December 15th, 2019 @ 2:09 am

01/01/10 – i moved into my first apartment by myself.  it was glorious.

i was still working down in dumbo at edit, i went to ranger games on the regs – sometimes multiple times per week, i was getting closer with my sister again, i hung out all the time with lauren, jen, jes and erica the most, i was being a miserable schlep bc of a guy, i went to shows all the time, i had hair down to my waist (it was when i really started dying it more), i was freelancing a lot, oscy was 5 years old, i twitpic’d more than i blogged, i flickr’d even more… i took my first instagram pic in november of 2010.

this new, exciting time gave me a lot of creativity, but towards the end of that year things became a bit stressful. as aforementioned in a recent post, i should try not to romanticize this era in my life that much.  as much as i now appreciate my tiny, CHEAP apartment that i had on my own… it was just one room.  my bed was in the same room as my kitchen.  it was at a time i was truly lost emotionally, and eventually that year, i lost the job that i loved very much. i wasn’t dating anyone for quite a while, and i was very lonely in a place where i barely knew anyone.

i was so glad to NOT be living anywhere near what i considered to be home (northeast queens).

* * *

12/14/19 – i currently live near where i grew up… aka home… aka where i never wanted to be again (by desire/suggestion of my current boyfriend).

i currently work in the hell hole that is midtown, near radio city (mind you, it’s fucking christmas time at the moment), luckily i’m at a company i really enjoy, they renovated madison square garden so now ranger tickets are too expensive to go on a regular basis – in fact, i MAYBE get to 3 games a year now, i see lauren here and there now (her work schedule/location of where she lives) – i purposely don’t speak to the three other gals that took up most of my life in the earlier part of the decade, i have been dating someone for multiple years now and we’re living together, i still go to shows – but fucking bands keep playing festivals and i could give a rats ass about going to a fucking festival, my hair is almost down to my waist again (heck yes, still dyed weird colours), i freelance sometimes but squarespace and wix are the cheaper alternative and i don’t argue it, oscy is going to be 15 this year (EW!), twitpic doesn’t exist anymore, i rarely blog and i definitely don’t do it on an open, personal level (thank you online stalker fatty), flickr has sucked asshole for a long time now, and IG – don’t even get me started.

my sister lives in LA and my mother moved upstate this year…

i feel family lonely.

my mother has stressed me out SO fucking badly throughout this decade, but most of all this year.  it’s seriously shaving years off of my nerves.

* * *

overall, i feel like the bad outweighs the good in this decade, bc there was so much more stress than there was good things.

i lost three long-term jobs, and each was heartbreaking.

edit went out of business after i had been there for 5 years, then one of my edit bosses owned another company and i transitioned over there – they eventually ran out of things for me to do, and the last one was also nearly a 5 year run (a semi-corporate, large company) obtained a company and sold their existing company and laid off more than half of the staff.

during some of those times, i was living off of unemployment (which might i add, is a fucking joke), my jewelry hustle (thank you SO much to every amazing human that was buying my dreamcatchers back then at $20 a pop – and fuck the IG algorithm from preventing strangers from getting to them anymore. sometimes i used to pocket like $200 extra a week) and freelancing was REALLY rough sometimes.

i did all of that shit hardcore when i had to… i asked for no handouts, no one paid my bills, no one helped me with any of it.  i am definitely proud of that.

* * *

i had to move out of my first apartment bc my landlord died and his kids sold the building.  i was paying $700 per month (utils included) in a studio in ridgewood for multiple years. it was a hard pill to swallow.

around that time, i couldn’t find a studio or a 1BR for less than $1100/1200 per month bc stupid ass fuckhead transplants were trickling in from bushwick, so i went the next town over.  a town that had a 10-15 min walk from the nearest train station… le sigh.

when i moved into glendale, i was paying $1200 per month for rent and i thought that shit was expensive, LOL!  i wish that was what i was paying now.  i mean, part of that time i was on unemployment, so i can see why it was a struggle. i don’t think it was for long in that apartment, luckily. i did take on a fucking WRETCHED ass roommate in that place trying to lighten the load.  woof, never again.

* * *

there has been so much good in there too, most of it socially, even if it was with people i don’t talk to anymore.  i have so many great memories, firsts, connections and re-connections, lusts and loves, inspiration, discovery, i went to great shows, i got a bunch of tattoos, tried new things, did a ton of traveling, and learned how to cope with things better.  i dismissed a lot of shitty people, and although it’s stressful to lose people, it feels better than having to be tired from putting in ridiculous amounts of effort for people that don’t deserve it.

* * *

a lot of shit i loved went away.  almost every bar i’ve frequented in the earlier part of the decade with friends has closed. the abbey bar, 4th down, the continental, the grand victory, holiday cocktail lounge, trash bar, berry park has changed dramatically, various bars in the city are gone, brooklyn in general is just terrible now… restaurants are going quickly, also.

i’d also like to mention things regarding online/internet stuff that have also died (mostly bc of facebook).  aside from the way we did and shared things, the way we took in information is different now, the general public’s attention spans decreased and patience deficit increased.  most importantly to my friends and i, missbehave mag died, most style/lifestyle/rad blogs died, myspace lingered but then died, flickr started sucking asshole, the excitement of things just died down the more the internet changed and sharing/social apps took over.  the vibe got all fucked up and never recovered.

it all makes me feel very “get off my lawn” in my approaching middle age.

* * *

anyways, i’m sure i’m leaving a lot of shit out, but that’s what hit me first.  i learned a lot during this decade that i probably should have learned the decade before.  i guess i was too busy being a moron without much guidance, worried about the wrong things and the wrong people.

i don’t know what’s next, but i feel a hard F5 on the horizon.  most importantly, absolutely FUCK the ‘burbs. i want out…