"i am a weekday on weekends..."
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October 15th, 2018 @ 11:40 am
i have a love/hate relationship with people and life. on a daily basis, i really wish i was swallowed and not a championship swimmer. while i highly doubt i’d ever take my own life, i often get yelled at for not valuing life. if it wasn’t for my family, select friends, my cat and music, i hate every fucking aspect of it and wish i wasn’t here… everything makes me so fucking depressed.
i don’t want to get married, i don’t want to have kids – and now my friends/fam around my age are all doing this, and all it does is bum me out bc they just disappear off the face of the earth. also, i don’t want to hang out with you and a kid. sorry, not sorry, if i have plans with you, i just want to see YOU. i know this makes me sound like a massive asshole – and it doesn’t mean i don’t like your kid – but half the time i end up hanging out with a friend and their kid, i get 20% of their attention, and wtf is the point then?
i don’t want to get old or frail, the city i grew up in is too expensive and everything i love about it is basically gone, there are too many people in this world (and my city), everything is changing so fast (attention spans, technology, etc.) – so much now that i’m struggling at nearly 40 with turning my career over to something completely different bc my type of web design/development is becoming obsolete, etc. – it’s all so overwhelming.
my day-to-day anxieties about shitty people derive from a lot of things. the state of this country is so awful right now. trump supporters are so disgusting and immature, conservatives are so disgusting, racists are disgusting, religious people are insane, blue lives matter idiots just don’t get it (blue lives matter was launched as a direct response to black lives matter – that should SCREAM what it stands for. if you can’t comprehend what that means, and the backhanded reason it exists, that’s sad), there are so many online bullies and just straight up shitty people raised by lazy, shitty, ignorant people that didn’t belong having children in the first place… call it judgmental if you want, but i am honestly so sick of people not having any regard for society as a whole – people with no manners, people shoving their faithful, baseless opinions on everyone, internet brave trolls and bullies, etc. – and so many of them are so hard-headed, they’re not even open to changing and becoming better people.
this country is not a christian-based land and my life isn’t based upon that bullshit. this is a free country, and the point of it is to be free and all republicans and conservatives want to do is fixate on their bullshit foundation of family and god. most importantly they don’t want progress or love for anyone trans or LGBTQ+, for women, for people of color or immigrants. they refuse to admit that they’re wrong, lying or being hypocrites. it’s scary, and it’s making me so frustrated.
you can either go with a political party that wants EVERYONE to be accepted and not told how to live (ignoramuses included), or a political party based upon control, fear of god (i’m sure they really aren’t scared, but most people that believe in it may be, so let’s go with that), hatred, racism that want to hold the party that accepts everyone down unless they match up with their agenda… it’s quite black and white.
this article made me so bummed and inspired this post. it just made me think about how shitty the internet has become and how shitty and insane people actually are. it started out fun… wtf happened? sure, there have always been shitheads online, but now they’re in droves – but they’re actually posting these bullshit comments and walking around out there in the world. it’s frightening.
read any daily mail comments section on an article about trump and see what i’m talking about. in fact, here’s one… it’s sick. it’s the left are nuts, libs this, libs that, libTARDS as if using the term “retard” isn’t offensive… BUT THEY ARE FULL OF RESPECTFUL CHRIST LOVE, WTF?
that article also made me think about the jealous, mental case that stalked me online for years. how sick is it that the internet just gives creepy freaks the freedom to just act however they want? if i wasn’t online, would it be that she follows me around in her car? at that rate, i could at least call the cops. here, there are no boundaries.
listen, i do not think i’m perfect or anything great – but i go out of my way to never purposely do shitty things to people. i don’t hate minorities, i don’t hate LGBTQ+ folks, i don’t lie, i don’t treat friends badly, i try to help people, i have manners, i mind my business, etc. – maybe i’m not having manners by posting some of these things here regarding religion or about the world being overpopulated (i’m sure that will offend some), but this is my website where i can post any damn thing i want. you don’t have to read it…
in closing, everything is just awful and everyone discourages me. i’d love to see change, but i know i won’t. please forgive my ranting, and try to be a better person if you fall under any of the things i just bitched about… pride is an ugly thing.
September 28th, 2018 @ 1:00 am
sooooooooooooooooooo there’s going to be a new halloween movie coming out next month (DYING WITH ANTICIPATION), and my sister is actually flying in from LA to watch it with me and my fam. halloween is kind of… our thing. we grew up watching it form a young age (nope, i was never deathly scared of mikey as i was freddy or jason), and we passed it onto our cousins upstate. we can all quote it left and right, my sister and i just “know” the sounds and timing of everything… etc. so, that being said, we/i have a halloween obsession.
the new one coming out, if you’re unaware, is a reunion between michael and laurie strode (jamie lee curtis’s character) 37 years later. we’re supposed to disregard every other halloween film from the series but the original from 1978. for this film, she’s said that it’s basically her suffering from PTSD and it looks as if she’s turned into sarah connor. she is on a MISH to kill him this time around.
it’s kind of hard for me to totally get into or wrap my head around this, because i LOVE a lot of the other halloween movies. i was raised watching 1-5 as a kiddo, and i also grew to love 6 as an adult. i think i only saw h20 once or twice, but i don’t remember hating it, and i totally disregard everything after h20. don’t get me started on rob zombie’s piles of shit.
anysways, of course i’m hyped to see a new halloween movie, but looking at how many there were over the years is just criminal. there are 11 in that list, and we could have lived without a few of them. there are so many things people could argue about there… movies they love, hate, the hatred of a michael-free halloween III, etc. i figured i’d just break down my favorites/most hated. i just wanted to also touch on my utmost love for halloween II. spoilers for an almost 40 year old movie ahead? lol.
September 14th, 2018 @ 1:10 pm
i saw twitter trends going on about the hurricane in the carolinas, so i clicked in and browsed a bit… i kept coming across pictures of overhead with “PRAY” written across the hurricane, and it occurred to me just how strange that image really is.
outer space imagery and nature (SCIENCE) mixed with praying (RELIGION)… K.
as i’ve gotten older, i find religion more and more unbelievable and laughable. i obviously can’t prove it wrong, but it just doesn’t make sense… science makes the most sense. technically, i can’t make sense of any of it, so i guess it’s kind of a waste of time even typing about it. i digress… the aforementioned overhead pictures were taken from space. they’re snapshots of nature being natural on a planet… nothing magical there. it got me thinking: how does space coincide with religion?
* * *
(taken from here) nature, in the broadest sense, is the natural, physical, or material world or universe. “nature” can refer to the phenomena of the physical world, and also to life in general. the study of nature is a large, if not the only, part of science. although humans are part of nature, human activity is often understood as a separate category from other natural phenomena.
* * *
the idea of nature being a “phenomena” seems weird to me because we can leave wherever we are right now and touch grass, soil, water, other people. you can’t touch or see god, heaven or hell.
i was brought up catholic, and i don’t remember anything ever being spoken about regarding outer space. i specifically mean in bible, CCD or church teachings. in my head, i guess i had that mystical image of an old, long-bearded, white man sitting in space with both hands full of clay with earth floating in front of him or some shit. when i was a kid, i used to try to think about what came before everything, and freak myself out to the point that i couldn’t sleep. i didn’t really put much thought into there being another possible explanation for everything until i was a teenager.
i don’t really want to get into the whole “i think religion is a crock of shit” right now (i really do), i just wanted to talk about how confusing i find it that religious people look at those images and still think there’s a god, heaven, hell and/or purgatory.
what is space to them? do they think we’re just flying and floating around in a big box with stars and planets in it and heaven is right above it and hell is right below it? do they think that we go through doors to get to them? you can go up in a rocket, go above our atmosphere, into space, look down at our measly planet and keep floating away from it. planets are things, we are things, ACTUAL, PHYSICAL THINGS…
if you were in said rocket, floating away right now, and had the eastern half of the USA in view, you’d see THREE storms moving in from the west… BAD ONES, and you want us to “pray”?
pray for what? pray them away? pray that people don’t lose their lives, homes, businesses, belongings? pray for the homeless people that have nowhere to go or the means to survive? pray for the animals that don’t have homes that could potentially die if they don’t go where they need to by instinct?
if there is a god, why isn’t he or she stopping these storms? why are any people or (domestic) animals homeless? why does he let these bad things happen? why isn’t he/she doing anything while listening to all of these prayers?
that is one very messed up god.
space is straight up science. do religious people really think god created space? for me, i feel like it’s all based on fear and control or i think they need this type of magical definition so that they don’t lose their shit (i know, this is getting deep). i don’t think people can handle the anxiety they get thinking about all of it.
either way, these thoughts and prayers aren’t doing jack shit… i wish mankind would wake up and realize that it’s all a crock and stop saying “thoughts and prayers”. every time i read those words, i’m just like, you’re not even thinking about what you mean in depth, you’re just saying it.
September 12th, 2018 @ 2:46 pm
“nostalgia… it’s delicate, but potent. (teddy told me that) in greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound”. it’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. this device isn’t a spaceship. it’s a time machine. it goes backwards, forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. it’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel.” – don draper
whenever i listen to certain music or watch certain shows or movies, i get into such a funk. the quote above is so accurate that it nearly made me cry.
i’ve been lucky enough not to have lost many family members or friends throughout my life (yet), but i am awful with change, and that applies to so many areas of my life. actually, i should rephrase that: i haven’t lost many family members or friends to death, most specifically. i have lost friends and i’ve had falling outs with family. family stuff has been repaired, but some friendships just fade away, i pushed away or life happens kind of deals. there aren’t many people that i truly miss that are no longer in my life… but the ones who i do miss this way, it kills me.
this was inspired by the last post with all of that 90s goodness. when i hear those songs, my little time machine brain goes right back to 1995-2003ish. i can’t help but want to drown myself in that era of my life. i miss the vibe of the 90s generally, although i’d never want to go back to that time because of the life wounds and heartache that it gave me. either way, those songs really make me miss my friend randolph so very much.
he’s the one who taught me graphic design and how to code… he was fated to be one of my most important life peeps.
he was my first love and ended up being one of my best friends even after he broke my heart into
a million pieces (i was a teenager, it was dramatic…). i even ended up working for him for a while and we’ve always stayed in touch until he moved away to dubai. while he was here in NYC, i took the time i could have had with him for granted and only saw him a few times a year, if that.
whenever i hear any 90s songs that were top 100 or whatever (ie: this song – not that i necessarily love it (i don’t)), they bring me right back to being 16 and waiting for a table at applebee’s at our local shopping mall. it dawns on me that i want to give him a big ol stu-hug and hear his infectious laugh, and i can’t… he’s no longer in the same borough, or just a train ride or two away, he’s 6,825 miles away. 🙁
he’s someone i can pick back up with after not seeing each other for two years like it was yesterday… i miss him and his friendship so much sometimes i could just burst.
* * *
ugh, fucking nostalgia.
September 12th, 2018 @ 10:56 am
it’s really hard for me to say i have a favorite *anything* in music. i go by subcategories for everything. however, i will say, if i had to choose top 5 favorite genres… this would be top 3. i have such a love for these what i like to call “adult contemporary” (VH1’y) songs, lol. they hit me right in the feels. they remind me of being upstate with my cousin and screaming along in her room or the car. they remind me of nights i finally had my own room at the age of 14 in 1995, and i’d let Z100 or MTV play in the background while i wrote in my dumb diary or played SNES for hours.
whenever it’s gloomy, rainy, foggy or autumnesque out, i feel like it’s the perfect time for these types of songs. i equate this weather to comfort. anyways, if you don’t already know/listen to these songs, maybe you’ll enjoy ’em 🙂
UGH i miss the 90s so fucking much.
September 6th, 2018 @ 9:38 pm
for labor day weekend, we went up to maine for cabin living and white water rafting. when we were initially included in on these plans, kristen and i didn’t know exactly what we were getting into. our friends had done this rafting trip before, we haven’t. i’ve gone rafting on the delaware river gap, but it was so mild that we didn’t even require helmets… just life preservers. i was thinking that was probably class 2 or 3 or something. i had no idea really how to classify rapids, nor did i research. all i knew was that my boyfriend and our friends survived it and said it wasn’t that bad… i just went in blindly.
so we went rafting on the penobscot river’s west branch, which is full of class IV and V rapids… LEMME JUST BREAK THIS DOWN FER YA… these are the classes of rapids measured here in the USA… let me also just state this from the international scale of of river difficulty:
CLASS V: Extremely long, obstructed, or very violent rapids which expose a paddler to added risk. Drops may contain large, unavoidable waves and holes or steep, congested chutes with complex, demanding routes. Rapids may continue for long distances between pools, demanding a high level of fitness. What eddies exist may be small, turbulent, or difficult to reach. At the high end of the scale, several of these factors may be combined. Scouting is recommended but may be difficult. Swims are dangerous, and rescue is often difficult even for experts. Proper equipment, extensive experience, and practiced rescue skills are essential.
aka I HAD NO BUSINESS BEING IN THOSE DAMN RAPIDS…
i’ll cut this story off with a read more link bc it’s about to be a novela, but if in case you’re not enticed enough, here’s a visual of where ya girl basically almost died:
yeah, our raft right-over-left capsized with 8 people in it right there AND then got stuck on a rock on the back end while still upside down. i have another pic inside the post with details (circles on a pic, lol)
August 29th, 2018 @ 12:59 am
(this is gonna be ranty, sorry…)
i really LOATHE seeing quote images on instagram. it’s so fucking annoying… the android numbskulls really fucked things up for us when instagram became available to them. what’s even worse? quotes along the lines of “the best revenge is success” type of petty ass images. you know the kind… “watch them squirm”, “bury them with a smile”, etc.
i am the complete opposite of worrying about petty/revenge shit, so i can’t relate to this type of bs. if you’re immature and dumb enough to think your success is going to piss someone off, you’re already being a shitty idiot. this leads me to assume that you live in a magical land where you think the universe is doing things. if you ARE a believer that the universe is doing things, you probably also believe in a little thing called “karma”. i’m pretty sure if you’ve considered karma a real thing, you shouldn’t be worrying about wishing others any bad vibes. not only is it bringing you bad energy, but it’s also a massive waste of energy.
if someone or something is bothering you, try to keep it on the back burner in your brain. don’t waste your time worrying about how they feel, how you hope they’re feeling bad shit, how you hope they’re jealous, etc. – in the long run, “nobody gives a fuck more about what you’re doing than you do”. they probably don’t care.
the more you work on being a greater human, the less you worry about what other people are doing/feeling. you only have one life to live, don’t waste it on petty nonsense.
August 24th, 2018 @ 12:40 pm
remember how i posted that i got a skateboard a couple of months ago?… well, this summer was too humid and hot to go out and sk8. that sounds dumb because skateboarding was basically born in hot ass SoCal, lol, but personally – after trying to do it 2/3 times in the heat, i decided to put it off for a while. i hate summer heat, it makes me super nauseous and miserable. however, the other day it was like 68° outside and cloudy, so i grabbed my board and went out.
as we do in 2018, i youtube and google searched stuff about and for skateboarding beginners beforehand. i followed boarders on IG and slowly gained confidence. i think what really gave me the oomph was watching alexandria’s video on boarding for 30 days. she made me laugh sooooooo hard, inspired me the most and helped me get realistically ready goal-wise with the help of rachelle vinberg. i watched that video a couple of months ago and even dm’d her on IG thanking her and we chatted it up. she’s super sweet and i told her once i’m comfortable enough on my board, i’m going to harass her into going to a skate park with me, lol (which she agreed to!).
watching all of these videos, i retained certain information, but realized when i was finally out on my board that i did not pay attention AT ALL to stance or footing after pushing (duh, the most basic thing you need to know aside from pushing, lol). luckily for me, my instincts kicked in and i figured it out on my own.
that probably doesn’t seem like an important triumph, but i feel like every little thing you overcome on a board is a triumph.
i remember from the videos i watched, that everyone was basically saying to just set baby goals. even from other videos of pro-skater dudes, they were just like “just push around for hours, days, weeks”. i don’t have the luxury of limitless time as a kid doing it, so now i have to as an adult and it’s not easy. i just want to cruise, not do tricks or anything, but it’s still work to just learn how to do that as second nature.
my first actual triumph was kick turning. i stood on my board and wanted to find balance before i even started pushing, but my first intended goal was to NOT baby push.
i remember there was a girl who used to skateboard around whitestone and she looked like such a vagina bc she just did these tiny little baby pushes the entire time (and didn’t cruise?). i never wanted to be that chick. so my first goal after my first triumph was then to big push.
i sometimes baby push on a start when i hesitate, but if i find myself doing that, i get off the board and start over. i do notice that while i’m rolling after big pushing i’ll sometimes baby push to keep up speed, and i don’t really mind when i do it then? i dunno why.
anyways, once i started pushing a little more naturally, i thought there was something wrong with me as to why i wasn’t able to just get my feet into position quickly enough to cruise. i was working blindly, alone and youtubeless… but then i realized that i could gain my balance and cruise after simply putting my back foot on the board and then turning my front foot right after, lol. again, this is blaring common sense and a DUMB little triumph, but still a triumph.
i think when you go out with such confidence, it’s frustrating that it doesn’t just instantly click on how to skateboard. it’s not like learning to ride a bike. i mean i don’t remember learning to ride a two wheeler that clearly, but it’s definitely different and less difficult.
being that skateboarding is a big part of my subculture, i’ve always been a little envious watching my dude friends just throw a board down and go. when you watch people that just know how, you feel like they were born doing it, like they’re natural pros. i just figured after like two times i’d have it figured out, but it’s something you have to work on.
i also kept in mind that i would fall. i think going in with confidence, your goal is NOT to fall… i found myself thinking that way while i started, but that’s stupid. you are going to fall and it’s normal and okay to. i got over it and i scraped up my knee and did two split falls on my first session and didn’t feel stupid. in the end, that left me with more confidence to just keep going.
August 24th, 2018 @ 10:50 am
I FINALLY SAW SPARTAAAAAAAAAAA!!!1
i’m so glad i finally got to cross them off of my bucket list. if you don’t know who they are (as i did not), apparently these dudes (or some of these dudes over time) were in a band called “at the drive-in”. i didn’t really research too much bc i don’t care, honestly. as soon as i saw that the lead singer was the dude from the mars volta, i was all “YUP that explains why i never bothered”. i haaaaaaaate that dude’s voice. so where a door closes, a window opens – and i love hearing jim ward’s voice spilling out of it. much bettah!
i don’t know how i never heard of them before, but i guess it’s bc i really don’t give a shit about music genres the same way i do punk… i love a lot of post-hardcore, but i never really explore other PHxC bands just because i like some or even a lot of bands.
♥ ♥ ♥
picture it, salt lake city, 2011… an attractive peasant girl is falling asleep while getting a time consuming tattoo done. relaxing music was playing in the parlor… she comes to find out after being woken up by her tattoo artist (lol), that the soothing, melodic music was a band called “sparta”, and an album titled “porcelain”. she instantly fell in love and never looked back.
♥ ♥ ♥
unfortunately for me, i came across sparta during their own nap that they fell into as easily as i did on that tattoo table. they had taken a hiatus 3 years prior to that day, so i had to wait all of these years for them to wake up and play. it was worth the wait… i am so glad to see them in such a small venue (bowery ballroom). they also played my favorite song, which made my cold, tiny heart swell.
actual footage of me at the show:
jim also asked all of us to, if possible, to donate to his friend running for senate. i’m assuming you being here are probably like-minded to me (COUGHCOUGHFUCKTRUMP AND COUGHCOUGHFUCKREPBLICANS AND COUGHCOUGHFUCKCONSERVATIVES), so i figured it’d be a good idea to post it here. we need more progressive minds running the show, so show your support if you can.
August 18th, 2018 @ 4:40 pm
star trek has always filled me with deep wisdom. i’m rewatching TNG and wanted to make note of this very true quote:
“thinking about what you can’t control only wastes energy and creates its own enemy.
it is very difficult for me to depend on anyone for anything.
it is still my enemy.”
– worf (klingon, operations officer)
aka don’t give into mindless bullshit you can’t control. the enemy needs no fuel, whether it be yourself or another.
August 14th, 2018 @ 12:39 pm
this is such a summer album. this came out the summer of my senior year of high school… takes me right back.
please note: (v important)
i have always skipped “adam’s song” and “all the small things”.
i hate them so much… i wish they would just go die in a corner.
August 14th, 2018 @ 12:18 pm
when you live in NYC, you get to have some stories. i haven’t had one of these “stories” in a long while, but blackouts are one of those things on the list. they’re epically creepy (and obviously annoying in the heat). looking back, they were way more dramatic than it could ever be now. we had no cellphones, or at least not many of us did. you couldn’t tweet about it or really post about it. i’m sure there were some people that had ways to, but the majority of people couldn’t.
for some odd reason, i didn’t post about it on my site when it actually happened. i looked through my blog post archives, and i legit just skipped over it, like it wasn’t important to document for some stupid reason. i wish i had pics from back then. why didn’t i always have a disposable camera with me? sigh.
when this one happened, i was working at west coast video on an afternoon into closing shift. i can’t for the life of me remember who i was working with, but i remember we were there for about an hour or two and nothing was going on, so we were trying to close. our district manager refused to let us.
August 3rd, 2018 @ 1:22 pm
yesterday on IG, one of my favorite tattoo artists posted a picture of her leg with an “abortion is normal” tattoo on it. she bravely spoke about her experience having one back when she was 19, even though she didn’t have to outright mention her personal experience, she did – and probably thought it was a good idea to share to inspire others to think for themselves. i’m going off of that vibe because she stated she’s pro-choice, and that was the point of the post.
she talked about how the probability of someone you know and love probably had one, in efforts to prove that you shouldn’t unknowingly judge people that have openly had one. you can only imagine how many morons decided to comment DUMB opinions on the picture…
July 28th, 2018 @ 1:46 am
after i had posted earlier today, i was thinking to myself… “why do i still have a website (/blog)?” the term seems like it’s almost obsolete in terms of personal websites or blogs. i’m also going to be 37 this year… but that’s a dumb reason to stop doing this. i have some weird fixation and anxiety that people need to “grow up” at some point. like i will just magically give up dying my hair, getting tattoos, dressing like a 13 year old sk8r boy or using this website. i mean, i don’t want to get married nor have kids, so do i even have a growing up point? newp.
i’ve been doing this since the late 90s, and i don’t like NOT having one, whether i commit to posting to it or not. i gained so much inspiration and a bunch of friends bc of these types of websites over the years. i guess part of me keeps going in case people do the same with me. random online friends came about that way, so why not? i can see in my stats that people still come here, even if they’re not interactive (i know, it’s not exactly a wall or an instagram comment, so you clam up), so i guess i just keep going. it’s also quite therapeutic in a way and helps articulate my thoughts better.
my ex once told me that he thought i was a “public figure” or something of sorts on here. i kind of find that funny/weird, but i know what he meant. maybe i’m not relevant in a circle of bloggers or webmasters anymore, but it’s okay. i like having a site like this available to people just like when i actually find one that still exists.
i love (harmlessly) going through websites. between seeing other people’s interests and recommendations, and just relating issues to other people’s, so you don’t feel alone in this shitty world, i appreciate these types of websites. for me, it’s not about making myself seem cool, getting attention, etc. – if you had this type of a website, i’m sure you’d understand that. it was mostly about the layout/design work, the coding… etc. – the content is the last thing i think we worried about. i think our mission was just being ourselves and like finding people we can relate to. we’re not all just narcissists.
i don’t post as much anymore bc i had (or probably still have) an online stalker. no matter how mild of a stalker she was, i don’t want her to know what i’m doing or where i am, so i no longer post about stuff like that. it kind of blows, but it’s the reality that comes along with this caca. it makes me want to use tumblr more (even though i don’t), at least for the images, so i can talk less about myself (although i don’t really talk much about personal shit here anyway).
i don’t design like i used to with extravagant layouts, and i refuse to budge this amazing myspace layout, so i dunno what to do with this anymore. i know this layout probably just looks like classic myspace to you guys, but it’s customized so much. the ads at the top, everything in the sidebar, the top friends area is all custom coded on the admin side so i can easily add and not have to code anyone in manually… it’s way more impressive on the back-end that you’ll never see. FYI: i had to restructure this entire site solely from classic myspace images via google. sometimes from really shitty small images. so yeah, #nerdalert
i really want to finish a project/zine-ish type thing that i started that’s all designed in web 1.0 like back in the day. maybe in 2019.
i don’t think i really had too much of a point, just blabbering on about nonsense as a blogger does…
thanks for swinging by, i guess.
July 27th, 2018 @ 6:00 pm
i got an invite from ladies love project to take part in a pop-up shop next weekend, but it fell through due to family illness or something with the curator. i was kinda hyped bc i always love doing LLP pop-up shops – i meet awesome people there, drink & eat the best goods and make a nice lil bit o $$$. it also would have motivated me, as i’ve kinda fallen off the jewelry thang. i mean, i make stuff here and there, but i really need to photograph/edit and add to the site. i’ve been so lazy in this apartment bc i can’t fully unpack all of my supplies. i just have no damn room.
anyways, if you’re feeling shoppy, check out UNRULEDclub. maybe i’ll add some new shit this weekend. 🙂
July 27th, 2018 @ 5:44 pm
so since i last updated you, i must say, i have been a lazy stu. i switched over to tom’s deodorant so i wouldn’t have to apply tea tree oil directly and have to reapply (sometimes i have to when it’s reeeeeeeeeeeally NYC humid out). also, it’s hard to see how much you’ve applied and where when you’re doing it directly out of the bottle. i bought a tiny spray bottle, but then it was too much from a spritz… so i couldn’t really find a happy medium. at least i could just go back to the ol’ swipe under the pit as i’ve done for the last two decades. i stuck to the tea tree oil version, though. i figured tom’s was going to be shite and just not work, but i’m pleasantly surprised.
so far, it’s been pretty good through the hot and humid days. after workouts it’s a faint smell o sweat, but i mean, we’re humans and we sweat. i’m not trying to prevent myself from sweating… so yeah, hopefully it won’t just stop working like other natural deodorants have.
i know… super exciting post.
July 18th, 2018 @ 2:33 pm
so out of nowhere (not that i’m complaining), a buzzfeed author wrote an article about gwen stefani yesterday. tl;dr (it really is long): it mentions her relationships, but mostly focused on how successful she is, and about the fight gwen has with her image and how we perceive the act/character of gwen stefani. honestly, i didn’t realize this act gwen even existed. it made me even more angry than usual towards her, lol. it’s just like, who even are you?
* * * * *
now, as a teenager of the 90s, i got THE gwen. the gwen that everyone looked up to, wanted to look like or wanted to bone. for me, when i first saw/heard “just a girl”, i wasn’t like YEAH, OMG GIRL POWER!!!1 – i can’t relate to that feminist spark. i totally agreed with all of it, but i mostly just simply heard something that was right up my alley bc i loved punk/alt rock (i didn’t know what ska or ska-punk was yet), but i also heard synth in it. i also knew right away that her style – i wanted parts of it. right away, NxD really just appealed to me and got the ball rolling for a lot of the genres of music i’d come to grow into.
July 9th, 2018 @ 11:19 am
i love face to face so fucking much, and this song has been stuck in my head since saturday, as it played twice in kristen’s car on the way to the beach.
they’re playing on my birthday this year, but they’re doing an acoustic set. i am so bummed about it. 😐 i just want a good pit to dance around in for my bday. these vans can’t skank forever, i’m getting older, lol.
FACE TO FACE, COME BACK TO NYC!!!1
July 2nd, 2018 @ 6:12 pm
my bedroom in this apartment is so weird… it’s basically a long room and i don’t have big closets like my last two apartments, so there’s shit everywhere. i just found the box with my posters in it and dug out the misfits “famous monsters” poster. i want to hang it, but there’s basically nowhere to put it. i have an “attic” type bedroom with angled walls to the ceiling, so that’s the only real estate i have left. i mean i guess i could just do that…
anyways, i threw on both graves era albums straight after finding the poster, and now i’m all pissed bc i’ll probably never get to see a reunion with graves. i saw him perform with them one halloween at “the world” in times square, but it wasn’t even a full set. i want both damn albums played in front of me… it’s not fair. i watched and read a few interviews where it’s basically stated that it’s never going to happen, but we can all throw it out into the universe every now and again, i suppose.
ENJOY THIS GOODNESS (unless you’re a corny misfits snob):
July 1st, 2018 @ 12:37 pm
so i’m re-watching shameless, and it’s making me miss chicago something fierce. i mean, i’ve only been there once… calm down, jess. though when my sister and i were there, her friend had work, so we fended for ourselves and explored. we weren’t stuck just doing touristy stuff.
i loved it there… i felt like it was home, plus the extra beauty of lake michigan. i just instantly fell in love. if life ever changes and i’m single again, i’m out there with the quickness. i know i’m a preachy and proud queens chick, but my city has been taken over by a bunch of lame-o hipsters and greedy real estate developers and landlords. there’s no saving it in my lifetime… i’m over it.
June 27th, 2018 @ 8:16 pm
i don’t subscribe to that new years resolution nonsense. i try to pretend the day doesn’t even exist, tbh. i’ve always LOATHED new years bc it depresses me horribly. anyways, i’m halfway through the year and seeing what’s happened and what i need to do. these are the days i try to reflect… the summer days that make me want to die. summer is the fucking worst thing ever, so i’m currently in air conditioning pondering life.
these are/were the things i wanted to accomplish this year:
get a skateboard
- go on vacation
- get a new job (thanks, universe… for taking my stable one away and forcing me to be motivated?)
- pay off my credit card
- pay off old tax bill
- grow my hair down to my waist again
grow my bangs out and leave them for the summer(LOOOOOL, i have but i give it til mid-august before i chop em again)
- lose 20 lbs (down 5/7 depending on the day/bloat, squeeeee?)
- have the balls to dye my hair all black again – maybe if i actually grow it out again i will
- work on UNRULEDclub more/again – FIND A NEW POP-UP SHOP TO BE A PART OF
- see more friends
- remove my fallopian tubes
- go back to the pacific northwest and/or chicago
- new tattoo(s)
switching over to arctic fox dyes
- buy or have a bat hoodie made (i almost did last year… sigh)
slowly but surely… 🙂
June 21st, 2018 @ 1:06 pm
i am soooooooooooo fucking lazy. i bought a donny miller skateboard deck about a month ago with no parts. i honestly really didn’t know wtf i needed to buy, and i didn’t want to get ripped off, so i put off buying anything. i haven’t hooked up with my friend that i asked to help me build the damn thing, either. i’m a lazy jerk. look at how sexy it is, though:
i love donny miller so much. he always hits the nail right on the head. that’s actually in a book of his that i own, and to the right of the board is a donny miller tattoo. yes, i love his art THAT much. go check him out if you’ve never heard of him.
the only time i’ve ever been on a skateboard was when i was dating my first boyfriend in high school. i have no idea what made me want to set this goal for myself, but i did, and i really hope i don’t kill myself on it. i have to get off my buns and get my trucks and wheels and stuff. i haz failed “go skateboarding day” 2018. 😐
June 14th, 2018 @ 11:21 am
sooooooooooo since last i posted about deodorant (click here if you missed it), i kind of stopped using deodorant.
that’s right… i said i stopped using deodorant.
like, even through hot ass fucking days of shitty, humid NYC weather.
update 06/19: even through 2 sweltering beach days!
tea tree oil, my friends. i was sick of giving money to companies for natural deodorants that seemed to keep failing me, so i decided to get to the root of why body odor happens. i came across a lot of articles talking about how tea tree oil kills the bacteria that causes body odor, so i went out and bought a small bottle of it. i dab/spread it on underneath an additional essential oil for fragrance purposes (TTO stinks). i don’t smell like a complete hippie once it all dries, and i magically do not stink. i sweat (not profusely – over-sweating was never my problem), but i do NOT stink. it’s nuts.
i suggest testing your skin to see if TTO bothers you, but it doesn’t bother me at all. i googled about this and a lot of people combine it with other stuff like coconut oil (bc omg the entire internet uses coconut oil for everything) or baking soda (which i’m EXTREMELY sensitive to), but i just use it directly.
you’re welcome. ♥
June 14th, 2018 @ 11:07 am
so if you haven’t already seen it, the trailer for the new halloween movie coming out this year was finally revealed… after watching it like, 830 times and reading about it here are my thoughts:
1. why must we completely ignore halloween II? i don’t understand why everyone hates that movie so much. it’s so creeeeeeeeeeepy. i’m 36 years old and i’m still freaked out looking down hospital hallways. i could care less about the plot holes “pace” of the movie, stated in various reviews of it. take that info and apply it to the story with a shrug like i always have. i don’t think they were that abundant that it needed to be scrapped. plus, the murders in that movie were awesome and just builds his brutal/spooky character. i also think they could have picked up the story from there. it’s just more for laurie to have gone through and survived.
2. all of the homage/nods in the trailer REALLY bugged me at first. it seems like every time something needs to relaunch or continue nowadays, you have to include these ridiculously obvious and cliche acknowledgements. if i could count on one hand how many happened, i’m kind of turned off. if they were a bit more subtle, like you’d only understand if you were a life-long fan, i’d respect them more (ie: when they drive up and the patients are all walking around – CREEPY and you know what that means if you’ve seen the movies).
3. wowwwwwwww laurie SARAH CONNOR VIBES.
4. as creepy as the teeth thing was, it doesn’t seem very michael myers to me… it was a little OD and his character doesn’t need to try so hard. even when michael killed creatively, we didn’t see it happen and he didn’t show us, characters found it. i did LOVE the nod to the garage death in H4, though.
5. i hate the mask.
6. i irrationally have always loathed judy greer (thank jawbreaker) and i wish she wasn’t in the movie. she doesn’t seem very natural in the part… blegh.
7. there were halloween III masked trick-or-treaters, which made me happy. that’s another halloween flick everyone seems to hate for no good reason… it’s creepy as fuck and has an amazing soundtrack.
at any rate, i can’t wait to see it… hopefully it’ll be creepy and great and all of these criticisms and skeptical thoughts won’t even matter. i’ll just sit here on laurie strode’s house waiting patiently, just like michael.
May 10th, 2018 @ 12:50 pm
everyone keeps posting albums on instagram, uhhhhh i think their most influential albums or some shit (lol, clearly i’m paying attention on social media). i’m guessing that means coming of age albums. i don’t post shit like that on instagram, i actually still just post actual photos (unless it’s the occasional reminder post to follow my mobile wallpapers account so that you can see when i post new ones), so i figured i’d do something like that here.
instead of most influential, i’ll do the first 10 full albums that i can remember from childhood (which are honestly still in regular/heavy rotation even today)… thank you, mom ♥
she’d drive around day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year with these albums on repeat, and they’re part of me i’ll never be able to shake. these songs are always in my weekly/monthly playlist that i shuffle through.