December 10th, 2021 @ 2:28 pm

i really thought i invented self-care when i was a teenager.

one afternoon when i was like 16-18 years old, i was in my old bedroom and no one was home.  i decided i needed to relax and wanted to take a bath to chill out.  i thought i was a genius for figuring out the combination of putting on relaxing music, using my bath pearls, lighting my gap dream candle and soaking my dumb little life’s teenage cares away.

the internet didn’t tell you to do these things back then.  it really just dawned on me one day that the collection of these things all at once would really help me mentally.

i thought of this today because i am going to see genesis live tonight (a bucketlist band for me! ♥).  i remember my  playlist consisted of phil, genesis, gloria estefan among other sad, romantic artists.

anyways, i couldn’t help but peek at the setlist for this tour, and for some dumb ass reason, they decided not to include “in too deep” or “hold on my heart”, which breaks my heart.  those are top 5 genesis songs for me.

the only saving grace is that i paid less to see them at the new UBS arena vs. sky high prices at the garden.  while i would have loved to have seen my philly boo under my favorite ceiling, i just couldn’t get through the queue, and even if i did, i couldn’t justify the pricing.

October 8th, 2020 @ 5:27 pm

lol, maybe.

…but i honestly hope not.  at first i was like “yep” when i saw this picture, but then i also felt like it had a negative vibe to it.  i’d rather take that negative energy and put it elsewhere.

people that actually know me realize i’m usually not the villain.  i’m not perfect, but i have perfectly reasonable reasons for cutting people from the team or feeling the way that i feel.

you can pretend i’m the bad person all you want, but i can admit when i’m actually at fault.  maybe i don’t fight for friendships – i’m guilty of that, but it’s usually just that i gave up because it took someone too long to realize that they were acting like a piece of shit or maybe it took me too long to realize that someone was acting like a piece of shit, and my patience finally ran out.  if that makes me a bad friend, oh well.

i look at friendships just like i do relationships… if you have to work hard at it, i don’t really find it worthwhile.

i’d rather you take that guilt bullshit energy and use it to muster up an apology and admit that you were wrong, if you were.  i’d respect someone more approaching me if there was actually a friendship there at another point.  i don’t just magically ghost people for no reason.

PSA: don’t be an asshole.

October 5th, 2020 @ 12:27 am

posted on : march 27th, 2OO2 – at 12:06 a

i updated and added some stuff. as you can see i put a “need to catch up with me?” link above. this is for friends i don’t normally talk to anymore or if you just wanna see what i’m up to at the moment. so yea, you can click that and see what’s been going on with me lately. i kept it short because anything interesting you can find here where you’re reading from lol. which is not often. i have no life. lol.

a BIG FAT THANK YOU to dave for buying me my “queen of the damned” soundtrack! imma be rocking that cd on my walk to work each day now :”) sweeeet! thanks again hun – you’re more than sweet :”)

okay i’m gonna go now. bye.

August 22nd, 2020 @ 7:15 pm

i was looking something up on one of my personal #hashies on instagram today and i saw this kid i muted months ago.  i totally forgot about him until i saw him in a comment, then i realized he unfollowed me… lol.

[cries in i don’t care]

he moved here to NYC from the midwest or texas or something? and his posts were so eye-roll inducing.

honestly, there is nothing more nauseating to most native new yorkers than post-early-2000’s out-of-state, domestic transplants and their *OmG mOvInG tO NyC, nExT cHaPtEr* nonsense.  we cringe internally.

in not shocking news, he moved to brooklyn.
into a *gasp* gentrified area!

i still never know wtf NYC these goons fall in love with.  there’s nothing here anymore.

listen, i know there are still some lovely things here – i’m not saying there’s NOTHING here…  of course there are the classic things to do, the classic places to go and places to eat/drink, etc., but so many things that were established for decades and good are lonnnnnnng gone.  what the transplants either don’t seem to realize or just plain ol don’t care about is whatever they fall in love with, it’ll close within 3 years bc of greedy slum lords here in new, new york.  they’ll never know what classic NYC was.  like, wtf does anyone even attach themselves to emotionally that’s modern?  most things that existed pre 2010 are gone and anything that opened post 2010 are already gone, and after this pandemic, most things are going to be so fucked.

anyways, that’s the point of putting down roots and living somewhere, it turns into home…  you have emotional places that turn into your “cheers”.  when you don’t have any, wtf is the point?

i will always love downtown NYC.  the village has been my stomping grounds since i was a teenager in the 90s, but nearly EVERY single place my friends and i have frequented over the years since then is gone.  it is all a bunch of banks, franchise eats, or other corporate bullshit.

don’t get me wrong, our parks are purdy ♥, but like, there are prettier parks and mountains and forests and shit all over this country.  that’s not what people come to NYC for.  like, do you really come to live here to be near central park?  lol.  it’s just a park… calm down.

is it the convenience of having stores open late?  i don’t get it.

while brooklyn is one of the prettiest places in the 5 boroughs, those places are mostly gentrified, so how do people not feel guilty supporting poser assholes that push out the actual locals? (PS: OTHER TRANSPLANT BUSINESSES DON’T COUNT AS LOCALS)  i feel guilty just walking around down near barclays, and don’t get me started on wburg.  everything that was hole in the wall great is gone…  it’s so tiring.

the thing that makes me the most irate is that people come here and pay through the roof rents just to be here.  A 2BR APT SHOULDN’T BE $2600-3000 you fucking idiot goons.  younger cornballs come and live with up to 4 roommates just to be here, not realizing that they’re ruining it for i dunno, actual families that need that many bedrooms?

A 3BR APT SHOULDN’T BE $3800-4500… they shouldn’t even be near $3000!

it’s insane what people are paying.  for what? just to think they’re new yorkers… just to think they *made it* and to stay as long as possible before going back home and admitting defeat?  why would anyone think that’s acceptable?

if you’re making even close to $120-150k per year to afford some ridiculous rent amount like that, why would you live in a gentrified neighborhood that needs to be affordable for people that don’t hit the middle class?  go to the upper east side, live in long island city or luxury in wburg or greenpoint.  you don’t live in places like ridgewood, astoria, bed stuy or bushwick…  what a bunch of disrespectful, ignorant and corny goons.

gentrification is an ugly thing – so is setting the bar for unreasonable rents.

CORN.
BALLS.

/rant

January 12th, 2020 @ 4:56 pm

coming from a designer of graphics and accessories, i’m sure i sound like an asshole bashing anyone’s creativity (eyeroll) OMG EVERYTHING IS SO INSPIRING… but i also come from the punk and rave scene of back in the day NYC. i lived through venues and clubs that don’t exist anymore. i lived through the days of the east village at it’s PEAK.  i saw the uprising of classic bands that are now punk legacies in tiny shithole venues.  SO, i really don’t care if i do.

this has been my social life, style, friend circle and culture since 1996.  when i see it misrepresented or appropriated, i get irritated.  authenticity is important to us! draw a fucking line, fashion folk… punks aren’t trying to inspire you, they probably hate you.

read more…

August 29th, 2018 @ 12:59 am

(this is gonna be ranty, sorry…)

i really LOATHE seeing those like, inspirational quote images on instagram.  it’s so fucking annoying…  the android numbskulls really fucked things up for us when instagram became available to them.  what’s even worse?  quotes along the lines of “the best revenge is success” type of petty ass images.  you know the kind… “watch them squirm”, “bury them with a smile”, etc.

i am the complete opposite of worrying about petty/revenge shit, so i can’t relate to this type of bs.  if you’re immature and dumb enough to think your success is going to piss someone off, you’re already being a shitty idiot.  this leads me to assume that you live in a magical land where you think the universe is doing things.  if you ARE a believer that the universe is doing things, you probably also believe in a little thing called “karma”.  i’m pretty sure if you’ve considered karma a real thing, you shouldn’t be worrying about wishing others any bad vibes.  not only is it bringing you bad energy, but it’s also a massive waste of energy.

if someone or something is bothering you, try to keep it on the back burner in your brain.  don’t waste your time worrying about how they feel, how you hope they’re feeling bad shit, how you hope they’re jealous, etc.  –  in the long run, “nobody gives a fuck more about what you’re doing than you do”.  they probably don’t care.

the more you work on being a greater human, the less you worry about what other people are doing/feeling.  you only have one life to live, don’t waste it on petty nonsense.

October 20th, 2015 @ 2:17 pm

welp…  i’m calling it quits here at this domain.  as much as i hate completely uprooting/moving things, i also like taking a break sometimes and a change of pace.  i’ve had knifeparty since july of 2011, she’s had a good run.

i’ve been dealing with a nutcase that’s been following me online for years.  like, since myspace and early twitter days (i even have screen shots from 2010/2011 to prove it, sucka).  i have recently and unfortunately had to make most of my social media accounts private, because of it.  i don’t like being out of control in situations, and i can’t seem to keep her off of my website.  since ms. psychopants unfortunately still exists, and refuses to just leave me be, this is my only option.  her eyes are all over my life, and that makes my skin crawl (you disgust me, you pig).

it sucks that someone has “power” over me (not really), but i want the option to have all of my life out of her view, moving forward.

i’ll still be posting general/non-personal stuff @ jaejess.com, but if you want to keep in touch with me, and see where i’m maybe off to next (sans my handle or name on any of it, so i won’t be searchable), contact me.

June 6th, 2014 @ 12:06 pm

i am not even one of those people that enjoys karaoke.  i loathe and dread it, actually.  however, my coworkers put together an K outing and i went along with it.  i figured i’d just sit and watch from a dark corner, probably point and laugh…  it didn’t happen that way though.  in fact, i sang one of the first songs – but from the “sofa” in the room…  the only reason that i did, was because it was sublime – santeria and i already knew all of the words by heart already.  i thought maybe that would ease my anxiety of sounding horrible in front of everyone.

it hath not eased. #NEVERAGAIN

i let everyone sing a whole lot more before i got up again, and the only reason i had even sang again was because my sneaky co-worker told me he’d do salt n pepa – shoop with me.  i thought i knew all of the words to it, but not hearing it since (probably) the 90’s, did not work in my favor.  also: that song is DAMN fast.  i got a lot of it, though.

next up was no doubt – just a girl, because my coworker chose it for herself, and then bailed on me to make a LIRR train…  i sat down and belted it out with my coworker bryan quite successfully.

my next/last song was fuel – shimmer.  i figured no one would know/appreciate it but the entire room was singing along with me.  i love that people love that song so much, it’s so fucking good.  hearing it in unison sort of gave me the chills like hockey triumphs/milestones.  the only time i’ve ever heard it like that, is when my cousin marie and i have the windows down in the car, while screaming it as we drive around aimlessly.  forever good memories.

but still…

#NEVERAGAIN

September 4th, 2013 @ 10:09 pm

so i have a pile of fear street books at home, they’re begging to be read.  in fact, i did read “silent night” (pt. 1) last winter, and it was still good.  by still good, i mean not too teenagery where i shouldn’t be reading it.

it turns out, rl stine wrote his first fear street book when he was nearing 50.  i guess that’s why it may seem more on the adult side? i know a good few take place during autumn, and i’m DYING for autumn to get here already.  i’m waiting for the delivery of my next helene turstene book, and i love reading on my commute, so why not? well…

i take the M train, known for a small population of commuting hipsters/transplants.  as much as i unfortunately can relate a lot of things that i love, to hipster-affiliated things, i hate admitting it.  or maybe i just hate hipsters, i know i’m authentic, SOOOOOO…  lol.

anyways, i was worried about these things being what others would think:

a) are fear street books ironic enough to be classified as a hipster thing?
b) am i too old?
c) will people think that i am not educated enough to enjoy adult books?

even if i covered it/wrapped the book so that you couldn’t see the cover (which makes it worse, i think), you can still see the info at the tops of the pages, lol.

am i being crazy about this?

August 31st, 2013 @ 11:27 pm

i’m not gonna lie, i did NOT think of this gem on my own.  i was cruising around the interwebz and landed on kreayshawn’s tumblr and was like #UNF at her theme.  so i hand coded this entire thang to function as closely to classic myspace as possible (so much went into it, i was surprised how long it actually took).

if you know me, you know that i loathe facebook.  mainly because it was the downfall of my beloved myspace.  i used to have a heavily/worldly supported website for contact tables and it was my creative outlet for years.  once it was gone, my creative flow was just like… KAPUT!

i had my website on hiatus for years, then i started messing with photoshop/coding again once i got my job doing website development full time back in 2008.  i appreciate people’s websites and the effort that goes into building layouts from the ground up.  when i decided to make this layout, it wasn’t as easy as i had anticipated, lol.  i always remember the myspace layout being mainly tables, but i forgot just now nested/terribly they were laid out (that was sort of nerd talk, sorry.  tables are a bunch of invisible boxes where all of the content lives in cells).

so i’m rambling about bullshit nonsense…  i only wanted to say it was via some themeing site that kreayshawn used, and not my own bright idea.

ANDDD… that i’m psyched to have my old profile functional, sort of, lol.

March 31st, 2012 @ 1:39 am

while this mega millions amount kept climbing and climbing, of course i was playing.  you gotta be in it to win it, so they say.

i had mike and i buying $5 quick picks, lol.  i didn’t think going overboard was going to up the chances especially since we wouldn’t buy over $20 at most…  i figured if i were fated to win the lottery, i’d have to deal with the $5 draw of luck.  which obviously didn’t prove in my favor since i didn’t win diddly squat.

if i did in fact win, i think these would be the first ten things that i’d do.

1. gather up family/friends for vacation. decide on a warm, mexican vacation exactly what would be done in the near future with my winnings.
2. pay off all of my family’s debts and my own (which are like, nothing, thankfully.  i honestly only think that i owe time warner cable like $30, lol.).
3. build a house. not buy… build.  and house my family on the same land if they wanted… i’d totally build a compound.
4. buy a photobooth for my home, install display walls with wallpaper that are controlled by computer, have tube slides built in throughout the house.
5. get my teeth fixed up – in desperate need of invisalign for my bottom teefs :\
6. LASER REMOVAL OF ALL HAIR BELOW MY NECK.
7. donate money to charity, and select friends.
8. buy an amazing apt in the city.
9. save/invest money.
10. travel?

i guess it was kind of hard to figure out what i’d really want to do if i did actually have that money. i got super out-of-ideas towards #8.  i would say i’d keep working and be an average shmoe… but i mean, i’m not even working full-time at the moment, lol.  i would totally start-up the web development company i’ve always dreamed of for myself if i could. i would totally still work on websites for fun!

what would you do?