January 10th, 2025 @ 7:45 pm

i don’t do NYE resolutions and i sure as shit don’t do a dry january (even though i rarely drink on a regular basis anymore), so i’m trying to apply the dry january to complaining…  i’m movin on up in the corporate world to a new title where i have to become “more profesh” in how i deal with/speak to people, so i am trying so hard to not get pissed at work and complain to my two coworker buddies.  on day 5, i got it down to one complaint per day vs zero.  on day 10, i’m starting to fail miserably, lmao… lucky for me, my one coworker i love also can’t stand our other coworker, so i’m not alone.  we let loose with a few brief sentences and gifs of hot dogs going flying down someone’s throat (hi, we’re 12).

this month so fahhhh:

one of my bestie’s mother passed away and her funeral was last week.  it was bittersweet to see her in that setting, but it’s been such a long while since i got to give her a big ol hug.  the last time i saw her was on my bday in september at a mets game.

♥ i love that you can purchase a tree and have it planted somewhere in people’s honor.  i did that when my uncle passed away, too.  it took me MONTHS to get the email that his was planted, but hers just came in today.  it’s a spot in north carolina. ♥

what else?

i got some freelance web work, i bought almost all of the new books i’ll be reading in 2025 (i’m STILL reading the princess bride – it feels like i’ve been reading it for 88 years, lol), i’ve been donating a ton of clothing i’ll never fit into again, i have been throwing useless/frivolous stuff out in hopes of an easier move when i do leave here, i’ve been doing some much needed home improvements, i finally replaced the dead throw pillows on my couch, i have two ranger games on the docket and my mom has to have knee replacement surgery next week (so i’ll be upstate, bored out of my brain – going deaf bc she BLARES the tv – and being overstimulated bc the woman never stops talking).

it’s been horribly windy and freezing lately, and while i do enjoy the winter/cold way more than summer (aka i fuckin hate it), the wind makes it unbearable.  i feel bad for the poor outdoor cat we take care of…  steve bought her a self-heating pillow to put in the insulated house he built for her and i think it just freaked her out, so i hope that the extra hay i put in there keeps her warm.  i always heat up wet food for her when i bring it out to her, so i hope that also helps.

i donated to the pasedena humane for animals affected by the fires in LA.  if you can, please donate whatever you can.  those poor lil babies. 🙁

fun january buys: i got me a heart shaped disco ball, beetlejuice beetlejuice on DVD, deadstock ikea flatware that has clear/bubbles as the handles (i’ve wanted them since i was a teenager and i found a set NEW IN BOX), a new oscillating oral b toothbrush and a new pair of gazelles that are le sexxx.

i guess this is my exciting life in my 40s, lol.

December 31st, 2024 @ 3:35 pm

i rather enjoy odd numbers and odd number years make me happy (also, the WORST things happen to me in even years).  i hate that we’re going into a new year with DUMP as the scumbag president again (hopefully he’ll croak at the stroke of midnight and save us all the trouble…).  i’m just going to ignorantly glide through the year pretending he doesn’t exist.  other than that, i have new duties at work in the coming year, some traveling on the horizon, i might get myself a 20 game season ticket to the mets and maybe i’ll finally move out of here.

this is my yearly, whiny post about how i hate everything — but honestly this year wasn’t SO bad, tbh.  the worst of it were some family issues, that i was told i might have something growing in my tiddies (whatever it is hasn’t grown, so i’m in the clear, for now), shitbrain cheeto was re-elected into office and that i stopped talking to TWO (selfish and disrespectful) people.  which actually, did me a damn favor by ejecting them theee ffffucuuuuccccckkkkkkk out of my life.  one should have never re-entered and the other finally showed just how either selfish or absolutely dumb and oblivious he actually is (since he’s also done dumb shit to one of our other mutuals). so YAY!

one of the things i look forward to doing every year is now gone…  for the last two years, i’ve been house/cat-sitting for my former coworker in NJ and i am so sad she’s moved out of the apartment i’d go to.  it was a bittersweet place for me – some of the biggest stresses i’ve dealt with in the last couple of years have happened while i was there… but it was a great place of refuge and nude/topless tanning on the private roof, lol.  honestly, the view — THE VIEW… it was spectacular.  you could see midtown and downtown buildings from the skyline.  it was my fave.  it’s such a bummer that they’ve left there for a lil house they now own, but it’s next to a damn catholic school.  the noise should be suuuuuuuper fun during the day while i’m there (and now i can’t do any even HALF NUDE tanning in the yard… le sigh).

i wish i could afford to take the damn apartment over, but those freaks was $3400+ for it.  kiss my fuckin grits! (also, then i would have to live in NJ and just… ew.)

the day-to-day stresses of living in this apartment are still getting to me, but i can FEEL change a brewin.  that makes me happy and all in all, it wasn’t a terrible year.

the positives: i got my financial situation beyond awesome, i got to spend a ton of time with jamie in the first half of the year — which i’m so thankful for, since she moved to michigan this fall.  i read a bunch, spent a lot of time with ricardo, i got to see jason a few times, i went to a ton of ranger games (before they started SUCKING ASS)… i met matteau and KELSEY FUCKING GRAMMER, i got to see my pippa and eliza this year (it’s been almost a freakin decade), i got to see the blue album live at the garden with my cousin marie, they opened TWO salt & straws here in NYC this year (i’ve only been to one, so far), i got to see goldfinger and chromeo again, i got to see the mets win the NLDS live, we got a new album by the cure (!!!) and i finally got my ass back to seattle.

anyway, i’ve been donating and throwing out a lot of shit lately, which makes me happy.  i have to accept that i’ve grown out of things and i need to lighten the load… esp if i’m going to move cross country.

i feel like it’s so weird to think about – if and when i finally get to seattle, i’ll prob be closer to 50 than 40. i don’t FEEL old, but i’m not exactly in my late 20s or early 30s anymore.  i feel like i’m missing ample time in my 40s still being here in queens.  that’s depressing.

as for 2025 — i have no resolutions… i’m really just looking forward to progress and shaking off the disgusting stresses that plague me every fucking day.  i wish the same for anyone reading this.  get rid of things and people that you don’t need, and go be happy and productive — while it’s not always realistic, try not to hurt anyone in the process.

December 15th, 2024 @ 9:39 am

oh oooops, i forgot to post about my lil trip to seattle last month 🙂

this trip was later into november than usual – usually we go for halloween weekend into a little bit of november, but the rangers decided they were going to play the kraken on nov 17th, so i had to plan around that.  we ended up with very cold/gloomy weather (yay!) but as we were leaving, there was a bomb cyclone right behind us — and we both a) didn’t realize that was a thing that was happening while we were on our trip and b) we did not realize that it was happening WHILE WE WERE AT THE AIRPORT FLYING HOME.

read more…

December 13th, 2024 @ 6:12 pm

i don’t understand why there’s a :has() css selector but there’s not a PURELY CSS way to target a reverse/parent selector yet…  it’s 2024!  why are we still struggling with this basic shit? geeeeeeeeeeeez.

CSS GODS PLZ FIX THIS FOR THE NEXT VERSION OF CSS

i don’t need js or jquery for every little fucking thing…

the reason i’m stuck so hard on this, is because every stupid website is now on react/angular/whatever bullshit js framework that uses all these ridiculously repetitive class names and the only thing i can do is hide things by mostly targeting aria-labels, data-testid or role identifiers. my browser extension that i use to hide unwanted things only uses CSS.  tumblr’s dashboard has become HORRIBLY unusable – i don’t feel like seeing shit in my feed from people i don’t follow, so my thought was to hide any parent div that contains the aria-label=”Follow”, but apparently you can’t target reverse by parent…  it’s infuriating.

the :has() selector is amazing, but we need the reverse of this.

December 9th, 2024 @ 4:22 pm

i have come to a very important conclusion!  i need a tattoo for the cure, but i didn’t ever know exactly what i wanted… but i was wearing my inbetween days shirt recently and realized how much i looooooovvvvvvvve the colours and how cartoony robert looks when he’s painted (see: image below).

asking a tattoo artist that doesn’t do portraits to do a portrait is like, my worst nightmare, so i didn’t want something  very detailed anyway…  but i finally just realized which artist i want to do it and i am sooooooooo excited about it.  i just have to find my way to the pacific northwest (again) for it.

i think i’m going to put this on my thigh next to my reaper.

i often fight with myself about my favorite song by the cure, but this is definitely in the top 5 or 10 at any given moment, so i love the idea of this tattoo.

December 6th, 2024 @ 11:00 am

i find it SO annoying that i have to be sitting down in my chair in order for it to move (and then it barely moves AND i’m on a hardwood floor).  i just realized that this wasn’t a problem until like, 2 desk chairs ago.  like, when did we start doing this?  WHY did we start doing this as the default?  safety reasons (aka old people)?

i feel like as a whole, we’re becoming stupider.

instead of affecting EVERYONE, why not just offer the choice of these stupid locking wheels when they buy chairs?  or have some sort of switch or mechanism to enable it vs. just having it locking as a default.  i wonder what the percentage would be of people who actually want this feature.

we had chairs that didn’t brake/lock this way for decades… was there an abundancy of desk chair accidents or deaths that we didn’t know about, that went unreported? SWEPT UNDER THE RUG?  i need answers!

i’m all for advances in life, but this is one of those RIDICULOUSLY pointless ones that could have been handled better.

November 28th, 2024 @ 11:50 pm

man, twitter is really boring now that most of my friends jumped ship.  fuck you, elon for ruining that website/app for everyone… stupid, large baby ass clown.

November 28th, 2024 @ 2:30 pm

i’ve fought tooth and nail to not have my signature short bangs for like a year now… i grew them out all year, i did bardot/curtain bangs and i tried to leave them naturally curly (i end up looking insane when they’re curly), but i did not feel like myself AT ALL. i don’t want all one length hair (ew), so i have to make bang decisions.

in all stages of life, i hath had thicc bangs above my eyebrows and i feel the most normal when i have them.  i dig the longer swoopy bangs when they start growing out, tho.

i feel like no one i know likes when i have my bangs, so i have been a bit more self-conscious about them in the last couple of years.  i gotta cut that shit out, because i’ve never let anyone make me feel like that over the years.  i wonder why i’m so much more sensitive in my 40s.

anyways, i fuckin cut em back in about an hour ago and i feel so much better.

♥ a smol victory in this shit life. ♥

November 28th, 2024 @ 12:12 pm

death and taxes aren’t the only thing you can count on in life… there are also the changes.  as much as you want to keep things the same for sake of stability, thar they blow.

one of the 3 people who have kept me sane all year just texted me the sweetest thing ever, but it made me want to cry.  she thanked me for all of our adventures, hockey nights, our lil vacation in florida this year, etc. – and it just made me miss her so very much.  she moved away to michigan last month and i barely know what to do with myself most weeknights now…  i haven’t really been a good friend and reaching out since she left.  it’s honestly because i miss her and i feel so overwhelmed that she’s actually gone.  every time i feel like i want to text her about her new house and new life, i just freeze up bc i get upset that she’s gone (i feel like i’m being a bad friend).  i know it’s selfish – i have to get better.

she and i got together for so many last minute ranger games last year and every time i go to do that now, i’m reminded that she’s no longer 20 mins away, and it makes me so depressed.  not just that SHE’s gone, but that almost everyone i know is too busy (kids, pets, twatever else) or too broke to ever just pick up and go to a game and/or hang out in the city before and after.  i have 837987 friends, but i’m not CLOSE with them.

it’s indirectly an issue with so many of my “friends”, not just her absence, but it does sadden me and the bad thoughts snowball.  i get overwhelmed and feel very alone between having busy friends, losing shitty/selfish friends and my mom living 2 hours away.  i currently feel like nothing in my life is stable… and that TRULY gets to me.  it’s not just the matter of control (which i struggle with often) but also the loss or lack of people to count on.

i know i say this every fucking year, but i really hope things get better next year.  i want my own apartment — i don’t mind sharing this one with steve, but living with my ex is just — stagnant.  i feel like he’s not going out and living life, living here with me.  i want him to be happy and to move on.  i can afford to live on my own, i just want to save money being here – but at what cost?

one of the things keeping me here was my landlady and the outside cat.  i’m really nervous that if something happens to her (my landlady is older and lives by herself), no one will care for the outdoor cat.  i tried to take the cat in this year and she didn’t want to be inside, so i can’t bring her wherever i go, when i do move.  it’s not a reason to stay here, but my conscience and gut tells me to stay.

i miss peace and quiet, i miss having a place to decorate however i want to, i want to have my own space again and i think i have to do that come next year.  if for nothing more than my sanity.  i need to hit the refresh button BADLY.

i need a lot of things, but i really need stability and love next year or else i’m really gonna lose it.  i didn’t think this is where i’d be in my 40s.  i figured i’d have friends and relationships figured out by now…  instead, we’re all now stuck struggling in middle age bullshit (some still stuck emotionally and maturely in high school/20s mentality) and we don’t seem to know how to get out of it — or we do, and we’re too scared to take the next steps.

well, i’m over it.

November 26th, 2024 @ 7:44 pm

November 26th, 2024 @ 5:37 pm

wow, i totally forgot to post this babe that i got done in may…

this is my favorite pic of my mom from back in the 80s. a couple of my aunts had come over one night, and i had a pack of fuzzy lip sandylion stickers that i was messing with.  my mom and my aunts put them on their lips and we took pictures.  my mom had short/spikey hair and a braided rat tail through the 80s and for some reason, she had it out this one night, so it looks like she had long hair, but it was really just the rat tail all sprawled out.

anyway, the reason i got this tattoo is bc my mom LOVED rebel yell by billy idol so much when it came out. some of my earliest memories are of listening to that album, singing along with my mom and her friend melvina and doing billy idol lip.  i LOVE that album with all of my heart and when i listen to it, i always think of my mother.

the tattoo artist i went to loved the fuzzy lip sticker and argued with me to leave them there, but i stood my ground and was like “omg just do the literal tattoo” lol… it’s the point of the damn tattoo… eyes without a face is a song off of rebel yell and the chorus sings the french phrase “les yeux sans visage”, which translates to “eyes without a face” in english.

what can i say? i enjoy a creative, meaningful tattoo.

♥ ♥ ♥

it’s absolutely HYSTERICAL how many stranger goons try to pronounce this tattoo and can’t… “lez ye-ucks sans vees-age?”

it’s such a weird thing how when you have “weird” coloured hair and tattoos how easily people just talk to you about all of it.  for the most part, my hair compliments get a quick and unconscious “thank you”.  the tattoos is always are tiring bc most of mine have some story like the above tied to them…  trust me, people with more than one tattoo are NOT doing it for the attention – after the like, 5th person, you’re over it.

November 22nd, 2024 @ 9:40 am

posted on : july 26th, 2OO2 – at 7:15 p

i just finished watching “resident evil”… we just got it in for our store yesterday. it was pretty good. pretty damn scary in a way. when i watch movies i really like to put myself in other peoples shoes…. the characters… lol. and if i were in that situation, that’d ummmm…. suck. it comes out on tuesday so go rent it :] – sorry for not really elaborating on this movie but i’m tired.

sophie fed me old/bad chicken last night by accident and i woke up at 5 am puking my poor stomach up. :[ it was so gross. everytime i’m sick at jeff’s it’s in his “little bathroom” – the one with only a potty and a sink in the living room. – whenever i’ve puked because i was too drunk, it was in there. whenever i’ve puked cuz i was sick, it’s been in there. it’s an evil bathroom. so then i was so damn dizzy and lightheaded to walk, so i sat down on the couch and fell asleep for 30 minutes. then jeff came to get me. i woke up to brush my teeth in the evil little bathroom and the damn toilet flushed itself. i just stood there. i opened the door to look at jeff and got the illest goosebumps. it was really creepy. then he told me when he sleeps downstairs on his own sometimes that happens. yikes.

since i was in boston, i haven’t put much thought into my father because of what happened. i’ve only talked to him three times. and i wish i could spend time with him and know him. but for some reason i was thinking about him today. and i miss my brother :[ i only have spoken to him twice since all that bullshit happened. ash, go track down my brother and poison my father’s girlfriends water or something lol. you’re the closest one to ’em.

OOOOH WE BROKE 100,000 hits here on the site today *wEeEeEeEe* what an accomplishment :] it only took eleven months lol…

okay i’m gonna go relax.

November 20th, 2024 @ 1:36 pm

i can’t bring myself to delete my poor lil twitter account (i’ll never call it X). i retrieved a copy of my archive and meant to download/deactivate, but i don’t think i’m going to be deactivating – i’m just not actively using it anymore.  the large baby space goon already has all 16 years of my tweets since he inherited the company, but i won’t be giving him anything new (not that it would be anything all that interesting or useful anyway).  i opted out of the grok/AI bullshit, but i don’t even know what that will entail.  i don’t use the “for you” tab, i’ve hidden all ads within desktop with css and i don’t use twitter on my phone… so wtf is he using that for?  it’s not going to be able to cater anything to me unless the entire site changes.

i’ll delete the entire account if it becomes fully public since i still don’t want that psycho stalker cunt reading my private thoughts, otherwise, i’ll let it live (yes, i’ve been conditioned to live with EVERYTHING ON PRIVATE aside from this, where i curb many thoughts and keep this more general).

i’ll give it a bit and see if i come back to it.  maybe that shitball will sell it off, who knows?

hopefully it’ll make me want to post here more since i won’t have a vocal outlet anymore…  we’ll see.

♥ ♥ ♥

i miss the old twitter.
i miss echofon in firefox (my timeline would be in a little popup in the bottom right of my browser).
i miss @ing ppl because they were actually using twitter.

hey, cool i had it at all vs never having it, i suppose. 🙂

November 8th, 2024 @ 10:39 pm

i don’t know when i fully transitioned into an old person… but i thoroughly enjoy when i get to bedtime.  it’s my favorite part of the day aside from my day-to-day coffee breaks.

not for going to sleep… i mean, sure, i love sleep… but mmmm yazzzzzzz taking my stupid little edible, flossing/brushing my teefs n swishing, moisturizing, getting half or fully n00d and getting under my weighted blanket while falling asleep to my favorite guilty pleasure shows (they shall never be revealed)… heaven.

i almost dread the day that i have a significant other that doesn’t want to partake in my lil routine.

jk!!!1

i miss being in a relationship and enjoying sleeping next to my person.

hopefully the next one doesn’t snore loudly, will also not love sleeping in frigid cold and doesn’t mind that i fall asleep with the tv on.

October 31st, 2024 @ 11:22 pm

i decided this year, instead of doing a tl;dr for each movie, i’d just give it a quick review and add the plot to the bottom of each one.

1. i know what you did last summer – i watched a few horror movies in september already, so i was in the mood to try some new (old) movies.  i don’t think i’ve watched IKWYDLS since i was in high school or just out of high school, so i figured now would be a good year to revisit and maybe watch some more 90s horror, since i usually ignore the really commercial/teen ones.

i do like this movie, though i don’t think i need to watch it again for a long while.  it’s got jump scares, sure… but it doesn’t really scare me.  i do enjoy the soundtrack, however.

plot

2. the void – i saw this featured on an instagram account i follow and figured “hey, lovecraft, why not?” AND, i’m a sucker for anything set in a hospital (my favorite horror movie is prob halloween 2 – 1981), so i watched it.  the guys in the suits were also really freakin creepy looking, so i tuned in.  i did like it, but i think it could have been better OR i think i need to rewatch it again to see things in a way i didn’t the first time.  i loved the visuals and i loved the nods to halloween/john carpenter.  i would watch this again.

plot

3. the ward – creepy atmosphere, but kinda dumb.  it was like girl interrupted meets a commercial dingleberry of a horror movie.  it wasn’t scary enough for me.

plot

4. death becomes her – this is a black comedy/(fantasy) movie.  i grew up watching this movie and i haven’t watched it in over 25 years.  it was pretty funny and the effects are great for the release year, but it didn’t hold up the way i remembered, while i don’t hate it.  i don’t think i need to watch it again for a long while.

plot

5. practical magic – this is one of my favorite movies and one of my comfort movies. i always watch it around this time of year.  i don’t know if it can be considered a halloween movie, but i always do.

plot

6. creepshow 2 – i typically watch body bags or creepshow 1 for my anthology watches, but i gave creepyshow 2 a viewing this year.  it’s been a while.  i recommend watching both 1 and 2 and will watch this again someday.

7. smile 2 – my sister and i went to see this in the movies this year.  i liked it, but i didn’t love it as much as the first one.  the first one sufficiently creeped me out and it was an instant DVD purchase after i watched it.  i wish i saw that one in the movies.  the second one was a slow burn and way more of a mental movie.  there were a few good jump scenes and some creepy smiling scenes, but i def prefer the first to this one.

plot

8. texas chainsaw massacre – i haven’t watched this in a long time.  this was one of those movies i watched every year for a long time and i got a little tired of it.  it’s a classic old horror movie and i love the effects.  i think i only need to watch this once every few years to a decade and i’ll be happy.  i love forgetting the details of movies and then finally going back to them.  my biggest takeaway: omg WHY IS SHE STILL SCREAMING?!

plot

9. the mist – this was a bit boring at first. in fact, the entire first hour, it was failing to keep my attention.  once everyone started turning on each other and it started getting mental and emotional, i got into it.  i didn’t love the setting and the monsters were a bit silly… i think i’m okay with never watching it again.

plot

10. somewhere quiet – i’ve never been traumatized the way the main character in this story was, so i should try to curb my opinion of how she handles herself.  i don’t know how i would handle myself coming out of that situation, but she was kiiiiiiiiiiind of annoying, for me.  she was being a bit dramatic and dropping things because she was very daydreamy and was kind of nasty to everyone she came across.  it has a good twist, but i still didn’t love it and probably won’t watch it again.

premise

11. down – apparently this is an episode in a horror anthology called “into the dark” (this was more thriller to me than horror).  i found in the horror section of hulu or tubi or something and thought it was a movie.  anyway, it had a good twist and i want to check out the rest of “into the dark”, but i don’t know that i would go out of my way to ever watch this again.

plot

12. pearl – oopsie, i didn’t realize this was a prequel and that there was a movie i was supposed to watch first (though pearl is a prequel, so i guess that works out for me).  i loved the cinematography and appreciated the horror plot and its visuals (it’s very dark), but i found this movie suuuuuuuuper boring.  i read about X and maxxxine and they sound intriguing, but pearl… meh.

i probably won’t watch this again, but if i do, it’s because i finally watched the other two within the X series.

plot

13. eli – i watched this while i was a bit sleepy, so at first i wasn’t really connecting with it.  once i started to realize exactly what was going on (with about 45 mins left in the movie), that’s when i started enjoying it.  i don’t think i’ll watch it again, but it was a good casual horror movie.

plot

14. don’t look away – after i finished this one, i went directly to the internet and a) i was very confused bc there was no wikipedia page for this movie and b) i couldn’t believe how many people disliked this movie in the reddit horror sub (this is EXACTLY why i don’t listen to people’s opinions when it comes time to movies and being subjective).

apparently, it was based on some horror short, but obviously expanded upon and altered.

i found this movie SUPER creepy.  mainly bc i fucking hate mannequins — my favorite twilight zone episode features creepy ass mannequins and well, they’ve just never sat right with me.  while the mannequin’s face was super goofy in the movie, overall he is creepy AF.  you see him from distances, then he moves quickly and the lighting and cinematography is good.  shit, if that was happening to me irl, i’d be scared as hell.

the acting was okayyy – i didn’t hate it as much as others.  i did notice a lot of nods to the shining, which i appreciated.

i made two wallpapers for it here and here, where you can pick up on the atmosphere.

plot

15. men – i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaated this movie.  no wait, i hated the main character.  no wait, the more i think about it, the more i know i’m wrong about why i hate her.  dammit, it’s a vicious cycle.

before i watched this movie, i was told it had a layer of feminism to it.  i really didn’t know how to apply it while i watched it, especially getting annoyed at the main character for being such a bonehead by leaving herself in that situation… but it reminds me of how women are blamed for wearing a lack of clothing and looking “slutty” and that’s why they get raped.  rape isn’t about someone looking slutty/sexy, it’s about the rapist being in control.  it could be an 80 year old helpless woman or a 20-something year old – that doesn’t matter.  it shouldn’t happen no matter what the circumstances are — victims are NOT asking for it.

i got pissed bc this lady left herself in a creepy old house, in the countryside, ALONE.  like, nobody theoretically should be bothering her (not that that’s how the world works), but that’s the point of the movie.  i won’t ruin it by mentioning the ending, but with that knowledge, it’s a smart movie.

the characters aside from herself are creeeeeeeepy and weird and it did give me some anxiety here and there.  i’m not sure i’d ever watch it again, but i get it.

plot

16. flatliners – ngl, i quit after watching half of it bc i was so bored, which is odd bc i usually love schumacher movies.  i don’t remember hating this years ago, not sure why it bored me so much.

plot

17. the blob (88) – this movie was ridiculous, lol.  i watched this to fill the queue here.  i haven’t watched it since i was a kid, and i would be totally okay with never watching it again.

if you want to watching a goofy 80s horror where you don’t have to think, have i got the movie for you…!

plot

18. carnival of souls – it’s been a hot min since i watched this.  i never even heard of this movie until like 12 years ago, when my ex and i bought some horror movie DVD with like 5 black and white movies on it.  it reminds me of a glorified twilight zone episode, and i love it.  it’s super creepy. i love all of the scenes at the pavillion.

i’ll definitely watch this again and i’m a bit intrigued to watch the remake.

plot

19. night of the living dead – i haven’t watched this in a while bc i used to watch it all the time. i kind of tired of it…  but it was a nice double feature to carnival of souls and i adore black and white horror movies.

while the effects are super cheese, i love putting myself into the shoes of someone in the 60s and seeing a movie like that without being exposed to 983793798734 different movies of that nature.  it was probably so creepy back then.

the anxiety of the people in the house always helps creep me out.

i still always hate the damn ending, but will definitely watch over and over again.

plot

20. the faculty – man, i haven’t watched this in yeeeeeeeears.  this is one of those gooooood 90s commercial/teen horror flicks.  definitely up there with final destination and scream, for me.

i don’t know why i stopped watching this movie, but i’ll probably integrate it into my yearly october watches.

plot

21. the legend of sleepy hollow (disney) – i was checking out disney+ for movies and thought to look for this movie.  i watched both movies (the other movie isn’t horror-y — it’s about mr. toad stealing a car) and i haven’t seen them since i was a kid.  i remember the headless horseman scaring the shit out of me, so i gave it a whirl.  it was a fun watch… it isn’t too halloween-y until that scene, but man did the disney animators do excellent work STILL creeping me out and the background art is amazing.  we were truly spoiled back then with how dark and talented disney was.

22. the exorcist – i just read the exorcist for the first time and i wanted to compare it to the movie.  i haven’t watched the exorcist in YEARS.  probably close to 20, if i’m being honest.  i think i only saw it twice before, one being in the movie theater and one with my cousin marie.  both times, i couldn’t sleep that night because i was worried i myself would open myself to possession or something (lmao).  in all fairness, i was still a practicing catholic, sooooooo…

luckily for me, this time was easier.  i didn’t freak out, i didn’t have an issue falling asleep nor did i have any nightmare.  i think reading the book helped a bit, because that was WAY creepier visually than the movie (while it did do it justice).  i’ll probably watch it again in another 10 years or so, but the book – i might read that again sooner.  it was very good.

plot

23. poltergeist III – remember when i was a kid, i thought it was the coolest thing ever that the building they lived in had stores in it.  i didn’t know what the john hancock building was when i was little, lol.

i haven’t watched this in eons, but i remember thinking it was so visually creepy being in a high rise and with all of the mirrors and such, and it didn’t let me down.  i appreciate how much of the movie was actually and physically done by the crew.

i can’t believe how negative the response was to this movie and that the critical response was so bad.  rotten tomatoes has it at a 15% approval rating, lol (i hate that site and never listen to it anyway).

i’ll definitely watch it again.

plot

24. x – after reading about x and maxxxine, i thought they both sounded right up my alley.  i wasn’t sure if it was going to be another let down, but i actually loved this movie and maxxine a lot.  good plots, i wasn’t bored, i loved the visuals and mia goth was fantastic in both movies.

i bought X on dvd as soon as i was done watching it.  it was one of those.

plot

25. maxxxine – see above.

the ending to this one was OKAYYYYYY, it could have been better… but i loved it.

plot

26. urban legend – this movie was pure shite, and now i recall why i hated it and never watched it again.

the kills were cool but the movie was cheese ball and i hated the ending.  it’s just not one of my favorite 90s horror flicks and i don’t think i’ll ever bother to watch it again unless a friend or fam throws it on.

plot

27. sisters – i was just browsing through hbo max horror movies and found this one.  margot kidder? sure thang!

the acting and atmosphere was very well, 70s… a little slow and low budget, but it had a good plot and i liked the ending.  would i watch it again? probably not, but i think perhaps it would make a good remake, tbh.

plot

28. candyman – this is another one i haven’t watched since i was a youngin… i thankfully didn’t remember it at all, and now i want to watch the remake to see if they improved or fucked it up.  i probably wouldn’t watch this over and over again, but i will watch it again within the next decade.

plot

29. all hallows’ eve – i’ve avoided terrifier bc i hate clowns… so i figured i’d try this one first, to see if i could make it through the others, lol.  this is an anthology, not just one movie.  there are 3 stories and the second one was kinda corny, but overall it was okay.  i don’t think i need to ever watch this again.

plot

30. terrifier – okay, this clown is pretty creepy… but not like tim curry’s pennywise creepy (unless he’s making stupid ass faces, which are absolutely creepy).  i spent most of this movie being pissed off at the two main characters/victims vs being scared.  i think i can get through all of these movies, tbh.  still… fuck clowns.

plot

31. dark night of the scarecrow – this is the second time i’m watching this and i still really like it, but i realized this time around that i wish it was done NOT for TV so that we could see some gore.  i am not usually the movie remake person, but i would advocate for a darker, R rated, modern effects version of this movie.  i haven’t watched the second one, so i’m not sure if it’s “better” in that regard.  i’ll have to give that a go sometime this weekend.  i was too busy at work today to watch any movies i wanted to concentrate on, so i’ll have myself a halloweekend.

i wouldn’t mind watching this every year or at least every other year.

plot

past hallowatches:

my 2023 list of watched horror movies
some 2020 list of movies (not a full 31)

October 11th, 2024 @ 6:21 pm

posted on : july 23rd, 2OO2 – at 4:23 p

i added a new dream. woOpie :] i think the only re-occuring dream i have is me having the ability to float. i’ve had so many floating dreams and the one you’ll read about today has been interpreted! (like you care, lol) but fainting has been translated like this: “to dream of fainting is a warning to stop and consider your frivolous ways and renounce the questionable associates you now call your friends.” hmm. kay. well, i’m very tired. and i need to eat before i have work, so if you’re visiting, i’m gonna be chattin in the tagboard at about 4:45 pm (very soon. oh, i got work so i can’t chat for too long… aiight.). see ya :]

October 11th, 2024 @ 5:23 pm

i miss the bosstones. i’m still mad at stupid dicky for being so dumb and weird…

October 11th, 2024 @ 11:59 am

i recently tried to re-watch wayward pines (hulu) because i couldn’t recall if i ever finished it or not (i still can’t remember if i finished season 1 fully, but some parts are vaguely familiar from season 1).  i LOVE blake crouch’s books — the wayward pines trilogy was so good.  i kind of recall when it premiered on tv and i was super excited that m. night shyamalan was directing the pilot and an executive producer.  the vibe of the books were suuuuuuper m. night, but i guess it just didn’t hit the mark for me.

i haven’t read the books in a decade, but i remember when the show first started, the first thing i noticed was that i was super turned off by the depiction of the abbies.  i suppose it would be hard to recreate what they look like in the book… but it turned me off.  towards the middle/end of season 1, the story from what i remember just completely deviates and i got confused and disinterested.  it didn’t help that some of the characters were off, too.

i didn’t really take matt dillon serious in the role of ethan, but i loved shannyn sossamon as the wife.  i really loved juliette lewis on the show, but then she left early on.

once i’m finished with my pile of books i have to read, i’m going to re-read those books, but holy heck was that show pewp.  i’m 4 episodes til the end and i kind of don’t even want to finish it, bc i know it got cancelled anyway.

i think if they would have just did one book per season, they could have made all 3 seasons.  i know it’s hard to translate books to shows and movies, and that they have to take some creative freedoms for longevity, but this one just really gave up.  what a disappointment.

i tried to watch dark matter on appleTV+ and i couldn’t really connect with it, either.  i read that book a while back – i should re-read and try to watch it again… again, THE CAST ♥ jennifer connelly is on that show and i totally see her being cast in his works as i read them.

i adore all of blake crouch’s books and he deserves better adaptations than this.  i think maybe movies could have been better than shows, but wtf do i know?

buy wayward pines:

book #1, book #2, book #3

September 27th, 2024 @ 7:19 pm

aaaaaaaaaaaand i’m back…  well, it was a nice two month break.

i don’t know why i feel guilty posting after i said i was giving my blog here a break or why i even care that i still blog.  sometimes it makes me feel weird because there’s barely a blog community anymore (i know there’s medium, but i think the last time i read a post on it, it wanted me to either sign up or pay or whatever and just… no).  i did just come across the bear platform, and i’m trying to get better about reading blogs (i didn’t set one up for myself there, i’m just reading).  either way, i need to just get over it already.  i do enjoy posting here sometimes and that’s okay.

when i took said break in july, it was directly after being, well, i dunno.  hurt?  betrayed (i say this mildly)? disrespected?  i don’t even know anymore.  honestly, it was a situation that was my own fault for trusting in someone that showed their true colours to me once and ignoring them.

i was angry, disgusted, confused, astonished… emotionally drained.  now i just smh at it whenever it crosses my mind.  humans are going to do what they want, no matter how it makes others feel.  i’m guilty of it from time to time, so i just get it and accept it…  it just sucks it happened with someone that i’ve known for ~25 years.  it sucks that it’s one of the last people on earth i’d ever imagine would do such a thing.

tigers don’t change their stripes, folks.
lesson learned.

anyway, at that point in time, i was just mentally TIRED.  it was a culmination of shit that just kept piling up and everything was annoying the shit out of me.  i FEEL like things have been a lot better recently (i mean, it is autumn – my faaaaaaaaave), but my life is still pretty stagnant (hey, maybe that’s what i need right now, who knows?).

one of my besties is moving out of NYC next week and i’m trying SO hard not to let her know how much i’m going to miss her.  she’s leaving NYC again (she too is a queens native) – and probably for good this time.  the thought of not having her within a half an hour’s distance or to meet up for last min ranger games irl just really bums me tf out.  we’ve hung out here and there over the years, but we’ve spent so much time together in the last year, that i just don’t know what i’m going to do with myself.  do you know how hard it is to find rad chicks that are into cool music and hockey (and my team)?! pfft… she’s a gem!

on the plus side, i’m going back to seattle this year!  this makes me REALLY happy, seeing as that i haven’t been there since october/november of 2021.  hockey is starting back up (even though being jamieless is going to bum me out, lauren’s been making more of an effort to try to get to games this year) and i have some cool concerts coming up.  i might even get back to florida in november, too.

hopefully the rest of this year is just… happy. ♥

September 7th, 2024 @ 8:43 pm

i know i said i was gonna quit this site, but i wish i knew how to quit you.

i’m having a nice saturday night.  i was supposed to go out with jamie and greek steve’s wifey tn, but they both cancelled at the last min… so instead, i got a brazilian wax, i got buzzed at outback by myself w some spicy ass mac n cheese and watched the mets game.  i came home, showered and moisturized myself and i ate an entire edible.  my plan is to watch napoleon dynamite high while in the nude… getting high and doing stuff is my new fave past time, since i missed out on decades worth.  so yah, saturdays in my 40s are fun.

i am turning 43 in 12 days and i couldn’t be more comfortable in my skin (and my bank account).  my social life could be better… but that’ll turn around soon enough.

i can’t wait for hockey to kick back in.

i loveeeeeeeeeee when summer is over… it’s like my entire world just rights itself.

anyway, i was thinking of my bday and i can’t believe how scared i was to turn 30, and here i am ENJOYING my 40s.  it’s so weird, lol.  so i dunno, maybe you’ll all have something to look forward to.

July 15th, 2024 @ 11:51 pm

i think i’m checking out of here for a while…  i dunno if i’ve outgrown this website officially yet or not, but it’s not fun anymore.  everyone is on a smartphone, i can’t be creative for desktop anymore and i haven’t been posting regularly.  if i still had a ton of friends that blogged or even wrote essays or SOMETHING creative, maybe i’d still be into this.

right now, i’d rather focus on real life than social media, being depressed about the news, worrying about the world falling apart, hating on gentrifying domestic transplants, being disappointed by shitty friends, trying to please people, being bored on twitter, etc. – i need to enjoy these decades that seemingly just fly by vs. caring too much about things i think are important to me, that no longer are.

this month, ten years ago, i was single.  i was losing my favorite human in the entire world (my aunt necie), i was living alone (well, with oscy boo), i was juggling a few morons in my dating pool, jaejess started dying off and i started UNRULEDclub, let’s not even talk about my sports teams that seemed so promising (le sigh), i had just started my job at CM the year before and i was getting my shit together, i was still hanging out with lauren regularly, i started hanging out with jamie and ricardo around this time, too…  so many positives, but it was still such a weird time in my life.  i was let down by yet another of my ex boyfriends (in shocking news) and it scarred me for a long while.

i’ve been through so much shit since then, but 10 years ago only feels like it was 2 years ago.  i can’t keep letting time fly by, or else i’ll be elderly and stuck.  i wanna be happy and i think i’m starting to want to just unplug and enjoy life.

i’m sick of meta/facebook/instgram suggested content bullshit, idiots on reddit, doom scrolling, getting pissed off at how women only seem to think iNfLuEnCeR is the way to succeed… i am so sick of viewing bullshit and feeling negativity.  i just want to be happy.  i want to be curled up with my boyfriend on our couch watching dumb movies, laughing, bonding and fucking for hours.

i don’t necessarily think all of us were happier in the days before smart phones, but it’s worth a shot.  i usually only go on twitter during work hours, but i think i might just quit it altogether.  i did it for months when shithead was still in the white house, and i might have to do it again.  i’ll never use tiktok FOH, and as for instagram, i absolutely can’t stand using that fucking app anymore.  the shoving 9 different features into one app is so annoying and i don’t even use them.

i don’t watch stories, i don’t scroll endlessly through reels – especially not ones my friends don’t post (i’ve legit never used that tab in the app), i don’t shop through IG – fuck those ad/shopping data farming asshats, there are 2 ads in a row sometimes, i mute everyone’s notes/stories and live alerts as soon as i follow them, i’ll never use threads… girl, all i want to view is fucking pictures and i can barely even do that – everyone is posting stupid fucking videos… then i get pissed when people add closed captions BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKIN BUILT INTO IG BUT THEY ARE TOO STUPID TO REALIZE THIS AND ADD THEM TO THE VIDEO ITSELF ANYWAY…  mind you, they post on tiktok then also put it on IG… i just.. i’m tired.  maybe i’m just old and ornery, but i don’t care about anyyyyyyyyyyything recommended to me unless it’s by a friend.  our brains just process too much shit on a regular basis and i want out.

okay see, i went off on a tangent i shouldn’t have had to just bc i hate how much they changed instagram in the last 10 years, when i was talking about trying to better myself and my life.  holy fucking shit tho… i fucking hate facebook (/rant).

anyways, i don’t even know what to post on this site anymore.  music? hot people? art? my day?  the last 3 weeks have been unbelievably and astonishingly disappointing.  i am sick of people, i am sick of caring for people, i am sick of investing in people, i am sick of having to explain myself and my feelings to others, i’m sick of hypocrites and double standards… i’m just over it.  i don’t have the fucking energy anymore.  i’m 42, not in my late teens or my 20s anymore.  i don’t need drama in my life at this point, so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadios!

i know moving away doesn’t magically solve problems, but i am not just running away from problems and bringing them with me.  i’m just giving up and leaving the shitty ones behind.  i am holding onto being in queens for what fucking reason?  i would rather just start fresh somewhere else at this point.  hanging onto this sham of a memory of this place is just stupid.  i want to shed my skin and move on, as much as i love this place, it truly isn’t the same.

i miss the 80s and 90s because of my family, mostly.  i miss 80s and 90s queens for that reason a lot, too.  at the end of the day, a lot of them have died or moved away.  friends keep getting married/having kids and leaving me in the dust, some come and go as they please and well, some just do as they please, i’ve come to realize.  i know i’m not always the best at keeping up with people, but if they think i didn’t try my fucking hardest to keep us all together and happy on a semi-regular/regular basis, fuck em.

i’m done.

goodnight for now, knife party.

June 26th, 2024 @ 12:33 am

my mother texted me the other night telling me that she was watching a simon and garfunkel concert from the night i was born.  apparently it was in central park and it was free (it was a benefit concert).  the pair had apparently gone solo but got talked into doing this concert, and i think they went on a tour soon after, but they still weren’t really getting along, but i digress…

my mom was going on about how while she was FINALLY birthing me (the poor woman was in labor with me for two days straight), and how while she was in labor with me that they were just “singing away”.

i told her i wondered what song they were playing while i was being born and going by the start time of the concert and some wonderful genius who put timestamps on the youtube concert in full, i’ve come to the realization that i was born to the absolutely most appropriate S&G songs, lol.

concluded i was coming on down the birth canal to “the sound of silence” (LMAO – hello darkness, my old friend) and i was officially born to “late in the evening” (it was a reprise and the actual footage of this moment can be seen below).  i find it so appropriate that i was born just before 8PM while that was playing.

i LOVE how fucking happy the entire crowd was – everyone was clapping, dancing and moving.  if the timestamps are accurate AF, then i came out with the horns section of that closer.

i think it’s such a joyous way to think about how i came into the world… especially here in NYC, as a native.  i was born in queens while that concert was going on, in beautiful 60° autumn weather at an epic/legacy concert for central park and my city.  that honestly brings me so much fucking joy.  that concert in the park is an optimal stu activity and in my favorite weather…

i was recently talking about S&G and i’m so dumb… i honestly thought i didn’t know ANY songs by them, but i was very wrong.  i didn’t know about the one i was born to, and technically it’s a paul simon solo song, but i absolutely loved it off the bat.

June 4th, 2024 @ 3:43 pm

i feel like kurt would have hated this, but i love this so much.

not sure why he looks like kieran culkin in the thumbnail, but sure.

April 17th, 2024 @ 6:28 pm

March 31st, 2024 @ 11:31 pm

when i was a teenager, this was one of those staple albums for me.  i think i might even still have it, if my sister hasn’t jacked it from me.  this album reminds me so much of the summer my first love and i started dating.  most specifically — applebees in bay terrace and my old bedroom.  i rarely listen to this album anymore, but this song brings me right back to that time and it just melts my lil heart.  it was so broken and at the time, the lyrics “i’m in the background” were just so relevant.

he was a little bit older than me and ahead of me in life already – he left for college and came back, but started working at MTV and was doing rad things without me.  i couldn’t afford to do anything bc my mom couldn’t afford to give me fun money and she was working at night, so i couldn’t go out all that often bc i was watching my sister or i wasn’t allowed to be out late yet.  while he was doing cool stuff without me, i just felt so out of place, like i was more of a pain in the ass than someone that he loved and that made him happy.  it was so heartbreaking and i felt so stupid, lame and insignificant.  i couldn’t compete with his next phase in life… oh, them good old life lessons it puts on us, ey?

i know he didn’t mean to do that on purpose, but it was just the worst time.

lyrics:

the plans i make still have you in them
’cause you come swimming into view
and i’m hanging on your words
like i always used to do
the words they use so lightly
i only feel for you
i only know because i carry you around
in the background
i’m in the background

February 27th, 2024 @ 10:12 am

back in likeeee 2012, on one random afternoon in brooklyn, i was moseying around williamsburg with my ex and his family.  we went out for lunch and then were window shopping (le cringe).  we happened to step into some vintage boutique store, and while i was trying my hardest to find something to not make me loathe where i was (the hipster heartland of america), i found this babe, buried in the back of the store:

i nearly had a heart attack.  i thought i cracked the case of the missing bedford fafi (there wasn’t much to the story… it was painted, then stolen, then left outside somewhere and i don’t think they ever caught who did it)!  i immediately went to the front of the store to inquire whether or not they realized it was stolen/missing art.  it turned out that the owner of the boutique was actually friends with fafi and that it was dropped off there for safe keeping (and she ended up inheriting it).

this all happened in likeeeeeeee 2008, and while i was aware of the crime, i guess i had no idea that it was ever found.  back then, i was very tapped into street art, but we still relied on websites/blogs and mags vs social media for information.  finding that info wasn’t so obvious to me, seeing as that i still thought it was missing 4 years later, lol.

anyway, the owner of the boutique was none other than futura’s wife!  so the entire thing was an art world learning process for me, and i love that it ended up there.  it’s kind of funny how small this world is… especially here in NYC.

January 13th, 2024 @ 12:36 am

January 5th, 2024 @ 12:27 am

as i’m sitting here listening to nofx (malachi crunch), it struck me funny about how we had such a lack of information until the mid to late 90s.  we didn’t have google, we had chat rooms, tv/the news, teachers, friends and relatives to school us.  websites and search engines started popping up soon after the mid 90s, but it was very hard to obtain information (about basically EVERYTHING) before then.

finding out info on the ‘net as it was getting built up were magical lil moments.  my faves were when i’d stumbled upon info on my fave musicians/bands.

some examples:

pretty hate machine came out when i was like 9? my mom’s weird ex used to listen to it, and my sister and i used to make fun of him while listening to “head like a hole”.  i guess our palettes hadn’t fully formed for industrial music yet, bc not 4 years later, i fell in love with NIN and i had no idea it was the same group…  until i did.

i knew the song “mother” by danzig bc it was on mtv all the time.  it came out when i was about 7 or 8 and when i finally hit my teen years and got into punk and the misfits, i put two and two together when i learned glenny ol boy was the lead singer of the misfits and the same dude that performed “mother” anddddddd i was MIND BLOWN.

as a teenager, and the reason why i thought to post this, is bc when i met my first love, i was 15 going on 16.  he had just introduced me to punk rock proper, including NOFX.  i listened to some of their first albums here and there, but my favorite was always “i heard they suck live!!“, which is a live album.  when i got older and napster, kazaa and limewire surfaced, i became more familiar with their entire discography.  the first time i ever heard “el lay” vs. “east bay”, i was VERY confused.  they’re the same song but different lyrics on two different albums and exist simultaneously in the nofx world.  do you understand how confused i was with zero googling ability at age 16 or 17 trying to decipher that information? lol.

nofx also has different lyrics on IHTSL vs their actual studio albums and i STILL get all fucked up depending on which version i’m listening to.

it’s rare when i get to still have those discovery moments, but i do cherish all of em whenever they do happen. 🙂

December 18th, 2023 @ 2:59 pm

welp, i wrote this late last year and as we’re closing in on the end of 2023, i am now comparing what i wanted to where i am now.  i haven’t made much progress and that shit is ON ME. hey, i’m 42 and still learning.

this is my third most depressing time of year (new years being my first, summer being my second).  christmas hasn’t been the same since my aunt necie died, but this year has been especially hard because of the lack of oscy.  all of the oscy-free firsts are killing me…  i couldn’t even bear to put up my christmas tree this year.  i don’t even want to do anything this year, tbh.  i’m pulling myself up by the bootstraps for my mother, because i know she loves the holidays and well, she won’t be around forever…

i wanted this year to be so much better to me.  how stupid thinking it would come to me, lol.  in life, you have to go after the things you want and i didn’t have it in me this year (or in my bank account).  i’ve reeeeeally gotta stop wasting my time, though.

at the end of last year, i ended my relationship with my boyfriend of 8 years.  it was hard, but it had to be done.  settling and being on auto-pilot in a relation/friend/roomate-ship was absolutely not for me.  he’s not a bad guy, nothing big happened, we just aren’t meant to be.  we’re still living together bc this fucking city is so expensive — thankfully on different floors.  still, it’s eventually going to have to come to a point where we go.  i’d rather not deplete my savings in doing so, but it’ll have to happen in 2024 so that we can both fully move on.

the beginning of this year is when i lost oscy, and it threw me for a bad loop.  i was so depressed and i honestly didn’t want to do much of anything.  i am embarrassed to say that i barely even rode my bike this year.  between shitty weather, and me not being home a few times during key riding times for me, i couldn’t have steady workouts and i just stayed off of it.  i also have to replace my tires and i keep procrastinating.

since it’s all a blur and i’ve barely posted on IG this year (compared to other years), i’ll go through my timeline and see wtf i’ve done, bc i don’t remember all of it.

read more…

December 11th, 2023 @ 3:56 pm