August 9th, 2020 @ 10:41 pm
i would like to preface this post with: if i’m not out riding my bike, picking up food, shopping in a store, going to a protest… i am at home. i’ve been this way since the pandemic started, and i don’t see myself going out anytime soon.
i have friends that won’t stop fucking traveling or going out (out to eat on the street, out drinking, BBQs, etc.). i don’t understand. i don’t want to be near any of them… yuck. that prob sounds so fucked up, but how are people this irresponsible going to other states with high #s of COVID cases?!
i have been around 3 of my boyfriend’s friends, kristen, my mom (once, with a mask on), matt siren, my landlady, my friend nat (once because she came up from miami and i haven’t seen her in like a full decade – we socially distanced), and my mom’s friends leo and john (who are basically my uncles) and my ex’s new wifey boo for a few mins.
THIS HAS BEEN MY PANDEMIC CIRCLE SINCE MARCH.
anyways, i was just thinking to myself, how the fuck have i not cracked up yet?
i rarely craft anymore, i don’t put makeup on anymore bc i don’t want to waste it, i haven’t painted, i barely do anything with my hair… i actually kind of fell off of making mobile wallpapers (i’ve honestly just been busy)… i’m feeling kind of creatively MEH.
i restretched my ears that barely closed, though. back to 0g. ear holes!
i also got myself new septum rings for the first time in ages…
i gotta start making shit again. i have 937937983793879837 beads and charms, and my goal last year was to use them all up before buying any new ones… i gotta get back on that. i actually just fixed my lightbox that caved in last week, so i have to start using my shop again. i think since this year there won’t be any pop-up shops, it’s even worse on my motivation.
i lost internet the other day bc of that tropical storm rolling through and i didn’t know what to do with myself. i started to read “the great gatsby” again and it was boring tf out of me. i don’t understand the appeal of this book (i have to get through it before i have a final thought, but just, what?), so i put on donnie darko for the first time in years.
i used to have this whole yearly ritual where i would watch a specific set of of shows/movies for creative inspiration, and i completely fell off of it. maybe i’ll try to watch one DVD per week again.
i honestly hate this year so much for so many reasons, but it’s making me feel like it’s a return of saturn vibe. i was not a fan of that the first time.
i’m turn turning 40 next year, and while i thought it was going to scare me worse than 30, seeing how easy getting through 30 was, 40 doesn’t freak me out. what it IS making me do is reevaluate everything. i complain on a daily basis that i HATE living in this neighborhood/area again, my bf wants to buy a house and i don’t, and i am so over this fucking version of NYC. if this pandemic doesn’t shift the transplants out financially, i want to leave. being in these neighborhoods severely depress and stress me out. i always live in a world of nostalgia, but literally living in one is hard, especially without key players in my life actually being there (immediate family, select friends). it’s like living in an episode of the twilight zone.
on one of my newer cycling routes, it has me going by one of my former residences, and i don’t even feel like i ever lived there, yet we were in that house for over 10 years. i hate that. it’s icky.
i also have no idea where in queens i want to go next. poor ridgewood has been filled up with transplant hipster fucks, glendale is just – no (not that steven would live in either of those neighborhoods, tbh), i would never be caught dead living in ASStoria, forest hills is so expensive, and bf would never live in woodside or sunnyside. in fact, he doesn’t even want to live in an apartment again… it’s a vicious cycle of unproductive living situation talks. i think if it was up to me, i’d be in downtown BK, park slope or upper east side manhattan, but my bf already lived there, doesn’t want to again and wants to do the whole suburban house bullshit…
i feeeeeeeeeeeeel likeeeeeeeeeeeeeee that is going to be a large problem within the next year.
anyways, i really wish things were safer out there in the world. i can’t wait til next year… this will actually be a new year’s eve i look forward to (wow, thinking ahead, it will prob be the first one without a times sq new years eve in decades. how odd.).