April 11th, 2019 @ 12:05 am

today’s inspiration: I MISS MY PRE-INTERNET BRAIN.

i often think about when i was a kid, and days/months/years felt like forever.  i am currently 37, but i feel like i’ve been around for 100 years.  i try to think back even to 15+ years ago, when i was working at a video store, and i felt like i had all the time in the world.  i worked 40 hours per week, but i didn’t have a commute.  even so, that’s still only tacking on about 2/3 hours per day now.

how was life so different then?
i used to work a full week, i went to night school to finish off two credits i fucked up on in high school and yet i managed to spent infinite amounts of time with my two best friends, my boyfriend at the time AND managed to code for hours on end at night.

HOW?!

OK first off, having ridiculous work hours definitely helped.  not having a 9-5, M-F job definitely helps break up a monotonous life.  i loved working weekends and having weekdays off.  being an adult and not having flex hours really fucking sucks.  but i digress.  my original point: is the internet really making our attention spans and time feel that off?  if so, why the fuck do we keep using it?

read more…

August 3rd, 2018 @ 1:22 pm

yesterday on IG, one of my favorite tattoo artists posted a picture of her leg with an “abortion is normal” tattoo on it.  she bravely spoke about her experience having one back when she was 19, even though she didn’t have to outright mention her personal experience, she did – and probably thought it was a good idea to share to inspire others to think for themselves.  i’m going off of that vibe because she stated she’s pro-choice, and that was the point of the post.

she talked about how the probability of someone you know and love probably had one, in efforts to prove that you shouldn’t unknowingly judge people that have openly had one.  you can only imagine how many morons decided to comment DUMB opinions on the picture…

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April 25th, 2018 @ 1:52 pm

if you don’t find this to be a serious problem, you need to reevaluate yourself.  what’s even worse, is that this is a woman in a position of authority (the port authority, more specifically).

this video is a shocking example of white privilege, and i’m so disgusted.  this woman is getting away with verbal assault of police officers BECAUSE SHE IS WHITE.  this is a problem.

if you’re not worried about people who would be directly affected by the actions that police officers would take in a different racial situation, that’s pretty scary (and shitty).

white people and the police need to be better than this.  if this was a PoC, who knows how it would have ended.  this is the type of shit that i think about when i think about that ignorant “all lives matter” and “blue lives matter” crap.  it’s all tied into racist bullshit.  if this woman was any other PoC, they would have already been on the ground – arrested, being manhandled or dead.  prime example: this recent violent arrest at waffle house.

“what did i do wrong?”

chikesia clemons was asking what she was being arrested for.  she asked for a manager’s phone number to make a business complaint and it ended in this situation.  she sat there not flailing or disrespecting the officers, she kept asking questions.  i understand  you have to comply with police officers when they’re arresting you, but look at what’s going on.  that’s terrible.  compare it to the original video i had posted and look at the difference.  if that was chikesia pulling that verbal assault, it would have been way worse.  in fact, i’m sure if the woman in the first video was black, she would have been arrested for that.

good ol caren turner gets to tell an officer he may “shut the fuck up” and doesn’t get talked back to, touched, choked, shot or arrested and gets to live…

not that i should have to even mention it, and i’m not trying to justify myself, but it occurred to me that if i was talking to certain people in my family, the ignorance would probably spew out some sort of complaint that i’m bitching about white people.  i’m not just bashing white people for no reason.  FYI: i’m white (irish, german, polish, italian), but i do not feel the need to be “proud” to be white for the specific reason of this article.  i’m proud not to be part of the problem.

for me, being white means i carry some european ethnicities and physical-features, and while i respect those cultures, i don’t practice them.  i don’t have family traditions or roots tied to those cultures, so they really don’t mean anything to me.

i was born in the united states, in NYC, and i am more of a new yorker than anything, which is a melting pot of cultures that i can relate to.  i’m american.  that doesn’t equate to white, which i think a lot of racist rednecks seem to think americans are/should be.  that america is NOTHING to be proud of.  the only thing we can be proud of as americans, white or otherwise, is striving for and practicing ongoing progression, acceptance and being good/supportive humans to each other.

i can’t think of anything i should be proud to be *white* about, and if you can, that’s fucking weird.  go read some history books and get back to me.

April 11th, 2018 @ 5:37 pm

I KNOW I AM BIASED judging by this (amazing) layout, lol, but i have not ever and still do not understand the appeal of facebook.  it’s blue and white and ugly all over, you can see EVERYONE’s business and your mom and grandmother are probably on it.  why the hell would you want to use social media where your mom is looking at your shit?

anyways, on a more mature note, i keep reading recent articles about mr. bonehead CEO having to testify in front of congress.  i can’t believe it even escalated to that.  A SOCIAL MEDIA WEBSITE had to testify in front of congress.  let that sink in…  social media sites were supposed to be fun. wtf happened?

oh, right… money.

i come from the generation that pretty much first had the first taste of online life/social media, and that shit is NOT what we worried about.  we wanted to meet like people… TALK to a bunch of people in message boards, on ICQ, in AOL chat rooms, talk to them one on one in instant messaging – and even when that fizzled out, there were still options to interact without all of the “transparency” that facebook gloats over.  some of us simply enjoyed those types of sites, and other kids my age created interactive websites – then came live/dead journal, deviantart, xanga.  it was still all NOT like facebook.  i will never understand how everyone got into that caca website.

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October 15th, 2015 @ 2:05 pm

why the hell did i throw out all of my old platform vans?!?!?!  i want a pair so badly… this is all i ever wore in high school (aside from shelltops) :((((

#devistatedstu

December 3rd, 2014 @ 6:24 pm

…it’s the final countdown!

my lease is up in february, so i broke up with my roommate the other night… so now i have two months to find a new place with steve, and she’s got two months to figure out what she’s going to do.

i’ve been reflecting on the whole experience and it’s kind of funny, the whole situation.  she was someone i was very loosely friends with, not a close friend.  i had mentioned the whole exbf not working/thinking of taking on a roommate thing, and she approached me on moving in.  i told her that in our railroad apartment, that she’d be using her bedroom entrance and the outside hallway that connects to the rest of the apartment beforehand – this is how my next door neighbor functions with his roommate, and she agreed to it.  especially during the night and in the morning – it was agreed upon that it was DO NOT ENTER at those times.  she wakes up an hour or so before me, and i don’t want to be woken up.  she also stated that if her cat didn’t get along with my cat, that she’d have “no problem giving him up”.

since this “agreement” was put into place, her attitude has completely changed.  i’ve noticed since day 1 that she’s uber defensive, and i think that she thinks i’m nit-picky/anal or something…

i feel like the thing is, when you live with someone that isn’t family, the situation usually fucking sucks. i’m not comfortable with it, and anything that bothered me, i voiced.  i’d rather do that then have some weird unspoken pissy war, which is now going on.  i can’t quite put my finger on when this all took a turn for the worst, but i think i have an idea…

read more…

October 13th, 2014 @ 3:57 pm

if everyone knew even half the shit that goes on, woof.

…but i shall try.

July 13th, 2014 @ 10:56 pm

one of the hardest deaths that i’ll ever have to face in my life happened last week.

i haven’t been giving into the sadness of it all, as with everything else emotionally handled by myself. there are things that have been randomly, suddenly striking me… but i haven’t been sitting around for hours on end weeping yet. i am so afraid of when that’s going to happen. i assume it will happen soon, seeing as that her birthday is july 20th. maybe not… maybe it’ll be this year, when i don’t receive a card with her beautiful handwriting. most likely on christmas, because i spent every christmas eve with her until a few years ago… i don’t know.

i just can’t even put into words how broken my heart is.

i can still feel an aunt necie hug.
i still remember the smell of her perfume.
there are just too many things.

all of these little things i never think of are now surfacing…  steve and i went to the shopping center in douglaston, to grab groceries and i realized it was where aunt necie always used to take us to toys r us.

steve drove by her house the other night and i totally lost my shit.

i hate to sound like a selfish, naive person, but i don’t know how i’ll live without her in my world.  🙁

i can still feel her grabbing my hand at the hospital.
i can still hear the moans, because she couldn’t speak anymore.
i can still see the way she was staring at everyone so strongly, letting us know she knew it was us.

i will never forget those things.</3
seeing and hearing my aunt like that was so hard.

June 24th, 2014 @ 1:42 pm

i’ve lived alone since january 1, 2010.  i moved into my super inexpensive, basement, studio apartment in ridgewood… and i loved it.

when i first moved into my teeny apartment, it felt so weird.  i remember thinking to myself often that was in bed, and i was also in my kitchen.  it took a really long time for me to get over that…  i almost felt like i was in a glorified dorm room or something.  i had always lived with my mother and sister, so it was also quite lonely when i got there.  it was a horrible time for me in life as well, so that didn’t help.  i had just lost my awesome apartment in brooklyn, no thanks to my shithead roommate, i had to move back to my mother’s house for a few months, and the kid i was dating broke up with me around that time.  i was stuck in this horrible rut and then i was lonely.

my apartment wasn’t close to where i grew up in the ‘burbs, so i barely saw my best friend sophie, unless we were doing our holiday cocktail lounge friday’s.  my friend that used to hang out with me at my BK apartment suddenly dropped off of the face of the earth (i’m guessing bc it was no longer convenient for her to commute to my place? AND it was a small apt), and everyone else was just far.  i tried to do new things to keep myself busy, and tried things that were out of my comfort zone…  i hung out with new/random people, went to the local bars, went to shows and met people, hung out with guys that were NOT in my circle of friends (which was totally awkward).  i didn’t feel satisfied at all doing all of these brave new things.  strangers are fucking awkward, and the dudes i was meeting all bored me or weirded me out.

i didn’t really start getting comfortable until my life started coming back together.  i had moved closer to jes and we were spending more time together, i had met my best friend lauren and i was going out to and watching ranger games again (bars), i started hanging out with my other close friend steve, then i met elbow…  then one day i had realized that i was happy, and that i loved living alone.  no headaches, no fighting, no having to converse after a long day… i could just come home to complete and utter silence.

:SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE:

THENNNNNNNNNN my landlord in ridgewood had died suddenly, and his kids sold the building. the person who was buying it wanted to move into my basement apartment, so i had to go.

read more…

June 10th, 2014 @ 11:53 am

. there goes hockey (the rangers have blown the finals)
. there goes the great houdini
. there goes the peace and quiet of living alone (no offense to my future roomie!)
. there goes my BFF to san francisco

damn, all i do is complain…

OH, how about a fun PSA?
last week i learned that you can’t drink this without your poop turning grass green (don’t worry, i learned the hard way for all of us, that it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re dying – no pun intended).

June 6th, 2014 @ 12:06 pm

i am not even one of those people that enjoys karaoke.  i loathe and dread it, actually.  however, my coworkers put together an K outing and i went along with it.  i figured i’d just sit and watch from a dark corner, probably point and laugh…  it didn’t happen that way though.  in fact, i sang one of the first songs – but from the “sofa” in the room…  the only reason that i did, was because it was sublime – santeria and i already knew all of the words by heart already.  i thought maybe that would ease my anxiety of sounding horrible in front of everyone.

it hath not eased. #NEVERAGAIN

i let everyone sing a whole lot more before i got up again, and the only reason i had even sang again was because my sneaky co-worker told me he’d do salt n pepa – shoop with me.  i thought i knew all of the words to it, but not hearing it since (probably) the 90’s, did not work in my favor.  also: that song is DAMN fast.  i got a lot of it, though.

next up was no doubt – just a girl, because my coworker chose it for herself, and then bailed on me to make a LIRR train…  i sat down and belted it out with my coworker bryan quite successfully.

my next/last song was fuel – shimmer.  i figured no one would know/appreciate it but the entire room was singing along with me.  i love that people love that song so much, it’s so fucking good.  hearing it in unison sort of gave me the chills like hockey triumphs/milestones.  the only time i’ve ever heard it like that, is when my cousin marie and i have the windows down in the car, while screaming it as we drive around aimlessly.  forever good memories.

but still…

#NEVERAGAIN