November 18th, 2021 @ 11:25 pm
i haven’t felt truly lost in a long time, but i’ve definitely been feeling like that in the last few years. living back in bayside, that time i lost my job for a year, getting older, losing family members, deading friends, oscy getting sick, feeling overall stuck, feeling like my bf and i don’t have the same goals… it’s just thing after thing – i feel like something is missing and wrong. i feel so overwhelmed and chaotic in my own brain and i don’t know where to put the energy. i usually do something artsy to have something therapeutic to channel this shit into, and i really just don’t have the focus since pandemic happened.
i usually hang out in the city, or i go to concerts… but a pandemic happened.
i crave big change bc i haven’t had any in ages, yet i’m too scared to even cut my hair above my shoulders… it’s ridiculous. i’ve been meaning to get another donny miller tattoo that reads “begin again at any time” with an F5 key (an ode to code), but i feel like i’m being a hypocrite if i get it.
i really need to reevaluate everything i’m doing before i’m 50 years old.
i feel so fucking stuck.
(i’m sorry – i know i’ve posted about this a couple of times already this year… it’s just hitting me harder this week.)