February 14th, 2022 @ 1:44 am
as if today hasn’t been difficult enough to deal with mentally, due to a very jealousy inducing and muting of an account inducing instagram post in my fucking feed (bc i feel like a totally inadequate piece of shit comparing myself to someone else)… i was just swapping out my 17 year old dresser knobs at 1 AM (bc that’s what normal people do) AND THE FUCKING LAST SCREW GOT STRIPPED AND BROKE OFF AT THE VERY BASE OF THE KNOB.
well, fuck that,
fuck your convenient hookup,
fuck this fucking knob,
fuck that stripped screw,
and most importantly, fuck myself for being so fucking irritated about that post from earlier today.
i am so mad at myself for every ounce of energy of bad energy i have let myself feel today.
i also just got reminded that it’s stupid valentine’s day, not that i give a shit about it regularly, but all i ever want to do on this godforsaken hallmark holiday is go to a ranger game. instead of it being today, there’s a game on TOMORROW. there hasn’t been hockey all week… i just want to check out mentally into sports and i can’t even do that.
i am tempted to gather myself and go to oscar wilde alone and drown myself in fancy/expensive drinks in a corner crying. at least the surroundings would be pretty as i wallow in my own bullshit.