November 1st, 2013 @ 12:44 pm

i’ve never wanted to live with a boyfriend before my current one.  i have always loved my own space, i’ve never been too committed (especially before my two year mark thing that i live by…), it’s just never been an interest of mine.  NONE of my ex-boyfriends and i have ever made that next step.  thinking back, i thank my lucky stars that i never moved in with any of them.  the less complication the better.

this past february, it surfaced that i would have to move out of my apartment because my now deceased landlord’s children were selling the building.  that’s when it hit me that i could either move into another place alone, or move in with mike.  instead of using my usually selfish/independent side of my brain, i considered moving in with mike, and did just that.

looking back, i feel like i have never thought so irresponsibly before.  i don’t regret moving in with him for typical bf/gf dramatic/emotional moving in disaster reasons, we barely even fight if it isn’t over money…

ugh… this post is turning into one of those things i should NOT have on my website…

let’s pussyfoot around what i’m trying to say, because i DON’T want to badmouth mike (i really don’t).

how about my regularly scheduled daily tweet: “i’m drowning…” so you get the gist of it.

we’re in a situation where he can’t currently help out as much as he’d like to, and it’s leaving me with all this weight on my shoulders and a horrible taste in my mouth.  i finally got a great job and i can’t reward myself as desired.  all i want is a damn couch, some new pants and new TOMS.  okay okay, maybe a tattoo or two… but that’s it really.

i went from paying half of what i pay now in rent with all utilities included, to paying almost double that rent AND utilities.  as much as it feels good to be able to do that, it’s EXTREMELY stressful to have to do it all on your own.  especially when someone who is supposed to be helping, isn’t.

that two year thing mark thing… it’s never been wrong.

this all unfairly sucks and this is all getting very stressful.

my body is aching and is tense, i’ve had an eye twitch for 6 months, mini-anxiety attacks amongst other things…  i don’t know how much more i can actually put myself through this.  i’m suchhhh a patient person, but it’s really wearing thin.

i just want to exhale… i feel like a complete idiot for straying from my usual self. 🙁