2023 – take 2
December 18th, 2023 @ 2:59 pm
welp, i wrote this late last year and as we’re closing in on the end of 2023, i am now comparing what i wanted to where i am now. i haven’t made much progress and that shit is ON ME. hey, i’m 42 and still learning.
this is my third most depressing time of year (new years being my first, summer being my second). christmas hasn’t been the same since my aunt necie died, but this year has been especially hard because of the lack of oscy. all of the oscy-free firsts are killing me… i couldn’t even bear to put up my christmas tree this year. i don’t even want to do anything this year, tbh. i’m pulling myself up by the bootstraps for my mother, because i know she loves the holidays and well, she won’t be around forever…
i wanted this year to be so much better to me. how stupid thinking it would come to me, lol. in life, you have to go after the things you want and i didn’t have it in me this year (or in my bank account). i’ve reeeeeally gotta stop wasting my time, though.
at the end of last year, i ended my relationship with my boyfriend of 8 years. it was hard, but it had to be done. settling and being on auto-pilot in a relation/friend/roomate-ship was absolutely not for me. he’s not a bad guy, nothing big happened, we just aren’t meant to be. we’re still living together bc this fucking city is so expensive — thankfully on different floors. still, it’s eventually going to have to come to a point where we go. i’d rather not deplete my savings in doing so, but it’ll have to happen in 2024 so that we can both fully move on.
the beginning of this year is when i lost oscy, and it threw me for a bad loop. i was so depressed and i honestly didn’t want to do much of anything. i am embarrassed to say that i barely even rode my bike this year. between shitty weather, and me not being home a few times during key riding times for me, i couldn’t have steady workouts and i just stayed off of it. i also have to replace my tires and i keep procrastinating.
since it’s all a blur and i barely posted on IG this year (compared to other years), i’ll go through my timeline and see wtf i’ve done, bc i don’t remember all of it.