in NYC today, it’s 94°… not only is it 94°, but there is a horrible mask of humidity on top of all of it. it’s hard to walk around out there for more than a few minutes, it’s so damn stifling. if you live here, i suggest bringing a cold bevvy outside with you. i got that irish face flush within 3 minutes of being out there. additionally, i got a pain in the pit of my stomach because of how easily i get heat stroke.
whenever it feels like this outside, it makes me want to leave this city. when i think of summer, i’m not thinking about open fire hydrants, piraguas/italian ices, mister softee, block parties, playing handball, double dutch and whatever else is tacked on to NYC summertime dreams. i’m thinking death. ass. heat. in the underground subway stations, everyone being pissed off, the streets piss smell reeking x 300, tourists walking on the sidewalks 1MPH when you just want to get into a cold spot, swamp ass, 14 year old girls looking like total floozes, my huge/heavy italian hair being wayyy too heavy, not even wanting to leave the house, and can we talk about how the people in my ‘hood don’t pick up their dog shit down the entire stretch of the cemeteries across the street from my house?, etc.
i’ve lived here all of my life, and it has always been like this in the summer — this i know. the older that i get, the more miserable it feels. i’m not upstate in the pool for weeks at a time anymore, no one i know even owns a pool, what even IS summer vacation?, it’s just BLAH. on top of all of this nasty weather that i clearly can not deal with, it’s hard to live here financially. sometimes i think about it, and it’s like, why the hell would anyone want to live here? i’ve got mad queens pride, don’t get me wrong. i have so many memories spanned over 32 years that i’ve been on this earth, that it courses through my veins and the accent spills out of my mouth… and just as the transplant hipster assholes that live in this city don tattoos of their state outlines, with tiny hearts showing their capital city, i too have got that hometown pride… but at this point, i don’t even care anymore.
why do people come here from other states? i question this often. the rents are too damn high, it’s overcrowded, job opportunities are horribly scarce, our public schools are overflowing to the point where there are now trailers taking up the school yards we once played in… etc. i mean i get it, it’s NEW YORK CITY, but what does that really entail? i think it’s funny, that line from that song “if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere”, but who’s really making it? people come here to make more money, but then they’re paying ridiculous money to live here, and can barely save anything for their futures. what type of sense does that make? younger kids that come here bunk up with like 3 roommates at a time sometime – that isn’t “making it”.
i think about the future — getting married, pushing out a little stu, etc. and all i can imagine is only being able to buy an apartment, and that’s somewhat depressing. i grew up moving 983837937 places, all into different apartments with my mom between queens and the bronx, and i never wanted that for my future. growing up, i guess i’ve come to the realization that i’m really not a house person anyway. i’ll admit that – but the fact that i will probably never even have a realistic option to be able to live in or fully pay for a house is awful. the prices here in queens are wretched. where my mother lives, 1 story houses that really aren’t anything special go for almost a million dollars. all you’re paying for is the neighborhood, and even then, it’s been going down the tubes because no one can afford to buy the houses anymore. they’re bought out by people that can’t even speak english, torn down and turned into 4 family houses that hold tiny apartments.
the last time i was out in salt lake city with my gf bee, she was telling me that the ‘hood that looked like my moms which is super expensive, was half the price for houses. gorgeous houses with large, lush, and beautiful backyards, and there are swings in the trees in front of houses – it’s so charming. i was blown away.
i want to relocate so badly, i just have no idea where. my mother toys with the idea of the carolina’s, i love salt lake city, my boyfriend loves san francisco… i just want to get away from this damn heat and the horribly high price of living. i can’t strive to survive for the next 30 years – you’re supposed to enjoy life, not stress out about how to feed your family or pay your rent.