so i haven’t watched the sopranos since it was on television originally. i find it so weird and different watching these things straight through in binge mode vs. waiting on a weekly basis for years. man, my generation really was the last generation to have to have patience regarding things like that. i mean, sure there are plenty of shows still airing weekly, but now you have so many options to not have to deal with it. i think the last shows i watched on a weekly basis were “younger” and “the walking dead”. i eventually gave up on the walking dead (i intend to binge it in the future when it’s finally over) and the last season of younger was completely ignored until i could stream it.
anyways, back to the sopranos. i “took notes” from this round of watching, and these were of my favorite things… in no particular order, other than how it was watched:
1. annika pergament was the main news anchor throughout the series! she’s been a regular on my tv since the 90s on NY1.
2. my dad looked exactly like big pussy (RIP dad, RIP big pussy):
3. relatable content:
4. meadow had so much of my wardrobe from the late 90s. there was so much delias, but most notably, my favorite platform vans that vans REFUSES to re-release because they are bums. hers are tan, though.
5. “it was a homeless woman with a daily news up her butt!” – meadow’s weird boyfriend scolding her roommate who was trying to help a homeless woman
6. (tony gets off the phone with pauly, who is lost in the woods with christopher in pine barrens)
“you’re having coffee right?” – carm
[audible sigh] – tony
“…my father has glaucoma.” – carm [looks of anger and disbelief]
7. this imagery:
8. this imagery:
9. “what’s different about you” – tony
“HE HAS NO EYEBROWS TONY!” – carm
10. WTF HAPPENED TO THE RUSSIAN GUY IN THE WOODS?! (upon research: valery’s fate)
11. “it’s a hermies (hermès), supposed to be the best!” – tony giving carm a silk scarf
12. “whoa, slow down, slow down… you’re supposed to savor it, it’s important in life.” – tony to AJ, sipping champagne
13. “you smell that? it’s fucking autumn. it’s like the first fall night when you’re a kid, and the air’s all crisp and you start smelling people’s fireplaces.” – tony talking to christopher, while outside on a crisp night
14. “there’s nothing holding us together but DNA” – janice to tony
oh dear satan, this is torture. dan, how could you make me so divisive against myself?! this is so fucking tough because both of those albums were two of the first albums that i ever purchased on my own, while i was coming of age into my own music. both of those albums are tied to so many memories and feelings.
it’s kind of tough to choose also because they are two very different albums and styles of music. when weezer came out, i remember the nerd-core looking initial emos started w the grandpa/dad sweaters, buddy holly framed glasses and airwalks and shit – they weren’t really dressing the same as the green day folks, who then turned into your typical/probably rancid, souls and nofx fans. of course a lot of us listened to both, but i feel like especially in school at the time, you were either one or the other.
i went with the blue album.
i fucking love dookie… but for me, the blue album is a weird, dark, emotional and magical trip. when i hear the intro cords to “only in dreams”, my heart swells up like the grinch’s. that album just feels like a comfortable hug with a blanket or something (i sound like such a weirdo, lol).
i recently realized that i hadn’t listened to dookie fully in a really long time, so i threw it on while i was taking a shower one night and was just like “wow, this is still just so good”. i realize that’s not a very elaborative review, lol. i mean, of course the two MAIN hits are good (#4 and #7), but the rest of that album is really just so fucking good. they were/are so talented and while of course that album is adored, i still find the other tracks underrated. i feel like since green day became GREEN DAY 2.0, normal people only listen to 4 and 7 and MAYBE “when i come around”, but the entire thing front to back is just perfect and seamless popular “punk”.
i especially love “she”, and “coming clean” is my favorite song on dookie, if anyone gives a flying fuck.
there aren’t many albums that i recall listening to for the first time, but the blue album is one of them. i still have the receipt for the cassette and own it in four different formats! it just made me feel a way. ♥
anyways, you can vote if you’d like to… there are 15 hours left on this poll:
last week when steven and i were walking around oakland lake, there were signs for a missing person – a 24 year old kid. i snapped a pic of it and posted it online, hoping people would be able to help out, in case anyone saw him, knew him or found him. we kept up with what we could online, but he unfortunately turned up found deceased in the lake a week later.
while i was trying to find out any information about him online, it came about that he was a rapper/musician and an artist. he was big into style/fashion, painting, drawing, etc.
as someone that didn’t know him, i feel almost disrespectful speaking about him, so i’ll stop. the point of this post was to share and see if anyone could donate to a gofundme that his friends started for him. click here to see the campaign.
i’m like 90% sure that i met him at the lake one day. i was doing a few laps one day right after i lost my job in 2018, and i came across some kids with long boards. he was very tall, young and outgoing and followed me on the path as i walked. not a creepy follow, just kept up with me chatting. he wasn’t really hitting on me or anything, but he did try to get my IG account info. i gave him one of my public accounts – for jewelry or my wallpapers vs. my personal one. i told him i was twice his age and that nothing was going to come of it, lol. i think we maybe chatted a little via dm the same day and nothing came of it, but i remember talking about our skateboard setups specifically.
i’m so sad that this happened to someone so young. life is hard at that age – especially if you don’t know where you’re supposed to be in the world, you’re depressed or battling mental illness. it’s just so heartbreaking.
i am not happy about it, and i’ve been trying to figure out why it freaks me out so badly. as mentioned in my last post, an aunt of mine died this summer and my uncle passed away last week – my mother’s only brother. mortality just keeps testing me…
my mother is most likely less than 20-30 years away from no longer existing. she’s plagued with rheumatoid arthritis and was a smoker for YEARS (not to mention would sit inside with my family full of smokers and she went out to places when you could still smoke indoors for decades).
i know that is so fucking morbid to think about, but it’s so much more obvious as i’m getting older, and i fucking hate it. it’s hard enough getting through this shit pandemic, but losing family members after not being able to see them, while facing aging is just… a lot. especially 6 days before my birthday.
i feel like i’m being melodramatic about age 40, but i feel like the older we get, the faster time flies. no one in my family makes it out of their 80s. how fucked is that? i’m now halfway there, over a tiny hill.
i imagined turning 30 to feel like this, but it didn’t. i loved my 30s! i was so scared to hit my 30s, but they were good to me. this bullshit didn’t hit me until this ungodly number.
i’m feeling very confused and midlife crisis-y and i can’t wait to go on vacation next month. i need an escape from reality for a bit.
my uncle bob died this morning (not of covid – i feel like it’s just the default thing you need to point out nowadays). he’s the only uncle i’ve ever known – the other one died as a child in an accident. my mother had two brothers and six sisters.
growing up, i had my queens aunts and two upstate aunts/uncle. whenever school was out, we were usually upstate – summer vacation, winter break, spring break, etc. – fishkill, beacon, wappingers and poughkeepsie were my home away from home. we mainly stayed with my aunts, but we’d pop over to my uncle’s for swimming, since he had a big pool.
in the early 80s, he spent more time coming downstate to see us, but towards the late 80s, it kind of dwindled. not sure why, as he didn’t have grand children really until i was in JHS, but whatever. it didn’t make a difference, we saw him enough while we were upstate.
i know people don’t believe me when i say that i remember things from when i was like 2 years old, but i do. i actually remember my 2nd birthday party in my mom’s small apartment in flushing. i remember uncle bobby was coming down for the party – she kept telling me that or it was brought up multiple times during the day in conversation. i specifically remember getting a cabbage patch kids baby carrier as a gift at that party. i can remember broken visuals from the party, too. it’s just my first memory of uncle bobby.
although i wasn’t as close to him as i was to most of my aunts, he was still a person that you just picked up where you left off. he was always trying to get you on a good path, always checked in about how you were doing in school, talked about your future, always gave wise advice. he was funny, sweet, a dedicated family man who didn’t deserve to die with the ailments he obtained towards the end. the damn universe handed him a plate of health shit.
at the end of the day, uncle probably contributed to some of his health isues from smoking for years… if you’re a smoker, please try to stop. my uncle had pulmonary fibrosis, among other issues. no one should go out like that.
i can’t believe both he and my aunt judy both died this year. it’s just so overwhelming thinking about the fact that i only have two aunts left and that my mother is only 1 of 3 siblings left. time is going too fast and my family is dropping like flies… i hate it. it also doesn’t help that it happened during this never ending pandemic. like, i’m so burnt out – i don’t want to deal with anymore death.
when we all started working from home last year, i started saving over $300 per month towards my commute into midtown. i paid off my credit card and starting saving money, so i figured i’d splurge a little here and there. so i finally caved and bought myself a dumb little ice cream cone vase from jonathan adler, last september. i had my eyes on it for years, and i just never had the funds to justify spending almost $100 on a vase not even 8″ tall. so finally i did, and then knew exactly what i wanted inside of it… marigolds.
unfortunately for me, by the time i figured out that i wanted marigolds, they were out of season for purchase and it was wayyyyy too late to plant them. it was around september/october and i was like “well duh, of course my autumn obsessed ass wants orange flowers NOW…“. then i realized why i like them around that time of year.
when i was in kindergarten, they took my class for a walk in the fall one afternoon. i remember it was cold out, and i remember we only went across the street, along 147th st. i remember our teacher was telling us to look at things, smell things, touch things, etc., and i remember seeing marigolds on a house between 15th and 16th aves. i loved how it looked different from other flowers. i didn’t pick it, but i do remember smelling it and i guess being the first flower i remember smelling, it just always stuck with me. whenever i smell them, it takes me right back to that moment in 1985.
i loved 1985/86 so much. maybe that’s why i hold that smell so close to my heart/memories. i was only 4, so i was ignorant to the bullshit going on with my mom and my sister’s (rich/drunk) father… but at that time, we lived in a huge house, at some point my aunt carol moved into the basement apartment, so i got to hang out with her all the time, my huge family all still got along, i had every 80s toy you could think of, my life consisted of taking long car rides with mom and listen to 80s music all day, we had a summer house in the hamptons… life was good, before life was no longer good.
ffwd to june 2021: i remembered to plant marigolds this year! i asked my landlady if i could plant some in the backyard this year, and she said “of course!”. i went out and bought like 3 or 4 packs and planted them baddies. i wasn’t taking progress pictures, but the pic on the right is when they were starting to come in. MY LITTLE BBYS!
i’ve filled my little vase three times this year, but left them alone and thriving in the garden for the most part. the span i planted all of the seedlings was like 5/6 feet wide, so there were so many at peak bloom.
it was a joy to have them all summer during this shite/never ending pandemic.
kerrang mag asks us nerds our musical opinions every few days on the gram. i thought maybe it’d be cool to feature the questions/my opinions here… it’s better than listening to me complain about things, lol.
“tell us the three best songs by linkin park”09/09/21
runaway, in the end, numb
yeah, i actually liked linkin park. not that i dislike them now, i just don’t actively listen to them on a daily basis. i totally don’t mind when they’re on. i know linkin park came out in the 90s, but when that whole nu-metal thing spawned in the early 2000s, linkin park was already there but soared at that same time as the other bands.
i remember the first time my sister and i saw “one step closer” debut on MTV… we were like “wow, wtf was that?” it was a rock band with a dude on turntables, what on earth?!
i never actively followed them, but i dug around for other songs/albums i like. i guess i like their early stuff, hybrid/meteora, but yeah, those are my favorite three.
i just updated one of my wordpress installs to the latest version (5.8.1) and when it was done, the latest update headline read “the next stop on the road to full site editing”.
as a web developer, one of my web 101 rules is that clients should NEVER have full site editing privileges. especially when it comes time to colors and page structure. this is how we end up with websites that look like a piles of disorganized horseshit OR geocitiesesque looking websites.
you might think i’m being dramatic, but at my first web job, my nerd boss (le swoon) built an editor where we would add tags to specific areas, to give clients editability (headers, divs, p tags, etc.). even at the most limited areas of editability, part of our job was cleaning up client’s code because they’d hit the bold button or italics button too many times. they would assign colors the wrong way, and a p tag would have nested several colors within it at once.
FYI: in HTML/websites, the regular/majority website text content (aka the text you’re reading right now) is a “p tag”.
<p>it looks like this in the code</p>.
when we setup websites, we assign style rules to p tags via stylesheets (an external file for all of your style rules in one place). for my p tag here, i’ve assigned the font-family (verdana font), the size, the line-height, the color (black aka #000000), font weight, etc. using a stylesheet, there’s no need to keep telling the browser what it should be every time there’s a new p tag (you can assign the rules inline on each p tag using the style attribute <p style=”font-family:verdana,sans-serif;”> if you wanted to, but no one does that anymore), with a stylesheet, there is one set of rules and it’s assigned for the entire site and only called once.
for example, within the <p> tag, our clients would have like…
…etc., this p tag has span tags with a few different colors, because the clients had the ability to change colors. i’m dumbing it down, i’ve seen where there were like HUNDREDS of lines of that, it was insane sometimes. i’ll be fair and say while the editor was injecting and not deleting the span tags, the person was still sitting there clicking these things, when they should have stayed within the color palette anyway.
when you have a website, you’re supposed to have a color palette and stick to it, not have all beiges and a highlight color (say, a dark orange and black) or two then stick A BRIGHT BLUE HEADING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PAGE. this is why we tend to avoid giving creative access to clients, but i digress…
if in case you don’t know what wordpress is, tl;dr: wordpress is a free/open source CMS (content management system). it’s been around since the early 2000s and has been pretty much the same since its inception. it used to be for bloggers, but then it evolved into this CMS beast, hosting a large amount of the internet’s websites (WordPress is used by 41.4% of the top 10 million websites as of May 2021 – Wikipedia).
in 2018, for some idiotic reason, wordpress head honchos decided they were going to switch up the default content editor. without any input from the tons of developers that brought wordpress to more of a CMS platform than a blogging platform, just *poof* the new editor was there. a lot of people were pissed… me being one of those people.
out of sheer anger from reading that stupid ass installation confirmation headline, i decided to look at both plugins pages on wordpress.org to see how many active installs there were for “classic editor” and “gutenberg” to see if my argument against this newest bullshit is still valid. i usually check in once a year, to see if i’m still not alone in this, and i never am.
i hate gutenberg, and i will die on this hill. hopefully classic editor will still be supported for the future, because if i have to turn to the dark side, i’d rather chop off a toe and eat it.
anyways, if you’re not completely turned off by my nerd rant, here’s what the stats turned out:
as a kid growing up in the 90s, physical concert tickets was the default vs. doing will call. i regret doing any will calls, tbh. at the time it was like “wow, less to worry about!”, but now i can’t savor in those memories physically in my hands.
it’s crazy to think that i used to buy concert tickets at rite aid (maybe it was eckerd at the time). my how times have changed, now it’s a free for all with bots, website timeouts and legit having panic attacks, worrying about mere microseconds of fucking up on timing.
i was trying to buy tickets to see genesis this winter, and ticketmaster actually had the balls to post outright before you purchased tickets, that they don’t offer physical box office purchasing the first day of when tickets go on sale anymore. what in the actual fuck?! that is the one time you were GUARANTEED to get tickets to whatever you were pining for, bc you got your ass out of bed and down to the box office, unlike the internet slugs.
it’s unreal what ticketmaster has become. i wish we could all boycott it, but i digress…
the other night, i was putting away my stub/bracelet from rancid from last weekend in my show tickets storage box, and i decided to organize my tickets by year. then i thought it might be a rad idea to start posting a pic of the stub, about the show, and add any images that i took from the show associated with the concert mentioned. i’ll have to keep the images of myself and friends on IG only bc it’s private. here on my site, i usually don’t add pictures of myself anymore bc of privacy reasons (le sigh). i think it’d be a cool thing to document, though.
the first like, 5 tickets i have are barely even legible anymore, bc i used to keep them in my plastic sanrio planners in high school and they rubbed together and damaged the front of the tickets. you can still read them for the most part, whether it be the name of the tour, the venue or the date, so i at least can reference wtf the stub was for… i also scribbled some notes on them (in my horrendous adolescent handwriting).
without further ado… my first 10 concert experiences:
while i truly appreciate the bravery of women coming forward and writing articles/tweet threads about their abortions, i find that a lot of the time, the stories are about how their lives were saved because of their abortion(s), and that being why abortion should be legal. the undertone of justification makes me cringe. i know that’s not the intent – i know, i know, i know. i just hate that is the vibe i pick up on a lot of the time when reading these things.
abortion should just be legal.
not just for medical reasons, even if it doesn’t agree with your beliefs system. it’s no one’s business but the woman’s own.
it’s so hard to talk about your abortion(s) without having to feel judged, so having done that publicly, i give them a lot of credit. it’s got to be scary – maybe close to the same feeling i got when i was coming out as bi to my mother (LAST YEAR, AT AGE 38, FFS!). it’s like you keep trying to open your mouth, and words just don’t come out because of shame or judgement.
“you don’t have to tell everyone EVERYTHING.” – my uncle, when i told him i came out to my mother. he then followed it up with “what if you had an unhealthy/frail grandmother and you told her that, gave her a heart attack and killed her? then would you be happy just because you had to get that off your chest?”
i instantly replied with “responses like that is why people stay closeted, and in some cases kill themselves.”
this is also why i don’t discuss many seriously personal things online, especially of the abortion nature, and that’s annoys me. i want to be supportive of other women without having to be judged, but i’m skirting my own personal experience.
listen, i’m not anyone that can make a difference here – i’m not a celebrity, i’m not journalist, etc. i’m a blip in this stupid internet universe, and i’m just a dingleberry that talks to who knows who here, in hopes that someone can relate to the same things i do and not feel alone in the actual universe. i’m not going to overshare my own life, but i’ll leave it at this:
you probably know someone who has had an abortion. you probably LOVE someone that’s had an abortion. it doesn’t change ANYTHING.
people that have had abortions aren’t evil or bad people. their reasons are their reasons.
if you’re religious – be religious for yourself, not for others. your beliefs don’t belong on anyone else.
at the end of the day, the circumstances surrounding ANY abortion shouldn’t matter. any reason should be valid, and abortion shouldn’t be illegal.
we women don’t need ANYONE – especially the government, politicians and judges telling us whether or not abortion is justified, allowed or looked down upon.
[via WebMD] Summertime SAD.You’ve probably heard about seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, which affects about 4% to 6% of the U.S. population. SAD typically causes depression as the days get shorter and colder. But about 10% of people with SAD get it in the reverse — the onset of summer triggers their depression symptoms. Cook notes that some studies have shown that in countries near the equator – such as India – summer SAD is more common than winter SAD. Why do seasonal changes cause depression? Experts aren’t sure, but the longer days, and increasing heat and humidity may play a role. Specific symptoms of summer depression often include loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, weight loss, and anxiety.
OF COURSE I AM IN THE 10% OF PEOPLE. if you ask me an popular opinion question, i’m usually the 1%, so of course my body would have a 10% opposite reaction to what the rest of the world feels when it comes time to freakin seasonal depression, lol.
i hate this shit.
i hate day time, natural light and sunlight (unless it’s browning my skin).
i hate oppressive humidity and heat.
i want more night time than day time.
i want autumn and winter, stat.
i want to have my new, old northface on (i replaced my old, deadstock one – SCORE!).
i want to wear my hockey hats.
i want to wear BOOTS.
i want to see the leaves changing and snow falling.
i want snow so deep that no one can drive and i can walk on quiet, busy streets w/o being bothered at 2AM.
anyways, i’m starting to get SUPER antsy bc it’s still humid, it won’t stop raining and it’s so hot every day. i want summer to be over. i want to ride my bike and go for walks without feeling like i’m panting after a block. i want to wear my hair down… i would like to cut in my bangs. i want to wear hoodies and pants!
i have actually been sleeping like shit lately, but i didn’t think it was potentially bc of seasonal depression. my bed is against one wall and it’s driving me nuts, but my room is too thin to really turn it the other way. if i do, then i have to do this ridiculous shuffle every time i want to get to the other side of the long room. i don’t know what’s more important, good sleep or not sideways shuffling. i flipped the mattress, but it didn’t do a damn thing. i started sleeping with my head at where my feet should be, and that helped?
i have too much shit on my mind. i need a big fat change and something BIG to look forward to.
…well, in 59 days, i will be in seattle. that’s a start.
…have i ever been to a show in queens that wasn’t a local band?
: scratches head :
does black 47 on irish night at shea stadium count? oh wait, i saw the sleeping one year at flushing meadow park, but i can’t find anything via google that ever happened. i think it was some type of free vans show? i dunno. the internet tells me it never occurred, so i have no information.
WELL… i got to see rancid this weekend, and it was so nice to feel normal for a night. it was the first show i’ve been to since the pandemic happened, but it felt more like 4 damn years.
not gonna lie, singing and dancing at the same time was hard to do, lol. i was winded first song that i really started dancing (erm, in a punk pit for you non-punk show goers, it’s called skanking… if you’d like a visual, this is hysterical, and not a terrible representation at all). it’s confusing that i felt so damn out of shape and out of breath, bc i’ve been either cycling or doing aerobics on a daily basis for the last few months, with cycling being more regular for even longer… maybe it was just that when i do aerobics, i don’t use those mosh pit muscles. either way, once i started getting into it, my body just kind of kept up a little better.
the show was at forest hills stadium, which i never even knew existed. i have no idea how i didn’t know it existed, seeing as that i grew up in queens, lived in ridgewood, glendale and rego park. i’ve even walked over there a billion times and there is a freaking sign that reads “forest hills stadium” on one of the bridges in the little apartment complex/square i’m in love with, by the LIRR stop off of austin st… smh.
i’m guessing no one i really wanted to see ever played there. it was a really cool spot though, and i wish more bands would play it. when you first walk onto the property, there’s a bunch of different booths for local restaurants, lots of different things to drink, etc. and you’re on this big astroturf lawn right outside of the stadium itself. everyone was all spread out and it was nice to not be on top of each other like when you’re at a bar at a venue, in the lobby/merch areas or the floor of the venue.
as big as the area was, people we knew kept popping up out of the woodwork. i’m sure so many people were just itching to come out, too. i went to the show with kristen and missy and we ran into so many people there, from so many different eras of life. old friends, current friends, awkward people, old flames, jeff, marilyn, andrew, frank and buzz, kristen’s MIA friend brendan, a bunch of old buddies i met through greek steve… it was weird/nice to see those folks.
anyways, i didn’t care for the dropkick murphy’s setlist that i sneak peeked from setlist.fm, and missy and kristen didn’t really give a shit about them, so we skipped them. i think we’ve all seen them live, so it’s not like we missed out on them in our lifetimes entirely.
rancid was awesome as usual. i really wanted to see “red hot moon” but they didn’t play it. they also didn’t play “hooligans” or “nihilism” which would have made me very happy, le sigh. hopefully they won’t take another 4 or 5 damn years to come back.
i’m also glad i didn’t break my damn neck on a crushed can doing any dancing or circle pitting on the tennis floor surface. it seemed more grippy than i had anticipated, and it even took a few kicks to get any crushed cans out of the way that i was trying to move so that i, nor anyone else slipped and humiliated themselves. i already feel like the old weirdo at the show, lol.
i asked my mom if she’d ever been to FHS and her snarky little answer was “OF COURSE! i saw the cars and wang chung there, it was awesome!” and then she mentioned someone else i had no idea about… my heart yearned to see the cars, life is so unfair.
i just got a zine in the mail a couple of weeks ago. i read the first chapter and stopped, then kept putting it off bc i was still reading the latest don lemon book. i wanted to finish that first bc my insane virgo brain can only do one book at a time.
i can’t believe i’m even reading at all, tbh. i haven’t been able to read throughout this pandemic. the last book i was reading was from my job’s take shelves. i had been eyeballing it for weeks before the pandemic hit, and finally i scored it. it was about a family that moved to a very rural area and got snowed into their house and were trapped. at that moment in time, i didn’t want to relate to that book anymore and put it down, lol.
i haven’t been able to muster up enough motivation or focus to read since march of 2020, if i’m being honest. i also completely dropped off of my podcasts. if it wasn’t for me riding my bike regularly, i would probably not listen to music aside from when i’m in the shower. this pandemic sucked the life out of myself and my attention span.
early in the pandemic i tried to read the great gatsby. i figured it was a short book, it’d be easy – but holy shit, was it boring. i don’t understand the fascination with that book, and i still have like 25% of the book to go (aka i will probably never finish it).
i currently have a pile of 20 books to be read. i chose to read don lemon’s book bc it too, was short (and clearly important by what it’s based on). i jumped onto the zine directly afterwards and next in the queue is “dirty daddy” by bob saget (i just watched full house straight through as an adult, and definitely need to read that asap).
anyways, the reason i was posting this …post, was bc after reading his zine, it occurred to me that i was reading about a stranger’s life for no reason. he’s not FAMOUS, even if he’s known in the world he’s/we’re in (music/bands). i was trying to think of how i even found him, and then i remembered that i found him bc of my job’s instagram. he co-wrote a book for the lead singer of a band. i’ll leave it at that for now. my point is, since i found him, he makes me laugh on twitter and i’ve purchased stuff from him and i receive his e-newsletter… i joined his audience. isn’t that kind of a weird thing? it almost makes me feel like a creepo, bc he doesn’t know who the hell i am. yet here i am, blogging at almost 2AM on a saturday morning to who knows who?
it made my brain go back to blogging. i mean, shit, i’m basically doing the same thing. blogging in 2021 is WAY different than 10, 15 or even 20 years ago. i don’t think there’s a community anymore, there used to be interaction, but it’s not like that anymore. now we all just type to no one (unless you’re on medium, i suppose). i can see in my stats that people are here. who are they? why does anyone find me interesting? all i do is complain, lol.
well, his random stories inspired me to write. i’m not a writer in any sense, other than i’ve been doing this blogging shit for 20 years… but i do love stories. i love telling them and reading them, so i thought it would be cool to do the same thing. at least try to keep doing it here, but additionally, i’m going to post certain types of content on my instagram, since it’s private. at least i know there creepos that i loathe can’t see it. whenever i do themed posts, people interact more (reading my JHS diary, lip syncing videos, lip syncing my mother’s recordings of her driving like a nut and cursing at people in the car, etc.).
i used to love making friends through my website(s). i hope non-creepy people find this and like it, i just wish they’d reach out to me. it bums me out that the internet is so different now. i’ve thought about dm’ing said zine author – i do feel like he’s someone i’d get along with, but at the same time, maybe he doesn’t want to be bothered. who knows?
:: shrug ::
i’ll just keep commenting from the penny section of his IG and hope he takes notice someday ♥
touching on the last post… i just read a guy’s zine i recently purchased and he mentioned about people who wear band merch being “a signifier for teenagers and a way of finding people like yourself”. howeverrrrrrr, i’m still stuck on this – adults can still do this too. i think we should be able to. i mean, i still go to shows, and i like talking to people and finding new friends with that interest. some of us haven’t outgrown the subculture we blossomed our social lives in, or the music.
a lot of my friends were getting married and having kids, so i need to replace them with other people since apparently that life automatically = no more going to shows. i am not married and absolutely do not want to have children (at least the natural way, and even then, the window is closing and i don’t feel ready financially, but i digress…), so that does not stop my desire to go to shows and have fun.
he didn’t touch on it the pissed off way that i would, mainly bc he was talking in the past tense, but i just wanted to clarify and add to the last post, since i just sounded like a large asshole (which i am, and i don’t regret what i said, i just wanted to add to it).
if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. if i see someone with crazy dyed hair and a specific band shirt, one would think i found someone in my subculture to befriend. i am not saying i’m not friends with plenty of non-punk/alt folks – I AM… sports folks, preppy folks, emo folks, parental folks, old folks, etc. – but if i see someone with a misfits or joy division shirt (popular examples of exploitation of *eDgY fAsHuN* or the ol’ “i just liked the design”), i want them to know wtf it is. if i talk to them, i want them to have an opinion about glenn, the M25 lineup days, graves, samhain/danzig and what they thought of the reunion shows. i want someone to talk to about the different versions of “ceremony” and songs other than “love will tear us apart” THAT ISN’T EVEN FUCKING ON UNKNOWN PLEASURES.
i wanted to add slayer tees into this mix, but i feel so betrayed finding out tom araya is a practicing catholic that i just can’t even with them anymore. it was as bad as finding out robert smith’s favorite season is the summer while reading lol tolhurst’s book about the cure.
THE SUMMER?! WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?
(it’s supposed to be autumn, duh.)
anyway, this is how we build friendships in my subculture. when a person is wearing these things and not knowing what they are, it’s misleading and annoying. it legit takes two seconds to google what a shirt means. if you can’t understand that, you are a bonehead.
i just got an email from a disgruntled reader of the old URC blog via comment… and lolololol!
i disabled the blog when the pandemic started bc i wasn’t doing events and i wasn’t updating it all that often (in shocking news). anyways, the post was about how much i loathe the lame influencer terms the internet and IG has given us like “mermaid hair”, and was also about how annoying, try-hard poser/”edgy” goons that dye their hair punk colours are.
actually, tbh, it was more complaining about the term mermaid hair more than just straight up bashing people left right and sideways. mermaids don’t actually have fun coloured hair. in fact, MERMAIDS AREN’T REAL. that’s besides the point. any movies i’ve ever seen with mermaids, mermaids on tv, mermaids in cartoons, in books, etc. all have natural hair colours. do a google image search! all the images aside from corny/modern day influencers is all normal hair colours.
anyways, i made someone mad (wahhhhhhhhhhhhh!)… here’s the hysterical/defensive comment i received on it (IN ALL CAPS!):
“SPEAKING OUT THIS WAY FOR A SUBCULTURE BUILT ON NOT CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK SEEMS VERY HYPOCRITICAL. IT’S JUST A TERM TO DESCRIBE A CERTAIN COLOR METHOD WHICH MANY PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO DYE THEIR HAIR WEIRD COLORS TRY. PUNK PEOPLE ARE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO USE UNNATURAL HAIR COLORS AND CALLING YOURSELF A PUNK/ THINKING YOU’RE A BADASS WON’T SAVE YOU FROM REALITY. POSERS ARE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO TELL OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO THINK AND BELITTLE PEOPLE FOR THEIR PERSONAL OPINIONS.”
first off, mermaid hair is not a method – it’s an umbrella term and hashtag that colorists use to spread a specific coloring trend, so her argument is absolutely stupid. secondly, my post was simply pointing out that a) mermaids do not have rainbow hair and b) a street punk gal with a pink chelsea cut probably can’t and wouldn’t want to socially relate to a chick that uses a damn curling iron on her new, blown out, healthy pastel pink and lavender hair.
hey, you know what… maybe i’m wrong, maybe crust punks would love to socialize with girls that primarily shop at zara and listen to tay swift, wtf do i know?
anyways, ignoring the poor, angry grammar displayed there, all i can really conclude FROM THIS VERY ANGRY AND DEFENSIVE COMMENT is that either this person does hair (“fashun hurr”) or is one of the basic betches that likes to dye their hair “fashion colours” and doesn’t apply to an alternative subculture.
i didn’t bother approving it bc my blog is disabled, but i just don’t have the patience to go back and forth with online, butt-hurt goons via email. i do have this person’s IP address/location (in good ol north carolina)… maybe i’ll just block her. the less morons, the better.
regarding her comment whining about a subculture built on not caring what other people think: i hate to break it to her, but punk is dead. it’s been dead… and by the time it got to me coming up with it in the early 90s, it was dead and buried and hanging on in some weird ghost shell of itself. alls i know is that the 70s/80s punks might not have cared (they were an entirely different breed), but the 90s absolutely cared. there’s a reason the word poser exists, and it sure as shit aint me. where do you think i learned the term from? i didn’t make that shit up… i learned it in the 90s.
manic panic started in the 70s and was most likely the go-to for ages. punk people are absolutely the only people aside from rad new wave people or goths of the 80s that dyed their hair crazy colours, up until just about a decade ago. metal heads didn’t even do it back then. in fact, i rarely even had raver friends that dyed their hair weird colours on the regs in the 90s/early 00s. sure, they did pop up every now and again but for the most part, it was regular ol hair hues. I’M TALKING NYC RAVERS… the only other time anyone saw rainbow hair were either on the goth/vampire kids, on wigs, or rad chicks of colour donning red or dark purple. so yeah, *this bAdAsS pOsEr* def recalls reality a lot better than whoever this ding dong is.
also: i love belittling posers that try to look like something they’re not and will absolutely do it whenever possible. i will never outgrow this shit, it’s embedded into my brain. why try to be something you’re not? if you’re not authentic, wtf do you have in life? just bc i struck a nerve, doesn’t mean you have to reach out to a person like an unhinged nut. spewing that shit to me just made me giggle. i am a cranky, piece of shit, punk new yorker…
have you ever felt a surge of creativity but don’t know where tf to put it?
that’s been me all week.
i have 6 inches of virgin hair i’m trying to grow out for color correction and i’m dying to bleach my entire head and dye it all greens vs my usual split, but i’ll never be able to match up my bum ass hair to my virgin hair. i don’t have the patience to do it all myself.
i have been putting off building or buying a new lightbox for my jewelry, but i have new stuff that i made.
i’ve needed to do my nails for like two weeks, but i keep finding things are getting in the way. working out, hair wash day, going out, watching sports, making jewelry…
i’ve been meaning to make some new wallpapers, and i’ve only churned out like 10 in the last month.
i’ve been looking through my computer at old websites/graphic design and it makes me miss building out those types of layouts/making that type of art. i barely even collage anymore…
i’ve been meaning to start acrylic pouring, and i just don’t, bc do i need ANOTHER hobby?
i’ve also been meaning to hang out/meet up with like 15 of my peoples, and between the stress of oscar’s health and the most disgusting soup bowl summer weather, i’ve been a hermit.
i mean, i don’t really feel like being around most people bc of this damn pandemic not being over. i don’t care if i’m vaccinated, who knows who is bringing this damn delta variant around. i keep having people i know that are traveling… and no offense, but i don’t have an interest with co-mingling with anyone who has gone to florida in the last 6 months [barf].
i really wish public places, venues and arenas kept up with the whole segregating unvaccinated folks. make a universal vaccine app for proof already… when i went to a ranger game this year, they scanned in my excelsior pass and i strolled right in, no prob. it’s not a big deal. it pisses me off that we’re not using it bc i went to my first mets game this year a few weeks ago, and noooooooobody was wearing masks. i don’t believe in this honor system shit. they had vaxed and unvaxed folks mixed – they lifted the segregated area for the unvaxed… like, if you want to act like an ignorant goon, you should be treated like one. the kiddos should have been shoved into a quarantine corner by themselves.
a bunch of my friends and i have tickets to go see dropkick/rancid in a few weeks and i’m like UGH, ew. how am i supposed to wear a mask in a punk pit in the middle of the summer (it’s outside)? i wish they were requiring vaccinations to get in… blegh.
even going to the grocery store/target/etc. people are walking around with no masks on… it’s disgusting. these fucking idiots are making me so anxious. i feel like this shit is never gonna go away.
years ago, i dated a dude whose brother and best friend were obsessed with glassjaw… i soon also became obsessed with glassjaw, and kept following along with other projects that came about via the extremely talented lead singer, daryl.
one of his musical projects ended up being a band called head automatica. i was fucking THRILLED about this in particular, because this mixed up genre of a band was absolutely right up my alley. i am extremely into new wave/80s/dance/electro anything, so this new band fit right into my repertoire of musical interests. like, so right up my alley that it even featured tim armstrong (a dude from one of my favorite punk bands, rancid) on a pop dance track. what in the actual fuck?! (but it worked…)
i grew up in the 80s and have always loved new wave (especially the weird, left of center shit), i love synthy pop dance stuff, i came into various types of punk on my own and went to raves in the 90s. i feel like head automatica sounded like pieces of all of those things. it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what they sound like. i listen to all different types of music/bands and i don’t even know who to compare HA to. when it came out, i guess you could call it some type of indie pop rock, because it (thankfully) wasn’t main stream enough to be straight up pop music, not that daryl would have allowed that shit anyway… that was a genre we kind of what we kept shoving all types of “myspace bands” and indie into at the time.
so now that i’ve professed my love, i am here to profess my frustration.
i was looking around some archived bookmarks i have in my browser and came across this, which i had forgotten about:
first off: i didn’t take this video – it’s just on youtube… but i was at this show at blender theater, and i did get to witness this IRL and it was glorious. i remember while this was happening, i was instantly like “this is going to be my favorite song off of this new album”, and proceeded to shake my fat ass in the crowd.
secondly: this song, nor the album it’s on were ever released. they were performing songs off of the 3rd album live, soon before they were going to release it. it was named “swan damage”.
i googled what i could about the release of that album, and came across a few things and articles regarding swan damage. tl;dr: daryl wanted his projects off of the label they were on, and unfortunately that also affected the album. he talks about it MAYBE being leaked someday, doesn’t say who or how… just kind of eludes to it. unfortunately though, it seems as if he’s put all of this behind him. as a fan waiting for this stuff, well, that selfishly hurts.
to me, head automatica feels like “well, it’s better to have loved and lost”. like, thank you universe for letting us experience it, but we should just be grateful we had it at all? uh, we could still have swan damage probably/maybe/who knows/i dunno/please just do this one last thing.
i dunno how that’s fair, but still we devoted fans still follow DP’s moves and punish ourselves, lol.
* * *
listen, daryl, you sexy bastid, if you ever see this post… please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please (zing!) release the kraken. swan damage does NOT feel old to the people that have been waiting for years now. we haven’t heard it over and over again. this song above, i don’t know what the actual lyrics are bc it’s a bit fuzzy. i want primo quality… i would like to see this in front of me again, when we can go to shows and dance my ass off. the few swan damage tracks you did play during that era sounded so mature in the HA archive. as aforementioned, HA wasn’t like most bands out there. you did what you wanted. i KNOW who inspires you musically (squeeze, elvis costello, the jam, etc.), and i feel like you were finally applying it to this project. don’t get me wrong, i love “beating heart baby”, and fuck the label for wanting 10 of it… but that wasn’t my favorite track. “the razor”, “laughing at you” and “cannibal girl” are probably my favorites, alongside the song above. i don’t even know what it’s called… but i’m sure the mastered version would have been in my top 3, sir.
* * *
it’s so hard being a fan of daryl’s, bc while he’s a musician, he’s also a CREATIVE human being. he moves fluidly between or onto new projects, and for us greedy fans that want more of something, we get the brunt of it and get impatient. as a glassjaw fan, we had to wait 9 years for new EPs and 15 years for a full album.
on the other side of the token, i actually feel guilty having these feelings. it’s not my business to get pissy about having expectations, i guess. it just sucks that he was just kind of over it, when i felt like he was finding himself in such a great, creative place. i feel like a label and it’s expectations killed this shit for all of us.
as for side projects, house of blow, head automatica, SPORTS, color film (bad saint… i melt. ♥)… they’re all so good! i guess as fans we just have to cherish what we get blessed with by him and just be happy with it.
* * *
i got to meet daryl at an album release party via some rapper i used to know. not only did he perform there that night, but we were all in VIP, so once i was drunk enough to actually utter words to him, i thanked him. it was all i wanted to do, honestly, bc you know that whole “never meet your heroes” expectations thing… i was at a loss for many words, but he was sweet when i said that to him, and i hope he knew how much i actually meant it.
we chit chatted about nonsense i’m sure. at that very moment, i was schlepping vinyl records in milk crates for a mutual connection DJ friend, who had also performed there that night. i remember him thanking me for knowing all the words to the house of blow songs (i’m guessing he saw me in the crowd singing along) and then asked me if he could hug me (obviously i said yes, and i remember that his leather jacket was so damn stiff, that it was hard to get a good one, but i still got one ♥).
anyways, my point is… i don’t know if musicians really understand just how much music touches people, but hopefully when we tell them “thank you”, even if that’s all we can get out of our star struck mouths, they understand what we mean. music has always been a massive part of my life, and while i’m not a very emotional person, music always overwhelms me. it powers me, it helps me, it makes me emotional… music is magical.
to have another chapter of head automatica would be amazing for us fans… just putting it out there. maybe our other mutual connection that works at the shitty label will find a way to um, *cough*leak*cough* release it.
i feel like i’m back at my return of saturn again already, maybe it’s a midlife crisis. i dunno, either way, i’ve been getting my shit together so hardcore lately (especially financially), but everything else is bunk. my cat is getting older and it’s starting to show, my 40s are creeping up on me and it’s starting to show, the pandemic isn’t helping…
i miss going out.
i miss having friends without kids or husbands/wives.
i miss being inspired by manhattan, by friends, by creatively vibing with friends, going to shows, just… living. i feel like i’m missing something.
sometimes i yearn for my late 20s, but it was so stressful. sometimes i yearn for my early 30s, but it was so stressful. i really miss those feelings, though. uncertainty brought creativity.
i miss living in a new neighborhood.
i miss taking trains.
i miss taking pictures of things that make me feel things, that inspire me.
i clearly miss a lot of things.
i can’t wait to get back to work and “normal” life in manhattan on weekdays. i know my 40s aren’t the end of the world, but they’re the last young years i have left. i just want to be out doing dumb shit, looking as cute as i can before my skin starts to sag and my knees or hips no longer work.
so if you’re not already aware, i’ve been trying to keep track of what i binge on streaming services since last year. this year, steven had to sign up for HBO max to watch the newest godzilla movie, so we had a month free and i took advantage. i watched all of game of thrones in like a month and a half (i’m a freak) and then threw in sex and the city when he forgot to cancel the free month.
i somehow didn’t retain any spoilers for either show (aside from one GoT spoiler, which i won’t reveal in case you didn’t watch it), which was nice… these are both HBO shows, and i didn’t have HBO when GoT was on, and sex and the city, well, i don’t have a good reason for not watching it. i figured maybe it was just too mature for me at the time (i was 16 going on 17), and i just mean mature like the problems didn’t apply to my life yet. my ex bf’s mom watched it religiously, which was kind of a turn off for me, and the other reason i have is absolutely stupid… the box set honestly annoyed tf out of me when i worked at the video store. it was bulky bc it was on VHS (yes, i am that old) and we constantly had to keep our eyes on it while it was on the counter so that it didn’t get stolen.
anyways, it’s kind of depressing while i was watching it NOW because i’m older than everyone on the show but samantha. i also actually recently realized i’m as old as al bundy was on married with children. like, how tf did that happen? ew.
what did i think about it? (maybe some SLIGHT spoilers ahead?)
my computer says i made this little quote graphic in 2009. i can’t argue that, i start listening to world/inferno in 2007 or 2008, so that makes sense. it might have been on my myspace page in the bio/content section (and here it is on my myspace page again, lol).
this was my favorite song by them. i remember seeing them the first time open for bouncing souls at webster hall, maybe? i couldn’t believe how many people were playing on stage at once, they were amazing. they didn’t sound like any other band within our punk world. it was weird and refreshing.
one time, my ex and his sister and i all went up to the chance in poughkeepsie to see them play with the souls. he ended up being at the bar – just hanging out with the crowd like it wasn’t no thang and he was so nice, said hi and everything. i’ll feel like a dick forever, bc his sister and i were like “who is this older guy at the bar alone staring at us“. i had only seen him one time before that and totally forgot, and we just thought he was creepin’ for ladies or something (we are idiots), until he said hi and i put it together.
anyways, after that, i did get to witness the glory that was world/inferno a few more times. they never disappointed, and i’m sad the world will never have that again in this lifetime.
i probably should have sticky rolled my jacket before i left the house, oops! the life of a cat mom
anyways, i forgot to post this from a while back. happy/proud to be fully vaccinated… i’m feeling a little more comfortable each day with not wearing a mask while walking around outside (still feels so weird). i am still not about that indoor dining life just yet… i felt super weird doing outdoor dining last weekend… baby steps, i guess.
i did end up going to a ranger game last week with my friend george, which felt nice and normal. it’s the third thing i did in a social setting so far (in addition to the outdoor dining once, and indoor dining once – bc where we were trying to sit on the outside of meatball shop was filthy).
i went to the post office the other day, and i was looking around and thinking to myself “in ten years from now, we’re gonna be like, ‘yo, remember that year and a half (or so) where we had to walk around with masks on everywhere’ to ourselves”. i can’t even remember what life was like outside of this bc of how consuming it’s been in our lives for the last year and a half. like, 38 years went by with no masks on and i can’t recall what that’s like, lol?
anyways, i can’t wait til it’s back to normal. i miss dive bars and concerts… i’d like to get back into some punk pits and dancing again, before i’m 50 and my hips are broken.
i finally sat down to sift through the newest offspring album. of course, as with any band i loved in the 90s, my anxiety is at an all time high, with the lowest of hopes. i always feel like these bands aren’t going to put out anything they release in the present, that can be compared to their heyday. i know that’s super unfair, i think i’ve just been burned by weezer so many times, lol… anyways, i figured i’d give this a fair shot.
my thoughts until track 6/7ish were just “well, this doesn’t sound like the offspring”. like it legit doesn’t sound like dexter singing and i was confused and thought they replaced him for a hot second, lol. i don’t know if they were trying to do that on purpose bc they are basically a typecast sounded band… but i did not like that. i know it’s dexter bc i can hear his signature octaves in the chorus of the first song, and realized it was him… but it was honestly confusing.
once you get to breaking these bones and the opioid diaries, you hit THE OFFSPRING (and hassan chop, too). THEN THERE IS GONE AWAY SUNG ONLY WITH PIANO, AND MY HEART MELTED. it’s honestly so beautiful.
i liked some of the songs but i’m not sure if i would insert them into any playlists just yet. in all fairness, i don’t really listen to music anymore, if i’m not out riding my bike. i don’t really have the attention span for it.
overall, i was definitely NOT in love with this album as i have been with other offspring albums. i’d give it a 3.5/5 if i had to rate it.
i’m glad that they’re still making music, though. ♥
if you’re not new around here, you know how much i LOATHE domestic transplants that move to my city… the city and borough i came flying out of the womb in, the streets and public schools that raised me, well, i have a lot of pride for all it. i’m annoyingly, possessively protective of her and i know i am obnoxious, and i’m not sorry for it, but i digress. the reason i came here to bitch about domestic transplants today just kind of ties into why i’m here.
two days ago, i came across this article. now, as a native new yorker, i like to think of my insides as an immunity tank. in fact, i usually tip my hat to the city when bringing up my strong immune system. commuting for so many years on the mta and eating processed food for most of my life must have really keith richards’d my insides (nope, taco bell has never and still doesn’t make me instashit). i’m rarely sick, and while that’s great and all, i read articles like that about NYC pollution and i’m just like “fuck, that’s bad/gross” and it snowballs my thoughts from “this city is filthy” (honestly the first thing i said to myself exploring chicago was “holy shit, it’s like being in manhattan but it’s not dirty!”) to “idiots really come here to deal with the disgusting mta and pay high ass rents, just to feel like real new yorkers”.
WWWWOOOWWWWWWW… YOU PROB STRUGGLED LIKE A COLLEGE PERSON, W A ROOMMATE OR TWO IN YOUR LATE 20S AND MAYBE EVEN INTO YOUR 30S AND MANAGED TO SURVIVE SOMEHOW… i guess that feeling of non-rural accomplishment really does a number on people’s dopamine. congrats, you cornballs.
this thought just always brings me back to “why the fuck do they come here, like, really? and why aren’t there more cities like NYC in this country so we can get a break?” there is so much land in this country, why tf are we not building a few more major cities? why aren’t we building something like THIS (we have finally made it to the inspiration of this article) someplace in the middle of spacious, rural states? this seems like what people dream nyc or parts of nyc to eventually become, and it will probably never be – i don’t think it physically can be.
this city is probably unfixable as a whole… everything is basically already setup with no room to grow. we’re literally living on small islands. p.s. – robert moses (the racist shitface) laid out all of the highways like a goon, there are WAY too many vehicles in this city, no one knows how to merge when driving the surplus of said vehicles on the said highways (pissing everyone off as a whole, and adding commute time to our days bc satan forbid there were HOV or bus lanes going into manhattan), there are cemeteries in the middle of boroughs taking up so much space, the MTA can’t be redone and has so many dead zones in the middle of boroughs, LIC built itself up too much and views of the city are being blocked, bike lanes? yeah okay, sorry, no space for them without pissing off drivers, rents aren’t really going down even with this fuckin pandemic happening, and the only solution? BUILD “AFFORDABLE” HOUSING aka ugly/tiny unit buildings with bedrooms the size of king sized beds (y’all are really okay with that?) that we don’t even have room for in this fucking city, etc…
having a town/city like myTengah would be better for the environment overall. why hasn’t anyone tried to do this in the US? what are urban planners doing in this country? i’m so confused and annoyed. NYC should be this, and now it can’t be. the more people that move here, the less wiggle room there is to even implement things like that. now i understand people come from all over the world to live here, but as i’ve said in the past, i have more respect for people fleeing their countries for good reasons than goons from iowa, that just want to wear paisley and buffalo plaid clothing at the same time, while wearing sunglasses at night and beige yeezy’s just to say they can “finally be themselves”. bruh, go do that shit in iowa.
omg, just give this city a decade or three to fix itself. maybe i missed my calling trying to be an urban planner… i didn’t think this was too shabby of an idea, maybe someone should listen to the people.
i just finished watching “living single” straight through. i always watch it when i catch it on tv, but i haven’t watched it straight through since i was a kid. it’s a quick 5 seasons (i thought i binged shows quickly before, but this pandemic while WFH really speeds things up, lol), and the last season wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t quite great. what made it le suck was that kyle wasn’t in the last season. i also never knew until now that the reason tc carson left – multiple conflicts with the writers (he was the bridge between the cast and the writers) and of all fucking things… warner brothers favored and chose to market FRIENDS over living single.
this irritates the shit out of me bc fuck that over-hyped, not funny show… but also, fuck the writers and anyone that argued with carson, bc living single was not only an amazingly written show and fucking hysterical, but it represented black people in positive, successful lights and if they hadn’t of fucked up season 5, they definitely could have kept going.
the living single cast had such good chemistry – even with smaller roles, they just vibed so well with the main cast – UNTIL SEASON FIVE. the bunk substitute roommate, the new girl that moves into the building… it was just so forced. it was awful. the last episode made up for it though.
anyways, the reason i came to post here was bc as soon as i finished up the series, i googled to follow up with why it was cancelled, etc. and i came across this article. funny enough, i tweeted this the other day:
i wouldn’t be opposed to even a “living married” or something, but i think waiting and doing a retirement version would be amazing, too. i read there was a spin-off called half & half, that featured an episode starring max, kyle and their 7 year old daughter…
either way, that cast deserves a show if they want it, and we true fans defffffffffff want it… so, hopefully something will happen with that. anyways, if you’ve never watched it, watch it (i watch it on tv sometimes – google it, but it’s also on hulu)! man does it make me miss NYC in the 90s something fierce. the style, the music, the famous athletes that cameo, the vibe of the city, the slang i grew up with, the show features all of that good stuff.
i’m currently listening to the new =w= album… i figured i’d live post my first impressions while listening.
* for songs i love on first impression.
all my favorite songs – i don’t vibe with it fully but the words apply to me perfectly
* aloo gobi – this sounds like something indie i would have listened to during myspace days. i do like it, and it didn’t feel weezer-y enough for me until the first chorus and the further it gets into the song, the more weezer-y it got.
grapes of wrath – pleasing enough, very poppy and happy but doesn’t resonate as a song i’d go back to just yet.
* numbers – this is very cursive, sad and romantic sounding to me and i love it.
playing my piano – see below.
mirror image – i don’t really vibe with this song, it’s overly whimsical if that makes sense? haha i didn’t realize “playing my piano” changed over to mirror image… so same for both songs. meh.
screens – this is a very happy, modern 60s sounding song to me, if that makes any sense. i liked it, but don’t really connect with it (other than being annoyed with everyone staring at their fuckin phone screens).
bird with a broken wing – a lil too slow for my liking, but a pretty song none the less.
dead roses – a lil too slow for my liking, but a pretty song none the less.
everything happens for a reason – just a 23 second in betweener.
here comes the rain – it’s catchy if you have an ear for this specific type of song, and it’s not really for me. super happy… too happy for me.
la brea tar pits – i feel like we’re back at the “this sounds like something from myspace indie band days”, but polished. i don’t really listen to that type of music anymore… that kind of music reminds me of the band japanese gum – it’s not bad, i’m just not feelin it.
every time there’s a new weezer album, i clench and cringe a bit… i know there’s never gonna be another blue album, but i keep praying for it. i love pinkerton, i love parts of maladroit and some of the green album. maybe a song or two after that, but never a full album again, and i hate it. i tried to listen to the entire discography at some point a year or two ago and couldn’t really find anything i liked. it made me so sad, because the blue album and pinkerton are so epic. the blue one is always going to be the mecca for us weezer fans, and nothing will ever top it. it’s so depressing.
while i’m not a huge fan of it, i will say that i think overall, “everything will be alright in the end” comes pretty close to the blue album soundwise, from modern day weezer. da vinci is probably my favorite track from the album.
in case you don’t feel like sifting through their entire discography, here are a few notable song/scattered gems i adorrrrrrrrre:
you gave your love to me softly (b-side)
green album – photograph
maladroit – possibilities
raditude – (if you’re wondering if i want you to) i want you to – okay, this song is sorrrrrrrrrrrt of a wee bit obnoxious, but it’s so happy how could you hate it?! i don’t find myself listening to it often, but i do like it. ♥
pacific daydream – mexican fender, happy hour (it’s so dreamy! …and poppy but not offensively poppy), weekend woman feels blue album to me but dreamy (i guess they were going through an electro-pop dreamy sounding phase? lol), any friend of diane’s is a good one, too.
the black album – while i just wanted to note that i reeeeeeally didn’t dig this album, “i’m just being honest” is one of my favorite weezer tracks, ever. while it doesn’t feel like a weezer track at all, it’s right up my alley.
i just finished watching cobra kai, and as noted in my summarization:
i really loved it, but it was kind of hard to see these characters older now. i guess it just makes you aware of your own mortality. i grew up watching karate kid and just can’t believe how long ago that was – all of the flashbacks just gave me such a frog in my throat. i can’t believe those guys are in their late 50s. i hate how far away the 80s was, and i guess this was just a constant reminder of it. what i wouldn’t give to be an adult in those times… bleh.
not a lot of things make me have a frog in my throat or make me want to cry. for some reason, seeing people aging, IRL or celebrities really freaks me the fuck out and makes me feel like that. if you know me IRL, i haven’t changed much since i was a teenager on the style front, bedroom decor front, looks front… this is me. my shit was never a phase, this is just me. i’m okay with that, and i’m sort of getting better with aging or the idea of it. it’s not like i can do anything about it, so it is what it is. when i turned 30, i figured i’d have a nervous fucking breakdown, but i was fine (40 is this year, let’s see how that goes).
i feel like maybe some people wouldn’t pin me for a fan of this song, but it’s one of my faves. in fact, i’ve been building a list of my top 100 faves throughout my entire life since last year, and this will definitely be on it. it’s a sentimental one for me. when TRL first came about, i used to go over to my twin friends’ house and we would watch the whole countdown, and it was about the same time when this came out. this was on there for what seems like forever. just brings me right back to my senior year.
it was a bittersweet lil era… a tough time. i had just broken up with randolph, i was spending more time with new/old friends because i was kind of fighting with sophie, my friends just started going to raves which was changing our dynamic (before i started going), so it was kind of synced up to a transitional time, i suppose. it’s also just a good fuckin 90s pop song.
i mean, if this year fucking deserves to come in with a biden bang, this is def a way to do it. i’m glad gregg and co. aggreed to it… this makes my 2021 hear very happy already, just with them playing the inauguration.
hey freaks what’s goin’ on :] i feel absolutely horrifying. i have very bad cramps. could anyone brighten up my gloomy day? it’d really make me glow instead of gloom :] anyhOo – glad very few of you fuckers use the tagboard. – i’m thinking of making the site really damn interactive. i need more of my visitors to participate. what’ll it take? let me know in the comments here people – THAT’S WHY THEY’RE HERE.
FYI: a tagboard was a service that allowed you to host chats (like an AOL room kind of thing). i had mine situated in a pop-up window that looked like the intro screen for SMB2. it was so cute. however, i learned at a very early time in internet life that if people are not in their current/natural social media element (at the time it was being on AIM/friendster/myspace), talking about themselves or being brave comment trolls, people either will only participate to suck up to you or if you’re actual friends with the people/in the same online community. otherwise, it is generally difficult to get people to be interactive.personally, i didn’t really want a bunch of IRL people on my site, so i didn’t expect or have that type of interaction – but it’s annoying now because later in life, i found out that people i knew IRL were creeping… people actually blew up other people’s spots about how they knew they read it on a regular basis. if find that shit so creepy – and i’m not even referring to my lame, overweight, creepy stalker. i’m talking friends and fake-friends alike. like why wouldn’t you just comment or at least talk to me about the stuff IRL? smh – people are so fucking weird.
like honestly, how did people i KNOW sit there and act like they didn’t read it, or have some sort of opinion hanging over their heads sit there with a straight face? wtf was the point of it? if these people just straight up hated me, then they’re evil creeps with no self-control and need mental health help.
shit like that always brings me back to the feelings of when my lame, overweight, creepy stalker was stalking me. was i really that fascinating? was she mad at me? was she jealous? did she want to be friends? did she want to be me? did she want to be with me? (i dunno man, you never know) – they’re no better than her. why do you exhibit this behavior? it’s awful and weird.
wtf is the point of sitting there stalking a person’s thoughts/movements online? those same reasons above? why didn’t those people i actually knew just talk to me about that stuff? i don’t understand how people pull that shit. i find it psychotic… but still, i always think there’s a foundation to all of it. there’s gotta be an underlying reason. if not, then you’re just a hateful psycho with no self-control, but i doubt it.
whenever my friends had blogs, i’d either comment on them and interact or i would just talk to them about it IRL – i was their friend… that’s what you do, i dunno. is this just not a normal thing? to discuss life stuff when you’re friends with a person? do you just not want to admit you read their thoughts? if it’s online and your friend knows where it is, who tf cares? before kristen and i started really hanging out again IRL, she read this site and then we’d talk about this type of stuff. she was a person who regularly commented, but still. it was never some secret thing where she read my thoughts and kept it from me.
anyways, i totally got off course here (it’s always such a touchy/confusing subject for me), sorry – of course i had people that left comments here and there, but it wasn’t as interactive as online chats or whatever (comparable to the time). that’s why i turned comments off for this site – why even bother? people are supposed to connect and inspire/support one another… i feel like the internet either really made that happened or did the exact opposite. my favorite go-to to point this issue out was on (RIP) missbehave’s blog post bitching about the same thing. if a huge/influential mag had that prob, how is stoopid little me going to overcome it?
i think back then online community phpbb boards and online chats were the default for stuff like that, but i didn’t know how to open a board back then, and i didn’t host my own site back then anyways.
last night i had such bad gas. not like fart gas… like it felt like i had a balloon in my chest that wouldn’t shrink. so jeff’s mommy gave me nasty ass mylanta. it tasted and smelled like soap… the kind jeff uses, lol. it was really nasty. when jeff’s mother came up to my mouth with the spoon it took me back to the days of when i was a stubborn little brat. i remember when i was little and i needed to take medicine, i’d keep my mouth shut SO tight. my mother would be standing there for like fifteen minutes trying to get that nasty shit in my mouth. gah! i thought robutussin would KILL me or something. YACK! i hate not feeling good. – like today, i couldn’t breathe. – i’m beginning to think i’m allergic to cigarette smoke. as soon as i went around my smoking mother today i stuffed up and what not. it was so effin horrible :[ i couldn’t breathe at all for like an hour. i stuffed my face in a little tub of vapo-rub lol. RAVER STUFF!! lol
this is confusing. jeff was a heavy smoker while we were together, why was i so aggressive about pointing out that my mother’s smoking stuffed me up. i wonder if he stopped at some point during our lovefest?
well here was my fascinating day… i woke up and watched my soaps. “the young and the restless” and “the bold and the beautiful”. i then proceeded to roll jeff over to bug him to cuddle and then i went downstairs to talk to his mommy. then she took me home and i put on the air conditioner for my hot hamster with three legs. – my mother leaves no AC on all day because she’s afraid it will “catch fire”. i think she thinks little pyro elves live in my house and come out when she isn’t home looking to start a fire. – so i then hung out with hammy a bit. worked on some site shit, (marie, check my personal bio section and don’t kill me for the picture. it’s fudging awesome :] and i’m adding more “GOOD” pictures that’ll pass to your liking in the next few days lol), paid off a small fee to a friend for some phat ass pants, watched the mets game, and then went out to eat at a cheap diner with sophie. i had pancakes. yum. then i went to go see jeff at work.
a) my mother still watches those shows, and sometimes i’ll sit and watch them with her, and i still remember most of the characters and the stories are always easy to catch up with. they’ve been on since before i was born, but my mom was watching them both since i was like 4/5. i remember victor and nikki like they were part of my childhood, lol. what a saga they were…
b) my mother is STILL a “that’ll catch fire, unplug it” nut. i went up to help her recently after a surgery for a few days, and every time i had to use something in the kitchen or have light in a room, i’d have to plug it in first. it didn’t help that when i got to her house, it was past 9PM, lol.
c) PHAT PANTS lololol – i miss those wide legs. fucking andrina borrowed them and never gave them back to me. they were ENORMOUS kikgirl pants, i think.
back to sophie – – – she finally ordered our misfits tickets. holy fuck nut that’s right – i have a guaranteed ticket to go see my SEXY mofo fiends!! I’M SO EXCITED! PUNKER DAN – buy a ticket to the misfits show at l’amors (sp?) in brooklyn! august 3rd – it’ll be rad – and we’ll be at a show together!
ahhhh, the y2k “misfits” (aka the M25 lineup – jerry only, dez and marky ramone). good fuckin times… those tours were so much fun. i’m glad i got to see those shows before danzig started up his reunion/retirement tours, which costs nearly $300 a pop for a ticket. fucka you, glenn!…and to see them at l’amour brooklyn! amazing! (RIP – it was a legendary NYC rock venue for metal and hardcore bands) i got to see pete steele at that show as well. i think it was a solo thing, but of course, i can’t find any information on it aside from a few sites noting the actual tour date (no opening band info).
punker dan was a dude i think we met on long island waiting to get into a bouncing souls show. man, i totally forgot about him.
OKAY – now i’m tired. that was a kinda long update, eh?