#NYR, the 80s, the 90s, going to shows (punk, ska-punk), hanging out with my bf and (genuine) friends, making jewelry, rad nail art, dyeing my hair crazy colours, graffiti (as an observer), cold beer, graphic design, cold brew/iced lattes, #NYM, netflix, horror, autumn, legos, bargain shopping
time warner (i refuse to acknowledge that dumb new company name) decided to start advertising that they’ll soon be streaming “mad about you”. if you don’t know what it is, it’s a 90s comedy sitcom about a married couple living in NYC, dealing with day to day life situations. i loved the show when it was on back in the day, but whenever i hear the damn theme song now, i get all PTSD about it. WHY YOU ASK?
tl;dr: my first boyfriend in high school (who i lost my v-card to) – i used to sleep over his house. i prob said i was sleeping somewhere else, but his parents were usually asleep early, so we’d hang out and fool around at night. that show would always be on for some reason, and we’d fall asleep together with it on in the background. he eventually left me for my “best friend” at the time. i have always associated that theme song with him and that small, horrible window of my life.
ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, exactly what i’ve been waiting for. a good single to finally emerge from gwen’s heart/head.
i hate to be that cliché no doubt fan and compare, but this isn’t as powerful as “don’t speak”. that’s what the NxD/gwen world was waiting for…
anyways, i don’t know why she chose the word “special” to describe this song, when clearly it’s about splitting with gavin. of course, the tone of the song seems to be her complaining about him not meeting up to her expectations, like it’s all his fault. that annoys me, because she chose to stay with this moron for as long as she did. i’ve said it before, but she’s been complaining about him and writing about red flags since “return of saturn”. why doesn’t she take any responsibility or blame for the situation? i think it’s just a general thing that drives me crazy about some women, i don’t want to gwen-bash. women seem to live in this la la land where love needs to be worked on SO HARD, and then when it doesn’t work out, they blame the guys.
i’m not saying that guys aren’t party of the problem in every bad relationship, but a lot of women put up with bullshit just to keep a dude because: love and soulmates.
FOH… if you see those red flags, you tackle them or move on. people rarely change. life is too short to put up with shitheads and prolong pointless relationships. i steered clear of many a jerk because i wouldn’t put up with any crap. if you mistreat me, you better belieeeeeeeeeeve i’m gone. i wasted years on people that weren’t right for me, that i had “faith” in… at the end of the day, it worked out for me in the long run.
everything happens for a reason, every breakup is a lesson. sometimes people just aren’t meant to be. hopefully you don’t drag it out to the the point of turning into enemies, and both make it out alive, mature, and on speaking terms. there’s no need to point fingers like a baby… there are two people in a relationship. so personally, i just don’t understand how anyone can date someone for more than 2+ years, and just completely cut them out of their lives. you were best friends for years, that makes no sense to me. just work it out.
i now only have ONE ex that won’t talk to me. it’s rough when you have that bad karma lingering for no reason… it’s a good feeling when you come to good terms with exes and friends, whether you remain friends or not. for me, it’s like little gray clouds that hang over my head. no matter how big or small, they’re still there, and it sucks.
sometimes it takes a few months, sometimes it takes 10 years… but at least it happens. 🙂
i keep reading online from other fans that they’re “shocked” and “true love doesn’t exist”, etc. – and i’m just like… really people? have you not been listening to her music about him for the last 15 years? pull your heads out of your asses! she has whined about that man since the year 2000.
every night, i will now say a little prayer that tony kanal will be getting divorced soon as well (jk, but not really, but jk – he’s got kids now…), and they get back together. that way, all will be right in the universe.
PS: only amazing music will come from this. i am beyond ecstatic about that, even though i’m sad for her pain.
hopefully next time, she won’t make the same mistakes that she did with him. less patience, more confidence.
i’ve kind of been in this personal rut for a while, and usually when shit starts to really get the better of me, i just take the reigns and hit the refresh button. since i can’t control most of my surroundings that are affecting me, i will change what i can. i figured it was time to buy a new domain… i’ve owned posed-to-death.org since june of 2004, and for two years i kind of fell off of updating it. i only really started using it again in 2008 and since then, it’s full of a lot of personal turmoil. break-ups, fights with friends, moving out, being miserable and single, confusion, etc. i feel like it’s like dirty bathwater or something.
things keep changing around me, but i’m at this awful standstill. my heart is again is bruised, the company i’ve been working for, for three three years, has dissolved, my best cousin (who is exactly a week younger than me) is pregnant and about to be a mother within the next month, one of my best friends is on the verge of practically being engaged and is moving in with her boyfriend next month, my family sucks, i live in an annoying area of queens – kind of out of the way for most of my friends for daily hangout sessions, etc.
i’m just like…
i’ve been meaning to get myself a PMA tattoo for a few months now. i want this tattoo somewhere visible, so that i’ll always have that perspective when i need it. maybe a forearm or the side of a wrist. like life in general, instead of bitching and moaning about my seemingly shitty life on this website, i’ll try to feel positive vibes and not have it polluted with complaints about my personal life. i want to not drive myself crazy or throw pity parties. #F5
so i kind of just wanted a new domain name… so i purchased this domain after this deftones song. it’s my third domain named after a song, and it’s one of my favorites off of the album “white pony”.