October 15th, 2018 @ 11:40 am
i have a love/hate relationship with people and life. on a daily basis, i really wish i was swallowed and not a championship swimmer. while i highly doubt i’d ever take my own life, i often get yelled at for not valuing life. if it wasn’t for my family, select friends, my cat and music, i hate every fucking aspect of it and wish i wasn’t here… everything makes me so fucking depressed.
i don’t want to get married, i don’t want to have kids – and now my friends/fam around my age are all doing this, and all it does is bum me out bc they just disappear off the face of the earth. also, i don’t want to hang out with you and a kid. sorry, not sorry, if i have plans with you, i just want to see YOU. i know this makes me sound like a massive asshole – and it doesn’t mean i don’t like your kid – but half the time i end up hanging out with a friend and their kid, i get 20% of their attention, and wtf is the point then?
i don’t want to get old or frail, the city i grew up in is too expensive and everything i love about it is basically gone, there are too many people in this world (and my city), everything is changing so fast (attention spans, technology, etc.) – so much now that i’m struggling at nearly 40 with turning my career over to something completely different bc my type of web design/development is becoming obsolete, etc. – it’s all so overwhelming.
my day-to-day anxieties about shitty people derive from a lot of things. the state of this country is so awful right now. trump supporters are so disgusting and immature, conservatives are so disgusting, racists are disgusting, religious people are insane, blue lives matter idiots just don’t get it (blue lives matter was launched as a direct response to black lives matter – that should SCREAM what it stands for. if you can’t comprehend what that means, and the backhanded reason it exists, that’s sad), there are so many online bullies and just straight up shitty people raised by lazy, shitty, ignorant people that didn’t belong having children in the first place… call it judgmental if you want, but i am honestly so sick of people not having any regard for society as a whole – people with no manners, people shoving their faithful, baseless opinions on everyone, internet brave trolls and bullies, etc. – and so many of them are so hard-headed, they’re not even open to changing and becoming better people.
this country is not a christian-based land and my life isn’t based upon that bullshit. this is a free country, and the point of it is to be free and all republicans and conservatives want to do is fixate on their bullshit foundation of family and god. most importantly they don’t want progress or love for anyone trans or LGBTQ+, for women, for people of color or immigrants. they refuse to admit that they’re wrong, lying or being hypocrites. it’s scary, and it’s making me so frustrated.
you can either go with a political party that wants EVERYONE to be accepted and not told how to live (ignoramuses included), or a political party based upon control, fear of god (i’m sure they really aren’t scared, but most people that believe in it may be, so let’s go with that), hatred, racism that want to hold the party that accepts everyone down unless they match up with their agenda… it’s quite black and white.
this article made me so bummed and inspired this post. it just made me think about how shitty the internet has become and how shitty and insane people actually are. it started out fun… wtf happened? sure, there have always been shitheads online, but now they’re in droves – but they’re actually posting these bullshit comments and walking around out there in the world. it’s frightening.
read any daily mail comments section on an article about trump and see what i’m talking about. in fact, here’s one… it’s sick. it’s the left are nuts, libs this, libs that, libTARDS as if using the term “retard” isn’t offensive… BUT THEY ARE FULL OF RESPECTFUL CHRIST LOVE, WTF?
that article also made me think about the jealous, mental case that stalked me online for years. how sick is it that the internet just gives creepy freaks the freedom to just act however they want? if i wasn’t online, would it be that she follows me around in her car? at that rate, i could at least call the cops. here, there are no boundaries.
listen, i do not think i’m perfect or anything great – but i go out of my way to never purposely do shitty things to people. i don’t hate minorities, i don’t hate LGBTQ+ folks, i don’t lie, i don’t treat friends badly, i try to help people, i have manners, i mind my business, etc. – maybe i’m not having manners by posting some of these things here regarding religion or about the world being overpopulated (i’m sure that will offend some), but this is my website where i can post any damn thing i want. you don’t have to read it…
in closing, everything is just awful and everyone discourages me. i’d love to see change, but i know i won’t. please forgive my ranting, and try to be a better person if you fall under any of the things i just bitched about… pride is an ugly thing.