August 19th, 2020 @ 8:58 am
i decided to take a week off from twitter, and it turned into two weeks… and it feels great, so i guess i’ll just keep going.
i know i’ve said in previous posts that i don’t really use social media, so you may already know that i only use twitter and instagram… so it kind of sucks that i’m now only using IG, but this year has been rough on everyone on so many levels, and i have to be able to process everything differently so that i don’t crack up.
i have bottled up anxiety because i don’t really ever let things out, and i rarely process emotional things. i just shrug shit off like it doesn’t bother me, or (for the most part) things genuinely just don’t bother me, but they’re still things that SHOULD bother me and still pile up into a corner of my mind.
i was brought up by a person and other family members that didn’t teach me how process emotions. in my adult age here, i should have figured it out by now, but it’s just easier to “serenity now” it away (#insanitylater).
it’s so insane when i actually think about why i don’t like to confront emotions – i think i can pinpoint the problem. i think it’s because i have honestly just been let down my entire life. maybe not in super fucked up, DRAMATIC or abusive ways, but foundational ways. i expect things to just always not work out, so i don’t invest in them properly, and when i do finally get to the point where i have to deal with something, i feel like i seem too sensitive about it because of how emotional i get once i’m at that point.
it’s a terrible cycle and a terrible way to handle things, but i digress…
all of the anxiety i’ve been holding in from all the shit happening this year is enough to deal with, aside from all of the microtweeted news information i take in on a daily basis. while that’s the reason i love twitter, i also needed to take a break from that type of information overload. also in the middle of all of that, there are so many people tweeting the dumbest shit that i don’t care about. like, i love my online friends but when they’re very “matter of fact”, seeking attention or being covid careless, it’s just annoying and stressful for me. it’s probably just as annoying as me complaining about the same shit over and over again (transplants, beards – although i took a break from that, sports, work issues, technology) – sorry, folks.
i know i can make lists and mute accounts or words, etc – i just don’t give enough of a shit. i’ve been using twitter since it came out and it was just a place i could write something quickly and talk to people. i don’t need it to be an entire fucking THING, and if it wants to be a thing, just turn into a thing already. be the next social media site, put fb in the grave… otherwise, just be twitter.
i keep finding myself wanting to share thoughts and info, and twitter is usually something i’ll go to a couple of times an hour for a mental reset… so it’s not super easy to just quit it, but it still feels better mentally to just not be in it for a bit. i also came to the conclusion that well, this is a place i can elaborate on things vs only having a certain number of characters to work with. the problem there is that i don’t actively advertise this website anymore, so i don’t know who even reads it. i can see the traffic flow, but there aren’t usernames attached, a timeline to interact with or a way to @ them unless i turn my comments back on (which i’m not doing).
: shrug :