center.

January 16th, 2015 @ 5:39 pm

so i just got back from california again, and i got to hit up a few more halloween filming locations while i was out there. all of these locations were around the same area in south pasadena, so it was easy to kill a few birds with one stone.

halloween (1978):

the myers house. (1000 mission street)
this house was originally located a block or so away from where it is now. there are condos where the house used to be (across from the elrod house). i think it’s pretty insane that you can move a house, but i’m glad they kept it in tact and didn’t just tear it down.

the house is now home to offices, and on the front door they asked that we didn’t go up on the porch and what not. i took a couple of quickies, and kept on truckin’.

read more…

December 31st, 2014 @ 4:24 pm

things that happened within the last two weeks…

1. 🙁  korn passed away (RIP)
2. office xmas party!
3. i still have a lot of blue hair?
4. the disney store has RAD mirrors that i want in my adult bedroom.
5. it turned from autumn into dreaded winter.
6. rafael ramos’s funeral took over my neighborhood (RIP)
7. my boyfriend bought gold dipped sneakers. sneakers are weird.
8 & 9. horror pics from ian skelton arrived (#8 for me and #9 for my seester for xmas)!
10. i made a beautiful new ring! you can buy it here.
11. ricardo and i found abandoned coquito in the fridge here at work, so we claimed it.
12. the post is a piece of shit.
13. i FINALLY prevailed and got that SSUR wonder wheel tee that i wanted at a wayyyy lower price than the original.
14. while packing up my apartment, i found this stagebill from when i sang at carnegie hall back in 1995.

October 13th, 2014 @ 3:57 pm

if everyone knew even half the shit that goes on, woof.

…but i shall try.

July 24th, 2014 @ 5:27 pm

one 4th of july back when i was younger, maybe 1994/1995, we were at peter and clara’s (friends of my mother) celebrating out in huntington, long island.  they were living in a basement apartment of a house, that was located behind a small farmer’s market.  we used to go there pretty often, and his landlord let them/us use the backyard for bbq’s and get togethers.  so on the 4th of july that year, we were all hanging out in lined up lawn chairs in front of the market once the sun went down.  across from the market, there was a big, open field where we were watching fireworks.  just so that you can get a sense of what it looked like, click here and swing the angle around.

so we were all watching the fireworks, talking, joking when peter and clara’s landlord decided to tell us a creepy story about something that happened in front of the market.  back in the 1980’s, there was a couple that had been married for none too long, before the husband murdered his wife.  apparently, he had strangled her, bagged her, and left her body in front of an electrical pole — not 50 feet from where we were all sitting.  so of course my mother, who has a strong 6th sense, decides to go over to the pole to check it out.

as soon as my mother went over there, you could see she wasn’t comfortable anymore.  she definitely felt bad vibes over by the pole… she sat back down in the lawn chair to try to digest what she had just felt, and not even minutes later, this tiny black bird comes bee lining for my mother.  i was kneeling in front of my mother and i was trying to tell everyone it was coming right for us, and no one heard me.  my mother didn’t even realize what was going on, i’m guessing it was because it was really late at night, so no one saw it.  the bird finally decided to land, and it was right on my mother’s knee…

read more…

July 22nd, 2014 @ 11:20 am

the stones and the beatles outlived the ramones… how insane is that?
🙁

i wasn’t fortunate enough to be born in a year where i could have grown up to see the ramones play at their peak (sads.), but i was fortunate enough to at least see marky play (yes, i know he wasn’t an original, but whatever, he’s still a fucking ramone – and an amazing one at that). when the misfits disbanded for the 2nd time, jerry only brought on marky to tour with them, and they always had a ramones set – which was always rad and sounded great.

i have a billion memories of the ramones… first and foremost, and i always think of him when i’m listening to them – i’m forever grateful for my mother’s friend leo. i’ve posted about him in the past. the man taught me many things, one most importantly (i’m not even joking) – was to LISTEN TO THE RAMONES.

one day back in 1991, my mother had a wedding to go to. i have no idea why she didn’t bring her boyfriend at the time… i guess no one could babysit my sister and i, but she stuck us with him for the day. he probably didn’t know what to do with us, so he brought us to his friend leo’s house. which was mind blowing, a super-rad time, and definitely changed my life. yes, simply going to someone’s house on day, had changed my life…

read more…

July 19th, 2014 @ 1:16 pm

i have always been a (neurotic) virgo and always backed up certain things on my computer at all times…  apparently, my bookmarks are one of them.  i was looking for something in my bookmarks about an hour ago, and i came across a folder that said “From Internet Explorer”.  i sifted through the folders, and i think i must have organized a lot of them into my current browser. there aren’t that many still lingering, but one of them was a folder of my friend’s online journals.  going through them was very nostalgic, funny and sad all at the same time (they’re journals, duh).

the first one i came across was my exgf caryn’s.  i don’t know if we were even really speaking at the time that she had it (2004ish)…  i had broken up with her (a million times, 😐 sigh) and dated jeff right afterwards.  jeff and i had dated for almost 4 years, and that’s when her journal existed.  some things didn’t seem familiar to me, like one of her exgf’s, and when she started hanging out with this one girl meg…  i hate that there were times that weren’t good between us, aside from being my ex, she’s been a good friend and in my life for a very long time.

when i was reading through her journal a little bit, i was laughing because there were so many of those surveys that we used to take back in the AOL days.  like your full name, fave colour, things about your current bf/gf, future kids names, favorite bands, etc. –  those were fun.  i remember in the AOL raver reply all list surveys, we used to do them all in different colours and add 1-line ascii art to them…  so good.

back when i had my first website, that shit was so beyond invasive. i don’t know who reads this now, but i still get a decent amount of hits (:::blinks:::), but back then, it was dramarama bitches that i hated skimming my posts.  i couldn’t always say what i wanted bc it would spark an uproar between friends, or for myself.  so corny.

caryn, along with other friends that used to have journals, just wrote WHATEVER. which goes back to the post i had the other day (or was it over a week…? lazy blogger)… i was talking about consistent blogging, and not to totally repeat myself (which i feel that i often do, especially while complaining about being a lazy blogger) but i want to try to keep up with posting.  if anything ever happened to me, it’d be amusing for the ones i love to go through this, i’m sure.  i used to get lost in ryan’s journal after he died, so i imagine someone would want to go through mine.

i feel like twitter/instagram make me lazy and not post here, tbh.

July 13th, 2014 @ 10:56 pm

one of the hardest deaths that i’ll ever have to face in my life happened last week.

i haven’t been giving into the sadness of it all, as with everything else emotionally handled by myself. there are things that have been randomly, suddenly striking me… but i haven’t been sitting around for hours on end weeping yet. i am so afraid of when that’s going to happen. i assume it will happen soon, seeing as that her birthday is july 20th. maybe not… maybe it’ll be this year, when i don’t receive a card with her beautiful handwriting. most likely on christmas, because i spent every christmas eve with her until a few years ago… i don’t know.

i just can’t even put into words how broken my heart is.

i can still feel an aunt necie hug.
i still remember the smell of her perfume.
there are just too many things.

all of these little things i never think of are now surfacing…  steve and i went to the shopping center in douglaston, to grab groceries and i realized it was where aunt necie always used to take us to toys r us.

steve drove by her house the other night and i totally lost my shit.

i hate to sound like a selfish, naive person, but i don’t know how i’ll live without her in my world.  🙁

i can still feel her grabbing my hand at the hospital.
i can still hear the moans, because she couldn’t speak anymore.
i can still see the way she was staring at everyone so strongly, letting us know she knew it was us.

i will never forget those things.</3
seeing and hearing my aunt like that was so hard.

June 12th, 2014 @ 12:35 pm

at one point in our 20’s, sophie and i used to go to holiday cocktail lounge every (or at least every other) friday, so we became regulars there.  we got friendly with the bartenders, and sat up at the bar vs. hogging a table for ourselves in the back booth-filled area.  one night, we were sitting at the bar and some guy that looked suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper familiar to me came bouncing in.  i had mentioned to sophie that i thought i knew who he was, but i figured the odds were pretty slim.  i was thinking he was famous/well known here in NYC, so i didn’t want to bother him.  i figured no one else in the bar knew who he was, because no one else was gravitating towards him aside from the people he showed up with.

at one point, he came up to me and complimented my hair and nails.  he grabbed my hand and inspected them.  we were joking around and having random convos and i had mentioned that i really wanted to buy a flask.  home dude went upstairs (apparently he lived in the building), and returned with a flask for me! 🙂

i didn’t keep it because it was all sorts of fug, but i do love the story.  he didn’t stay very long after he brought the flask down for me, and the only other person who knew who he was the bartender, lou.  lou only knew who he was because he lived upstairs, and he got to know him via the bar.

aside from being an inspiration via the fashion world, i’ve always loved the fact that he was one of those club kids.  i was a teenage raver that hung out over by the cube/astor place, so that always hits home for me.

i started a new category (NYC gems) for things that have fortunately happened to me over the years, just because i was here in this city.  i love how weird/small-world NYC is (sometimes), and i seem to have stumbled upon some really cool/weird situations over the years.

man, i love being a native new yorker.

June 10th, 2014 @ 5:43 pm

OKAY so i was complaining earlier, but then my day got a little brighter…  recently, i reconnected with one of my elementary school buddies via instagram.  we were closest of friends in like 5/6th grade…  funny enough, we both grew up to like punk rock (yet we’ve never run into each other at shows).  anyways, she let me know this morning/afternoon that vans was giving out free bouncing souls/gorilla biscuits (RSVP) tickets a la house of vans.  so WOO!  free bouncing souls tickets, YESPLZ.

i gathered a few of my friends, including one of my coworkers – and i am HYYYPED.  i got very spoiled for a few years when the souls were playing all the time, and i got used to seeing them (minimum) 4/5 times a year…  i haven’t been to a smaller souls show in almost two summers.  last summer they played with gaslight anthem on the piers, but it didn’t really feel like a souls show at all.  nobody was dancing/paying attention, i dunno.

when RSVP/smaller types of shows come to mind, i instantly think about the souls show at cha cha’s down in coney.

anyways, that show was amazingly important for two rad reasons:

a) i was promised by the lead singer (greg) that he’d ride the cyclone with me for the first time, prior to the show (via myspace, maybe?).
b) the. show. was. fucking. amazing.

however…

a) it was raining that day, so no one was riding any rides at all…  AND when i had bumped into greg after the show, he was all “ah man, sorry we didn’t get to ride the cyclone today” (!!!) the fact that he actually remembered was awesomesauce.  it goes to show that the souls give a shit about their fans.
b) the. show. was. too. fucking. amazing. – no souls show has ever lived up to the cha cha’s show.

cha cha’s was a damn shoebox (them small/intimate punk shows are the best ever).  it was late august on a rainy night – hot as balls.  they played songs i’ve never seen them play before (i wish i had a set list, DOH!)…  EVERYONE was singing and dancing.  the best vibes ever…  there was an age requirement, which weeded out the little shits that don’t know how to act at shows…  it was just perfecto.

below is a video of my exbf on stage singing…  ah man, it was so, so good.

as time goes by, i feel like shows get less and less epic.  i mean, of course they’re always fun…  it’s just that i’ve been doing this for almost 20 years, my youth is fading and the awe and fascination at shows is reasonably nil.  i’m turning into the cranky old show veteran that doesn’t like beer spilled on them by little idiots.  luckily for me, that rarely happens at souls shows…  that’s more at long island based BS.

i’ve never been to HOV, but i’m assuming it’s also outdoors (bleh), buttt i’m hoping since it “sold out” so quickly, it’ll be one of those obscure/weird souls shows.

December 31st, 2013 @ 11:01 am

while i was on my way to work this morning, i was walking up 35th ave and thinking to myself as the tourists passed by in clusters, about how fucking cold it is outside.  i also thought about all of the people that are going to stand around times square all night for new years eve.  my practical brain/bladder/legs are all… NOPE.  i would never do that, ever.  i’m sure it’s a great experience, it’s just not one that i’d ever do.

PS: the streets and subway look like exodus afterwards, FUCK ALL DAT NOISE.

i have however been IN times square for new years eve, just by means of the MTV building.

my first long term boyfriend, randolph, worked via the help desk for viacom for a few years back in the day.  back in the days of jesse camp and TRL (yes we’ve been on it).  i used to hang out with him at the office often, which looking back now, seems a little strange.  i can’t imagine someone being at my office hanging out right now, lol.  i wonder how that was even allowed, but i was good friends with many of his co-workers, and we had a blast there, always.

one year, we did new years eve in the office.  i think someone had to be there anyway, so we were like okay, we’ll do it!  the office was indeed on the side with the ball, so we got to see it drop up close and personal.  i think we had a few of his co-workers with us, i’m a little fuzzy on many details.  i have pictures of that night somewhere, i want to try to dig them up.

the only real memorable kicker of the night, was taking the elevator to leave down with winona ryder.  i heard her speaking behind me (i LOATHE her voice) and when i turned around, lo and behold, there she was.  i remember she was shorter than i was.

oh right, i almost forgot the point of this post…  my point was that i feel like not wanting to do new years in times square is another one of those ungrateful new yorker things that we often take for granted.  i also think it’s sort of cliche, but also definitely impractical.  i mean, what do you do if you’re hungry?  or when you have to pee?  it’s like a sea of people – you can’t go anywhere…  you’re there FOR HOURS (i’m also highly claustrophobic, so maybe that’s why i’m all NO about it?).   it just doesn’t seem like a logical thing to do.

NYE, bah humbug.

October 6th, 2013 @ 5:50 pm

one of my favorite songs EVER ever ever ever is “never tear us apart” by INXS.  aside from the song being amazing, it reminds me of my mother.  i know that i’ve boasted about loving her musical taste that she raised me on as a child before, so i’ll spare you that repeat schpeel.  some songs just pull at my heart strings when it comes time to her/music, and that album is one of those thangs.

in addition to the adoration that i have for this album via mom, sometimes just fall into this INXS “Kick” kick, and i can’t shake it for weeks (yesterday it started up again).  that album is so amazing and i get so teary eyed thinking that michael hutchence is no longer with us.

the last time that i saw this video was on VH1 “pop-up video”, and it had to be at least a decade ago.  on my walk to and from dunkin just now, i was listening to this song and realized while i was walking, that the weather today is just like in that video.  foggy, rainy, chilly, and i was walking along side a cemetery that runs up the avenue by my apartment and it just reminded me of the video’s setting.  so i watched it…  you should also.

this video seriously makes me fight off sadness, it’s hard for me to watch it, he was so perfectly beautiful.  when he died, his coffin was carried out of the church with this song playing in the background, that makes me even sadder.</3

if i ever get married, i’m walking down the aisle to this song, and it will be my wedding song for sure.  i nearly died of jealousy and astonishment when they had it at blair’s wedding to that french price dude.  seriously, who stole my idea?!  they had an orchestra playing it, there was no lyrics, but they shortened the song by cutting out the sax solo, which was perfect.

. . .

after watching the video, i fell down a wikipedia/articles wormhole and found out a bunch of shit about michael hutchence.  i remember thinking about how when i was younger, people thought when he died, he died of some perverted asphyxiation thing.  while he did die by choking to death by his belt, the coroner said it wasn’t erotic at all, just a mixture of depression, booze and pills that led him to what happened that night.

tl;dr – he was super upset that he couldn’t have his daughter and his girlfriend’s kids for the holidays, and his choice of girlfriend was completely awful.

i never knew all of the problems that he was having in life up to that point.  the worst things were that he got injured to the point that he couldn’t smell or taste anymore, which severely depressed him and the last straw was that he got mixed up in a horrible mess of a relationship with a groupie/tv host named paula yates.  if the vast internet isn’t lying, inxs’s management tried to keep her far away from him… but she managed to have him eventually anyway.  heavy drugs and cheating, etc. – just a horrible mess.

such a shame.

September 20th, 2013 @ 1:31 am

i tried to look via the waybackmachine on other websites that i used to run/own over the years, but i couldn’t find any post about when 09/11 happened in 2001.  i also am not sure i ever posted about it in general, but the anniversary was just a week ago, and the topic is still fresh in my mind.  i personally don’t have a story about THAT day, but the day preceding.  my ex-boyfriend and i were both off from work and we slept right through it, and we didn’t wake up until around 11AM.

i had chinese food on september 9th, 2001, and i got a fortune cookie that read something along the lines of “don’t stray too far from home, you will be needed”.  on september 10th, i went to my friend becca’s house in montclair, new jersey.  i took that trip over there a billion times before.  it was pretty easy…  just take the 7 train to times square and take the decamp bus from the port authority.  it’s only a half an hour from the city, if that.  my friend frank (from my hometown in queens) had just moved into a house in montclair, right by becca’s apartment, so i killed two birds with one stone and saw them both that day.

for some reason i kept thinking about my fortune cookie.  towards the late afternoon/early evening, becca wanted me to sleep at her house in jersey, and for some reason i just kept pulling to go back to queens.  i’d gauge it at majorly fortune cookie, and partly that i just wanted to be with jeff (my bf at the time).  jeff’s mom was a bartender, so she wouldn’t be home until the wee AM hours, and jeff and i both weren’t scheduled to work the next morning at the video store…  that meant friends would be coming over, or just freedom in general at the house.  i said fuck it, and went home to him.

when you take the decamp bus on that bus route in particular, the view of the NYC skyline coming back to the city is spectacular.  the buildings look so large, because of the angle that the bus drives in on.

i wish i had taken pictures of it at some point, but those were pre-iphone/cell phone in general days, and my sister had stolen my digital camera from me.  i will always have the last time i saw it burned into my brain, though.  by the time i left jersey, it was dark out and the skyline was all lit up.  i remember looking at the enormous twin towers, and just thinking/feeling really strange.  i don’t know how to put it, but it definitely felt like the last time i’d see them.  i just remember the skyline looking like one of those classic NYC wide souvenir posters or something.  it looked perfect.

i was one of the last hundreds or thousands of people to see those towers lit up that night in all their glory.  it’s crazy to think about that.  i almost feel honored as a new yorker to say that.

read more…