May 2nd, 2014 @ 2:44 pm
2014… so far so good.
my anxiety attacks finally stopped (okay, i had ONE a couple of weeks ago at my desk). my finances were doing alright until california, although i don’t know how, i didn’t go crazy. i guess $5/600 really can make or break my bank.
i picked up some freelance work with my old job, so that was keeping me afloat. i really just can’t wait to get out of my apartment. i really can’t afford to live there and have any type of extra money there for myself. i get so intimidated and filled with anxiety thinking of moving, though. NYC is totally packed and the apartments are too expensive and suck without roommates being involved. i don’t want to be here, but i have to be here, and i don’t know where to go. i don’t want a roommate but that’s the only way i’m going to be able to save any money.
the regular hockey season is over, and even though the playoffs are going on right now – once they’re over, they’re over. i’m scurred (we’re playing the pens)!
the spring weather has finally been showing face, which is fantastic. i love the warmth and deal with it better than i do the winter. this year’s physical revealed that i have vitamin d deficiency, and i’m sure being bundled up all winter doesn’t help, so i’m happy for sunshine. i’ve been eating yummy gummies every morning and i have been trying to be outside on the weekends, walking around outside more.
i am going to be selling in the ladies love project’s spring pop up shop on the lower east side at the end of this month. i’ve been trying to think of how we’re going to setup the table, and i’ve been making some cool stuff. i started dabbling in earrings again – i kind of fell off since i started making a billion rings last autumn. i guess it’s good for the creative vibes to switch it up, though. i’m excited that i have these new adorable octagon shaped plates to hold the rings and not just the awesome display that rob built for me last year. i think it’ll be easier to sift through them that way.
so in the last month or two, my great houdini has reappeared. i had tried to deal with getting over him, i begged the universe to make him think of me, i tried to cry it out… then one night i told the universe that i was just over it. i said out loud that i didn’t want him to think about me anymore, i “knew” he didn’t want me and that it was a waste of time. i felt like it was bad karma to want him to think of me, if he wasn’t already. i had no idea where we really stood since he just vanished, so i thought since he was M.I.A. that he was over me/it. three days later, the universe gave him back to me.
i’m trying so hard not to fuck it up this time. of course now my guard is up and i’m fearing failure, but i’m trying so hard to relax. he’s being sweet and making an effort, which i’m impressed by. i went in fully the first time, without hesitation and i’m trying to just feel that way again. like this is how i wanted him 6/7 months ago. i have to stop thinking with that mentality, and appreciate what i have now. i have to stop waiting for this big let down that may not happen. i do a good job of catching myself, but it’s still at the back of my mind. i don’t know what’s going to make me ease up. letting time go by? i dunno, but either way, i’m happy he’s back<3
i might be doing two REALLY cool freelance sites for two amazing gals, which excites me. i miss building websites from the ground up. although i do website development, i don’t really get to do that at work.
the best part of this good stuff is that my creative vibes are flowing 🙂
toughlovenyc might be making a comeback – i have been brainstorming with jes a little here and there. things are looking up.