January 19th, 2021 @ 12:23 am

i just finished watching cobra kai, and as noted in my summarization:

i really loved it, but it was kind of hard to see these characters older now. i guess it just makes you aware of your own mortality. i grew up watching karate kid and just can’t believe how long ago that was – all of the flashbacks just gave me such a frog in my throat. i can’t believe those guys are in their late 50s. i hate how far away the 80s was, and i guess this was just a constant reminder of it. what i wouldn’t give to be an adult in those times… bleh.

not a lot of things make me have a frog in my throat or make me want to cry.  for some reason, seeing people aging, IRL or celebrities really freaks me the fuck out and makes me feel like that.  if you know me IRL, i haven’t changed much since i was a teenager on the style front, bedroom decor front, looks front… this is me.  my shit was never a phase, this is just me.  i’m okay with that, and i’m sort of getting better with aging or the idea of it.  it’s not like i can do anything about it, so it is what it is.  when i turned 30, i figured i’d have a nervous fucking breakdown, but i was fine (40 is this year, let’s see how that goes).

what i hated about 30+ was that i wasn’t 120 lbs without trying anymore, my metabolism slowed and my hormones were/are def changing.  i don’t really get a lot of gray hairs, just enough to pluck once every few months and scowl at a strand or two.  the worst thing i noticed was how easy a double chin shows (EW and thanks to sitting at a computer every day, it sure doesn’t help) and that my neck skin is not as tight as it once was.  it’s not loose or anything but i can see it starting in the shadows… and it scares the shit out of me.  you know, i never even noticed it on women until it started happening.  not on my mom, my aunts, teachers, customers, friends, co-workers, etc. – i just didn’t notice, so maybe i shouldn’t give too much of a shit about it…  again, i think it’s just bugging me bc it reminds me of my mortality and that my window of youth is closing.

anyways, the celebrity thing really freaks me out and it’s weird, i never noticed or thought about it, but macaulay culkin hit the nail on the head with this tweet.  he further solidified what my brain’s issue was when he chatted about it on his podcast with tony hawk:

“they keep me in a time capsule of like, the 2000s, so i’m clearly much older now and i was 30-ish when i came on the radar.  so now i’m 51 and i go to places and they’re like ‘nah it can’t be him’ or the worst reaction and the most honest is ‘oh, you got old’ or ‘you look a lot diff now'” – tony hawk

i didn’t listen to the entire episode again, i skimmed but didn’t hear this specific part again… but my old brain remembers them discussing how people specifically remember them stuck at a certain age (ie: when you think of macauly culkin, you instantly think mac at age 8 in home alone or when you think about tony, you think tony hawk in his 30s).  maybe it was in a tweet or something?  either way, that stuck with me and it made me think about and relate to it while watching cobra kai.  i’ve had a crush on johnny lawrence since i was a kid (yep, the bad guy) and just always had that youthful, hot version in my head.  watching billy in “how i met your mother” and “cobra kai” is a reality check (not saying he’s not good looking now, again, just pointing out aging/mortality).  it’s the same when i watch jackass.  the last time i watched it, i got so depressed seeing how youthful and hot so many of them were back then (even the not-so-hot ones, in their own ways), and now they’re having kids, married, older, wrinkling, sagging (and bloated in some cases COUGHBAMCOUGH).

jackass also brings me right back to the early 2000s, when i was in my early 20s and living quite freely – someone still living at home (mainly staying at my boyfriend’s house) – making a bit above minimum wage as a stand-in video store manager without BIG life issues… so that might have something to do with it, too.  my own faded youth i can never touch again gets regurgitated every time i watch that show or when i hear the opening riff to 96 quite bitter beings.

tl;dr – i guess i just wish everyone, and myself, could just physically stay in their 20s, lol.