for stefan
April 7th, 2022 @ 4:56 pm
“pain is the cost of living. like love, it’s how we know we’re alive.” – elena gilbert
"i am a weekday on weekends..."
She/Her
42 years old
QUEENS, NYC
United States
Website URL:
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April 7th, 2022 @ 4:56 pm
“pain is the cost of living. like love, it’s how we know we’re alive.” – elena gilbert
February 23rd, 2022 @ 4:04 pm
“probably not the right time to be talking about gashed heads and circumcisions…” – luke
February 10th, 2022 @ 5:06 pm
“no rory, this great man was not brought down by my vagina, okay?” – paris
***
“are we gonna have to wack someone before the soup course?” – lorelai
“nope, i filled my wacking quota for the week.”
(bows head in shame)
“dirty?” – luke
“extremely.” – lorelai
“thought so.” – luke
February 10th, 2022 @ 4:30 pm
“when love is unreliable and you are a child, you assume that it is the nature of love — its quality — to be unreliable.” – jeanette winterson
February 10th, 2022 @ 12:44 pm
…and it bleeds again into today – a quote so fucking fitting.
***
“in relationships – any relationship – it’s important to let the other person know you appreciate them, so you don’t create barriers that delay any hope for reciprocation.” – jess mariano
January 17th, 2022 @ 10:33 pm
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
better late than never!
December 22nd, 2021 @ 11:29 am
“while it’s tempting to play it safe, the more we’re willing to risk, the more alive we are. in the end, what we regret most are the chances we never took.” – frasier crane
this resonates with me as of recently, so i opened the post with it.
* * *
the last episode of frasier is always a tear jerker… i hate leaving this atmosphere. the hardest goodbyes for me are the hug between frasier and martin, and the handshake between frasier and niles.
the hug isn’t just a hug between the characters, it’s a hug that can never again happen on the show because john mahoney is no longer with us. breaking up the brothers kills me, too. they were always competitive and weren’t super close at first, but then they ended up being buddies, not just siblings.
i know i probably sound like such a cornball, but i love this show so much. it’s definitely a top 5 show for me. sometimes i end up just putting it on as background noise while i work, but it always catches my attention because of how funny it (still) is. i can’t wait for the reboot.
September 10th, 2020 @ 12:03 pm
ACCURATE.
also: for some odd reason, i always come back around near my apartment and second guess doing a second loop, when “one more time” comes on. i’d say about 75% of the time, and then i do another 4 mile loop. thank you, daft punk.
let ’em learn. i might not be the best friend in the world sometimes (mostly because of personal expectations), but you’ll always have an honest and loyal person out of me. if i accidentally see pics of you and people i’ve deemed unworthy, i sit back and laugh. y’all are fake and corny.
ACCURATE. too bad you can’t fix shitty narcissistic humans… PEACE da fuq out.
100000000000% dump supporters are the worst.
AUTUMN IS UPON US, stop complaining about candy corn like it’s the damn devil. if you don’t like it, it’s fine… shut up about it and anything pumpkin spice. FFS… i fucking LOATHE egg nog, you don’t see me walking around bitching about it during xmas time.
May 10th, 2020 @ 2:59 pm
i rewatched ally mcbeal again, and this hit me pretty close to home:
“the real truth is, i probaby dont want to be too happy or content bc then what?
i actually like the quest…the search. that’s the fun – the more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to.
what do you know? i’m having a great time and i don’t even know it.” – ally
* * *
i am a person that loves and hates change equally. i am all about stability – long-term jobs, long-term relationships, constant places i like to call home, etc., but i also love change. i was moved around A LOT as a child, and never knew stability. actually, the only stability i knew were via my family. my aunts – their houses, the love and support. i think that’s why i hold those places so dearly to my heart. i think i just enjoy changes of scenery… i think back to all of the places that i’ve lived on my own in NYC in the last decade, and they’re like small, different lifetimes. i miss those places so dearly. the freedom of new adventures, new places, new people… now i’m in bayside and am so miserable.
i rarely fight with boyfriends in general, and steve and i rarely get into them, but the only ones are sometimes about our living situation. he wants to buy a house, and i don’t. he wants to live here in northeast queens (and would happily live in nassau county) and i don’t. while i understand the purchasing of property is an investment i agree with, i still prefer living in apartments. that would probably be my personal goal.
i have absolutely ZERO desire to be here anymore – especially with my family gone. it’s actually heartbreaking to be alone here in these neighborhoods without those people. it’s like ghost towns of a former life i can no longer obtain. driving by my old houses, my mom’s house she just moved out of, my aunt carol’s old apartment or aunt necie and uncles joe’s house? i can’t even. it’s just too sad.
for me, this area is legitimately stifling.
anyways, the last one argument steven and i had, he actually told me it’s like i live to be depressed. i don’t remember how we got to that statement from the living situation discussion, but clearly it made enough of an impression on me to linger. i think what bothers me about it is that he said that as a bad thing. i derive most creativity and some comfort from being introverted/alone, being sad, having struggles (for lack of a better word). i don’t mind not being super happy, which probably sounds weird… but, that ally mcbeal quote above kind of summed it up for me.
i’ve always had the overall mindset that refreshing your life is good for you. it’s how i always handled breakups, friendships disintegrating, other hardships.
“sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free” – the bouncing souls
while getting over things is tough, those feelings eventually pass. i’m turning 40 soon and i guess it feels like another return of saturn for me. i need a serious F5.
September 12th, 2018 @ 2:46 pm
“nostalgia… it’s delicate, but potent. (teddy told me that) in greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound”. it’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. this device isn’t a spaceship. it’s a time machine. it goes backwards, forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. it’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel.” – don draper
whenever i listen to certain music or watch certain shows or movies, i get into such a funk. the quote above is so accurate that it nearly made me cry.
i’ve been lucky enough not to have lost many family members or friends throughout my life (yet), but i am awful with change, and that applies to so many areas of my life. actually, i should rephrase that: i haven’t lost many family members or friends to death, most specifically. i have lost friends and i’ve had falling outs with family. family stuff has been repaired, but some friendships just fade away, i pushed away or life happens kind of deals. there aren’t many people that i truly miss that are no longer in my life… but the ones who i do miss this way, it kills me.
this was inspired by the last post with all of that 90s goodness. when i hear those songs, my little time machine brain goes right back to 1995-2003ish. i can’t help but want to drown myself in that era of my life. i miss the vibe of the 90s generally, although i’d never want to go back to that time because of the life wounds and heartache that it gave me. either way, those songs really make me miss my friend randolph so very much.
he’s the one who taught me graphic design and how to code… he was fated to be one of my most important life peeps.
he was my first love and ended up being one of my best friends even after he broke my heart into a million pieces (i was a teenager, it was dramatic…). i even ended up working for him for a while and we’ve always stayed in touch until he moved away to dubai. while he was here in NYC, i took the time i could have had with him for granted and only saw him a few times a year, if that.
whenever i hear any 90s songs that were top 100 or whatever (ie: this song – not that i necessarily love it (i don’t)), they bring me right back to being 16 and waiting for a table at applebee’s at our local shopping mall. it dawns on me that i want to give him a big ol stu-hug and hear his infectious laugh, and i can’t… he’s no longer in the same borough, or just a train ride or two away, he’s 6,825 miles away. 🙁
he’s someone i can pick back up with after not seeing each other for two years like it was yesterday… i miss him and his friendship so much sometimes i could just burst.
* * *
ugh, fucking nostalgia.
August 29th, 2018 @ 12:59 am
(this is gonna be ranty, sorry…)
i really LOATHE seeing those like, inspirational quote images on instagram. it’s so fucking annoying… the android numbskulls really fucked things up for us when instagram became available to them. what’s even worse? quotes along the lines of “the best revenge is success” type of petty ass images. you know the kind… “watch them squirm”, “bury them with a smile”, etc.
i am the complete opposite of worrying about petty/revenge shit, so i can’t relate to this type of bs. if you’re immature and dumb enough to think your success is going to piss someone off, you’re already being a shitty idiot. this leads me to assume that you live in a magical land where you think the universe is doing things. if you ARE a believer that the universe is doing things, you probably also believe in a little thing called “karma”. i’m pretty sure if you’ve considered karma a real thing, you shouldn’t be worrying about wishing others any bad vibes. not only is it bringing you bad energy, but it’s also a massive waste of energy.
if someone or something is bothering you, try to keep it on the back burner in your brain. don’t waste your time worrying about how they feel, how you hope they’re feeling bad shit, how you hope they’re jealous, etc. – in the long run, “nobody gives a fuck more about what you’re doing than you do”. they probably don’t care.
the more you work on being a greater human, the less you worry about what other people are doing/feeling. you only have one life to live, don’t waste it on petty nonsense.
August 18th, 2018 @ 4:40 pm
star trek has always filled me with deep wisdom. i’m rewatching TNG and wanted to make note of this very true quote:
“thinking about what you can’t control only wastes energy and creates its own enemy.
it is very difficult for me to depend on anyone for anything.
it is still my enemy.”
– worf (klingon, operations officer)
aka don’t give into mindless bullshit you can’t control. the enemy needs no fuel, whether it be yourself or another.