August 21st, 2019 @ 12:52 pm
i had an aunt growing up, that was like my grandmother to me. a few years ago, her body finally gave up after heart/lung struggles. her passing was one of the most devastating things i’ll ever have to face. i still haven’t fully mourned her death, it’s hard to wrap my head around it. she didn’t want to have a wake and funeral, so i don’t think i got to properly take the steps of accepting that passing. it just doesn’t feel real.
a few weeks ago, my uncle joe (her husband) went upstate to join everyone at a family gathering. he’s barely been around since my aunt died, he says it’s hard on him, and i don’t blame him. he also told people that he’s selling their house. i’m kind of shocked, as there are a bunch of grandkids and they have two kids together. i don’t know if nobody wanted it or they just wanted to make a profit, but that’s not my business. it’s still just kind of surprising to me. anyways, i knew this day would also come, but it really kicked my ass emotionally. it’s one of the only constants i’ve had over the course of my very chaotic life, and it’s a place of deep nostalgia for me. i guess you can never fully prepare for it.
i can’t imagine another family ever living in that house.
i can’t imagine that house being torn down or redone (which is a current trend around here in queens, now).
since my aunt died, i’ve had dreams about the house – and her. i have a recurring dream for some odd reason about her half-bath on the first floor off of the house. there was an adorable little wooden, medicine cabinet in there. if i remember correctly there was a heart on the cabinet or a mirror or something. either way, for some odd reason, my brain has dreams that i go there and steal it. i don’t know where i ever put it, but i take it with me. i have no idea why my brain focuses on it so much, but it does. wtf brain?
i just emailed my cousin to see if he can salvage it for me. maybe i’ll literally make my dreams come true…